you would not understand
how hard it is
to cry without tears
—it's irrational, as what you said

you would not understand
how heavy it is
to carry something invisible
something intangible
—just sleep, as what you said

you would not understand
how unbareable it is
to desire being disconnected
with every loved one
that has been with you
all the time
—stop being inconsiderate, as what you said

so please, just
just stop asking if i am okay
stop looking me in the eye
like you would understand
everything i would say
coz i am not okay
and even putting it into words
seems like dying
coz it's now a very hard thing
and i cannot stand watching
myself aching as i try
to make myself rational
coz even i
do not understand
myself.

you would not understand
bcoz it's not the dress
you are wearing,
it's mine
so only i have the burden
to suffer so.

i painted for acad purp. not that happy about the outcome but hey, i painted it only using my pinky finger coz i have no money left to buy a paint brush. what a life.