(Damian with his ‘expensive’ guitar ^^)

Question: do you pay more attention to the lyrics of a song or to the instrumental and the background beat?

Answer: to be honest, the first few times I listen to a song, I pay more attention to the beat, and if I don't like the beat then I won't pay attention or care to find out what the song is talking about. I must like the beat before actually listening to the song and understanding what it's talking about.

Chapter 39 - Finding My Rainbow.

Oliver

"If you keep asking me that I'm going to lose my mind," he chuckled, smiling at me reassuringly like I had nothing at all to be worried about. 

But I had a whole universe to be worried about, and I was doing a good job of going ballistic. This was news I wasn't prepared for, no amount of preparation would've made this any easier to swallow. 

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I uttered an apology, visibly bemused. "It's just that, I don't understand what you're saying right now," I narrowed my eyes at him and tried to hold eye contact. If only I could catch that small hint in his eyes that would signal to me that he was just joking around with me. 

"What don't you understand? That I'm gay, or that Damian is my boyfriend? Oh, is it the part where I said I found Khalid attractive?" He laughed, making a list and counting on his fingers.

"I-I-I… you…" I stuttered, my mouth hanging open and my eyes blank. His countenance proved he wasn't jesting in any way. 

"Well, that was a long time ago. No need to worry, I'm way over him now, he's all yours. And I'm in a happy relationship, anyways. I don't want to ruin what I've," he spoke so calmly, ignoring the fact that I was miles behind all of this new information. 

"So you're gay?" I found a way to voice a dumb question after a few minutes of silence. He gave me sometime to wrap my head around the bombshell he'd just dropped. 

"Yes, sir, I am. It's funny you didn't find that out yourself.  Among everyone I've met in Denberg, you're the only one I've been this bright and colourful with—I mean, flying my rainbow colours for. Hell, I even let you catch me reading Simon Vs The Homosapien Agenda," he giggled and shook his head, feigning displeasure. "I'm disappointed, Olly." 

"I didn't pay attention to any of those. Okay, maybe I did, for a short while, I didn't want to think too much about it," I admitted, explaining my initial confusion about his sexuality. 

"Why? You didn't want to believe that I could be gay?" 

"Not that, I was scared of being wrong," I quickly clarified, taking my eyes back down to my fingers. 

"Scared? I see," he noted to himself. "Well, I'm gay and I'm not scared about it," he asserted for what seemed like the zillionth time. 

"You really are?" I needed this much assurance to be certain I wasn't hearing things or in some kind of dream where my subconscious made everything I ever imagined true. 

"Yes, I am. You're the only one in Lighthouse, apart from my roommate, who's aware of this. Not that I'm scared to tell them, or it's a secret of some sort, or I give a shit about whomever might be homophobic, but because they don't need to know. More like, they're not worthy to know," he snickered, blowing out air out of his mouth again. 

"I'm worthy to know?" I turned to him again, raising an eyebrow. 

"Yes, you are and guess why?" He didn't give me the chance to answer, he just continued. "It's because you're either struggling or in denial. I can bet a thousand cocks and hens that you've a hard crush on Khalid. The way you look at him," he giggled, "It's something to behold."

He'd just come out to me because I was 'worthy'. But I wasn't sure I wanted to be worthy of knowing, I wasn't ready to open up to him—or to anyone, in fact. I had issues I was going to sort out by myself, I didn't need his assistance or anyone else's. 

My secret had to remain just that: my secret. Moreover, I couldn't say anything to him, I wasn't even sure of my own sexuality. The only thing I could not-so-confidently say about my sexuality was that I was bi-curious. 

So yeah, I was bi-curious and that was that. 

"I'm not struggling or in denial. And I most definitely don't look at Khalid in any sort of way, so I don't know why you think I've a crush on him. Get rid of that thought," I babbled, forcing a string of lies out of my mouth, masking it with a humourless chuckle.

"Oh, Olly," Mako consoled, placing a compassionate hand on my thigh. "I'd a strong feeling you would say this. I think you're actively hating and struggling with yourself right now. I understand because I was once here too," he bolstered, gently squeezing my thigh. 

I shifted uncomfortably which caused him to remove his hand. I actually wasn't uncomfortable, not even in the littlest of ways. And definitely not because he was touching my thigh. Hell, I wore his boxers around my area just a few days ago. But this was against my idea of being bi-curious and I didn't want to buy it. I wasn't ready to buy it. 

"I really don't understand what you're talking about," I gulped, fluttering my eyelashes nonchalantly. The amount of lies I had told in less than a minute was enough to fill a jar and make my nose grow in length.

"Okay then," he sighed, out of frustration this time. "I don't want you to think you've to open up just because I opened up to you. If you don't want to talk, that's fine. But I want you to know that I just want to help."

