s e v e n (part two)
a year-old journal, and an apology

13 September 2023

Sara Shubman Gill. That will be my name from tomorrow. Tomorrow's my wedding. It's an evening muhurat so we're going to the court in the morning and getting married in the evening.

I can't believe I'm getting married.

I'll be sharing my life with a stranger. Not a stranger, per se. But he's certainly not the one I love. And isn't love the foundation of marriage, ideally? I don't even want to get married. Not just to him, to anybody. It's not the right time. But would it be life if everything goes according to your wishes? According to your plan?

NO.

With one signature, the dreams Bollywood showed me will come crashing down. I'll be married to Shubman tomorrow. Even he doesn't want to get married. That's the only silver lining to this marriage thingy. We both are getting married against our wishes for our families. And that's why, we could come up with a plan to maintain our individuality without disappointing our parents.

It's a simple, straightforward deal. In front of the world, we are the perfect husband and wife. The perfect lovebirds. And behind the scenes, we're just flatmates who live their separate lives. No space for love and relationships whatsoever. Maybe we'll end up being friends. And that's where we draw the line.

Perfect plan, right?

I feel bad for Shubman too, though. He doesn't seem like a man who'd be wary of romance. Alas, the prince would never have his own fairy tale with a princess. A princess who'd actually understand him, hold his hand, cherish and love him.

Someone who's thousand times a better human being and a prettier person than me.

"NO," Shubman's voice trembled slightly as he tore his eyes away from the ruled paper. There was more scribbled on the paper. But Shubman knew he shouldn't read ahead. Not when he had already committed the huge mistake of invading her privacy.

"Fuck, fuck, " he cussed under his breath, guilt weighing him down. What have I done? Goodness, can I just delete the last few moments of my life?

He stood rooted in the ground, trying to think of a way to apologise to Sara for doing something so horrible. He shut his eyes, trying to return to normalcy, his mind was hit by whirlwind of emotions.

A queer silence lingered in the room, his breathing slow and eyes blankly staring at the door in front of him. Even Shubman couldn't understand what he felt.

The sound of his phone ringing brought him to reality quite harshly as he flinched, the paper slipping away from his hand. He squealed, coming to his senses.

It was Abhishek. Again.

This time he had called to let Shubman know that he had actually found the medal.

As he hung up, the thought of Sara didn't leave, it lingered with him. It had been stressful for them, hadn't it?

His mind flashed back to the day his parents had asked him to meet Sara. He couldn't refuse. In that moment, their request seemed so trivial, so insignificant in front of all the sacrifices, all the effort they took for him.

And my god, when his eyes had been blessed by the sight of her for the first time, the idea of a marriage with her seemed ethereal...just like her entire magnetic presence. Her smile had made it seem like the idea of an actual marriage nice.

But his momentary dreams were slashed. It seemed like destiny and Sara had some different ideas. She was a completely unwilling participant and had a proposal for him.

Shubman had no reason to disagree. He had to get married to someone. Someone who'd not be there just for the fame that tagged along with him.

Okay, maybe one of the reasons why I said yes easily could be because she's got a good face. But like that was 1% of the actual reason.

He picked up the paper, and hastily kept it away in the drawer. He breathed in sharply, still thinking about what Sara had written.

He'd forgotten how Sara had gotten married against her wishes. How it was way worse for her than him. However stupid his mistake had been, perhaps it was a good reminder of her situation. Got married unwillingly, was pushed into the public eye, had to act twenty-four by seven and knew he wasn't the best flatmate. It wasn't intentional on his part, no, of course not. But, if he'd stepped in her shoes, he could understand how annoying he could get.

Maybe, I should be a better person.

A better husband, if you may.

🪷

Sara was on her laptop, like every other night. Feeling a little awkward, Shubman walked up to the bed, sitting on his side. He scratched the back of his neck, glancing at her.

Okay, say it.

He breathed in sharply, and cleared his throat, trying to catch her attention. But Sara seemed too immersed in her work as her fingers glided over the keyboard, eyes stuck on the screen. A few of her hair strands had escaped from the hairdo she'd done with a claw clip as she typed with lightning speed.

Should I talk to her later? She seems busy.

He turned around, picked up his phone from the nightstand and checked if his alarm was on. His eyelids felt heavier, threatening to drop down and embrace the peaceful dark for the next few hours.

No.

His heart felt restless, working speedier than usual. Shaking his head, he turned to face her.

Just do it. Just say it.

He cleared his throat, unfolding his blanket.

"Sara?" his voice was low, not wanting to startle her as she seemed like she was in another dimension itself.

"Sara?" he repeated and she caught his voice, abruptly halting.

"What?" she asked, stirring her head. He shut his eyes sharply for a second before speaking.

"The last few days...since my parents have arrived, they have...they have clearly been stressful, " he began and she stared at him, unable to predict what was to come. "We have unnecessarily stayed annoyed at one another and...uh, I just..." he gulped, unable to put in words what he wanted to convey. "I just...I'm sorry, " Shock was visible on Sara's face, her brows arching up and pupils dilating.

"I'm sorry. Sorry for being stupid and annoying," his voice held something that Sara couldn't put a finger on. She stayed silent, noticing he had not completed what he wanted to say.

"I'm sorry for fighting with you, I'll be better," he smiled at her and Sara felt something stir in her.

That was not how it was supposed to be. They were to throw punches at each other and forget about it, right? Wasn't that the only way they were keeping their lives separate all these days? If apologies and gratitude came into the picture...wouldn't their relationship become more...personal?

Shubman looked at her, possibly anticipating a reply from her.

Right, I should say something.

She curtly nodded, blinking her eyes a few times before finally speaking.

"It's okay Shubman. I know it gets stressful for you too," she said, her voice with a hint of reassurance. Shubman smiled at her, pulling over his blanket as lied down on the soft mattress. Sara turned to face her laptop, breathing in before resuming her work. She had to go over presentations of a new project, go over all the details and converse with the teams abroad. So much to do.

But before her fingers came in contact with the keys of the keypad, she withdrew her hands, looking at him.

"I'm sorry too, Shubman," she voiced out, her heart pounding in her chest.

"It's okay, Tendulkar," he said, smiling at her.

Sara continued the tasks at hand, yet her thoughts lingered on their conversation. Him calling her Tendulkar in this particular conversation simply meant that there was no pretence in it. The deal, the act they put up; this particular apology was just Shubman Gill saying 'sorry' to Sara Tendulkar after a fight they had. That's it.

Sounds personal enough, doesn't it?

A/N: Does this give more clarity on their relationship? Anyway, would love to know your thoughts about this! Do comment :)