I slid off of the bed and onto the carpet with a loud thump. I didn't even notice the pain as my hip banged against the bed frame, nor as my ass slammed on the barely padded floor. That pain would come, but in that moment the outside world did not exist, not beyond my phone. The only thing that meant anything was the faint sounds of a house some one hundred and seventy miles away. But Eleanor's voice was gone and I could hear only the distant sounds of retreating footsteps.

Even that world blurred and faded as my breathing accelerated. Much longer and I would have fainted. Already I had gone light-headed and the world had begun to spin. Soon I would fall unconscious if I did not focus. I had to calm myself immediately. Slowly, I took a deep breath.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Ten. Nine. Eight.

When Eleanor returned to the line I needed to be calm and rational. Convincing her that she was in real danger would take all of my faculties.

Five. Four. Three.

If I couldn't make her understand, then that failure would be on me. All that might result would be my fault. But what, what would that be?

One. Breathe in. Breathe out.

Still stressed. The exercise done my breathing sped back up instantly. This wasn't working. Not yet.

Repeat.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Ten. Nine. Eight.

This wasn't about fault.

Seven. Six.

So what if I was or wasn't in the clear of some unknown outcome. This was about Elly.

Five. Four.

This was about the girls.

Three. Two.

This was about my family.

One. Breathe in. Breathe out.

Focused. Better. My breathing hadn't returned to normal, but it had definitely slowed. I was no longer hyperventilating.

Somewhat grounded once again, I took stock of the situation and I knew that I should call the cops. With that in mind, I reached for the hotel phone.

"Nelson."

Oh thank God! Eleanor, Elly, was back.

"Nelson, it's okay."

"It was Mrs. Kelly?" Had I lost it over nothing? I had been so sure, but it occurred to me that maybe my imagination really had run unbelievably off base. This wouldn't have been the first time. Could it be happening again? Was this another full blown episode?

"I don't know. Whoever it was, they were gone." She paused. "Are you better now?"

"Yes," I lied. No matter what doubts snuck in, nothing had convinced me that Elly and my daughters were safe. Who knocks in the middle of the night and then just disappears? Could that be a coincidence or was it connected to the calls?

"Good," she said. "I think we need to try something new. We need to talk to Dr. Smith about other options."

I knew this was coming. These conversations always came after an episode. That night, however, I hoped that I could use this particular conversation to my advantage. I could feel the wave returning.

"I will," I said, lining up to catch the ride in. "As soon as I get back. But first I need you to do something for me."

"Nelson, this isn't a negotiation. This is serious. You were completely panicked. Crazy panicked."

"I know. You're right." Give a litte. Put her in charge, I thought. People like to be in charge. It makes them happy. Yes, the full wave was here and I was on board and ready.

"If you keep up like this, you're going to have a heart attack before you're fifty."

"I won't let that happen. I'll take pills. I'll exercise. I'll see all the doctors you want."

Make her happy. When people are happy, they listen better. Mediocre talent is still better than no talent. Keep it going.

"Don't just placate me. It's not about what I want. It's about what's best for you." Too far. A miss. Line back up.

"I'm serious. Even if it means I go somewhere... for you know... a while..."

No response from Eleanor. I had stopped her cold.

"... to get help," I continued.

"Are you talking about checking yourself..." She trailed off. She didn't want to say it, did she? I let her finish; it would mean more if she did it herself. After a long pause finally she let herself continue. "... checking yourself into a hospital?"

"If that's what it takes. I'm not going to leave you, okay? You understand me?"

The silence dragged out. I had no doubt Eleanor had snapped wide-awake now and she was concerned. Of course her concern was misplaced, directed towards the wrong person. I had regained some control, but deep down, I still knew that my paranoia was on point. Someone had called. That someone had been at the door. And that someone had been watching Elly.

Instinct took over. I held onto the wave, following it wherever it took me. If I looked back the panic would swallow me whole. And then... No, I didn't want to think about what would happen then.

"But I still need you to do one thing for me," I said. Here we were at the switch, the moment where I might fall and all the ground work so far laid would be washed away. "I want you to say goodnight to the girls," I continued.

"They're asleep." This again. Damn it.

"That's okay. I don't need to talk with them, just to them." Where had that come from? I didn't know. I had no clue how I was navigating so quickly, so effortlessly. Don't question it, I thought. Just ride.

"To them?" She sounded skeptical.

"Yes, to them. Grab the cordless from the foyer. Take it upstairs and peek in on them. Hold the phone up in their room. I'll say goodnight."

"This is ridiculous. They won't hear you." She budged. I could hear it. The blockade had cracked. Keep her going.

"They don't have to hear me. This isn't for them. It's for me." It was a complete lie, but she'd buy it. I had always been a selfish husband.

"For you?" She sounded almost convinced.

"Tonight was bad. I didn't want to admit it, but it was. You know that. I feel like I've walked down from a ledge, and I'm so close to calm. But now, now I just want to say goodnight to my girls. I love them and..." My voice caught. I did love them and now what? The thought of losing them, is there any greater fear for a parent – anything worse than the thought that you might outlive your children?

"...And it will help you to say goodnight," Eleanor finished.

"Almost like I was there with them." I knew if I made it about my well-being, she might actually check on the girls. That may have been the only thing that would have convinced her. Still, as much as I knew this, as much as I realized that the request came as a means to alleviate my overwhelming fear more than anything else, I found myself surprised to realize that what I had said was also true. For me that call would be like being in the room with Erica and Marie. Through all the fear and the panic, I looked forward to that moment with eager anticipation, not only because it would verify that our daughters were okay, but also for the emotional proximity within which it would bring me to our two girls. Fatherhood carried a strange tangle of emotions, both simple and complicated at the same time – a web of joy for your daughters, for yourself as a father, and for simply being loved by these two little girls who looked at you through their rose-tinted glasses of youth and innocence. Even at such a great distance apart as we were on that night, that joy would immediately come crashing in upon saying goodnight, upon speaking with or to them. I needed that feeling then. I didn't want to admit it, but I couldn't shake the possibility that this call might be the last time that I would ever feel that connection and that joy again.

"You win. Tell them goodnight. But remember, you can't speak with them."

He wins. Hmmm... As she said that, a thought occurred to me for perhaps the first time. Maybe I wasn't the only one who saw our conversations as a game of strategy. Novel as that realization was, I knew it best to keep that insight to myself. Instead, I kept my response simple.

"Thank you." I saw no danger in an expression of gratitude; no threat to the plan. Soon she would be with the girls and if there were any higher power in the universe watching out for me then those girls would be okay. They had to be okay, right?

I wanted to believe that, but how could I? Someone had called and that someone had to be nearby.