Even more so than usual, tonight I just can't shut my brain off. It's making me anxious and fidgety. I absolutely despise unknown variables or things I can't easily practice scenarios of in my head. And Junior having a half-brother is the biggest unknown variable we have at the moment. I can't even picture what he would be like, what his intentions are, or what his life would look like. The idea of meeting him with so little information is just too much for my brain to process when I should be sleeping.

I roll back to my left side. Trying to find a comfortable position again when my thoughts are interrupted by the body I thought was asleep next to me. "Squirt," Junior's voice is a neutral tone but at least it doesn't seem annoyed or angry, "You're acting like a dog, what's up?"

Dog my ass! I smack him which only makes him laugh. He shifts and rolls to face me as his laughter trickles down. Since he's awake, maybe it would be okay to ask him a few things... I must catch him off guard when I look into his eyes because his expression changes from jovial to serious in a split second.

"Jesus, what is it?" His hazel eyes try to read my face.

"How old is your brother?"

He's looking at me like that was the last thing he thought I'd say, "... twenty-six. Why?"

Oh wow, I figured his brother might be older but that's much older than I thought he'd be. "Oh, he's a lot older then. Is that why you don't know him well?"

Even in the dark room, only illuminated by the street lights shining through the hotel window, I can see his shoulders shrug and his gaze look away. Junior sighs before finally responding, "No, that's not the entire reason.".

"Is it because he's a half-brother then?" My voice feels like a gliding whisper in our quiet room.

"Maybe." His whispers come across as warped, impacted by the weight of his history.

I realize I'm rapid-firing questions he might not want to answer and seal my lips shut. I wasn't trying to quiz him per se, I just have so many questions. His clipped responses are enough to express that he probably doesn't want to open up about this.

I must have gone silent for too long because his head turns to look at me again, "Why are you asking so many questions?"

Ugh, what a loaded question. I fidget sheepishly as I try to come up with a sensical response. "... we're not exactly doing a normal thing, you know? Don't we have to find some kind of explanation for us being together and avoid making him suspicious?"

I have the urge to smack him when he blinks at me like he doesn't understand what I'm saying. This man-child is an idiot! "How did you survive before you met me?" Seriously! He tried to rob me at gunpoint, accepted my help to pay off a drug debt, and knows I will tell authorities I was kidnapped if this goes downhill, and yet he still thinks meeting his half-brother is normal?!

Junior shrugs his shoulders again like this is just a nonchalant conversation that anyone could be having right now, "Drifting I guess. Looking for the right Squirt with a brain." He sticks his tongue out like the playful child he is.

"I'll smack you."

"Awww~ so violent," I feel his finger boop my nose and my face crinkles as I recoil. Must he?

Fine, I'll play. I glare at him as I mutter the one thing I know he hates, "Peeping Tom."

His cheeks blush a dark shade of red as he suddenly sits straight up, "I told you I only looked at the damn mailbox!"

I can't help but laugh at his expression, the fact that I can see his blush in the little light we have is just too funny. Junior grumbles something before dramatically flopping back down beside me.

After I settle down, I try to explain again, "I'm just worried. You should focus on talking to your brother for real. I don't want any misplaced attention."

"Your height attracts attention, Squirt. So do your unusually neutral facial expressions." I glare at him until I see his face soften, "I think today is the most I've seen you wear your emotions. Are you sure..."

Please don't do this... As my body tenses in anticipation, my eyes pinch shut and I quickly cut him off. "She's just a roadside attraction Junior. Don't take too much stock in what she says..."

I can sense his unease even with my eyes closed. When he rolls to face me my body tenses even more. "Bex... why do you want me to kill you...?"

Huh? I figured he'd ask about what Madame Holly talked about, so why is he bringing this up? My eyes unclench and study his face curiously.

"Don't give me the deer in the headlights look..." He whispers softly, shaking his head. "You still think about it, don't you?"

