CHAPTER FOUR ━━━━ END OF BEGINNING

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FIFTEEN YEARS AGO 

HA-EUN HATED THE RAIN. Against popular belief, she believed there was nothing enchanting or romantic trickling in the droplets as they forged puddles on the ground. Rain damped her clothes and made her strands of hair stick to the base of her neck. It didn't help that the girl usually forgot to take her umbrella, obliged to confront the unexpected attack of drops of water with the absence of a shield. She cursed under her breath as her foot landed in a puddle, splashing her legs and sneaking in the depth of her shoe. She sighed, shaking it vigorously, attempting to shrug off the sticky cold drowning her socks.

As the rain persisted to batter down, Ha-eun realised she had one choice left ── make a run for it. Inhaling a breath of air, she prepared herself to sprint through the pathed road. An instant away from pouncing, a hand tapped her shoulder. Her momentum shattered.

Exasperated, she swivelled around. "Yes?!" She sighed, until her eyes set on Sang-woo.

"Why are you giving me such a cold welcome?" He laughed, noticing the frown that pasted her lips. Before she could muster an explanation, he drew an umbrella out, offering it to the girl. "You look like you need it," he teased, hinting to her submersion in water.

"OH!" She leapt forward, squeezing the boy into a hug as she circled her arms around his neck. "You're the best, Sang-woo, do I ever tell you that?" She giggled, planting a kiss on his cheek affectionately.

"You don't say it nearly enough," he joked, blushing at the public display. He wasn't exactly the type to engage in such gestures. He held the umbrella over both their heads, and Ha-eun snaked her arm around his.

As eyes shadowed the pair in the pouring rain, it wasn't a surprise that rumours of the two circled around the university. They were so close, how could they not be in a relationship? (Maybe because they were both extremely stubborn and refused to confess to whatever feelings meddled in their friendship.)

Well, until that day.

"Sang-woo, I'll say it," Ha-eun nodded. "This umbrella is the best thing ever."

"Hey, if you react like this for an umbrella, I don't want to imagine your reaction when you get something actually meaningful." Sang-woo cracked. Ha-eun laughed at that, throwing her head back. The boy's eyes were glued to her, mirroring her contagious expression. "I haven't seen you in a while, what have you been doing?" He quizzed.

"It's been, like, two days. Miss me already?" Ha-eun teased. "Besides, I've been studying, this new professor had given us at least a thousand new assignments." She huffed.

"If you need help, I'll lend a hand," Sang-woo voiced, even though he knew that she was much too obstinate to admit any struggle.

"I'll keep that in mind." She lied, crossing her arms over her chest

"Come on, I'm sure you'll get through it." Sang-woo chuckled, nudging the girl.

"I will. It'll just be an enormous pain in the ass." Ha-eun scoffed. "By the way, any news of Binna?" She asked, swallowing a lump in her throat.

"Nope."

"Come on, you know she likes you. You should, like, totally go for it. Don't be scared." Ha-eun encouraged him, referring to the girl in his class that just so happened to be in love with her best-friend. Her heart clenched as she egged him on, but she didn't dwell on the reason why.

"I'm not scared," Sang-woo rolled his eyes.

"Then what's stopping you?"

"For someone smart, you really are oblivious, you know that Ha-eun?" He peered at the ground, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

Ha-eun halted in her steps, her eyebrows scrunching. "What's that supposed to mean?" She asked, her heart thumping against her chest. She wondered if he could hear it.

"What do I have to do or say for you to notice that I'm in love with you?" Sang-woo breathed, dropping the umbrella. 

Ha-eun didn't care that she was soaking. "What?"

Gazing up at the sky, he scrambled for words. Nothing came out. Ha-eun couldn't find the right thing to say either. Instead, she delicately placed her palms on his damp cheeks. A smile quirking her mouth, she locked their lips together. It was as if they were one.

"I'm kind of in love with you too," Ha-eun whispered against the kiss. Sang-woo pulled her close, looping his arms around her waist.

"That's good to know. Now, stop talking," he smirked. 

