-8-

I've been living with Zhan for a month now and haven't slept a single night in my room since. I sleep next to Zhan every night, cuddled up to him. Each under his own blanket. I use every opportunity I get to lean on him and mentally I feel better and better.

Since two weeks I have been working at the ward of Zhan. He had me transferred there. Somehow I am always at his side, even when he examines patients. He also helped me find a university nearby where I can continue my medical studies. I can start in a few months. Together we will go through all the old documents again to refresh my knowledge. I have given up my work in the nightclub, I want to work, study and spend time with Zhan.

A few days ago I met Zhan's parents and little brother. They are exactly as he described them. Loving, crazy and warm people.

His mother cooked something to eat in our kitchen and I helped her. She sang while she cut the meat. She told me a few jokes and hugged me in thanks for my help. We talked while waiting for the food to be cooked.

She asked me straight out, "You really like Zhan, don't you?"

"Mhm. He's great." I said.

"Yes, he is. I can see that you feel very comfortable with him. I can see in your eyes that you've been through a lot of bad stuff. Don't worry, you don't have to tell me anything. I don't want to analyze you either. I just wanted to mention it."

"Well, it's true." I said. I thought for a moment what else I could say. And then I decided to just tell her everything. And just like Zhan, she just listened to me while I told her the short version of my life.

She suddenly stood up, came to me, spread her arms and said, "Let me hug you Yibo." I stood up and let her take me in her arms. She held me for quite a while and then said, "You are a very great young man and you have made a wonderful person out of yourself, despite all the problems. You deserve to be taken in the arms every day. Because you have done it very well. I'm proud of you and that you never gave up."

Hearing those words from her made me cry once again. But this time I cried with joy. I thanked her for what she said. She stroked my head and said, "Yibo, I am glad you have Zhan by your side because he will help you allow yourself to be happy. He will give you the support you need to become even stronger."

"Yes, he takes good care of me." I said that because I didn't know what else to say. And, well, it's the truth.

Zhan's father also talked to me. We sat on the terrace and had hot tea. He put his arm on my shoulder and said, "Even though you and Zhan are not a couple, you are now part of our family. Excuse me, I heard what you told my wife earlier. And I agree with her. You did a great job. And you should be proud of yourself. If you want to talk, need help, or just want someone to laugh with, please contact us. We are here for you. But also so, we're always here for you."

I was more than impressed by his parents. Although they have been a couple for 40 years, they still love each other very much. I guess that's true love. And they love not only each other, but also their sons. And they are so affectionate that they even give me some of their love. And this is the first time I got to know them.

Zhan's little brother told me about his school and how annoyed he always is about homework. Then he pushed me into my side and asked me: "Have you ever heard my brother sing?"

"No, not yet." I answered.

"If he sings again, will you make a video for me? I have collected all the older videos of him and his band. But I would like to have a new video where he sings. Only he doesn't want to sing."

"And why doesn't he want to sing?"

"He always says he's too tired for this. When I was younger, he used to come home almost every night and sing to me at bedtime. But since he works so much, he doesn't sing to me anymore."

"Mmm, okay. I promise the next time he sings, I'll record it for you." I said that. The love in this family is really incredible. Even the little brother loves Zhan very much and looks up to him.

In the evening we all sat in the living room and Zhan's little brother became very tired. Zhan took him to the guest room. Zhan's parents were suddenly very quiet and we heard the little brother begging Zhan to sing for him. Zhan's mother smiled, she took her cell phone and snuck to the room door. Zhan's father and I followed her.

And the little brother finally got his way and Zhan sang for him. And I heard him sing for the first time. His voice sounded like that of an angel. My heart was racing when I heard him singing and the warmest feeling I ever had spread inside of me.

Zhan's mother secretly filmed Zhan singing and I stood there with closed eyes and enjoyed it. "Shall I send it to you?" She asked me in a whisper and I nodded.

In the end Zhan sang three songs for his little brother and all three were recorded by his mother and sent to me. I saved it and it felt like my cell phone was storing and hiding my most precious possessions inside.

Zhan's parents then stayed overnight because of their youngest son. They didn't seem surprised when Zhan told them, "Don't worry about the sleeping place. Yibo always sleeps in my room anyway. So the bed is always free."

When I went into the bedroom after showering, I saw Zhan sitting at his tablet reading through something. When he noticed me, he turned it off and put it aside. Then he spread out his arms and I crawled to him in the bed where I lay on top of him for a while and let him stroke my head and back.

"Did you have a good time today?" He asked me.

"Mmm, it was a nice day. Your family is really great."

"Yeah, they like you a lot."

"I like them, too. Your dad said to me, even though we're not a couple, I'm part of your family now."

"Really?"

"Yeah. And your mom had a long talk with me."

"I'm glad."

"I'm glad, too. And you, ZhanZhan?"

"Mm?"

"You sing great."

"Oh, you heard it?"

"Yeah. Your mom recorded it for your brother and sent it to me."

"Ha, ha, I knew it. So you even exchanged cell phone numbers?"

"Yeah. She asked me for my number and I gave it to her. So now I can listen your songs up and down."

"Mhhh, you could have asked me too, then I would have sung to you."

"Really? You'd sing for me?"

"Sure I would. You just have to tell me, and then I can sing you something."

"Wow, thanks. I don't understand why you're single."

"Mm, me neither. Ha, ha."

"No, honestly. Why are you single? The men should chase you."

"Well, for one thing, it's hard to get to know someone outside of work. And I don't fall in love easily."

"What kind of men are you into?"

"I don't have any particular type of man that I like."

"After your first boyfriend, did you ever have anyone else?"

"Yes. But that wasn't the real thing and it didn't last very long."

"I see." I said that. Why did I want to ask him if he could imagine dating someone like me? I've been thinking about that question for days. But I don't dare to ask him this question.

I ask myself more and more whether I am perhaps in love with Zhan? The more time I spend with him, the closer I want to get to him. I often dream about him and sometimes I just want to kiss him. I look into his eyes and just want to be kissed by him. And the thought of him meeting someone and having a relationship almost kills me.

That means I've fallen in love with him, right? What am I going to do now?

I slide a little higher and cuddle up with him again. He doesn't even mind if I lie on top of him. Then he just holds me or caresses me, like now. Could he fall in love with me? Would I even be ready for a relationship with a man? Am I ready to let someone new into my heart?

Zhan caresses my cheek and asks me what I am thinking about. I smile and say, "Nothing at all. I'm just enjoying the moment." Oh God how I wish I had an answer to my questions. How I wish he would just kiss me once.

"Well, enjoy it further." Said Zhan and threw my blanket over me to keep me warm. I cuddled my head back on his chest and fell asleep on him like this.

In my dream I was brave. In my dream, I was lying on top of him, looking him in the eyes and kissing him. At least there I managed to get close to him. As close as I dare not get when I'm awake. In my dream, he held me tight while we kissed.

On to the next chapter...