Prologue - Can't Stay Tranquil.

Oliver

"Weighing you down? A little?" I let out another bitter laugh. Narrowing my eyes at him, I started, "Do you know how much your silence put me through? Do you know all I've had to endure and ignore since you slammed your stupid door in my face?!" I raved, yelling out every single word. 

My heart pumped twice as fast, I could feel every vein in my body throbbing. The ringing in my ears louder than my own thoughts. For the stretch of time I felt this way I forgot how to breathe. Taking short raspy breaths which in no way filled my lungs, I just wanted to scream. Maybe if I screamed loud enough, louder than this ringing in my ears, then my mind would be clearer.

He ignored my initial command and walked towards me, taking a hold of both my arms in a failed attempt to calm me because as quickly as I felt his touch, I responded. I wanted that touch, I needed it. But this was poison. I would only be hurting myself even more if I allowed him to have his way. I refused to let the contact linger as the tip of his fingers grazed my bare arm.

Staggering a few steps back, I backed away from him. I thought I was going to hit the floor and maybe, just maybe, it would open and take me away from all the things I've been faced with lately.

"Oliver, please calm down," he begged, motioning with his hands. He kept a safe distance between us once again, he'd witnessed how erratic my response to his touch was. 

Truly, I just wanted to crash into his chest and bawl my eyes out. But I was certain he didn't feel the same way I felt about him, I felt so much more than he did, and this realisation haunted me. I let myself fall too deep, even Rapunzel's hair couldn't pull me out. 

All I could hear was his sweet, caring, and authoritative voice. Yes, the voice I fell for. The voice that got my emotions more messed up than they already were. I might seem cynical by saying this but I've always built tall brick walls surrounded by worthy knights to guard my heart, but this boy standing right in front of me just strolled right through them and made his way into the gates. 

"I'm calm, honestly. This is my best at being calm in a situation like this. I'm not mad or angry, I'm just sad and tired, the sadness is eating me away, rendering all the effort I've put into self-improvement futile," I spoke through the heavy lump in my throat. 

Tears daring to run loose like water from a dam that had finally conceded to the pressure. 

I felt the wet warmness as they trailed down my cheeks. Only this time, it was a bit different than the tears I'd just shed minutes ago. These were the same type of tears that used to wet my pillow almost every night back in highschool. 

I entered the university with an open mind, deciding to leave my gloomy personality behind me. But even now, the decisions I'd made all went against me, my highschool demons stayed close, and now they were here in the university with me.

"I'm sorry for shutting you out the way I did. I had no idea it was going to hit you this hard, I had no idea you were going to take it this way. I just needed some time," he apologised, pleading with his eyes which he fixed on mine. 

"You had no idea it was going to hit me this hard? You had no idea I was going to take it this way?" I shrieked with a surprised tone. "This is ridiculous," I voiced another bitter laugh, fully aware that I was doing a very bad job at being sarcastic. "How exactly did you expect me to take it? Do you perhaps think I don't have human feelings? Because it seems you don't. How on earth did you expect me to feel about having you shut the door in my face the day after I kissed you?!"

I thought I was done talking but more words seemed to escape my mouth, I wailed, "Every day I woke up hopeful ended with me being more depressed than I was the previous day," my voice trembled as a sob escaped my mouth, my face a constant stream of tears. 

Flowing and flooding my eyes, they expressed exactly how I felt inside, I was immensely sad and confused. I truly have never felt this way before.

I hated this feeling. I needed it to stop, but it only got worse with him standing right in front of me.

"Like I already said, I'm really sorry," he apologised again with that same ugly voice devoid of every emotion. That didn't sound like him and it was a lot more infuriating than the fact he wasn't trying hard enough. "Jess said to talk to you but I don't think this conversation is getting us anywhere," he stated, taking a few steps forward which he decided against and just stood still.

He probably thought I was very likely to push him away again if he came any closer. I wasn't sure about that and I didn't care to find out. It was best that he kept a certain distance between us.

"Oh, typical Jess, of course she did," I said with a sarcastic laugh, wiping my face with the back of my hand but it remained wet. "And that's possibly the only reason you're here talking to me right now," I concluded. 

"No, I really wanted to talk to you," he objected and for a split second, I saw a hint of sadness in his honey brown buds. "I saw all your messages on Thursday and I didn't know how to reply, I didn't know where to start from. So I left a short text, which I admit might've been stupid of me. But on Friday I saw you holding the hand of the same boy I saw you kissing some weeks ago. I honestly did not know how to react, I was confused," he elaborated, jutting his chin.

That was the much he'd said to me in a really, really long time and I was grateful. But I believed that I didn't care anymore. I refused to care any longer. No one gave him the right to waltz in and out of my life whenever he so pleased. 

Whatever nuts kept my thoughts in place all came loose at once, because the next thing I said shocked me more than it shocked him. 

"I need to stay away from you. You're not good for me—or my skin, as a certain friend of mine would say," I blurted out and a confused frown formed on his face, but I ignored it and continued. "Why do I feel the need to stay away from you? Well, it's because I've fallen in love with you. I'm not sure if this is love but these feelings are way too strong, and it just hurts to know that you'll never see me this way and I'm hurting-I'm hurting so much that I literally feel pain in my chest."

I stated all at once in between sobs, wiping the tears away again and pressing a hand to my chest. I was getting pissed at myself for not being able to bring myself to stop shedding tears.

He remained silent, not a single sound had come from him even after all I'd revealed to him. Maybe it was too much for him to understand, just like the kiss. Maybe I was throwing things at him and moving at a pace faster than he could follow. Or maybe he just didn't care enough to try to understand. 

My eyes were heavy with tears and blurred by black dots. I couldn't even spare a glance at him, but I eventually brought myself to. His expression was vague and hollow. His eyes unwavering and fixed on me, I couldn't deduce anything at all from his honey brown eyes that once had my legs feeling like jelly and my head spinning clockwise at the speed of light. 

You've done it this time Oliver, I thought.

Oliver's aesthetic.