From that day on, Ha-eun had grown to be fond of the rain. In fact, she yearned for it. The girl had finally understood the romantic innuendos linked to the pouring of droplets, and the magic that flickered through each pour.

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HA-EUN JOLTED AWAKE. Pressing her trembling hand against her chest, the memories that had awakened during her sleep lapped painfully over her mind. Her gaze narrowed at both the flood of light sneaking through the crack of her curtain and the pit that rose in her stomach. A soft glow had settled through her room, and Ha-eun slid out of the warmth of her covers.

The woman hurried to slip out of her errant apartment, squeezing her jacket against her body as the breeze raised goosebumps on her skin. Her feet guided her to her usual place of visit, following the familiar pattern she engaged in every morning.

When Ha-eun usually stepped in the hospital, she didn't have to check in with the desk. With one glance at the regular employees, they recognised her immediately. She couldn't bear to watch as their mouth twisted into compassionate smiles, only telling the woman that her mother was indeed not better.

That day, hushed whispers were exchanged as she made her entrance. Her absence the morning before had been observed, and had triggered surprise amongst the locals of the hospital. It was rare ── no, impossible ── for the girl to skip on her daily check-ups.

"Kim Ha-eun!" One of the nurses called out, panting as she caught up to the girl. "Kim Ha-eun, please!"

"If you're here to tell me that my mother hasn't made any improvements, I'll spare you of the discomfort." Ha-eun sighed, twirling around in frustration. She didn't need the entire speech.

"Actually, miss, it's ── " The nurse staggered back, pity flickering over her eyes. "It's not that she's just not getting better. She's ── your mother is getting worse."

Ha-eun shook her head. "How can she be getting worse? She's in a coma." She scoffed, eyebrows knitting.

"We'll be needing to resort to new methods to extract your mother from the state she's in," the medic slowly explained, clutching her hands together.

"Okay, then. If you need my permission, you have it." Ha-eun shrugged, aggravated that the nurse was wasting her time. She came to the hospital to watch her mother, not receive the usual, depressing news.

"The thing is, those new methods require money, Kim Ha-eun." The nurse confessed, witnessing the woman's face loose its composure.

"What?"

"You see, their rate of efficiency are very high, but ── very expensive," the woman specified, aware of Ha-eun's unstable relationship with a stable income.

"And if I don't? If I don't pay?" She replied, already dreading the answer.

"I'm sorry, miss." The nurse murmured as she glanced at the ground. That was enough of an answer for Ha-eun. If the doctors didn't employ those described methods, if Ha-eun failed to come through with the required money ── her mother would not stand a chance in the face of survival. As Ha-eun deserted the hospital, she raked her brain for any alternative solutions, she was at a loss. The woman was obliged to come in money's way. Even if it meant returning to those damned games. Though, her mind was set one thing more before she dedicated herself back to those games. Ha-eun had a jacket to return.

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IT HAD BEEN TOO LONG. Ha-eun could recall the last time she had set foot in the narrow streets of Ssangmund-dong. Ten years ago, she vividly remembered storming out of Sang-woo's house, tears rimming at the corner of her eyes as she rushed out of the village ── the memories resurfacing leaving a bitter taste lingering on her tongue.

Apart from that time, only cherished souvenirs poised in her mind. Walking with Sang-woo, his arms tightened around her shoulders as she snuggled into his touch. Laughing childishly as they teased each other, strolling through the local cafés. Those moments had been the highlight of her life.

As she reminisced, the warm smell of grilled fish from a nearby stall mixed with the earthy aroma of blooming flowers that framed the winding paths tickled at her nose, and Ha-eun couldn't help but smile softly at the homey charm surrounding her. As she walked past old hanok houses and tucked-away shops, everything felt almost familiar.

"Kim Ha-eun, is ── is that you?!" Someone called, emerging from their stall.

"Mrs Cho?" Ha-eun gasped. 

Sang-woo's mother strode towards the woman, surprise flashing over her expression. She caught her hands, a smile rising on her lips at the sight of the girl. "Honey, what are you doing here?" She asked.