Alleviating the weight of the rock lunged in my throat by taking deep breaths, I sent Mako a quick smile before looking away. I couldn't hold eye contact with him due to all the lies I'd been spewing. 

"Thanks, but I'm fine."

He drew his shoulders up and spread his hands in surrender, "Okay then." Standing up, he looked down at me while straightening his shirt, "Well, I'm gay and I'm happy that I confronted the issue when I did. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm right here," he promised and started walking back inside towards the elevator. 

Just then, a truck of thoughts crashed in my head and I realised I was just showing utter stupidity at the moment. Mako had just come out to me, this was probably the one thing I needed right now; a friend who would completely understand me. He'd just shown that he could help me understand myself better and by doing so, I would solve more than half of my problems. If not virtually all of them. 

By doing so, maybe, just maybe, Casper would not be able to torment me anymore because then I'll be sure and proud of whatever I might turn out to be—gay or otherwise. I couldn't let this once in a lifetime opportunity pass me by.

"Wait!" I called out hastily, making him halt in his steps and turn around to face me. "Please hold on," I spoke more collectedly this time. 

My eyes dwelled on him as he flounced back to the egg chair beside mine. He bounced back into the chair, making it dangle joyfully. "So?" He asked, smiling expectantly. 

"I do need help," I admitted, my facial expression softening as my mouth curled into a frown. 

Mako couldn't stop himself from laughing the next second. His hearty laughter—soft and genuine—filled the air with positive energy. There was no room for awkwardness but I was dying of sheer embarrassment. I'd just told him some minutes ago that I was alright, now I'd broken down into a needy kid. 

"I can't… sorry, it's just…" he couldn't make a complete sentence without laughing. After he'd successfully controlled his laughter, he brought his gaze to rest on me for a short while. "Cutie," he muttered, "You do need help, but most importantly, you need to be happy." 

"I am trying to be happy," I mentioned, stressing on the point.

"Sweetie, you can't be happy without accepting yourself. You'll only hate yourself even more," he explained, placing his hand gently on my lap once again.

"I don't even know what to accept," I confessed, letting my expression fall into whatever I felt inside which was thorough confusion and embarrassment.

"What do you think you are? Gay? Bisexual? Pansexual? Demisexual?" He listed, helping me out. 

"Bi-curious," I stated dryly. 

"I'm sorry what?" His eyebrows puckered and he burst into laughter again. 

This time, he was laughing at me and my stupidity and only God knows how red I was in the face because I felt hot all over. I was drowning in my own gawkiness. 

"I'm sorry but what does that even mean?" He crowed with the last sound of laughter in his voice. I opened my mouth to explain my favourite go-to term to always get away from a discussion about my sexuality, but he cut me off and continued. "I mean, I know what it means, it's just funny hearing you say that. Is that what you've been deceiving yourself with?" 

"Pretty much, yes," I confirmed with a deadpan expression. 

"That must be stressful, but most importantly unhealthy for the brain," he giggled, placing quick taps on my lap before relaxing in his chair and turning it to face me fully now. I did the same, so we were both looking right at one another. "How do you feel about boys?" He intertwined his fingers and placed his both hands on his stomach like a therapist during a therapy session.

When I frowned at his posture, he simply raised an eyebrow at me, urging me to speak with a smug grin.

Looking past his whimsical posture, I played along. "Well, I'm attracted to them, mightily, I must add." 

"And what about girls?" 

"Had a couple relationships in highschool and I feel sorry for the girls I dated, I felt nothing for them," I unloaded that information on him and he tittered. 

"Well, that's unfair," he tried so hard to stop himself from laughing fully. "What about people in general, do you feel you might be attracted to both boys and girls, and those girls you dated in highschool might not have been your type of girls."

"If there are types of girls then I'm still yet to find the type I'm attracted to. It's just boys, for now, at least," I explained.

"And there we have it. You're gay, Oliver what's-your-last-name," he cheered, pretending to write down in a note. 

"Ugh," I groaned, rolling my eyes at the way he was joking with this. 

"No, no, jokes apart. I'm being serious," his voice grew firm now and he schooled a straight face. "You're gay. You need to accept yourself and find your rainbow." 

"I am?" I muttered under my breath, uncertain. 

"Yes, you are. And I think you already have a crush on Khalid, but lately I've been getting bad vibes from the both of you. Side note: I used to find you two absolutely adorable," he giggled then continued, "What happened between you two?" 

"I kissed him," I blurted after a short while of silence. 

"Oh my goodness," he gasped, placing a hand over his mouth. "That is news! Wow! So this much is happening in lighthouse and I've no idea!" He exclaimed.

Taking a deep breath to stop myself from getting emotional over the issue, I squeezed my eyes shut before explaining further. 

