TRINITY

It's midnight. Three days passed after Lucien died. I'm still wide awake. Hindi ko alam kung paano ako makakatulog nito. Hindi ako sanay na hindi siya nakikita. It's emotionally... Destroying me.

The five of us still processing what was happened. Kace needs to be strong for the grade twelve students, also Alliana. Huzein is acting to be strong dahil sa kaniya ako kukuha ng lakas. Ubos na ubos na ako...

Siya nalang ang mayroon ako, nawala pa. How tragic, isn't? His the first love of my life, we confessed our feelings and the result is mutual. We didn't date or give a shot about that.

If there's a parallel universe that's opposite of this. Like walang scorpion na namamatay tao. Na walang hahadlang sa amin. That my sister is still alive. How nice it would be?

Tinignan ko silang lahat. They are all sleeping except me. Nakatingin ako sa bintana at pinagmamasdan ang mga bituin. Kinuha ko ang phone ko at tinignan muli ang kaniyang litrato.

Damn, I miss him. Bakit mo ginawa 'yon? Kung alam niyang mamamatay siya, bakit hindi niya sinabi sa akin? I will help him! If he will die, isama niyo na din ako sa hukay.

His 'I love you' always repeating on my mind. I cried silently. Natatakot ako na magising ko ang apat. They know that I'm not okay. I really... Not okay. I'm still alive but I'm dead inside.

"I will leave my heart at the door
I won't say a word
They've all been said before, you know..." I started to sing. I sing this whenever I miss him.

Before I sing the next part, my voice cracked and I cried. I'm lost. Hindi ko na alam anong gagawin ko. How am I supposed to live without him?

No one can calm me anymore. Even Huzein. I started to became cold to them. I'm hurt, deeply hurt. Hindi ko alam kung naririnig nila akong umiiyak tuwing gabi since nasa iisang kwarto lang kami pero may apat na kama.

Binuksan ko ang bintana at malakas na hangin ang sumalubong sa akin. The reason why I stayed up late is that... I see him in my dreams. Not the fairytale one, the one I saw him bathing with his own blood.

Muli akong napahilamos at umiyak. I still remember what we've did when we saw him hanging.

After crying, dumating ang mga buong student council. Maging sila ay nagulat din. Ang mga iba ay nasuka pa dahil sa nangyari kay Lucien. My vision became blurry turn ito peach black.

I woke up inside the clinic. Katabi ko sina Lilith at Huzein. Wala ang dalawa dahil tumutulong ito sa pag-aayos ng katawan ni Lucien.

We remained silent. Hinahagod ni Huzein ang buhok ko habang pati siya ay nakatingin sa kawalan. Until Lilith broke the ice.

"I want to blame you Trinity for everything what happened. To my brother and to my bestfriend, but I refuse not to," she said. Humarap ito sa akin with her cold gray eyes.

"Y-you can blame me, it's my f-fault-" I stuttered but Huzein cuted my words.

"Hindi naman ikaw ang pumatay sa kaniya, Trinity. Don't overthink and blame yourself. It's Scorpion's fault," he said.

I cried silently. Muling hinagod ni Huzein ang buhok ko at hinalikan ang noo ko. I can still feel his soft pinkish lips into mine. Naririnig ko pa din ang kaniyang tawa. Mga kwento niya.

"Crying won't help you, Trinity," Lilith said and stood up. "We need to find that Scorpion as soon as possible, my brother needs justice. We'll give you three days for mourning. After that, I don't want to hear you crying. No one will cry about him-"

"Don't expect that I won't cry while thinking about him! Seeing us incomplete makes me cry! " I exclaimed. She sighed.

"Tell me Trinity, makakatulong ba 'yang iyak mo? No." Madidiin niyang sabi. Halatang naubos na din ang kaniyang pasensya. "He's my brother... But did you saw me crying? Hindi. Because crying is for the weak ones, and I'm not one of them."

Humakbang ito papuntang pinto at binuksan ito. Bago pa siya makalabas ay huminto siya. "Prove me that you're greater than me."

