I made the right decision last night. It's the second night in a row I've slept deeply thanks to the warmth Junior's body gives off. As my senses come back to me I notice a weight, not a heavy one, but one that doesn't belong to me. Under the blanket, Junior's hand is holding onto the sleeve that covers my wrist. Almost like a child holding onto a teddy bear or a special blanket. His face is hidden by his bangs since it's at a downward angle, but I can tell he's sleeping peacefully by his steady breathing.

I carefully remove myself from his grip and head into the bathroom, looking at my phone notifications as I do. I see a text from my mom requesting a phone call when I have some time.

I take a deep breath before pressing the call button. It only rings for a few seconds before I hear her cheery tone come through, "Rebekah! You're up early!"

I guess it is only seven a.m. "Yeah, we plan to go to the National Lakeside Reserve today."

"My goodness, you're really going to hike that trail?" Her shock isn't out of place, I don't exercise.

"I was roped into it," This part is at least mostly true. "I did agree to this trip so I guess that means participating in all of the activities."

"I think it's great Rebekah. Have you had fun on the trip so far?"

I pause, taking a moment to think about if I truly have had fun. I can at least think of a few times that felt lighter and warmer... Junior barging out of the dressing room in a dress, beating him in at least one game, working with an army of children in the conquest to hit his car... and the last two nights I've slept so peacefully. "Yeah," I finally managed to whisper. "I think I'm having fun."

When she pauses I can almost picture her trying to hold back tears, "I'm really glad sweetie. Bring back some souvenirs, I want to hear all about your adventures when we get together again."

"Okay Mom, give Dad a hug for me."

"I will, we love you!"

"I love you guys too."

Souvenirs huh? I might have been saving some of those. The most obvious being my half of our matching 'Partners in Crime' rings. I also have the beanie I used from the thrift store, our photo booth picture, and the movie tickets. However, the only ones I can really show her are the movie tickets and ring. I will have to buy some trinkets from some of the places we stop next. Maybe I will just get them gifts and call it a day.

Our morning routine is the same as it's been since we started traveling. Complimentary hotel breakfast, pack and get around, then to the car to travel to our next destination. This is one of the parts I like most, repetition is comfortable.

I wasn't sure what to expect when we got to the head of the trail, but looking at the map of the trail puts today's activity into a daunting reality. I stop before we truly step foot onto the trail and try to contemplate the choices that have brought me to this moment. I'm not sure if I had a momentary bout of amnesia when I agreed to this excursion, but seeing it in real life feels so much more overwhelming. Now isn't the time for second thoughts but they exist anyways.

"Why did you stop?" He asks, looking me over for any obvious signs of distress.

"I don't think I can do this," I admit sheepishly kicking the small rock near my foot.

"What do you mean? It's only a mile to the lookout!"

"A mile?!" I feel like my eyes might pop out of my head with how wide they are.

"What's the big deal?"

"Why do you constantly feel the need to make me exercise?" I whine while crouching down to put my head in my hands, hovering but not fully sitting.

"Fresh air is good for everybody, plus this is supposed to be one of the prettiest views in our state, wouldn't most people stop here at least once?" I don't like that he's using logic.

I groan in response which just makes him chuckle. "If it gets to be too much I'll just carry you on my back, it's not like you weigh much short stack."

My impulsive decision to throw one of the tiny rocks in his direction takes over before I can stop it, "Is that offer real?"

"Yes," I glare at the hand he extends towards me, "Now come on!"

I give him an exaggerated sigh but grab his hand anyway. "Fine. But I'm not getting in any lake or water whatsoever, got it?"

He nods, "I don't think you can swim here. Fishing maybe, but hiking the trail that leads to the lookout is usually what people come for." That at least gives me some relief.

The beginning of the trail is nice. You start near the bottom of the lake, sometimes you see little docks designated for fishing, other times the trees become dense and you can't see the water as well. I would have paid more attention to all of the scenery, but I had to watch my feet most of the time. There are simply too many uneven paths, rocks that stick out like icebergs, just way too many things trying to trip me.

The path itself is designed to let you do a full circle around the lake. Or to go up a zig-zagging pattern to a higher part of the mountain where a lookout has been built on a piece of cliff base that juts out. Almost like it was always supposed to be a place to stop and look. I'm grateful for the zig-zag, my calves are throbbing from the slow incline alone, and I can't imagine going straight up. The longer we walk the more unstable the path is, so Junior's perceptive nature and ability to catch me before I fall is a welcome favor.

