Chapter 32, Prove

THIRD POV

From: Unkown Number

5:32 PM

HEY HEY HEYYYYY! i got ur number from onaga bc i didnt get to have it before, hey wanna hang out later at 7??? >:]

Shirome jolted in surprise and immediately saved his contact. She excused herself from the team and texted outside. A bead of sweat rolled down the side of her face, confusing her. Since she felt cold.

To: Kowltarou ☆

5:33 PM

Keiji, tell him I'm busy.

From: Kowltarou ☆

I will, Shiro.

To: Kowltarou ☆

5:33 PM

Thank you.

From: Kowltarou ☆

5:36 PM

eh??? akaashi just snatched my phone from me, shiro how did u know akaashi is here???

To: Kowltarou ☆

5:37 PM

I felt his soul over the screen.

She snickered.

From: Kowltarou ☆

5:38 PM

shiro, ur rlly scary

To: Kowltarou ☆

5:37 PM

Don't cry, now.

From: Kowltarou ☆

5:38 PM

:[

To: Kowltarou ☆

5:39 PM

Just text me where we'll hang out and I'll see if I can go, bring Keiji if you want. I'll go back to practice, see you Kou.

The small captain sighed and turned her phone off. She got back to the gym and continued practicing with the team. They were really working extra hard since elimination for girls' Nationals is a few months away. Not to mention for Shirome, she's got a lot of work to do before and after when special training camps arrive. Her parents wanted her to go to two places to gather files and give some. It was a duty she can't just avoid.

I'll clear my schedule first before I hang out with them. She thought as she tossed a ball to Kira.

She sighed quietly, feeling the nervousness kicking in. The thought of her parents not allowing her to use some spare time to hang out with friends, made her anxious. She bit her lip as she continued to play with messy thoughts. Ameri noticed this and threw a ball to Shirome's side. The small setter caught it and stared at it intently.

"Shi-chan, you okay?" Ameri asked her, making the team look with concern and curiosity.

"Yeah," She mumbled with a dizzy head and went to grab the balls that strayed away from the court.

The girls looked at each other and then at Ameri. She sighed and made her way to the gradient head, feeling her depressed wonderland inside of her.

"What's up?" She crouched down to the captain who was now sitting on the floor with her feet swayed while rolling the ball with her pointer finger.

"Koutarou invited me to hang out earlier, but I don't think I can. My schedule's uncertain and full most of the time," She frowned and Ameri sighed.

"I'll ask for Shihana-san to lessen your schedule. She'll be more than glad to," She said as she fixed her captain's hair with her fingers.

Shirome shook her head softly, "Don't, please don't drag my mom into this. I can't hang out with them unless I finish my work. But at the same time, I don't want to let Kou down."

Ameri sighed, "You're putting yourself through so much work when you're still so young. You deserve a break, you don't always need to work so you can prove yourself to your family that you're strong, even after experiencing...," Ameri stopped.

"You know what I mean,"Ameri continued, "Shirome, you might not understand it but your mom will be really glad if you took occasional breaks from your work. Your father feels the same, too. Your brother supports you at everything. So why are you so hesitant? Just because your family allowed you to work, it doesn't mean it won't tire you out. Add the stress and your past, it's literally your personal hell."

Shirome stopped rolling the ball and stood up, "You don't get it. I need to do my work. I don't care if I have to wander all the places in hell. I'm resolute."

She turned to the team with an empty gaze, "Early dismissal. You all did nice today."

The small captain made everyone confused, they were all happy for the early dismissal but they can't help but feel worried for her. She got changed and left the gym. The car was already there, waiting for her.

I have to prove my strength.
I have to prove my strength.
I have to prove my strength.
I have to prove my strength.
I have to prove my strength.
I have to prove my strength.
I have to prove my strength.
I have to prove my worth.
I have to prove my worth.
I have to prove my worth.
I have to prove my worth.
I have to prove my worth.
I have to prove my worth.
I have to prove my worth.

The small captain sighed and used the car as support. Her head ached, stress and trauma kicking in at the same time. The driver hastily got out of the car and helped her get in. He handed her a bottle of water and a painkiller, turning the AC to warm.

"Furumi-sama, do I bring you the hospital or at home?" He asked, already speeding to the hospital.

"No..no....home please...," She asked through clenched teeth, trying to shove the memories back at her head to forget.

She leaned back on the car seat, hyperventilating. Her vision were switching to white and black, her mind was heavy and hazy, all she hear is slight ringing and silence, her body went numb and cold.

I'm resilient.
I'm resilient.
I'm resilient.
I'm resilient.
I'm resilient.
I'm resilient.
I'm resilient.
I'm resilient.
I'm resilient.
I'm resilient.
I'm resilient.
I'm resilient.

The drive back her home was a little bumpy since the driver was really concerned, of all the days he was the driver. The only driver that doesn't know how to deal with attacks like these.

Hell, he doesn't even know if it was a panic or anxiety attack. But it obviously was anxiety attack.

Her memories brought back the anxiety and depressing times, where she had been starved for a week, only drinking 3 times a week–it's not even enough water, and she had gone through a week awake–forced to finish math and science on a large board in a sound proof room. If she even missed a decimal of 0.1 she'll redo it all. If she missed a word from a memorized science book, she'll redo it all. She was hit by solid things and bruised. For a week. Without anyone knowing.

The driver reached the house and immediately called security to help her get to the house.

She was paler than she already was, her rosy cheeks were dead, the tips of her fingertips were slightly blue, her lips were turning white to blue, her body was shaking as she hyperventilates.

The guards set her down on the medical room of the house, her parents that just got home panicked and held her hands while they were shaking, he brother came and said comforting words to her through his glassy eyes.

She pushed them away subconciously, almost making them lose balance in the process.

Forced of habits kicked in and she began to repeatedly slap herself harshly, pounding hard on her thighs with her fists, she had a blank look on her face as tears streamed like a faucet. Her eyes were shaking and her lips were trembling. Flashbacks appeared fastly, she couldn't control herself.

"Stop it! Shiro stop!" Her mom cried out and held her hand while her father held the other one. Her brother held her feet and held her in place. She thrashed around, wanting to hurt herself more.

Then a nurse injected drugs in her neck, making her stop slowly and pass out.

I'm not....enough.

—
a/n
ih