Please read the summary to this story. Anyways, let's discuss what just happened to me fifteen minutes ago, so at 2:30am on June 14, 2018. I'm sure you guys are thinking: What in the hell really could've happened at two something in the morning that caused you to immediately write a book about your problems on the spot?

Here's what happened:

I'm laying in my bed watching an anime called, "Magi: The Labyrinth of Magic". Great show by the way. I get a phone call, and I debate for a few seconds on whether or not I should get up and grab my phone. I spend a little while enjoying the sound of my ringtone, a song called, "To My Soul" by: Jerry Folk.

I finally decide to get up and look at the contact name.

It's my friend, Jordan. (I have multiple friends by this name, so I'll use this nickname). I answered the phone.

"Hey Last Resort. What's up?"

"Last Resort?"

"You put that name in my phone, Jordan."

"This isn't Jordan.... It's who you call your Big Brother"

That would be Dylan. We've been close for about two years now, and I consider him as a big brother. I already knew something was wrong, since he called me from someone else's phone.

"What's going on Dylan? Why are you calling me from Jordan's phone?"

"I don't have a phone anymore, and I'm at Jordan's house using his phone."

So here's the rundown of the whole 90 minute conversation: Dylan got kicked out of his house. He's 18, just graduated from our school one month ago. Doesn't have a working car, and he just paid for him and his family to live in a house less than two weeks ago, yet his mother kicked him out for being too dependent on his mom and grandmother to take care of him.

You're probably thinking: I know there's more to it than that. Someone wouldn't just be kicked out of their house for no reason. He probably did something wrong.

Just a fun fact: You're wrong.

Dylan was always forced to do things for his family even though he's the youngest child, and the only one that was in high school this past year. His siblings: one sister (Frieda), and two brothers (Danielle and Mervin), always used him to give them rides in his car. He was someone who wouldn't ever depend on others, because he didn't want to feel like a burden. I understand that, because I feel the same way, but his siblings were into partying, doing drugs, sitting around the house doing nothing for anybody, and their mom never said anything. He would come to school late constantly, miss many hours of the day, and even be absent numerous times, because his mom needed him to take her shopping or get her to work. I know it's true, because I've been around multiple times when she's done things like this, and I've told him for two years that he needs to focus more on himself, and stop letting these people use him.

They don't even care about his education. They keep depending on a kid who's in high school instead of the adults that should be going to college or making a career for themselves somewhere. Why? Because Dylan would do it for the sake of helping his blood.

Let's talk about that for a minute. Blood? Family? Why would someone go that far for people that they were forced to be stuck with due to being placed on this earth by the same woman?

The word "family" is viewed differently. In my mind, I think that word is used to guilt-trip people into doing whatever they want. My family is notorious for doing this.

The adults in my family know how to make you burst into tears within minutes just to convince you that their views on any subject are correct.

I know that some of you can't relate to this, but many of you will. Anyways, back to the situation with Big Brother.

Throughout the phone call, he says "I'm just calling so I can rant. Alright guys, I need a game plan. Y'all already know that I can't depend on my mom, since she kicked me out for wanting to leave in a couple of months to go to college, but I'm literally homeless now. I found out that my grandmother's love for me is actually very conditional. Her love for me now isn't nearly as much as her love for me when I had money and a working car, and my mom told her not to let me in the house. I can't come up with anything to do, because I can't just ask someone to loan me a car that I know I couldn't pay them back for. That would kill me. I've already been depending on others for 18 years now, and I can't ask for financial assistance, since everyone I know is poor. They can't just take me in for a couple months until I go to college that's four hours away. How can I get there without having a car? I need one. I don't need emotional support. I'm already broken. I just need financial support."

We went through an hour of trying to think of a way to help him, but we were useless. I was useless. I am useless right now. I can't even help someone who's been my brother for two years.

I'll tell you about some more unbelievable stuff later.

Right now, I just feel like shit. He said something about giving up. Which way did he mean by giving up?

He ended the call right after talking about that. I'm scared. I'm freaking out in my head, but I'm not at the same time. As soon as he hung up the phone, I was staring at the screen then looked up at the ceiling as if I was asking myself: Did that really just happen?

I'm on summer break. Just finished my sophomore year of high school, not worrying about people's deaths at the moment only a couple hours ago. Now, I could've just heard my Big Brother's last words.

There's so many arguments that's going on in my head. "There's nothing I can do about it, so I'll just hope for the best and not dwell on this situation, since I'm not the one who's going through it. But LaCole, isn't that so heartless of you to think that way? Oh wow.... I'm such a terrible person. How could I think that way in this situation?"

I know it's crazy to talk to yourself, but it's in my head, so no harm done.

I'm not sure if I should cry, if I should want to cry, or not. I'm thinking that crying won't do anything to help out, so there's no point in doing so. I'm thinking that if I don't cry, then that means I don't care and it would be mean not to. Crying is healthy for you, so you don't keep all of your emotions in.

The tears wouldn't come out. A part of me wants them to, and a part of me is saying they don't have to.

What should I do? What can I really do as a 16 year old teenage girl with no job, car, or money to offer? All I can give is emotional support, and he stated that he doesn't need that right now. I'm glad that I was one of out the six people that he feels like he could trust with even telling this to. That makes me happy, but then I feel bad for being able to smile knowing what's happening to him right now.

Yeah. I'm messed up in the head. Contradicting everything that I say, think, or feel. Having so many more conversations in my head than outside with anyone.

He told me not to tell my parents because he knew they would help him, and again, he doesn't want to feel like a burden. Usually, I wouldn't care and jump at the chance to help him, but I froze, thinking "He said that he needs a car. He needs financial support, and I can't put that on my parents when they're currently struggling to afford the house we're living in right now. They have several people to take care of that is family. I couldn't be so selfish to ask them to help out someone who they're not related to. What should I do?"

I ended up ranting to my mom about it anyway after a half hour of ranting about it with my step-sister, Kaila. My family knows who Dylan is and they care about him, just not as much as they care for their own, which I don't have a problem with. Dylan's been around my family since I first started going to our school freshman year. He was a junior at the time, so it took several months before my family started opening up to him. He always stuck around, and we've been through so much bullshit together. That's why I decided to call him Big Brother, and he calls me his Little Sister.

Anyways, my mom just told me to tell him to come over our house later today, since it's currently three something in the morning. I don't know what's going to happen. I feel bad about putting this on my parents, because I don't want them to suffer more financially, but I can't let Dylan live on the streets when he has a whole future ahead of him.

He wants to get a degree in music and education, so he can teach music to band kids. That's how I met him; through Marching Band. He's the guy who made me think of band as a family. I love being a band kid. I play clarinet, and he plays different low brass instruments, usually tuba, trombone, and baritone. He's amazing at playing, adjusting to different pitches by ear, and even music theory. One of the things I love about him, not romantically, is that I always learn something when talking to him, and I can have serious and deep conversations with him. We can talk about random things that happen in the world, or about events from our lives. We both have what some would consider serious pasts.

Even though he's one of the closest people to me in the world, I end up being one of the most useless people for him, and I have no idea what I should do.

Finally, at four in the morning, some tears leave my eyes, but I can't sob loudly, since Kaila is laying down next to me sleeping. I'm used to crying in silence whenever I feel water build up in my eyes, so I don't make noise and draw attention towards me by anyone else.

That's enough for my first entry. So tell me guys...

Can you relate?

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