"It was a shit show, believe me. We've not spoken since then and I've been hurting, both emotionally and physically. The hardest part is getting over him, I just can't seem to go a whole day without wishing I still had him as a friend, at least. He's always in my head," I related, gesturing with my hands. 

"Oh honey, I'm so sorry," Mako sympathised after hearing my story. "It's never easy getting over a crush, I'm a living witness."

"I know," I squealed, "This is not the first time I'm having a crush on a guy, but this is the hardest I've fallen. This is more than just a crush. I swear, I fell for more than just Khalid's physical appearance, I fell for his loving personality and the way we easily opened up to each other about really personal matters. I miss those times," I moaned, my voice laced with bleakness. 

"Wow, it seems this is more intense than I thought," Mako realised.

"It's even more intense than I thought," I stated, letting out a short dry laugh. 

"I've observed Khalid and I swear I can't say or deduce anything about his sexuality, he's like a blank page. I'm sorry to tell you, but you fell for one of those guys and now you're suffering."

"I am suffering," I confirmed, sinking into my chair. Keeping eye contact with Mako wasn't difficult anymore and every nerve I'd racked up had settled now, I was so comfortable discussing this with him. 

"You just need to accept yourself first, that's the most important right now. I'm sure there are numerous boys who would fall head over heels for you. I mean, look at you, you're dashing and everything nice," he teased, gesturing at me. 

"Oh, please stop," I brushed it off. 

"No, I'm serious. I mean it. You'll have boys at your doorstep, literally and figuratively," he laughed and I rolled my eyes. "I think we need to work on your confidence," he started, "How about you follow me to Damian's today? Obviously I'm spending my break with my boyfriend. I want you to follow me so Damian will talk to you like he talked to me when I first figured myself out. Actually he's the first boy I've fallen in love with, more like he brought me out of my shell. I think he can help you as well. He's very wise, I must confess, and I'm not saying this because he's the best person on earth, I mean it." 

I just sat here and watched him brag about his boyfriend, blinking blankly. 

"So back to my question, will you follow me to his place today?" 

"I don't know, I'm not sure. I mean, I did tell Kevin to come spend the break with me. I can't disappoint," I argued, recalling that Kevin was supposed to come over for the early weekend. 

"Oh, your twin brother Kevin who also can't handle his liquor," he recollected the incident at the party. 

"We can handle our liquor just fine, thank you," I objected, pursing my lips. 

"Sure you both can," he replied sarcastically, nodding his head at me. "Anyway, you can just tell him to come over tomorrow, I'll drive you back tomorrow," he informed, urging me to reconsider.

"Wait what? I'll spend the night?" I shrieked, shocked by the implication of what he'd just said. 

"Of course you will. You didn't think I was going to let you come back today. You deserve to be around your kind of people, you deserve to be happy," he countered, beaming at me. 

Looking right into his eyes and seeing the genuine concern he had for me, I couldn't be more grateful than I already was for having him in my life. 

"I suppose I can tell him to postpone till Friday," I mused, smiling back at him and making sure my eyes spoke my heart. 

"Of course you can!" He whooped triumphantly. "I was planning on leaving this morning, if that's fine by you?" 

"Yeah, sure. I don't have anything to do, anyway," I answered.

"Yes!" He squealed, clapping his hands. "Let's get ready and be off then?" 

"That we should do," I approved, hanging my headset around my neck and standing up. He did the same.

Throwing an arm over my shoulder and pulling me closer as a familiar gesture, we walked side by side. It was so easy for him to hold me this way because he was taller than I was—everyone was taller than me. The morning wasn't so young anymore, some of the students in the dorm were already heading to the pool in swimming shorts and bikinis while the rest just hung around. 

"I love your pyjama overall, by the way. Those bunny ears? I approve. It's adequately gay," he joked, placing a kiss on one of the ears. 

"Mum got it for me," I announced, smiling from ear to ear. I didn't even care that some of the students could see Mako and I, all touchy and lovey-dovey. 

"Of course she did. She knows her son even more than he knows himself," he teased again. 

"Pyjama overalls are not gay, though. Don't stereotype," I cautioned him, gently nudging him with my elbow.

"No, it's not. But in this case it royally is," he snickered.

We walked side by side till we took the elevator to the fourth storey then went to our seperate rooms to get ready. I was beyond ecstatic, not only was I going to see Damian again, but I was going to see him without a mask on. 

Coupled with the new revelation of him being in a relationship with Mako, I was so excited to see him again. I was also anticipating his oh-so-great words of wisdom. Mako had done a good job with the hype.

* * *

I had a quick breakfast before taking a shower. After that, I packed a small bag. A really small bag this time. I did not over pack like the last time I went over to Mason's. Moreover, I was just spending one night. Over-packing wasn't a nice idea. I did, however, take some chocolate bars with me because there was no way I could have dinner without chocolate. 

