Secrets and Crushes

Jennifer.

Matapos ang nangyari kahapon dahil sa pagdating nila Joy at Ressa. It doesn't bugged me but I know Joy hates me because of Kyn. At hanggang ngayon, kinukulit pa rin ako ni Assej tungkol sa kamay ko.

"Ano ba kasi ang nangyari riyan?" nagkamot sya ng ulo.

"I already told you I punched the wall," I sighed. She doesn't believe me.

"Tsk. Hindi naman e, kamao mo dapat ang may crutch."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not asking you to believe me. I'm telling the truth."

I sound so convincing but she didn't believe me the slightest. Kapag nalaman niya ang totoong nangyari, susugurin nya ang lalaking yun.

"I don't believe you, insan."

Huminga ako ng malalim bago nagsalita. I hate being pushed to my limits. "You remember our rival gang, right?

"Yeah, are they responsible for this?"

"Oo. They were ordered to knock me down when I was looking for a proof connected to Jiemie's case."

"Paano naging konektado?"

"Noticed how those guys in the photo don't resemble any students in the campus. May isang litrato roon na iba ang kulay ng gym kaya nagpunta ako sa likod ng gym at nalamang-" I paused when kuya suddenly entered the room.

"Can you freaking knock, Kyn?!" asik ni Assej.

"Aba aba, bahay mo ba ito?"

"Kwarto mo ba ito? Alis!"

"Tigilan mo nga ko, Jhanessa," napatingin si Kuya sa akin. "Your friends are here."

"Who?" I asked.

"Jhanny and the other girl,"

Nagtinginan kami ni Assej. "I didn't know they're coming."

"Me either," tumayo ako at lumabas ng kwarto kaya't sumunod na rin si pinsan.

I saw them talking to Manang Linda saka sila natingin sa side namin.

"Bakit kayo naparito?" bungad ni Assej sa kanila.

"Mabuti nalang at andito ka rin, Jhanessa," Jam smiled. "All we have to do is wait for Jehna and Jiemie."

"So why exactly are you here?" I asked.

"We just want to kill time here. Let's tell stories and share secrets," sagot ni Jhanny.

Assej's forehead creased, she doesn't want anyone to know that she's a former gangster. That's the the number one secret we shouldn't spill. We already buried it to our graves... forever.

"Bakit naman biglaan?" nagkamot ng ulo si Assej. She's obviously anxious about this.

"Magpapahanda ako ng pagkain kay manang," I said.

"Can we help?" tanong ni Jam.

"It's okay, Jam. Sa sala muna kayo," I signed at my cousin na dalhin sila sa sala, while I stormed to the kitchen. "Manang, may snacks po ba tayo sa ref?"

"Meron, hija. Sandali at maghahanda ako."

"Tulungan na po kita."

Halos ten minutes din bago dumating sila Jiemie at Jehna kaya't sumali na rin ako sa kanila nang matapos kami ni Manang.

"Good, everyone's here. Let's start na," ani Jam.

"Okay, let's start with Jiemie," si Jhanny.

"So back in 5th grade, I had my first boyfriend," panimula niya.

"7th grade!" Jhanny exclaims. "Nagchi-chinese garter pa ko niyan, Jiemie!"

"I know I know. That's a normal reaction. Ang bata-bata ko pa para magka-boyfriend. Yet I feel happy kapag may boyfriend ako, alam mo yun, yung feeling na may isang tao na nag-aaalala sayo tapos sinisave ka sa tagu-taguan?" she giggled.

"I know that feeling," Jam smiles kaya't natingin kami sa kanya.

"That's because you have Joseph," irap ni Jhanny. "Continue."

"But here's the thing, I've changed because of a guy I truly loved. Doon ko napagtanto na iba pala kapag mature love. Masaya, walang judgment, and I thought everything is all cupcakes and rainbows, but we broke up. And I found out that he doesn't like me anymore so I don't really want to talk about it," she smiled.

"Si Kyn ba yan?" tanong ni Jhanny na walang alam. "Mahal mo yun a."

Everyone sighed in frustration. Napangiwi si Jam. "Jhanny..."

