Will POV

We made it to the roof nearest to the supermarket. Matt's stomach was basically growling in protest to the lack of food. He sat down and closed his eyes. I could see he was feeling faint, and I'm not going to be the reason he dies.

"Matt, please eat the can of beans. I'm not hungry in any case."

He doesn't know that I'm slowly falling back into the habit of not eating, but if that's what it takes to keep Matt alive, then I'll do it for the rest of my life.
Matt looked at me while he viciously bit his cheek. I knew he was going to protest, he was going to only eat half and give me the other half. That wouldn't work though, Matt was bigger than me. He needed more food to keep up his strength.

"We can split-", I cut him off.

"It was my fault the supplies got away, so don't pity me. Please let me learn from my mistake."
I knew that was the only thing I could say to convince him. It wasn't my fault, I had no control over my body. But if a sweet lie is what he needs to hear, then that's what I'll tell him. He clenched his jaw, but complied by taking out the can and opening it.

I didn't want him to feel guilty while I sat there and watched him eat, so I walked over to the bag Jeremy left with us and went through the medical supplies, hoping we had a tranquilizer somewhere.

We didn't. I'll need to get my nerves under control by myself.

Matt finished the can and his face was scrunched up in guilt. I hugged him and it felt different. He felt distant. Despite accepting the hug, it felt like he didn't accept the meaning behind it...
I held back the tears. Was it really my fault? Had I dissociated on purpose? Was I too lazy to try harder to get my feelings under control?

I subtly bit my lip and sat next to Matt. There was a small gap between us, yet it felt like we were miles away from each other. No one spoke. And it hurt. It really hurt. Not only did I lose... her, I'm also losing the only other person I can rely on. The sun started setting, so I imagined the setting sun as my fears, and watched as the horizon swallowed them whole. I watched as the horizon swallowed my memories of her, the memories of us, the memories laced with affection, support and company. I didn't cry. I couldn't. I had to honor her wish, I had to be strong - I had to survive. Because it wasn't only my life anymore, it was fused with her's.

I was worth two people now.

"Let's go", Matt said stiffly.

I didn't say anything, I just stood up and followed him. I picked up my bat and we traveled down to the street. It was consumed by Cannibals, we walked as softly as we could and were relieved to find that the glass door to the store had been knocked in. We went through the broken door and Matt was about to turn a flashlight on when I stopped him, we couldn't see very well, but our eyes had adjusted to the darkness. I shook my head and he seemed to understand. We crept through isles, looking for a shelf of shapes that resembled cans. Eventually we found it and I held my hand up, signalling for him to wait, I went over to the next isle and grabbed a handful of rags. When I returned he seemed to understand why I told him to wait. He handed me can after can while I wrapped them in rags so they wouldn't clang against each other. I don't know why, but I counted each can. We had twenty-seven cans and twelve bottles of water. We exited the store as quietly as we entered it and returned to the roof.

Matt was yawning a lot so he must've been tired. But the look in his eyes scared me, he looked sad. He looked guilt-ridden. He lied down and I lied next to him - unsure of myself. I reached for his hand, slowly, and he turned onto his side before I could touch it. I looked at my shaking hand, and clutched it with my own, imagining it as Matt's. His back facing me, I lied there, looking at the sky. I felt empty. I felt cold.

I felt alone.

He was right next to me, yet it felt like we were on different planets. The darkness hung around me, taunting me for feeling sad. Asking for entrance into my heart. Despite how hard I tried, a rebellious tear slithered down my cheek.

I must've been lying there for hours, staring at the stars, wondering if I could spot the planet Matt was on, when he sat up. Then he stood up. He walked over to the supply bag full of food and started rummaging through it. I thought he was hungry, but when he started taking the cans out, my brows furrowed in confusion. Then he took out an extra backpack and that's when it happened. I slipped out of my body and I panicked.

He was going to leave me.

Matt was leaving.

I felt the familiar tingling on my skin, I watched as my body simply followed Matt with its gaze. I screamed. I screamed and screamed yet no noise came out. I was pleading with Matt, I was pleading with my body, I was pleading to God, but nothing happened. I watched as Matt put can after can into his backpack, bottle after bottle into his backpack and some medical supplies in as well. Then he flung it over his back, and without looking back, he walked away. And all I could do...was watch.

I cried in anger, in sadness, in betrayal. And once again, the only indication was the the primal sniveling sounds my body made. My heart broke. I've never experienced heartbreak until...she passed. But this heartbreak was different. This heartbreak wasn't just the loss of love, it was the loss of future. It was the loss of hope. It was the loss of him. My eyes bled salty tears, yet I made no sound. And I was stunned to see the blank face of my body drenched in tears.

It understood what was happening.

I watched the direction Matt had left, he'll come back. I know it. He wouldn't leave me. He said he'd never leave. He must've just needed some space. That has to be it, that has to be the reason. He just need a day to clear his mind. I sat next to my body and we both watched the direction Matt went, my body watching lethargically, me watching hopefully.