-9-

Two more months have passed and I am now sure. Yes, I love Zhan. I love him with all my heart. But I still haven't found the courage to tell him, or at least to show him. We cuddle every day and every night. And we even travel together for the weekend.

We rented a cabin in the mountains. We want to spend a relaxed weekend there. After all the studying and working, I have earned that. I even had to take an exam to show if I had to continue my medical studies or start all over again. Zhan had taken a few days off to help me study.

When we finally arrived at the cabin, we first had to turn on the fireplace. Winter is especially cold here in the mountains. It took about half an hour until the fireplace filled the small hut with warmth.

Since we had already eaten on the way, we did not need to cook anything more in the evening. Now we always do that together. And while I started to unpack our bag, Zhan went to shower. Afterwards I went to shower.

I dried myself and saw that my cell phone was flashing. I received a message. It said that I could continue my medical studies and not have to start from scratch. I was so happy about this that I quickly put on my pajamas and ran to Zhan.

Already on the way to him I shouted to him that I can continue, I don't have to start from scratch and waved my cell phone. When I reached Zhan, I jumped into his arms with joy and gave him a kiss. "I am sorry." I said for fear, because I just kissed him.

But Zhan just shook his head, smiled and said it was all right. But it wasn't for me. I didn't just want that little accidental kiss, I wanted more. "Can I do it again?" I asked him.

"What again?" Zhan wanted to know.

"To, uh, well, you, kiss you." I said shyly.

"You want to kiss me?"

"Mm."

"Because you're so happy right now?"

I shook my head. "Because I've wanted to for a long time." I said.

Zhan smiled, stroked my cheek, bowed his head a little and kissed me. Then he parted his lips from mine and asked me, "Is that how you wanted to kiss me?"

I nodded. Zhan pulled me towards him, put both arms around me and asked me, "Why didn't you say that earlier?"

"I didn't dare, and I didn't know how you'd feel about it."

"Does that mean you like me?"

"Yes. I, I like you a lot."

Zhan smiled and said, "I like you too, my cuddly bear."

"But you never said anything."

"Because I wanted you to come on your own. You needed time to process your divorce. And you've never been with a man before. I thought, then, I will waiting for you to come to me."

"Have you noticed that I have feelings for you?"

"I suspected it. But I wasn't sure until you were so angry a few days ago when I talked to one of the male nurses and laughed about something. I saw you looking at me from a distance and I realized it at that moment."

"Mmm, I was jealous."

"You don't have to be a Yibo. I've only seen you since we first met. Or do you think I give someone else the same attention as I give you? Let others cuddle with me? No, I'm only doing this for you.

I looked at Zhan shyly and with red cheeks "I love you ZhanZhan." I said.

Zhan kissed my forehead and said, "And I love you Yibo." I was so happy that I threw my arms around him and held him tight.

"I want a relationship with you, ZhanZhan." I said.

"I want that too, Yibo. I want to be with you very much. We can take it slow. After all, this is your first relationship with a man."

"Mmm. But not too slow." I said it laughing.

I don't think I've ever been that happy. And the best thing is, since Zhan has been in my life and by my side, nothing bad has happened to me. There were many good moments and nothing happened afterwards that would ruin the good moments.

And even though I have never been in a relationship with a man before, it feels right for me. It's like after a long search, I finally arrived. I did not know what or who I was looking for. But now it feels as if I am finally here.

Zhan was holding me tight. In his arms, I don't care about anything else. It's been three months since I first saw him, and although he didn't take my breath away, which was already causing the panic attack, he left me almost speechless because of his good looks.

And honestly? I think it would have been the same between him and me, even if I hadn't had this panic attack. I think we immediately felt attracted to each other. It just took me a little longer to realize that. But now that I can finally admit to myself that I love Zhan, now that I'm finally with him, I won't let him go.

From today on, Zhan is mine and I will keep him forever! This time nothing and no one will destroy my happiness. I am very sure of that.

When Zhan's mother called to ask if we arrived safely, Zhan grinned and said, "Mhm, very well. The roads had all been clear." It had snowed a lot in the past days and it was unclear if we could even get to the cabin.

Zhan looked at me and asked me, "Do you want to say something to my mother?" I nodded. He gave me the phone and my heart was pounding like crazy.

I walked out the door and said to Zhan's mother, "We're a couple now."

And she was like, "Who? You and Zhan?"

I was all excited, "Yes. Zhan and I love each other and we're a couple now."

And she's like, "Ha-ha-ha, that's great. That's great news. I'm so happy for you both." I could hear in her voice that she was really happy.

Just a week ago she and I were sitting together over a hot cup of tea and she asked me how I felt about Zhan. I told her, "I love him. But I don't know if he has feelings for me. And I'm a little scared too, because I've never been with a man before."

She stroked my hands and said, "Then find out how he feels about you. I know it, but you have to find out for yourself. Why don't you use your weekend in the mountain cabin for that?"

"You think so? And if he likes me too, would you mind if we came together?"

"Why should we mind? As you know, we like you very much and we'd really love it."

"Wow, that makes me happy. Do you think it's gonna be weird?"

"Weird? Why?"

"Well, if he and I are going to have a relationship."

"It's not going to be that different for you than it is now. You guys cuddle day and night anyway. Only then, kissing and sex will follow."

And that's what scared me. Sex with a man had been completely unthinkable for me before. But now I thought about it very, very often and asked myself how it would be.

But, Zhan's mother even took the time to explain to me what I have to watch out for, what we have to think about. And finally, she also said, "You can rely on Zhan completely and trust him. I'm sure he knows exactly how to do it and will certainly make sure you enjoy it."

I was sure of that too. But still the fear remained. I read a lot about it and also that it can be painful. And that worried me.

But now, in this moment, my worries were forgotten, as far as that was concerned. Because, I know, just because we are a couple now, Zhan won't want to sleep with me right away. He himself just said that we take our time.

Zhan's mother immediately told her husband and he was also happy and said: "Finally. It was about time. I thought you guys needed help."

"Ha ha, no. It just took me a while to understand how I feel about him." I said.

"Well, as long as you know now and you're happy." He said.

Zhan came outside and put a blanket on me and then he went back in. And that is why I love him. He's caring and loving and so much more.

After a few minutes we finished the phone call and I went back inside to Zhan. He was sitting on the sofa. I ran to him, hopped on the sofa and snuggled up to him. "Well, what does she say?" He asked me.

"She was really happy. And your dad was happy too." I told him proudly.

"I thought so. They really like you a lot."

"I really like them, too. It's like having parents again. Too bad they're not."

"Well, don't let them hear that. You know, to my parents, you're already family. So I like sharing my parents with you. And I'm sure my little brother has no objections either."

"Oh, you're so great. I don't know what I did to deserve such a wonderful boyfriend like you."

"Don't say such things. If anyone deserves something good, it's you, my little baby." He called me that a lot and I like it.

We'll continue in the next chapter...