Laserian

I do not know what hell is like but I am pretty sure what I was feeling was pretty close. Leaving her after kissing her was the hardest thing I have done in my life and I have done really tough things before.

I had no idea that she would respond to the kiss but the ardour with which she did surprised me, pleased me and irked me all the same. I had to create distance, I had no idea that my feelings for her were that strong. It was clear that Marc was actually spot on with his judgement and I have been in serious denial.

I was dangerous for her, my feelings were dangerous for her.

But now it was more than clear, I cannot kill Amber. I cannot kill someone that important to me. So all I did was stay away from, I cannot be close to her and avoid what I think and feel.

I already made a mistake and the hurt on her eyes was haunting me.

But did that made me leave her completely. No, that was impossible for some reason. So I kept tabs on her in form of birds, animals, a shadow.

Seeing her this wrecked was heart breaking. I never thought it was possible, because apparently like everyone said my heart was made of ice. So now that ice was in pieces and the shards were piercing my heart as I saw the dark shadow under her eyes, the redness from the crying after nightmares, the shagged shoulder that had no support.

Among all the emotions I felt another one was jealousy. Yeah, I was jealous of even my band mates who she talked with all smiles and laugh but specially that Mattix who was there to pick her up every other night, who met her at library and often dropped by the coffee shop.

That was the time I felt the animal in me go murderous but it was my fault so I held it in.

Marc being Marc saw my miserable condition when we were told about the photo shoot.

"You have it bad for the girl man." He said not teasing but in a concerned tone.

I wanted to deny and glare at him, wanted to punch him but I just sighed tiredly. What was the use of lying, to him and to myself?

"Terian says she looks miserable for past few weeks, what happened at the dance Laser?" He asked.

I didn't respond, he didn't question further.

"She is the first thing good happened to you, I have never seen you smile and relaxed like when you are around her. Why are you avoiding her?" He said with a frown at my behaviour.

"If you knew you will hate me." I answered not sure what else to say.

He was right , she was the best thing that happened to me since I lost the only happiness in my life, my family.

"I can never hate you, you should have known by now. I tolerate you even in your worst glaring mode." He said laughing lightly.

"Take your time but don't be an ass that everyone thinks you are, she sees past this cold exterior, don't let her go." He said keeping a hand on my shoulder.

My shoulders shag down under his touch of his support.

If only he knew that Amber was the one I was asked to kill by his father.

***

What? What? My mind asked this zillion times and yet no answer. It was too numb after shock. Not only did she wait alone in the pitch dark forest for the panther me to show up, she even shared her feelings with it.

It was a battle between my heart and mind as I saw her from the darkness sitting there waiting for an animal. She look distraught, not only she lost a friend but also her pet. The pain was clear in her hazel green eyes and debating that whether I should show up or not.

I did promise her and she was already suffering so I decided to show up. She was happy to see me, and now my slowing melting heart decided that when she was happy so was I.

Since when did my mood depended on her mood, I had no idea.

"Finally, you took your time." She said with a tremble, she was crying.

"I guess I am addicted to the way you smell. Even Laserian smelled like you. How could he? I tried smelling Candice and mom and dad, they thought I was weird and maybe I am because no one else smell like you, except Laserian.

And no, I will never call him Ian, maybe telling me his nickname was mistake also." I kept my distance as I listened to her heart crushing words.

I never thought her calling me Ian meant so much that now when she called me Laserian, it hurt. And she caught my scent even as a human, probably when we danced. We were so wonderfully close then.

."Yeah, I hate him officially."

And this instantly hurt, very much enough to reflect in my eyes.

"To hell with him. I can get a billion better boys than him. I think Mattix even likes me. He is always flirting or maybe he is also pretending like Laserian. But the guy was not even pretending, I was stupidly crushing on him."

I accidently let out a whimper when she said that I was pretending, around her I am most real, most me. But then it hit me, I was her crush!!!

That was stupid, I was rude and angry towards her. I helped her but so did Marc and Terian , why did she like me? No one in the town did? Girls swooned over me from distance but not one liked enough to talk to me, all are scared, as they should.

But she liked me. I should have been irritated at this, but rather some dormant teenage fool suddenly woke up and rejoiced at the information. And also I got a little ego boast.

I growled immediately on her mention of Mattix, but she mistook the reason for growl.