Pabagsak niyang sinara ang pintuan. Tulala akong sumandal sa pader. Si Huzein naman ay hinanda ang pagkain ko.

"Ayo'kong kumain," I said without emotions. He sighed.

"If he's here, sa tingin mo ba matutuwa s'ya? Trinity, hindi ka pa kumakain," he said softly. Mariin akong napapikit.

"Akala ko Huzein, iba ka sa kanila..." I whispered. Ramdam ko na lumingon ito sa akin. "Bakit niyo sila ginagamit para masunod gusto niyo? They're souls are at peace, then gagamitin niyo pa ang pangalan nila. For what? For me to dance to your tune?"

"I-I didn't mean it-" sabi niya ngunit umiling ako.

"Huzein, labas ka na lang." Sabi ko at idinilat ang mga mata ko. Agad na nagtama ang paningin namin. "Gusto ko mapag-isa, pansamantala."

"I'm sorry but I won't leave you here," tanggi niya. Inihanda niya ang kutsara at tinidor. Nilagay niya ito sa katabing nightstand at humarap sa akin. "I'm scared... Baka pati ikaw mamatay din."

"Then patay as it is," I fired him. Agad na lumukot ang mukha niya. "Mas nanaisin ko pa ngang mamatay nalang kaysa mabuhay, 'diba? Hindi ka ba napapagod? Kasi ako, pagod na."

He cleared his throat. "Didn't we agree that you won't talk about suicide? Please, don't talk about it... Mas natatakot ako-"

I giggled. "It's not what you think. When someone talks about suicide, hindi naman nila gustong mamatay or tapusin ang buhay nila. They just want to end the pain, not their lives."

He sighed. "Sa labas lang ako, ah? D'yan lang sa pintuan. Shout my name, I'll be here. Okay?" Unti-unti itong lumapit sa akin at hinalikan ang noo ko. Tanging tingin lang ang ginawa ko sa kaniya. "I'll go."

Tumayo na ito at nagsimulang maglakad palabas ng clinic. Lumingon pa ito sa akin bago isara ang pintuan. I sighed. Now, I'm alone.

Inabot ko ang phone ko at pinunta sa gallery.  Scrolling through my photos with him. I can't help but to smile while tears forming on my eyes. Suddenly, I heard Huzein playing a song outside. The song is entitled Photograph by Ed Sheeran.

Loving can hurt, loving can hurt sometimes
But it's the only thing that I know
When it gets hard, you know it can get hard sometimes
It is the only thing makes us feel alive

When Ed Sheeran said "loving can hurt, loving can hurt sometimes" I felt that.

I'm asking myself and my fate, why? Why did you made me fall in love with someone and then take them back? Can I just be happy?

Napahinto ako sa isang picture niya na nakangiti. He's handsome. Bakit ngayon ko lang napuna? Sabagay, palagi ko siyang nakikitang seryoso parehas kay Lilith. Yea, magkapatid nga naman.

We keep this love in a photograph
We made these memories for ourselves
Where our eyes are never closing
Hearts are never broken
And time's forever frozen, still

I sighed and look at the ceiling. I close my eyes hard. Three days lang na pagluluksa? Paano ko gagawin 'yon? I can't, hindi ko kaya. Kung gusto ko mang magmukmok ngunit kailangan kong hanapin kung sino ang pumatay sa kaniya. Pwede naman niyang lasunin! Hindi ko alam bakit kailangan nilang mamatay.

So you can keep me
Inside the pocket of your ripped jeans
Holding me closer 'til our eyes meet
You won't ever be alone, wait for me to come home

Hindi ko na namalayang nabitawan ko ang cellphone at nahulog sa sahig. Natanggal din ang casing nito. Imbis na pulutin agad, napansin ko ang isang sulat.

Parehas ito ng sticky note na nakita ko sa aking bulsa kani-kanina lang. Agad ko itong pinulot at binasa.