"You don't seem like the hiking type," I tell him honestly, it's not just his looks, but also his fashion sense, and overall demeanor that would never lead me to think this would be an enjoyable pastime.

"In my hometown, there are small trails, ones that go over smaller hills, I loved riding my bike there," I can hear some of the nostalgia in his tone. "I always liked nature, it's quiet. I could spend hours on those trails, listening to music and lying in the sun. It's the one place I didn't have to experience the side effects of my father's poor decisions. It wasn't littered with alcohol cans that made the room stink year-round. It was peaceful," 

I can't picture what Junior's childhood must have been like, I've rarely seen my parents drink. They are both type-A workaholics, so they would often leave for work-related things. But they were still there, and I knew that they loved me. Junior's childhood makes it seem like his parents' love was either nonexistent or too toxic to be called love. "Do you resent him? Your dad?"

He pauses for a moment, his hazel eyes becoming temporarily lost in thought, "In some ways. It's been a long time since I felt any real emotion towards him. I think I mostly resent that his choices have an impact on mine."

I think I can understand that much at least. I have never liked the idea that my choices have an impact on my parents. "Sorry if that was personal, I just can't imagine what it must have been like."

"What are your parents like?" He asks, taking a moment to help me over part of a tree that fell and shortened the path.

"They both work a lot and seem to like what they do. My mom can be kind of goofy, she likes to smile and laugh. My dad is a secret nerd, and he is also really good at cooking and baking. He's made most of my birthday cakes, even if I didn't want to celebrate," I try to give him a genuine response since he shared real emotions about his father. I'm sure it's difficult to talk about his father with someone who is still essentially a stranger. It would be rude of me to ask him to share if I wasn't willing to share a little bit myself.

"They sound nice," His soft voice draws me to look over at him. I wish I could read his expression better. The sense of longing is obvious, I'm sure anyone in his shoes would wish for parents similar to mine... However, it's the way his eyes study me every time he learns something new about me that sets me on edge. If I could, I'd waste all my money on a machine that reads his thoughts to me so I know what to expect and guard myself from.

As I'm lost in contemplation, Junior suddenly points to a sign, "Look! almost to the top!"

Thank god! My legs hurt so bad I could cry. It's only a minute more before we see an opening in the trees and gravel that invites you off the trail. There is a man-made metal fence to help secure onlookers, hikers are posing for pictures, phones up to take the pictures, or enjoying the view as we approach them. God how I missed flat terrain!

I follow behind Junior as he walks to a clear section near the fence. Standing next to him, I watch as his eyes light up in awe. He is often smiling and joking around so I am used to those expressions, but this one is a little different. This one has more of that innocence like a kid in a store full of candy with a pocket of cash to waste. I really do wish I could step inside his mind for a moment, not just to read his thoughts, I want to know what it feels like to see the world in Junior's eyes.

Sadly, I can only see the world through my eyes, and we do not see the same thing. Looking over the rail at the expansive view below truly paints a picture of just how small we are in comparison to the bigger picture. The scenic view is breathtaking and I can understand why Junior wanted to see this. Nature that has been untouched by society, or at least not as heavily warped, is both raw and bewitching. There is a kind of peace that washes over you when the air feels this clear and the sights look this fresh.

However, where there is beauty there is pain. The oval-shaped lake looks majestic from this view, the sparkling navy blue water glistening in the sun. The fresh green that strokes the well-watered grounds near it further paints an image of purity. But I know the truth. That it only takes the right set of circumstances for that water to show its darkness. Hidden under layers the sun touches is a darkness full of icy grips waiting to snag your feet when the moment presents itself. Knowing this sends a shiver down my spine as I back away from the view. No amount of beautiful packaging could ever make me forget the truth.

It takes only seconds for Junior to notice I'm not beside him anymore, but instead, a few paces away with my back turned to the lake. I feel a sweatshirt drape over me, hung by its hood on my head as his voice speaks softly behind me, "Are you cold Squirt? Put this on and we can head back to the car."

I don't complain about the new source of warmth and instead slip it on easily. His face looks like he's holding back laughter when he comes to stand in front of me. "What's with the face?"

