UDHAY

Friday, 30/07/2010 ... in London

Over the last few days, Priya had undergone a neurological exam, visual field test and an MRI of the brain after meeting a neurologist and an ophthalmologist. Being my close friend, Amit had accompanied us during all the visits and had Priya's results with him now.

Priya and I were waiting outside the consulting room in Amit's home when Tania approached me. "Udhay, Amit would like to speak to you."

"Oh." I stood up before glancing at Priya.

"Don't worry, I'll be here with Priya. You can go in," added Tania.

"Okay." I entered the room to find Amit seated at his desk, with a frown as he was deep in thought.

"Come, have a seat, Udhay." Why was he speaking so formally? Was Priya's condition that grave?

I chose to remain silent. He would explain everything to me, I know.

"I went through the results. There is absolutely nothing wrong with Priya's eyesight. But the MRI scan showed lesions isolated to the right hemisphere."

"What? Lesions?"

"Prosopagnosia, also called face blindness, is a cognitive disorder of perception where the ability to recognize familiar things, including one's own self in the mirror, is impaired, while other aspects of visual processing, for example, object discrimination, and intellectual functioning, for example, decision making, remain intact. It's a neurological condition. There are two types of acquired prosopagnosia. Associative prosopagnosia is what Priya has.

People with this disorder cannot make any sense of faces and are unable to make same-different judgments when they are presented with pictures of different faces. They are unable to recognize both familiar and unfamiliar faces. In most cases, this problem applies only to faces and not things but in severe cases like Priya's, it applies to all the things she can see.

Like blind people, they may only be able to recognize things based on sounds or touch. Your voice is how she still recognizes you. That means if you approach her without speaking, she wouldn't be able to recognize you. She will notice you as a man but who you are, she won't know until you speak. Such people usually lose a lot of their things and sometimes end up getting lost themselves.

Priya could have got lost that day when she wanted to return home after shopping for the groceries. If she had listened to her mind, she would have surely been lost somewhere else. But as it was a familiar route she remembers, her feet guided her to your home though she couldn't recognize the house. Similarly, she won't recognize people she has met before unless there was something about their voice that she couldn't forget.

For example, if her mother turns up in London now and comes to your house, Priya might ask who she is. Similarly, if she walks into any of her old friends anywhere, she will take them as a stranger and just say sorry and keep walking. Another example, if you ask her to keep an eye on a child for a few minutes and if she turns away from the child for just a moment, when you go back to her after few minutes, she will say she doesn't know that child and that isn't the child you asked her to keep an eye on.

This acquired prosopagnosia can develop as the result of several neurologically damaging causes. For Priya, the cause was the trauma on losing her child."

"I understand that, Amit. But what can we do about this now? What is the treatment for it? There is a cure, right?"

"Prosopagnosia is a rare disorder, Udhay, and there is no cure for it yet. I had warned you in the beginning that if Priya is suffering from what I think she is, there might be no cure for it. My doubt has been confirmed by the test results.

There's no specific treatment for prosopagnosia, but researchers are continuing to investigate what causes the condition, and training programmes are being developed to help improve facial recognition.

She will have to develop compensatory strategies. To recognise people, their voices are all that can help her. However, it won't always work and it's going to be very difficult for her. She won't recognize her own things. She won't be able to do anything on her own unless you tell her exactly each and every step she has to do and programme her like a robot.

There is a chance she might develop social anxiety disorder too as she won't be able to recognize the people she meets. It may even lead her to depression. It's not gonna be easy. Not at all. She will need someone with her all the time. I mean 24/7. And you'll need a lot of patience to handle her."

I remained silent. We can get through this; I know we can. She's my Priya; she's a strong person. It won't be too difficult for us to manage this for sure.

"Also, Priya will have to go for regular sessions with a psychiatrist. I know a psychiatrist who has worked with me on a few cases. I'll contact her and get an appointment for Priya. After the first session, you can discuss with her and allot fixed times for the sessions weekly. For now, this is all I can do to help you, Udhay. I know this is a difficult phase for you and I'm sure you would have already realized that, trying to deal with her over the last few days."

"Okay, Amit, contact the psychiatrist and tell me when and where I should take Priya for her first session."

"Alright, Udhay."

I walked out of his room. Priya was nowhere to be seen. I had told her to wait in the seat outside Amit's consulting room. Where has she gone now?

"Priya?" I called out as I looked around for her.

Amit joined me and called out for his wife, "Tania, where is Priya?"

Tania appeared from another room with a cheerful smile. "She was feeling dizzy earlier so I let her rest in the bedroom."

"Oh." I glanced at Amit. Was her dizziness part of the disorder Priya was having?

"Anyway, congratulations, Udhay! You're going to become a father," added Tania.

"What?" After hearing about prosopagnosia, I was in a dilemma whether I should be feeling happy or sad about what Tania had just informed me.

"Yes, you heard me right. Priya is pregnant." Tania walked away.

"No way. I'm sorry, Udhay, but it's definitely best she does an abortion as soon as possible," voiced Amit.

"What are you saying, Amit? This whole problem was triggered by the loss of our first baby. I think this is the best thing that could have happened! Now that we're gonna have another child, she'll be fine and if I can somehow find her father and her sister and bring back her friend, that'll be enough to make her happy."

"Udhay, this is not a problem that can be cured by having a child just because the child she lost was her breaking point. Bring back whoever you want into her life, but she won't be able to recognize them ever again. She isn't ready to have a child now. She needs to come to terms to the problem she's having. Having a child in the midst of this will not help; it will only aggravate her condition."