"Oh, I'm sorry," napayuko siya at tinapik si Jiemie.

Jam cuts the atmosphere and started talking. "Ako na nga lang ang susunod. Hays. I have a widowed mom. My father died in an accident a long time ago, mom told me he drowned. And my biggest secret is that I like my childhood bestfriend."

"Si Jhanny?" Assej raised a brow.

"No! Si Joseph."

"No way! You like Joseph? Bakit hindi ko yan alam, Jam?" si Jehna.

"Cause she doesn't tell anyone kahit ako hindi niya sinabihan noon," tawa ni Jhanny. "Ang panget nga ng taste kasi super manhid ni Seph."

"I know right. He doesn't even flinched everytime Cheasty and him are in the same room. You know, student council things," ngisi ni Jehna ngunit nawala iyon nang mapayuko si Jam.

"Yeah, maybe that's the reason why he doesn't like me dahil 24/7 silang magkasama ng ex niya," Jam bit her lip.

"Jehna..." Jiemie glared at her sister.

I know this is a bad idea. Napailing na lang ako.

"If ever that day comes, are you willing to sacrifice friendship over love, Jam?" tanong ni Assej.

"Handa ako sa lahat ng bagay. But if he'll reject me, hindi ko alam ang magiging reaksyon ko," Jam replies.

"You shouldn't do things you're not ready for," utas ko. "Now, Jehna you should share."

"First, may crush ako since elementary. We go to the same school noon and I did follow him here nang malaman ko na dito niya balak mag-aral. His name is Yoj Abadeo, he's one of my classmates and he doesn't know that I like him," she beamed.

"But we all know that he's a girl hater," ani Jhanny.

"I told her that, Jhanny. But she didn't listen," irap ni Jiemie.

"I have my reasons, okay. And I have hopes."

"Also, Jehna, until 7 months lang pwede magkagusto ang isang tao, kapag lumagpas na mahal mo na yung tao," ani Jam na biglang napahawak sa kanyang baba. "Does that mean I love Joseph?!"

Nasamo ni Assej ang kanyang noo. Next is Jhanny. Come to think of it wala ako masyadong alam tungkol sa kanya.

"Go on, Jhanny," siko ni Jam sa kaibigan.

"I've never told anyone about this, but when I was a kid I met this boy. Hindi ko alam ang pangalan niya because I never got the chance to asked him. Gusto siyang makita ulit. Gusto ko siyang makilala ulit," aniya. Jhanny's eyes shined while sharing.

"A boy? Saan kayo unang nagkita?" Jiemie asked.

"You mean, the kid on the playground? Yung hindi nagtagal sa neighborhood natin?" Jam asked.

"Yup. He is," she smiled.

"Hindi mo ba naalala ang mukha niya?" I asked.

"I'm sure nagmature na yun at hindi ko na makikilala pa."

"Did he gave you something? Mga bagay na alaala ng pagkakaibigan, ganun," tanong ni Jehna.

"I actually have the handkerchief. I brought it with me kasi ipapakita ko rin naman sa inyo," bumunot si Jhanny ng panyo mula sa kanyang purse. "This is the only thing I have from him. Isasauli ko sana kaso umalis sila kinabukasan, e."

Napatingin ako sa panyo at nakita ang crest na nasa labas. "Can I have this, Jhanny?"

Nagtataka silang napatingin sakin.

"Does it look familiar, insan?"

"Not really. I just... want to check the material cloth."

"Yeah sure, Jen. Tela nga pala ang business niyo," ani Jhanny. "Now it's Jen's turn."

Magsasalita na sana ako nang sumingit si manang.

"Mga hija, mag-meryenda muna kayo," nilagay niya ang cupcakes at fruit shakes sa mesa.

"Thank you po!"

Kumain kami saka nagpatuloy. "I don't have love secrets but I can share to you how I despise my stepdad. I saw him kissing other woman when I was a kid. I didn't have the guts to tell my mom. And I hate that fact," I sighed. "Dahil kapag sinabi ko-"

"Masisira ang pamilya niyo," Jiemie continued.