Going over to the girls' room, I simply told them I was heading out and I won't be back until tomorrow. Jess didn't seem so interested in this news, hell, she seemed annoyed by it. Yadiri was the only one who responded. They probably thought I was going over to Mason's again and I let them think so. 

Making long conversations as to why I was going over to Damian's with Mako was too stressful for me at the time. I also didn't have the luxury of time to explain because Mako was already waiting for me downstairs. I shortly joined him and we took a shuttle bus over to Damian's. 

Somehow, his neighbourhood managed to impress me all over again despite being awed by it once already. His dorm did a lot more than impress me. 

On getting to his flat, I realised so many changes had been made. Some parts of the immaculate white walls now had colourful designs spread across the smooth surface, running from the ceiling down to the floor. He had gotten a home theatre system, placing the two loudspeakers on each side of the plasma television. 

There were so many other changes—glow ups, to be more accurate—but these were the striking few that caught my eyes. And then there was Damian, looking as bright as ever, welcoming Mako and I. 

He seemed a bit surprised to see me. Apparently, Mako hadn't informed him beforehand so I was his big surprise. 

We spent the rest of the morning and the whole afternoon talking about random things whilst uncontrollably munching on all kinds of junk food. Damian did like his junk food and it was in abundance here in his flat. 

Evening finally came around. Since we'd been eating junk all day, Mako decided to make real food for us and I offered to help. He allowed me to help and I didn't fail to show him that I knew my way around the kitchen, nulling his initial claims of me being a bad cook. 

After eating, Mako and I took the plates to the kitchen to get them cleaned. I also helped clean up a few things we used to prepare the food. 

"Are you ready for the talk?" Mako chipped in when I finished bragging about how much of the good cook I actually am.

"Yeah. I've been ready since morning, honestly," I chuckled, putting the skillet and the bowl away. 

"I'm sure it's been so much for you to hold inside," Mako affirmed, nodding his head. "I mean, you're just looking at Damian and I can tell you want to scream; "I know you're Mako's boyfriend!"," he silently screamed, cupping his face with his hands. 

"Not entirely," I chortled, cleaning my hands with a cloth. "I can control myself."

"Well, there's no need to control yourself anymore. Let's go have this very much needed talk," he proclaimed and gently pulled me out of the kitchen, taking us back into the living room. 

Damian was already scrolling through Netflix, looking for a good show or a movie for us to watch. 

"Babe, could you suspend that?" Mako requested with the sweetest voice and Damian visibly twitched. 

Darting his gaze towards Mako who sat beside me on the same sofa we sat on the last time I was here, he widened his eyes at him and raised an eyebrow, as if cautioning him. Damian sat comfortably on the one seater just beside ours. 

"It's fine, he knows," Mako revealed, laughing at Damian's discreteness. 

"Really?" His countenance turned into surprise as he brought his gaze to meet mine. 

Fiddling with my hands, I shyly looked away and brought my gaze to rest on my nervous, now slightly sweaty hands. 

"Yeah, really. And guess what, he really is gay," Mako's voice rose with excitement as he said the last part. 

Damian let out a surprised laugh at the realisation before softly muttering, "I knew it." 

That got my attention. "Wait, what?" I giggled nervously, raising an eyebrow at him. "Have you guys been talking about me?"

"Kind of, yes. Sorry," Damian apologised, pouting.

"From the first time I saw you, I just knew. of course, I couldn't tell for sure and that's one of the reasons I told you to come over a month ago; so Damian could see you," Mako explained reassuringly. 

"Oh," I mumbled. "And when you saw me you also thought the same?" I directed my question to Damian this time, looking right at him. He wasn't scary or anything. Matter of fact, he looked a lot more approachable than many other people I've met in Denberg, despite his tattoos—which were beautiful, by the way. 

"No offence, but I knew you were gay. At least bisexual or something along the other side of the spectrum. It was just… showing," he drew his shoulders up, gesturing with his hands. 

"Wow." This wasn't news for me but it was still big, I was beginning to wonder how this was so. Tarek had told me the same thing at the party. "But I don't look it, do I?" I worried, frowning.

"Babe, are you scared?" Mako burst out laughing, nudging my arm. 

"No, not really," he answered and I deepened my frown. "Okay, no, you don't," Damian snickered, holding out his hand. "You only look queer to those who know what queer looks like. That is, those who understand," he clarified. "Has anyone told you this before?"

"A few times. The most recent one was a guy at the freshman party," I answered, recalling Tarek for a split second. If he hadn't gone and done that, I wouldn't always cringe every time I remembered my encounter with him. It was a fun experience.

But he had. So recalling the incident of that night always made my stomach coil. 

"Was he queer?" Damian asked. 

"Yes, actually. He was."

"Hence reinforcing my point. You don't have anything to worry about," he relieved me of my worries. "So you know Mako and I are in a relationship then?" He continued after watching me visibly relax. 