"Yeah, well you are right. Crushing on a ass, jerk face, shitty guy like him wrong but I can't decided the matters of heart now, can I?" She said.

Well, I can understand that very well now. She edged closer to touch me but I moved back on instinct of staying away from her.

"What? I do not have a communicable disease." She was annoyed and I was amused.

She did had some disease that was now transferred to me making me suffocated when she is not around.

Her phone rang and she picked up. I was angry, she didn't picked up when I called after she almost vanished from the cafe. But she picked up that and it was that prick calling her.

She even made movie plans with him, she was testing my patience, no one dared it. She said she hated me now, she was chatting nicely , too nicely to Mattix. Now it felt what people around me felt, hurt by my ignorance.

And now fate was getting back at me, she was my personal tormentor, Ice Princess just because of my hurtful behaviour.

***

My eyes tired to memorise the pattern of fire that rose up and down. It settled on the blue of the flame that flickered between the orange and yellow. Too much heat was starting to warm my eyes enough to water it.

I couldn't sleep, I was restless and I had no idea why. After seeing her as a panther, I know staying away was not an option. I know what I had to do. I have to with her, around her... I was a warrior, protector of human kind. I know I cannot kill her and now I cannot allow anyone else to kill her so I decided to turn into her protector.

I was growing even colder and moodier without her.

Marc was right..like always. I cannot let her go. And maybe that was selfish.

My phone rang shattering my thoughts and I froze when I saw her name on screen. It was three at night and she needed me.

It was a minor opportunity and now I was not going to loose it.

I answered her call and the sadness in her voice broke me.

"Outside your house, in five minutes." I said and heard her relief filled sigh.

***

She walked out of the house and I sighed in relief matching her earlier response. She looked fine but her eyes were red and puffy, she looked distressed and I wanted to embrace her and make her forget all the worry.

These weird emotions was not even surprising anymore. The person who was a loner, hated interacting with anyone and hated her to be exact for she was reminder of his only failure as warrior, wanted to protect her, and kiss her.

He was changing, she was changing him and it was happening unintentionally from both ends.

It was getting colder at night so she shivered lightly and I had the urge to give her some warmth but I was still trying to see her behaviour towards me, I was anxious.

She just came ahead and hugged me. If I was frozen to my spot before, now the life was sucked out of me. Her actions completely shocked me.

Her warm arms were wrapped around my waist and her head rested on my chest. I was certain she could hear but very loud heart beat. Why was she doing this? My arms were limp beside me and stupidly I didn't lift them to hug her back.

She stepped aside after a while and I noticed concern in her eyes, concern for me.

"Are you alright?" I asked obviously disconcerted at her actions.

"Are you?" She counter questioned.

How did she know? Was my liking for her was that obvious that she knew I was feeling hollow without her?

I remained silent. Should I apologise now for my stupid behaviour?

"I will blame you for not liking me. I might not be that likable, I didn't had many friends back home and now you also know I dream stupid stuff. So I guess it okay to not like me and not ignore me like you are doing.

I will not bother you anymore. I will keep to myself...." she was rambling.

And I was scared that she will actually not bother me or stay away from me, that she will turn to ignorant to me as I was not the world. I was cold enough for both of us, I can't handle her turning cold towards me.

"Amber." I said in a calm tone.

"Laserian?" She said making me clench my teeth together.

She doesn't like me enough now to call me Ian. But I was her crush, that means I affect her more than I thought.

I walked closer to her and her eyes widened and then narrowed. She still haven't forgiven me for the kiss or rather my after kiss behaviour.

"It's Ian for you, always Ian." I said bending close enough to whisper in her ear, close enough to make her melt.

A blush crept on her face and I thought I succeeded.

But then she stepped away, "Let's see if you deserve it and not decide later that it was a mistake."

I winced at her tone and my mistake. I wanted to ask why she hugged me but it was not the time. Right now she was an Ice Princess.

Update! :)

Be happy because this happens because of my insanity. I wrote this after I wrote the chapter for NaNo...So expect silly mistakes. But worry not, I think chapter turned out okay. It reflects my annoyed mood hence the title XD

For those who are reading this. GO try out my new book, Pied Piper of Love :)

And if not its completely fine since you are tolerating one book by me, lol.

Now the usual people, read, vote and comment!