Natahimik sila kaya't nagsalita nako. "Now it's my cousin's turn."

She puts her food down and looked at everyone. "My secret is kinda heavy so prepare your hearts. I hope we're still friends after this."

They mumbled good words to her pero alam ko naman na magbabago ang tingin nila sa pinsan ko.

"I mean, kailangan tanggap natin ang flaws and imperfections ng bawat isa no matter what!" paalala ni Jam.

Ngumiti lang si Assej. Hindi ito maganda.

"I almost killed someone two years ago..." utas niya.

Everyone at the table got quiet. Nalaglag ang cupcake ni Jam and Jhanny's mouth opened. Shock na shock pareho si Jiemie at Jehna.

"Y-You said it's kinda heavy," si Jehna.

"It is. It's not that heavy, muntikan lang naman akong makapatay," she sighed. "Leader ako ng gang noon, may riot dun sa amin bago kami lumipat ng subdivison. Then the rival gang's leader told me that I am a killer, that I killed his brother."

"W-Who told you?" si Jiemie. "Kilala mo ba?'

"Not personally but I know that his name is Yohan. Pinatay ko raw si Nathan," her fist clinched. "I felt responsible so I visited him at the hospital. And I found out that he's just in a coma. Hindi pa pala talaga patay."

Napayuko sila, hindi alam ang magiging reaksyon.

"A-And you know this Jen?" Jam asked.

I tilted my head and sips from my shake. "She's my cousin, Jam. I know everything."

"I... can't believe this," Jehna was hyperventilating. "Are you still doing this, t-the gang thing? Sana wag kayong mag-away sa campus. Hindi ko kakayanin."

"Oh no, we dispersed a long time ago," Assej smiled. "You have nothing to worry about, Ms. Campus President."

I saw them swallowing their thoughts. This is the reason why Assej and I don't have any friends. May madadamay talaga.

"Do you like Kurt?" I asked to divert the topic.

Nabilaukan siya at sinamaan ako ng tingin. "Wala, tsk!"

"You told me he's cute," sabi ko pa.

"Wait, you like Kurt, Jhanessa?" ngisi ni Jiemie. "Ayieeee!"

"Nagagwapuhan lang ako at hindi na pwedeng lumagpas dun," irap niya saka iniwas ang topic. "Pero si Jam may Joseph, si Jehna may Yoj. Ayieee."

Nakapaghiganti agad a. Nag-aasaran lang sila nang mabalik sakin ang atensyon.

"Ikaw, Jen. Do you like someone?" Jehna asked.

I remembered what kuya said to me. Wag daw ako ma-i-in love dun sa lima.

I sighed and replied to Jehna. "I don't want to. Bawal e."

Nagtaka sila sa sagot ko pero hindi na rin nagtanong pa. They decided to go home after that. Pinauwi ko rin si Assej ng maaga. I took the handkerchief and went to my room. Kinuha ko ang panyo na nasa drawer ko at tinapat ang crest sa isa't-isa. Confirmed, they look the same because dad stitched this when we were kids, before he died. It's custom made kaya pamilyar sakin ang tatak, a daffodil.

Pinuntahan ko si kuya sa kanyang kwarto at tinapon sa kanyang mukha ang panyo. "You lost it."

"Nakauwi na ba sila?" tanong niya.

"Oo, kuya."

Bahid sa kanyang mukha ang pagtataka. "Wait, how did you get this? Hindi ko maalala na binigay ko ito sayo."

"You didn't... I borrowed it from Jhanny."

"Nishey," he whispers. Natigil siya sa paglalaptop at pinagmasdan ang panyo.

"Why didn't you tell her, kuya?"

Kumunot ang noo niya. "Tell her what?"

"About the promise you made. Paano napunta kay Jhanny ang panyo na yan?"

"I don't remember promising her anything, Jen," he sighed and closed the laptop. "I gave it to Mike when we were playing dahil pawis sya nun. I told him to return it but he didn't have it. Turns out he gave it to someone else kaya nga nag-away kami noon, e. Mabuti at hindi nagalit si mommy."

Michael.

Michael is... Jhanny's long lost memory.

——