"What are you saying, Amit?"

"I think it's better we have her do an abortion without her knowledge. If she knows about it, she might not allow. But it's best for her to have the abortion. She needs to come to terms with her disorder. If she has this child, you will have to struggle looking after her and the child together. She will not be able to be a proper mother yet.

And if you think you can help her come to terms with it over her pregnancy period, it isn't gonna work that way. She'll be more difficult to handle during this period. She might not be able to bear the stress and pain of pregnancy and delivery. She might not even accept the child after delivery. There might be more complications in her delivery. It will aggravate her condition in so many ways. I'm really serious about this, Udhay. It's better for her to have the abortion."

I remained silent, with a heavy heart.

"You can think of having a child later if there's any improvement in her. I don't know how long you'll be able to practise patience and take care of her but I hope she will learn to live by then."

Fine, I won't tell her about her pregnancy. I know she would never agree to the abortion if I told her. I know how much she wants a child. How much we want a child. But perhaps, it isn't time for us to have one yet. We'll have her do the abortion without her knowledge. I walked over to the bedroom without a word.

I entered the room to find Priya lying on the bed. I approached her and spoke, before caressing her forehead. "How are you feeling now, Priya?"

She smiled as she recognized me by my voice and sat up in the bed with a grin. "I'm okay. Udhay, you know what? I'm pregnant!"

My heart felt like it had stopped hearing the words she had uttered and seeing the wide grin on her face.

"Priya?" I stared at her, lost for words.

"I am pregnant, Udhay!" She repeated gleefully.

"How did you know?"

"The nurse told me."

"Nurse?"

"Yeah, the one you left me with when you went into the other room."

"Who, Tania?"

"Yeah, she's the one. I wasn't sure if I had heard her name right."

"She isn't a nurse here."

"Oh, I didn't know."

I felt like I was in a fix. I know Priya was good friends with Tania before. But I hadn't expected Tania would have already told Priya about her pregnancy. Now, what do I do? The abortion is best for her so I'll try to talk to her about it.

"Priya, I think we're not ready to have a child yet. I mean we've only been married for a year. You had a miscarriage just three months ago. I don't think you'll be able to have this child. Shall we go for an abortion?" I spoke in a low voice.

Her smile vanished. Her face twisted in anguish. "You're not my Udhay. I don't know who you are. Leave me alone. Call my husband! Where is Udhay?" she began crying in a mixture of anger, disbelief and helplessness.

"Priya, what are you-" Before I could finish speaking, she pushed my hands away from her, crying, "Please stop using my husband's voice! You're not my Udhay. Please go! Leave me alone!"

I stepped back in shock. What was happening to her?

I stepped towards the door of the room before turning back to her. She was watching me.

"Please go! I don't know you," she cried again, giving me no choice but to leave the room. I wanted to explain to her who I was, but hearing her words, I was shocked and had lost my voice at that moment.

I was standing outside the room when Amit walked up to me. "Priya already knows about her pregnancy. Tania told her without knowing the situation."

I remained silent.

"What are you gonna do now?"

Again, I remained silent and just stared at the floor. I had no answer in my mind.

"Udhay, say something, man! What has happened to you?"

I glanced at Amit before breaking down, "My wife doesn't even recognize me, damn it! A man can bear anything but hearing from his own wife that I'm not who I am is the last thing anyone would wish to hear!

Just because I raised the topic of abortion, she doesn't believe that I am myself, her husband. That's how much she trusts me, for God's sake! How could I ask her to consider an abortion? She's always wanted a child; she was broken after losing the one she got! No one was with her then but me! How could I even think of saying that word abortion to her?"

"But, Udhay-" Amit fell silent as I interposed, "No, Amit, by having an abortion, will she become normal? Will I get back my wife the way she was before? Can you give me back my wife the way she was before all this happened? No, you can't. Then, let's leave it. We'll have the child. I can't hurt my wife more than this. It's enough! There's a limit and this has crossed all limits! The way she reacted when I mentioned about the abortion... no way! An abortion is not gonna happen. We'll have the child. I can't bear it if she reacts like that again."

"Udhay, you have to understand that-" Amit started again before I interrupted him, "Amit, you're my friend, aren't you? Then please support me through this instead of pointing out all the negatives."

"If you'll call that negatives, then I guess that's because there aren't any positives to say. But you will have my support, Udhay, trust me on that."

I averted my gaze before returning to the room to find Priya standing by the window.

"Priya."

She spun around with a smile.

"I'm sorry I-" I was starting to speak when she exclaimed, "Udhay, I'm pregnant!"

I stared at her, baffled. She had already told me that earlier. Why was she saying it again?

"Tania told me. Oh Udhay, I am so happy. I can't believe I'm pregnant again! This time, I promise I'll be very careful. We're going to have a child, Udhay, aren't you happy?"

"Yeah. I am. Very." Actually, I don't know if I am.

"Udhay, please don't leave me alone and go anywhere again. Please. I'm scared. Earlier, someone came and asked me to consider an abortion. I thought he was you at first. But when he told me about having an abortion, I understood he isn't you. Who was he, Udhay? Why did he tell me to do an abortion? I wasn't just imagining him, was I?"

"It's okay, Priya, leave it."

"You won't ask me to do an abortion, will you?"

"No, Priya. Never."

She smiled before laying her head on my chest with a warm embrace. "I'm so happy, Udhay. But please don't leave me alone and go anywhere again."

"I won't, Priya, don't worry."

To be continued...

A/N: Please vote and comment.. :)