"Yes, I do!" I squealed, "And it's already so cute to imagine. I can't believe it's actually true," I beamed, looking from Mako, who had a proud smirk on his face, to Damian. 

"Well, thank you," Damian gushed. "It's been three years now."

"Three years?!" I shrieked in disbelief, staring wide-eyed at the both of them. 

"Yes, three years. We've been dating since Mako came out which was three years ago," he informed me, amused by my reaction. 

"Three years is a long time," I mused, taking my eyes to Mako who just sat there and watched me converse with his boyfriend.

"It's not when you're with the person you really_ love," he countered, dismissing Mako who cooed at him. "So when did you know you were gay?" He asked me

"He didn't," Mako laughed derisively, "Or maybe he did, but was running away from it, guising it under being bi-curious," he garbled the last word.

"What?" Damian joined him to share the laugh. 

"I know, right? You can imagine that," he continued mocking me. 

"I was though!" I protested, shoving him. "I was bi-curious at the time."

"Yeah, you were. But you were also in denial of the fact that you liked boys and only boys," Mako shot back.

"I wasn't ready," I admitted.

"Oh babe, are you ready now?" He pouted, but I could tell he was just making fun of me again and I shoved him. 

"Stop!" I screeched. 

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry," he begged when I continued attacking him but he couldn't stop laughing. 

It was funny, anyway. I was a funny case. At least my denial was up until now.

"He just needed a little help, thankfully you were there for him," Damian stated, a content smile on his face. "How did you both even start the conversation?" 

"I confronted him about it," Mako let out with a plain voice which made Damian gasp and place a hand over his mouth.

"You've balls!"

"I told you I was gonna do it," Mako shrugged, wearing a bold smile. "He currently has a crush on a guy in our dorm, so I used that against him."

"Oh, he's still crushing on straight guys?" Damian whined, faking a sad face before turning to me. "Honey, if you keep crushing on straight guys, you're going to die of heartbreak, believe me. That shit is torture. You need to stop." 

"I know," I agreed with a familiar heavy sigh, but I refused to let that weigh me down. Not now. I was in the midst of one of the best sets of people I've met so far in Denberg. 

"We're not sure if he's straight, though. We're also not sure if he's anything else," Mako voiced a bittersweet laugh. "Either way, Olly has already gotten his heart broken. But I'm sure he'll be fine, he'll find someone who will love him."

"And people who will just want to shag and screw him," Damian added idly. 

"Babe!" Mako cautioned.

"What? It's true. I mean, look at him, he's the people's choice," Damian shrugged defensively, motioning at me. 

"You're right, though," Mako admitted. 

"Not helping," I blankly stated and they started laughing. 

We continued discussing the topic for nearly two more hours, Damian had a whole lot to say. He told me all about his struggles coming out and how he started boxing and working out religiously because he used to be bullied for being gay back in highschool. 

Amongst everything, he had a lot of advice for me. Mako was right, Damian's wisdom was admirable. Instead of watching something on Netflix, Damian decided we watch something LGBT themed to help me understand better. 

After much contemplation, we chose to see Milk and Prayers For Bobby. Milk was the first movie we saw and I thought that was already depressing enough, but Prayers For Bobby just threw me deeper into depression. 

This wasn't the first time they'd seen these movies but they cried with me. We all cried ourselves to sleep. That would've been funny from the outside but after seeing these movies, I was thankful for life, I really was. I was also grateful I wasn't suicidal and I'd come this far, far enough to have someone like Mako in my life. 

They slept in the master's bedroom and I took the visitor's room, alone. The thought of Khalid only made me shed more tears. This was so because these movies had already plunged me deep into my emotions, I could not escape this. I could not avoid wishing Khalid was the one for me.  That had been my belief for sometime, just before I gave up on him—on us. 

That was one more night of sleep-crying, all thanks to being rejected by Khalid. Granted, it might've been tears of joy. I had finally learnt to accept myself for who I really was, thanks to these beautiful people. I'd stopped feeling so insecure about my sexuality, I'd embraced it instead. 

Looking at Mako and Damian who stopped hating themselves and came out a long time ago, I saw genuine happiness. I wanted to feel that level of happiness, I needed to feel that happy. I deserved a little bit of happiness even though I wasn't going to get it from Khalid. 

I felt renewed, I felt safe, I felt blessed for having friends like Mako and Damian.

*  *  *

They both woke up long before me the next day—Friday. The smell of something cooking woke me up. Brushing my teeth and splashing water on my face, I left the room and walked to the kitchen. Mako was setting breakfast in the little space which was the dinning room and Damian was… wearing an apron!? It was a bit funny to look at. 

"Good morning," I yawned, rubbing my eyes and taking a seat at the table. 

"Good morning, cutie," Mako greeted, still setting plates on the table. 