I don't like the way he's looking at me. He's digging, I can sense it. My chest feels like it's constricting and my body feels like it's simultaneously frozen and on fire. I barely manage to choke out a plea, "Stop..."

Junior's eyes widen as I imagine I go even paler than normal, "Bex..." When he reaches for my arm I quickly sit up and prepare to bolt. "Don't run-" His hand closes around my arm. As always his touch is gentle, but this time it's also firm. This is not something I will be able to get out of easily. Which is probably what he's trying to convey to me.

I try to look into his eyes for a moment, my sheer panic pleading with him, "I said stop..." My voice barely manages to come out as a whisper, cracking at the end and preventing me from saying anything more.

He can't look inside. He can't see what I'm hiding. I can't live it again. I don't want to talk about it. I don't want it to be real again...

Junior's eyes soften while my eyes continue pleading with him, "... Fine. I won't press. But you have to stay here."

Compromise. I can do that. I'm good at compromise. I nod my head in agreement and let him pull me back under the covers. I bring my hands up so my arms can protect my chest. Everything hurts, it feels unbearable, I just want it to stop...

I feel his large hands grip my waist. My eyes pinch shut as I tense from head to toe. What the hell is he doing now?! Junior's hands pull me by my waist until my head bumps into his collarbone. His familiar warmth and scent invade all of my senses at a rate ten times stronger than borrowing any of his hoodies has, My breath hitches as I try to choke back a sob. My body is trembling even more now and I don't know what to do. I just feel frozen.

He must lean down because I feel his forehead touch mine and our noses brush together for a moment before I stop breathing altogether in shock. "Shhh... take deeper breaths. Just like this-" He whispers before giving me a few example breaths. Keeping my eyes closed, I focus on trying to follow his guidance. In... and... out.

Once I start breathing a little better, he finally speaks. His forehead stays against mine, keeping us in our own trance. "My brother..." He whispers softly, apparently deciding to share some of his story with me. "I've met him a few times before."

That catches my attention, but rather than asking a million questions again, I just focus on breathing the way he showed me and listening. "I have some memories of him that I think happened when I was really little. I also remember seeing someone who looked like him come by my middle school basketball games a few times. And when I really stop to think about it..." his soft sigh tickles and smells like mint, "I know it was him.

"I've never hated him for getting to be free of my father.. but knowing him kind of scared me. I don't think I could cope with the idea that his childhood got to be the things mine never could be.

"My father married his mom first. And I don't know if they were happy but my dad cheated all the same. I think my mom worked as his secretary at the time. So maybe he just wanted the thrill of someone younger, but he got her pregnant... I guess her family cut her off after they learned she was a mistress. After that, he didn't have a choice but to come clean." He pauses every so often, almost like he's analyzing his own family history. Maybe Junior's a little bit like me, he might not share this story often enough to piece it together easily.

"I'm not sure if he thought being with my mom could be a do-over after his divorce, but it was always doomed. They never had anything in common besides work. They fought a lot. And once he started doing more shady things I guess he lost his rights to my brother as well.

"His name is Zachary. He said he's married now and even has a kid. I'm just gonna tell him what we told your friend." I can't keep my face this close anymore, I move my head and bury it against his chest. I feel his hand leave my waist and stroke my head. He continues speaking like all of this is just so natural. "We're dating and that's that. Aside from your height, he doesn't have anything to question. So all you have to do is be you, Bex. That's it. No performance. Just Bex."

As his hand starts combing through my hair absentmindedly the pain in my chest throbs. I shouldn't feel this way. I shouldn't recognize his smell so easily. And it shouldn't comfort me the way it does.

He says I can be just Bex, but I don't know who that is either. I wear a mask for everyone I know. A different one for each person, carefully crafted and full of safety nets. Junior came into my life like a tornado, I had no time to prepare a proper mask. He's the only one who's seen so many different fragmented pieces. It scares me. I don't want to share those pieces. What if they break more?