It says,

See you in afterlife, I'll wait :)
- Lucien

Tomorrow morning. Everything seems monotone life. Halatang wala kaming ganang kumain ngunit pinilit lang namin. If it's hard for me, paano pa kaya sa kanila?

We didn't talk about him. Lilith ordered us not to mention his name. Like act that he doesn't exist. Dahil maaapektuhan kami, I get her. Dapat hindi kami emotionally destruct para mahuli namin ang murderer.

As usual, wala sina Alliana at Kace dahil nagbabantay sa mga grade twelve students. I don't get them, dagdag responsibilidad lang naman 'yan pero they chose to be one of them.

Kaming tatlo lang ni Huzein at Lilith ang natira sa dorm. Huzein and I are reading books while Lilith is busy with her phone.

Napatingin kami sa kaniya nang tinawag niya kami. We both sat beside her while her eyes are on the screen.

"I knew my brother will do this..." Bulong niya. Unti-unti niyang zinoom ang bandang dingding kung saan malapit sa pwesto ni Lucien.

"Oh... My God," bulong ko nang makita kung anong nakalagay. Nagkatinginan kami ni Huzein. Maging siya ay gulat.

Nakasulat doon ay 2204, kung matatandaan ko pa, ito ang sinabi sa akin ni Tiffany bago siya mamatay. Ngayon, ito naman ang sinulat ni Lucifer.

"I snicked in yesterday when Trinity fainted and took a quick picture of the whole crime scene. I'm expecting he will give us a hint on who the fuck killed him," dagdag niya. "I ask Kace awhile ago, wala ang cellphone niya sa laboratory. Ibig sabihin, dala-dala ito ng killer."

"Sinubukan mo na bang tawagan?" I asked. Tumango ito.

"Kanina ko pa ginagawa 'yan pero nakapatay ang cellphone niya," she answered. Kinuha niya ang kaniyang laptop at binuksan ito. "Actually, pinag-aaralan ko kung paano mag-hack ng CCTV cameras. I'm almost done, after that I'll find some evidence. I have a person on my mind kung sino ang nagsimula nito. I just need an evidence to prove it."

"Can you teach us too?" Huzein asked. Umiling si Lilith. Agad na lumukot ang mga mukha namin.

"I need you guys to do this, not that. It's my job." She said and wink at us. "This Scorpion is testing my capabilities, let's see where she can go."

May pinindot ito sa laptop at maya-maya ay iniharap ito sa amin. It's an improvised recorder. May mga instructions na kung paano namin ito gagawin.

"Don't worry, I asked Kace if he can find us the materials needed. It's simple, kung hindi ka lang tanga," she said. Kinuha niya muli ang laptop at sinara. "I'll send the instructions to Huzein. You guys get going, we need to catch who the fuck is behind this killings."

"Wait," I said. "How come you can make a phone call here? 'Diba inalis nga nung Scorpion ang signal dito?"

She laughed. "No dear, hindi niya inalis. Kapag may tumawag lang sa pulis, mamamatay ang taong 'yon or tayong lahat."

"All this time, I thought..." Napahinto ako at napatingin sa kaniya, "paano mo nalaman? Baka ikaw si Scorpion and you just toying us?" Sunod-sunod kong tanong at pinaningkitan siya ng mga mata.

"And here we go again, Trinity? How many times I told you that I'm not the scorpion here? Why would I kill my brother? Seriously?"

"Maybe you're using that "I won't kill him because he's my brother" card para hindi ka namin pagdudahan," dagdag ko.

"Gosh! Believe what you want to believe! I'm tired of explaining myself!" She exclaimed. Lumabas ito ng dorm at kaming dalawa nalang ni Huzein ang natira.

"Malala 'yang trust issues mo, ah?" Tukso ni Huzein. We both laughed.

"No, I just want to pissed her off," I said and laughed again.

Maya-maya ay dumating na si Kace at Alliana. Dala-dala na din nila ang mga gamit na pinapahanap ni Lilith sa kanila.