"You know you can drop the 'cutie' now, right? You've figured out that I'm gay and I've accepted that I am," I giggled, waving at Damian who yelled my name from the kitchen just ahead. 

"That's even more reason for me to hold on to it; because you finally came out of your shell and accepted your colours. That makes you an actual cutie," he argued, using a tablecloth to grab the handle of the frypan and distributed the eggs. 

"Oh well, you've made up your mind. Who am I to refuse," I surrendered. 

"Exactly. Just accept that you're a cutie," he praised with a teasing smirk. 

Ridding himself of the apron around his neck and above his shirt, Damian approached the dining table with the rest of breakfast; bacon, fried bread, and avocado. Mako did a good job dishing out the rest while Damian poured orange juice into our cups. 

To my surprise, Damian said a quick prayer when we all settled down to eat. 

"I was just telling Damian how I might get chosen to perform at the concert events for the end of semester celebrations this year," Mako started, cutting his food into edible sizes. 

"Oh my God, really?! That's huge, right?" I asked, passing the food down with a sip of my drink. 

"It is huge and that's why I'm not sure about it yet. Recruiters attend these concerts so they only put the best up there. You know, those who are likely to be scouted because of their striking talent," he explained further. 

"What makes you think you're going to get selected to play at the concert?" I asked, a bit unsure after everything he'd just said. 

"What do you mean "what makes him think"? Have you heard my baby sing?" Damian defended his boyfriend, gesturing with his table knife. 

"Just an innocuous question," I leant back. Unable to control the smile that spread across my face, I raised my hands up and signalled defeat. 

"I'm just kidding," Damian reassured me with a smile. "But for real, Mako has the best male voice I've heard."

"Thanks babe," Mako smiled at him then blew him a kiss. 

If I thought Shirley and Chris were smitten with each other, Damian and Mako were on another level of smitten. Their relationship enamoured the part of me which craved to be in a happy relationship as well. 

"Well, apparently," Mako continued, "I'm one of the best guitarists in the first year music department, and one of the best male vocals in the music club, so yeah. But that's not why I feel I might get selected, they narrowed us down to just fifteen recently. Five out of us will get selected so that's the reason why I think I might get selected," he elaborated, leaving us all dumbfounded. 

Damian was the first to speak, "Okay, first off, you being among the top fifteen is already enough achievement," he chirped while clapping. 

"It is, but I really want to perform at the concert. I want to get scouted," Mako mentioned, slightly pouting.

"Have you completely overcome your stage fright?" Damian asked calmly, concerned. 

"Not completely, but I really need to do this. It's a huge stepping stone for me if I want to pursue a career in music," Mako sipped from his juice. 

I just sat there, stuffing my face with food while watching them talk about their big dreams and the big things they strive to accomplish, disappointed in myself. 

"You guys are the ones with big plans and then there's me; sad and heartbroken by a straight boy who doesn't give a care in the world about me," I scoffed, a rueful grin tugging at my lips. 

"Oh baby," Mako fretted, reaching across and taking my hand in his. "You just discovered yourself, give it sometime."

"Believe it or not, so many things will keep seeming unclear to you until you're clear on your sexuality. You just achieved that, so trust me, you're on your own path to greatness," Damian reassured. "Oh and one more thing," he quickly continued, "Please stop crushing on straight guys. It's bad for your skin," he tried to reason with me, shaking his head and wearing a concerned frown. 

"It really is," Mako seconded, chortling with a hand over his mouth. 

"Noted," I breathed and continued eating.

We spent the rest of breakfast discussing about how accepting most of the students in the music club were. Mako did have a lot to say about them. He also talked about a transgender female in the club as well. 

The music club and the department as a whole sounded like an ideal place to be. The only problem was that my singing voice wasn't, in any way, unique or outstanding. It was very similar to my normal voice which also wasn't unique or outstanding. 

I took a shower and packed my things afterwards. Returning to the living room, I realised Damian was, once again, ransacking Netflix for a good movie. 

"I'll be leaving before four," I announced, taking a seat on the one seater since Mako and Damian were cuddled up on the long sofa. "Just dropped off from a call with Kevin, he'll be coming over by six. I've to arrange my room and prepare for his arrival."

"Oh my God, you're not spending the whole weekend?" Damian exclaimed, gaping at me. "He's not spending the whole weekend?" He directed the question to Mako this time. 

"No, he's not. His twin brother is coming over to his place," Mako answered, idly caressing Damian's chest. 

"He's a twin?" Damian wondered, a puzzled look on his face. 

"No, just kidding. It's this nerdy coursemate of his. You need to see them together, they look like two mischievous lads. He's a good guy," Mako concluded, still doing whatever he felt like to his boyfriend's muscled chest.

I tried to look away, but I couldn't. 