As soon as he talks there is laughter ringing through, "No wonder you could use my sweatshirts as blankets before, you're practically swimming in it." His eyes are filled with childish amusement.

I glare at him but I know I can't argue. I have to bunch up the sleeves to make use of my hands. "Don't you want to do anything else before we head back?"

"No, I saw what we came to see," His expression suggests he's scrutinizing me, but I can't figure out why. "Besides, there isn't anything else to do but hike back down."

No arguments here. Just before I turn to start back down, I remember my conversation with my mom from this morning. "Can you do me a favor?"

"Piggyback time?" I want to slap the smirk off him.

"No. Can you take a picture of me quick, my mom said she wanted souvenirs and whatnot, at least this way there is some proof I did the things I said I'm doing." Also, if I really do find a way to end everything, at least they will have a recent picture.

I awkwardly take off his sweatshirt since there's no way it would be one Maeve owns, and try to smile as he takes a few shots. If I wanted the tourist effect I should be standing against the railing, but you can't pay me to turn my back and lean against a railing that high.

Hiking down the mountain has its own unique troubles. Gravity pulls you to walk faster, and I could barely do this at a slow pace. Trying to fight the natural tugs and pulls while looking for various tripping hazards has me moving with turtle-like agility.

"Alright, hop on, it's time to play backpack," Junior says, coming to lean down in front of me.

"Is that supposed to be a Dora the Explorer joke?" I grumble, reluctantly wrapping my arms around his neck and jumping enough for him to hook my legs. This is at least safer than the time he put me on his shoulders, but it's still so high up because of his stupidly long legs.

"Dora was short though so I think you'd have to carry me if that were the case."

"For so many reasons, that could never happen you beanstalk." He at least laughs at my comeback.

The rest of the hike and trip to our next hotel is pretty uneventful. I can tell my calves are going to hurt for a couple of days. I wince when I plop down on the bed next to him, not even bothering to fight myself on sleeping arrangements tonight. He already said it was fine.

"Calves hurtin' Squirt?" He asks, offering me some of the gummy snacks he's been shoveling down. I give him a nod while refusing the gummy bears. "Give me your leg."

Unsure of what he means I just look at him waiting for him to elaborate, but he's already moving to grab one of my legs before I can stop him. I wince as his thumbs start to massage into my calf, "That hurts!"

"It's going to, sore muscles usually do," his laugh isn't without compassion so I let him proceed. It at least starts to feel better the more he does it, so I let him do the other leg before we settle in for the night.

"Thanks," I remember to tell him before I start to drift off.

"Don't mention it," he mumbles, I'm only vaguely aware of the fact that he grabs my sleeve again while settling into a comfortable position.

Sleep comes on strong after all of that physical exercise and fresh air. I just wish the sleep that came was as peaceful as our adventure. It's in my dreams that I'm taken back to a memory from many years ago of a little girl who shined brighter than any sun.

...

"Come on Bekah!" She cheered, pulling me along by my hand as we made our way through the grassy yard.

Her hand was always warm. It was soft and when it held mine it was always with a firm and reassuring grip. I never doubted that her hand would pull me into the next great adventure.

"You won't believe how beautiful it is!" She looked back at me with a smile. Her smile was brilliant and I was envious. I was still missing one stubborn tooth after my last baby tooth finally fell out, but hers were already aligned neatly. She was starting to look so grown, but I would have wanted us to stay young forever.

Her confidence knew no bounds and she was no stranger to testing boundaries and limitations. But that's why I followed her without fear. I wanted to see everywhere she went.

She's so familiar, like the embodiment of the warmth I've been missing all these years...

Oh, that's right...

Mom always called her Joe~ellie~Bear.

But I always called her Joey. She was my big sister bear.

For the end of the chapter and the chapters to come, I drew a lot of inspiration from my own big sister and my close childhood friend who might as well have been my sister. They were two of the people who showed me how to live, how to be young and reckless, and what it meant to have a bond.

I am officially off my hiatus~ but I will not have a current posting schedule for now. I will try to update weekly or bi-weekly! I am dead set on finishing my first draft of this story so I can make it even better during revision! If you have come back to this story- Thank you endlessly for your patience. I promise there is so much more to come!

Also big thank you to marichatchat your endless enthusiasm for the story and characters has helped me stay motivated. I can't express enough how grateful I am to you <3