Not having the heart to admit the entire truth, Ha-eun peered at the ground. "Just thought it'd be nice to walk around this place. Go down memory lane, I guess."

"It's been such a long time," Mrs Cho voiced, patting the woman's cheek affectionately. "I wish you had come visit." She shared, triggering guilt inside Ha-eun's heart.

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FLASHBACK.  "What if they don't like me, Sang-woo! What then?!" Ha-eun strained as the man tugged her forward by the edge of her sleeve.

"Ha-eun, I promise that my mother will love you." He sighed, halting in his steps. "You're from SNU, you're pretty ──"

"You think I'm pretty?" Ha-eun grasped his arm.

"Stop trying to change the subject." Sang-woo flicked her nose. "You two will get along just fine."

"You don't know that." She crossed her arms over her chest, refusing to meet his glare. "I've never done the whole parent thing, okay? Can't we just reschedule?"

"No, we can't. Come on ── where's my Ha-eun and what have you done with her usual confidence?" Sang-woo taunted.

"Hey!" Ha-eun frowned. "My middle finger salutes you, you ass."

Sang-woo circled his girlfriend's head with his arm, laughing as she wriggled against his grip. He pressed a kiss on the top of her forehead, guiding her forcefully into his house. After what seemed like an eternity, she finally complied, interlinking their fingers as they walked through. Ha-eun hated admitting it, Sang-woo had been right. Her mother had loved her, and so had she.

━

"I'm sorry, I've just been busy." Ha-eun admitted, gaze shifting to the woman's stand. A few pictures sat on her register, and the woman's heart swelled as one of them was of Ha-eun and Sang-woo, at SNU. He was carrying her as she thrust her arms in the air, wide grins beaming on both their expressions. "I've missed you, Mrs Cho."

"So have I. I ── I truly think you and Sang-woo were perfect, you know that? He was so sad after you left, I had never seem him like that." The woman confided, catching Ha-eun peering at the picture. "I never understood why you two never got married. Now, he's off in America ──"

"America?"

"Yes, dear. On some business trips." Mrs Cho stated, pride lacing her words.

"Oh, impressive," Ha-eun nodded, all too aware that that was not the case. Though, she was reminded of why she had come to this place. "Mrs Cho, it was wonderful to see you, but I have to go." She whispered.

"Of course, dear. Just ── just make sure to come again, okay?" The woman bowed, cracking a soft smile.

"I will, I will," Ha-eun ensured, before walking away, blaming herself for having forgotten about the elderly woman, about the ties to her past. She also wondered where Sang-woo was hiding, considering that he was supposed to be in the United States closing whatever deal.

Ha-eun let her feet guide her throughout the streets of the town, until she reached the spot of Ssangmund-dong she had dwelled the most at. It was nothing special ── a piece of rubbish. A secluded wall, decorated with cheap graffiti marks and dust hanging on the bricks. If you paid attention, though, a couple had carved their initials into the wall, vowing themselves to a life of unconditional love. S+H. 

At her destination, Ha-eun crept down to her knees, her fingers gently grazing the wall.

"Ha-eun?!" Gi-hun exclaimed. Ha-eun twisted around, pouncing on her feet as she noticed Sang-woo and Gi-hun, both looming curiously over her.

"What ── what are you doing here?" Sang-woo quizzed.

"I wanted to get out." She stated, brushing the dust off her jeans.

"Get out of ...?" Gi-hun's eyebrows knitted.

"Out of my home, out of the streets I live in." Ha-eun tried to remain as vague as possible, not having the heart to admit that she wasn't well, and craved fresh air in the midst of tragedy and sorrow.

"Oh, that's nice!" Gi-hun grinned, digging into his pockets. "Want one?" He offered the two, extending his packet of cigarettes. Sang-woo failed to hear the question, his gaze trained on the woman in front of him. "Uh, Sang-woo?" Gi-hun awkwardly patted his shoulder, breaking him from his trance.

"Yes, sure." He shook his head, accepting one of the cigarettes.