I clutch his sweatshirt as I try to fight off my tears. The way his hand runs through my hair is such a strange feeling. How can something so simple stimulate you enough to force your nervous system to relax? I can feel my breathing steadying and the effort put in to contain my sobs ebbs away slowly. Until eventually I am able to slip into the comfort of the hermit's most sacred place. The abyss of dreams.

When morning comes it's... hot. Way too hot! I've known for a while now that Junior is a heater, but when I'm glued to him while wearing one of his sweatshirts and sleeping under the thick comforter; it's entirely too much heat. I somehow manage to untangle myself from his heavy limbs and suck in delightful breaths of cooler air.

Our morning routine rarely changes. Today I just feel anxious about meeting Junior's brother. Maybe if we were a normal... couple... I would have a normal level of anxiety. Sadly, we are far from normal, and even though he said I don't need to wear a mask, it's not like I know how to be myself either. I'm not sure anyone would want to see me be truly myself.

I can't say for sure if Junior is also nervous, if anyone has a mask on right now it's him. Even as I help him navigate to his brother's address, his answers are short and his mind seems elsewhere. I wish I knew what to say in moments like these, I'm sure seeing a long-lost brother would be tumultuous. I mean, how do you even talk to them about the things going on in your life when your childhoods were so vastly different? I genuinely can't fathom what must be running through Junior's head.

"Squirt," His voice cuts off my inner monologue and I realize I've been staring at his face. "I'm fine, so please stop staring a hole through me."

I can feel the blush creep up my cheeks as I look out the passenger window, "I was just trying to figure out if there was something I was supposed to say..."

Junior's laugh eases some of the worry, "It'd be weirder if you knew what to say. What's gotten into you?"

What has gotten into me? Is it because he told me to be myself? The problem is, I don't know who to be if I'm just being myself. I didn't isolate myself in my apartment to get to know myself better or to work on my personality. I lived in a state of nonexistence. There was rarely a need to be anyone. How do I just magically turn that off?

"I don't know who to be when you tell me to be myself," I finally answer, looking over for his reaction. I expected him to laugh if I'm being honest with myself, but he seems more puzzled than anything else.

There's a brief moment of silence before he finally sighs, "If you can't be yourself... then maybe just be... alive? I don't really know how to explain it but don't pressure yourself to have it all figured out. Being yourself just means existing. I don't need you to do anything other than breathe and stay by my side..." He pauses, a faint blush dusting over his cheeks which instantly makes me wanna laugh. Junior shakes his head before continuing, "Just take it one step at a time."

I don't know what to say to any of that. I think I understand what he means, and we've kind of just been putting one foot in front of the other this entire trip, why change it now? "thanks. I guess that was the right thing I should have said." His normal smile returns for a moment, and everything feels like it will be normal.

Normal my ass. I still feel like running when we pull into the driveway of a three-story split-level home in a nice downtown neighborhood. The building is split with a modern boho-themed bakery on the bottom that connects to the street of tourists and daytime browsers. The top level is a residential two-story with a wide cement staircase leading up to the front door. There is a small lot for parking behind the building.

I try to convince my knees to stop trembling while we approach the front door. I hear a man's voice on the other side of the door after Junior knocks.

"Just a moment!" A deep voice rings out to us before the door opens to reveal a tall, broad-shouldered man. It's easy to tell that this man is Junior's brother, I'm sure to their mother's dismay, they both take after their father. "Melvin...".

I blink. Who the hell is Melvin? I look up at Junior just as he shakes his head and says, "I go by Junior.".

Zachary nods his head, "Understandably so," His eyes cast down to me and I flinch. "You must be Bex."

"Yes, sir," I answer in a small voice, feeling caught between two towers. "You're Zachary?"

"You can just call me Zach," I like the way his smile is similar to Junior's, it makes it easier to relax as he leads us into the home and to the living room. "You came at a good time, Sara is still down in the bakery and Avery is taking a nap."