"Kaasar no'ng lalake sa HUMMS section two," inis na sabi ni Alliana at kumuha ng tubig sa refrigerator. "Sabi ba naman sa'kin, "ikakagalit ba ng panatang makabayan kung iniibig ko ay ikaw?" Parang sira." She said and rolled her eyes. Pinapanood lang namin sila ni Huzein.

"Weh? Mukhang kinikilig ka pa nga eh— aray!" Daing ni Kace nang kurutin siya ni Alliana. "Ito naman hindi mabiro!"

"He's cute but he creeps me out, like what the fuck? Nasa gitna tayo ng kaguluhan and then babanat siya? Gusto niya bang banatan ko siya?" She continues to rant.

Nagpaalam ako sa kanila na pupunta lang akong restroom. Nang makarating sa pintuan ay agad akong nakarinig ng iyak. Nanindig pa ang balahibo ko dahil baka may multo. I know ghost doesn't exist but gosh.

Naisipan kong umalis nalang ngunit napahinto ako nang may magsalita.

"I'm sorry, kuya. This is all my fault..." Bulong ng isang babae sa restroom. Dinig ko pang pinapakalma niya ang kaniyang sarili.

That's the moment I knew that the woman inside the restroom is no other than Lithuania Hart.

I know sometimes, hindi siya vocal sa nararamdaman niya. Na ikinikimkim niya lahat. I don't know why, maybe because she's afraid of someone calls her dramatic bitch? I'm so lucky to have Huzein, hindi niya ako hinuhusgahan sa lahat ng rants ko.

I took a paper from the trashcan. Mabuti't may ballpen sa basurahan. Sinulat ko dito ang gusto kong sabihin at iniwan sa pintuan. I knocked the door and then walked away.

I know it's hard for her part, so I left a sweet letter for her.

The letter says,

I know it's been a while since we met but I just wanted to tell you that I'm here. You can count on me:))
-TM

Tomorrow I decided to walk around the school campus. Gusto pa akong samahan ni Huzein sa pag-iikot but I refuse not to. Inutos din sa akin ni Lilith na humanap ng mga lugar kung saan pwedeng gawin ni Scorpion ang mga krimen.

Our problem is, hindi namin malaman kung ano ang ginamit niyang weapons to kill several people. Wala naman kaming hawak na autopsy report. Hindi naman namin pwedeng kalkalin ang mga bangkay at tignan.

Alliana and Kace talked to some of my previous classmates, gaya nga ng sinabi nila na may mga naging doctor wannabes sa batch namin. Of course, they ask for help pero tumanggi silang tumulong. I mean, they can be useful pero bakit ayaw nila?

Mayroon ding hacker sa batch namin pero ayaw din nilang tumulong sa amin. Sinabi pa nila na "it's your job, do it alone," I mean, naging biktima din naman sila ni Scorpion diba? They've abducted for several hours then kami din ang nakahanap sa katawan nila. Dapat nga tumanaw pa sila ng utang na loob.

Maybe Scorpion said some things that can change their minds. Uh, kahit simula pa lang naman ng mga krimen hindi naman sila tumulong sa amin. But pwede naman nila kaming tulungan pansamantala using the available resources.

"Nawawala ang microscope sa laboratory. Alam ko may mga gamit na pang-hospital sa clinic tinignan niyo na ba?" Tanong ni Kace kanina nang bumalik sila sa dorm ni Alliana before lunch.

"That's the problem, wala din ang mga 'yon sa clinic. Ang meron lang ay ang mga pang-first aid kits. But uh, nakita mo naman kung gaano kabrutal ginagawa no'ng hayop na 'yon, may magagawa pa ba 'yang ethyl alcohol at Povidone Iodine mo?" Sabi ni Lilith.

"Gets ko 'yung ethyl alcohol, pero 'yung Povidone Iodine, ano 'yun?" Tanong ni Huzein.

"It's Betadine," I answered.