"Oh," Damian nodded and took his eyes back to the television. "I hope Olly is not going to crush on him."

"No! God no!" I shrieked, stopping him before he could say anything else. "Just like Mako said, he's actually like a brother to me. A twin brother, if you wish. We actually make some gay jokes," I laughed, recalling the countless times we've talked about crying into each other's chest and cuddling ourselves to sleep afterwards, "But it's just that: a joke." 

We decided to watch something very bright and cheerful this time, since last night was for the incredibly sad and sorrowful. We saw To All The Boys. P.S. I Still Love and A Whisker Away. I was shocked to find out Damian enjoyed animé as well, but he was greatly selective about it.

He loves Naruto and doesn't know what to think of Dragon Ball, just like that. I couldn't blame him, though I loved both of them.

Watching these movies with them, whilst freely expressing my opinion on the characters, it felt like all those times Jess, Yadiri, and I would spend hours watching reality TV shows. I felt so comfortable around these two, I truly couldn't overemphasise that. 

When the last movie finally came to an end, I started complaining and pestering Mako to go prepare because I was running out time. Left to these two, they could watch TV till 10 p.m and the only thing that would force them to move a muscle would be hunger. Not just any hunger, though. Severe hunger for junk.

Mako rushed inside to change so he could drive me back just like the last time I was here. He came out in a blink of an eye and I started to wonder how he changed so fast, only realising he just wore very loose sweatpants and a big polyester sweater above his nightshirt. 

"Yeah, let's go," he huffed, interrupting my small talk with Damian and swinging the car key in his hand. 

"Alright!" I exhilarated, shooting up from the sofa and hanging my bag comfortably on my shoulders. "See you sometime soon, Damian," I beamed down at him. 

"I hope to see you soon, darling. And I'm not joking about that," he threatened with a fake glare. 

"Sure, I'll try my best," I giggled. "It was such a pleasure talking with you… about everything. Thank you so much." 

"The pleasure is mine, you absolute gemstone. Get out of here before I start shedding tears at how much you've grown," he waved his hands in the air while slumping into the sofa with a pout. 

"Okay fine," I chuckled and walked around to join Mako in walking to the door.

Damian shortly sprung up and joined us.

"Oh, quick question, I hope you don't mind," I stopped and turned to face Damian who followed behind, scuffling, with both of his hands stretched out on Mako's shoulders. 

"Don't be shy, shoot," he abruptly halted Mako and pulled him closer so he could hang and arm around his neck. 

"I've feeling the tattoos on your four fingers spell Mako," I voiced, pointing at the hand with the tattoos. 

"Oh this," he held it up and examined it, "It actually does." 

"Really?!" I chirped, displaced by the news. I really didn't have an answer in my head, but hearing him clear things up for me was mind-blowing. 

"Yep," he popped his lips. "M.A for Mako, R.O for Roman, my middle name. So the tattoo actually spells out our ship name: Maro. But you're right to think it spells Mako." 

"Oh my goodness, that is borderline adorable. How happy are you guys," I cooed over their relationship for what felt like the billionth time now, yet I couldn't say it enough. 

"I know, right?" Damian approved with a smile, flaunting the tattoo proudly but Mako sighed audibly and rolled his eyes. "Apparently, a certain someone thought it was a little too extra," he garbled the last few words, peering at Mako from the side of his eyes. 

"Babe, you already had too many tattoos and now this one. I think you were just looking for reasons to get more tattoos," Mako chided without much effort. His soft voice had a tired tone to it. He sounded like he'd given up on trying to stop Damian from getting more tattoos.

"My skin is a canvas. Every skin is a canvas," Damian argued, shoving his index finger in Mako's face. 

"That's what that tattooist keeps telling you," Mako squirmed and freed himself from Damian's grip. 

"That's not only what he tells me," Damian teased with a smirk, wiggling his eyebrows at Mako.

"Oh, I'm so going to kill somebody," Mako huffed, scowling at the look on Damian's face. 

"I hope that person is not my tattooist, I might want to get more tattoos in the future. I'm thinking of getting your face tattooed on my forehead," he snickered, stroking his forehead.

Mako gasped, "Don't even," he warned with a stern tone. 

"Whatever you say, babe," Damian curtsied and went in to hug Mako again. 

"Ah, get off," Mako yelped, darting towards the door and escaping just before Damian could grab him. "I'll be back in a jiffy," he informed Damian shortly. "Meet me by the car, Olly," he called from outside.

"I should get going now," I stated, motioning at the door. 

"Of course you should. Welcome to the family, Oliver. And congratulations on finding your rainbow!" He exclaimed, spreading his hands and gesturing a hug. 

I didn't hesitate to smash myself into his chest and let him hold me, at least for a moment. And for that split moment, I felt all kinds and colours of happiness. 

"Thank you," I mumbled into his chest just before he released me. 