The living room is airy and whimsical, and the decorum of the bakery seems to be similar here as well. I sit down on the loveseat by Junior who has been unusually silent. I hope he doesn't plan to have me do the talking, I plan to be an onlooker and mind my own business.

There is a moment of awkward silence as I watch the brothers contemplate who should talk first and what should they say.

Zach graciously takes the lead, "So you guys are traveling as a graduation present for Bex?"

Don't look at me~! I look up at Junior so he takes the hint that it's his bait to answer, not mind. He clears his throat, "Yeah... Bex is graduating high school this year."

"High school, huh? I'm not gonna lie, I thought you were a middle schooler at first," He has the same shameless grin Junior does. Sigh. I didn't need a second one.

The comment loosens Junior up though, he starts laughing and dodges my elbow. "Trust me, I thought the same thing at first too. She's just short."

I settle against the couch and listen as they make small talk. I guess Sara, Zachary's wife, isn't just a professional baker, but also makes wedding cakes as well as caters events. Their daughter Avery just recently turned two years old. Even looking around their house, the family photos, souvenirs, and pictures of trips and vacations... It's plain to see that Junior and Zachary have had very different lives. This must be what adulthood looks like for someone who has the things they need in life.

There's just one thing I can't figure out. Junior is resilient by nature, he just naturally and innately keeps pushing through life's hardships. His eyes show war and conflict, but his soul is still bright and full of hope. Zach, who didn't have the setbacks Junior did, looks burdened. I can see it in the way his shoulders look weighed down, the way his eyes study Junior's every movement. He looks like he's one misstep away from crumbling under the weight of his guilt and anguish.

Maybe it's because I understand that feeling, having lived with it most of my life, but I wonder why he's holding onto these things. If what I learned from Junior was accurate, then there wasn't anything Zach or his mother could have done for Junior. It's not like they could've gotten custody of him. I guess logic doesn't always ease burdens.

I tune back into their conversation when I notice a sizeable pause. Zach looks at his clasped hands when he speaks. "Don't get me wrong, the small talk has been nice, but I did call you for a reason and I would rather talk to you about it without my wife here first."

Junior doesn't answer so he takes a breath before continuing. "I got a call from our Father a couple of weeks ago."

When Junior's body freezes I feel myself flinch too. This changes a lot of things... probably more than I can fathom right now. My hand reaches to hold his sweatshirt sleeve, I never know the right thing to say, but I do know Junior always responds to physical touch. I know I'm right when he lets out the breath he was holding in.

"I know, I was shocked too," Zach says in a more subdued tone, he runs his hands through his hair. "I couldn't understand how he found my phone number after all these years, but I guess someone was able to look me up online."

"I'm assuming he didn't just call to shoot the shit, right? It was about money," Zach's pained expression tells us Junior's assumption is right. "So how much do you know?"

Zach lets out a heavy sigh before speaking, "He mentioned that one of the debt collectors paid him a visit, said they roughed you up pretty good and haven't been able to catch up to you for more of the debt payment."

"Yeah well, I was a little busy trying to collect all the money..." Junior's shoulders sag, and he holds his head in his hands for a moment. "If all he did was give you information then why did you get in touch with me?" When he raises his head, his eyes are narrowed, and studying his brother. "Don't tell me you suddenly feel responsible for this shit?"

As I suspected, Zach is carrying his guilt like shackles weighing him down. "Maybe not responsible..."

"Then what, obligated?" Junior's voice is rising and I can feel the intensity of his emotions pouring off him. I grab his wrist because it seems like he's getting antsy and ready to move. I don't know what he's going to do, but there isn't a good option that involves him getting up from this spot. I don't back down when he looks at me either. He made me stay last night, now it's his turn.