"I told you to quit smoking, it's bad for your health," Ha-eun frowned as he lit the tip of the roll-up.

"Times are tough." He muttered, staring at the ground. Though, when she looked away, he plucked the cigarette from his lips, stubbing it to the floor.

"So, how's your business trip to America going?" Ha-eun commented, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Very funny."

"Yeah, Sang-woo, why'd you lie to your mother? Was it because of your debt?" Gi-hun interrogated. "Come on, you're still the pride and joy of Ssangmund-dong, the genius that made it into SNU Business School. You'll make a fresh start, so go tell your mom!"

"Just make ... six billion won?" Sang-woo sighed.

"Six billion?!" Ha-eun echoed. "I thought they said six hundred million won."

"They don't know everything there is."

Gi-hun opened his mouth, ready to reply, before a buzzing sound rung in the air, shifting his focus. He yanked out his phone, frowning as he stared at the screen. "It's my mom. Probably about to yell at me for whatever reason again." He complained. "I have to go."

Ha-eun stifled a laugh at his desperation. "Don't take it for granted," she advised, though he was too distracted to catch on the spoken words. He hastily waved goodbye, gluing his phone to his ear. "Is he always like this?" Ha-eun snickered.

"Yes. Always," Sang-woo confirmed, the hint of a smile sitting on the corners of his mouth. His smirk faded though, as he shifted his gaze to Ha-eun. "How's your mother? I've been meaning to ask."

"Same old, same old." Ha-eun sighed, slumping down next to him.

"Meaning?" His eyebrows knitted, peering at the girl curiously.

"Meaning she's still in that damn coma," she replied, kicking a pebble on the ground. "It's been ten whole years. But guess what? Even in that coma, she's getting worse. The universe may not always play fair, but at least it's got a hell of a sense of humour."

"Ha-eun."

"Mhm?"

"I would have been there for you, I hope you know that," Sang-woo hummed, wishing he hadn't killed that cigarette. "Through it all, I would have been there."

Ha-eun couldn't bear to look at him. He was obviously alluding to the reason of their separation, the moment Ha-eun had broken their commitment, preferring to go down the line of ending their relationship then caging him in her sadness. Too much success awaited him for her to struck him down that way.

"I couldn't do that to you." She mumbled softly.

"You were selfish, Ha-eun. You broke my heart and acted like what you were doing was fair." Sang-woo shook his head, running his hands through his disheveled hair.

"That's not right, you know it. You ── you were destined for greatness, and my life was a mess, I ──"

"Get off your moral high horse, Ha-eun. You took the easy way out, not caring who you left behind." Sang-woo spat.

"The easy way out?! Were you dropped on your head at birth, or something?" She croaked, trying to prevent the hint of tears threatening to spill down her cheek. "It killed me, what I did. But I didn't have a choice. I've spent the last ten years going from hospital to crappy jobs, then back to the hospital. I don't even have enough time to be depressed, Sang-woo. It ── it would have killed me even more to force you through all that. You're right, I know you would have been there. That was the problem."

Sang-woo dug his head into his hands, "Jokes on you, I ruined my future on my own."

Before she could stop herself, Ha-eun broke out in laughter. Sang-woo turned towards her, wondering if she had gone crazy. "Look at us, two past SNU students ── at the brink of financial ruin!" She exclaimed, giggles slipping out of her mouth. "Pathetic, isn't it?"

Sang-woo matched her grin. "You can cry, you know." He knew her too well to think her laugh was genuine.

"What?" She spoke between choked laughs.

"It's okay to cry." He voiced, recognising the surfacing of a breakdown. Tears puddled at her eyes, tears she tried to brush off.

He pulled her towards him, allowing her to burry her head in his chest. He carefully stroked her hair as she broke in his arms, her sobs suddenly spilling out of her lips. Ha-eun couldn't remember the last time she had wept that way, the last time she had allowed herself to let go. 

Though, in the end, that only meant one thing. Between her wretched cries, she knew she'd return to those games ── whether her life depended on it or not.