I shrugged off my thoughts at nagfocus sa paglalakad. Uh, sinabi ni Lilith sa akin ay maghanap ng mga lugar pero look at me now, I'm heading to the garden. Where me and Lu— I don't want to cry— did our first long kiss. Actually that's the first kasi lahat smack lang.

It's around five thirty in the afternoon. I sighed. Huminto ako sa tapat ng puno. All the memories coming back to my mind. Kaya ba siya nag-confess at ginawa 'yon to give me some memories I can bring forever? At least, may iniwan siyang memories sa akin. But that memories will haunt me forever.

Napahawak ako sa necklace ko, sabi niya ay galing sa kaniya 'to. I want to confront Huzein about it, na bakit niya tinago. I sighed at bahagyang umiling, naalala ko pa kung paano kami mag-asaran.

"What made you think that I'm the only exception? Hindi ko makita kung bakit parang go ka lang basta ako," sabi ko at muling pinagpatuloy ang paghahanap. "Maybe you like me? Maybe you don't?"

"And what if I do?"

Napatingin naman ako sa kaniya habang nakakunot ang noo.

"What did you say?"

"And if I like you, what will you do?"

"Romance is not for me, honey. Don't expect that I will like you back because I will never," I answered and rolled my eyes for the nth time.

"But this time, it's for you." Sabi niya at huminto sa harapan ko. Ngayon ko lang napansin na hanggang leeg niya lang ako. He's really tall, I wonder what's his age.

"And how do you say so?"

"Because this demon..." Bulong niya at itinuro ang kan'yang dibdib. Saka niya tinuro ang noo ko. "Is in love with—"

"FOUND IT!" Sigaw ni Alliana.

I sighed. Tears starts to flow from my eyes down to my face. Hindi ko na alam kung paano magsisimula ulit. Dahil sa loob lang naman ng campus umiikot ang mundo namin, how can I live peacefully kung saan man ako magpunta ay nakikita ko siya?

I found myself running in Building Three, rooftop. Kung saan kami tumambay bago siya mawala sa paningin ko. I should've slept that time. Sana binantayan ko siya at nag-usap pa kami para hindi siya umalis.

What am I now? He's the someone I just want around.

I'm not this dramatic when I lost my sister. I promise not to cry but look at me now, emotionally damage. Mas masakit pa ata ang nararamdaman ko na mawala siya kaysa sa kapatid niya. Ganito din ba ginawa ni Kace but he copped his sadness and mourning dahil natatakot siya?

Napapikit ako ng mariin ng tumama sa mukha ko ang sariwang hangin. The sun is setting. The sky is gold. It reminds me this sky when we kissed.

"I love you..." dinig kong bulong sa akin. Agad akong napalingon ngunit wala namang tao doon. I'm pretty sure it's Lucien. Is he haunting me?

Sumandal ako sa railings habang pinapanood ang papalubog na araw. They said, there's beautiful in goodbyes, every chaos moments have a peaceful ending. Pero ngayon, wala akong makitang maganda sa goodbye. Nasaan ang "good" doon? Uh, I can't see where the fuck is beautiful there.

I played the song Mirrors by Justine Timberlake. The first time we talked in the field, ito ang narinig kong kanta. Then this song reminds me of him. He said, I'm like a mirror, not physically but in our soul, like we're connected.

For the nth time, I sighed and closed my eyes. Sometimes, in some places I can feel his touch, his presence. Sabi niya pa nga na babantayan niya ako. He actually did.

Agad akong napadilat nang makarinig ng ingay papunta sa rooftop. Agad akong nagtago malapit sa basurahan kung saan hindi ako makikita. Few minutes later the door opens.

"It's clear," a man's voice. "Yes, yes. I did my job perfectly. There's nothing to be afraid of."

Unti-unti kong sinilip kung sino man 'yon. To my surprise, it's someone I knew for a long time. He hanged up the phone at tumingin sa papalubog na araw.

I stood up and composed myself before speaking, now it's time to confront him.

"What job Huzein Reiss Adriatico? To kill people?"