Zach watches our interaction but graciously sidesteps it, "I don't know that I feel obligated either. Maybe it's a mix of all three, responsibility, obligation, and pity. Or maybe I just feel guilty."

"It's not..." Junior struggles to calm himself and speak clearly, so he takes a moment to breathe. "You don't need to feel obligated or responsible. It's not even something you should be burdened with."

"What do you mean? He's my father too."

Junior's laugh is different than his normal one, it's exasperated and sounds like it will soon be followed by tears. "He might have given you a share of his shitty DNA but he's never been a father to you. You don't know what it was like to be his son, to be his scapegoat..." He has the grace to stop himself when he notices the hurt expression on Zach's face. "Sorry, that sounded harsher than I meant it to."

Junior collects himself again, talking in a quiet voice, "I just mean... It's not your fault Zach. You didn't do anything wrong. It's not like you had a choice in your mom leaving, any more than I had a choice in my mom staying."

"So you think because your mom stayed that the burden should fall on you? Even if it's not your fault that she chose to stay?" When Junior can't come up with a rebuttal he continues, "Junior I'm not trying to help you solely because I feel like I have to."

"Then why are you?"

"I'm trying to help you because you feel like you're obligated and responsible for this," Zach's eyes look like they are pleading more than anything else, "It seems like the old man has got you mixed up in something dangerous just because you happen to be related to him. It's not like you borrowed this money yourself. If I could give you the entire sum right now I would. Just to be able to free you from him."

Junior looks both stunned and hurt. I can tell he doesn't know what to say, or what to do in this situation. I close my eyes and try to collect my courage. So much for being a bystander. "If you aren't giving the entire sum, then that means you just want to give some of it right?"

Zach nods his head too eagerly, "Yes, I had some money set aside that I can use to help. It's only two grand, but every penny counts... right?"

"It sure does," that two grand could get us up to over seventeen grand overall. Which means we could potentially have all the money in about two weeks. "Right, Junior?"

He studies Zach and I like he's got a sour gumdrop in his mouth. "... I guess.". I can practically feel his reluctantness smacking me.

"there's still something I don't understand... why did you decide to help?" Zach asks me directly. "Is it just because you're dating?"

Junior looks at me like I'm allowed to decide how much we share. Sigh. "Do you want the truth or the shorter version?" Let's just pass the decision on to the next person~.

"Whatever you are comfortable sharing, I guess." Ugh! These brothers suck!

I sigh, "Honestly...? I just decided that I wanted to. And since I had the means to, I just followed the course."

"She's essentially a trust fund baby," I don't like the way Junior shrugs when he says that but his brother just laughs.

"Can't say I expected that. You don't fit the stereotype," I can feel my body squirm from being analyzed.

Junior reluctantly agrees to accept Zach's help and has me hold onto the check for safekeeping, Both of them seem to relax now that the elephant in the room has been acknowledged. Zach seems to want to ask all of his questions before his wife and daughter make their appearances. I can't really blame him for that, who wouldn't want some uninterrupted time with their sibling after so many years apart? Watching them... well... It makes my heart ache a little.

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Hello readers~ If you are still coming back :')

I was intending to write more frequently, and then I changed jobs! Not only did I change jobs, but I'm now a dayshift person again, and the transition has been a little more difficult than I anticipated. However, I'm finally starting to adjust to my new schedule so I've been able to do some writing again!

This chapter isn't as thoroughly edited as I would typically like it to be~ but I am trying to remind myself that this is just my first draft. It's more important to get it out and on paper, than to have it be perfect. So I'm trying to be less type A about it (and struggling). I'm hoping to get another chapter uploaded this month. This one actually took me way longer than I thought it would because I already had a lot of it figured out before I fully typed it. I have the next chapter's content already planned so let's hope the content is easier to get out.

Thank you again to marichatchat who continues to encourage me to get this story out! I seriously couldn't do it without her never-ending enthusiasm!

I hope you all are well, and I wish you all mental wellness.