"Okay, get going now. Mako will realistically drive to Lighthouse and drive back without you, he's crazy like that," he informed, gently pushing me to the door. 

"Thanks again," I gushed once more. 

"Yeah, yeah, go!" He ordered after I stepped out. "See you soon," he added before gently closing the door. 

Looking around for which direction to go because I truly couldn't remember, I hastened to join Mako who was waiting for me at the end of the hallway. 

The drive back was spent talking about a topic I was silently very much interested in; actual sexual intercourse. But we didn't go too deep into detail since the drive was short. 

Pulling up just in front of the gate, he unlocked the doors and turned off the car. 

"Remember the last time I dropped you off?" Mako started.

"Yeah, you were staring at me like you could see my soul," I recalled. "That scared me a lot."

"I actually wanted to kiss you then because I was way too eager to find out, but then I realised that would be too vulgar of me and it would most definitely scare you away. So with patience, I tried a different approach and it paid off," he explained with a content smile spread across his face. 

"Woah," my eyes widened and my mouth fell open, "Imagine if you did," I pondered. 

"It would've been a disaster," he answered, laughing at the catastrophe that could've been. "Damian was strongly against it, anyway. He was like I can't go around kissing everyone I think could be gay no matter how strong the signal is."

"Damian is wise," I mumbled. 

"He is wise," Mako agreed. "But I seriously can't believe you didn't figure me out yourself, I purposely wore a crop top the last time you came," Mako vented. 

"I noticed, but I tried not to think about it! Don't blame me. I already had a lot on my mind." 

"You really did," Mako admitted, biting his lower lip while looking at me with compassionate eyes. "I hope we've eased you of your burdens, even if it's just a little."

"It was more than a little," I corrected, placing a hand over his, "And I'm so grateful."

"Okay then, off with you," he dismissed the stir of cheesiness rising in the air. "I need to go have some of that actual intercourse with Damian," he winked at me and I yelled when the message he was passing across finally became clear. 

"Oh my God, please don't put images in my head," I protested, covering my ears and shaking my head. 

"You better not have images of us in your head," he warned, laughing at my inexperience. 

"Well, then don't put them there! Jesus Christ!" I squealed and opened the door, getting down from the car. 

"See you on Sunday, Olly," he pitched, waving at me. 

"Sure, Sunday," I bent down a bit, looking through the window, I waved back just before he turned on the engine and drove off. 

Retrieving my Lighthouse ID card from my bag, I brought out a chocolate as well. I pressed on the Hosmart System and identified myself before the side gate entrance slid open for me to enter. 

Waving at the security guard with the Belgian or German accent who was actually ready to start a conversation with me, I sprinted past him and towards the lift while munching on the chocolate in my hand. I needed to arrange my room against Kevin's arrival, it had to be in perfect shape and ready for him. 

The thought of saying a quick hi to the girls crossed my mind, but I didn't have much time for that, so I left it for later, opening my door and entering my room at once. I was way too ecstatic to give them the good news but that good news could wait. The good news wasn't going anywhere, anyway. But Kevin's respect for me was going to fly out the window if he met my room in its current condition.

I threw my bag into my wardrobe while looking around and thinking of ways to quickly arrange my room. My shoes were almost all over the place and my desk was nothing to write home about, covered with layers of solving sheets of paper. I didn't get the chance to do much because then my door swung open and a fuming Jess stormed in. 

Yadiri shuffled behind her, it looked like she was trying to calm her down. But for what exactly? Why was she so angry? Gently closing the door in contrast to the way Jess pushed it open, Yadiri voiced a quick greeting before trying to reason with Jess again, but she held out her hand in her face and halted her statement.

Turning to me with a scowl gracing her facial features, Jess hissed, "Where were you?" 

The deep, unfamiliar tone in her voice made me swallow nervously without actually knowing what she was so angry about. I wondered what that could be.

"Bloody answer me, where the hell were you!?" She bellowed again.

It was then that I took full cognizance of the severity of the situation. Something serious was definitely wrong.

*  *  *

AN: this was a long chapter! (I hope you enjoyed every minute of it). It was both satisfying and fun to write, honestly! Well, I tried my best to keep you guys entertained till the next chapter.

Phew, I wonder what Jess is so mad about. *Sweats nervously*

Okay so I decided to take it slow and steady, I won't rush the end of this book so I don't mess things up. Even though it's stressing me and I'm not emotionally in a good place, I'll take a short break and return to writing because I can't stay away from Olly for long. But most importantly, I can't keep you beautiful readers waiting for too long.

I'm so glad I've the best readers here who care so much about me. I can't say just how grateful I really am. I'm talking to you, yes you, I love you so much!

Till next time loves. Stay happy, stay safe.
Love, DrillBurger (and giraffe) ♡‿♡

My baby giraffe knows what I'm talking about.