Perhaps you wanted another another?

(Me trying to make up for going AWOL)

____

"Success," I whispered as I peered through the crack in the curtain, leaving Lexi and Sara to have their private moment.

Slowly turning my head to go back to the party, the last thing I expected was to meet a pair of green eyes blinking back at me.

"Ash," I said, jumping away.

His face fell ever so slightly before he forced a grin back onto his cheeks. "Operation Get Your Sister and Bestie Back Together was a success then?"

"Based on their locked lips, I assume so."

"Great to hear," he said, face full of delight, though eyes still twinkling with pain.

"Are you okay?" I asked, concern lacing my tone.

"Never better," he said back, still forcing that grin despite the wall of despair ever so evident in his eyes. Though it was clear he wasn't going to tell me what was wrong any time soon.

Hand pressing gently on my shoulder, he began to slowly turn me around.

"Come get some pizza and a drink before everyone else eats it," he said as he began to guide me into the party.

Taking a seat next to Jackson, Ashton took the spot on the other side of me before Luke pushed the pizza box closer, giving me a grin.

To be honest, it was a little strange to be surrounded by numerous boys I had kissed before.

But, at the same time, my life felt full.

Sure, the kiss list brought me heartbreak.

But now I had way more friends out of it. And an abundance of more confidence. One day, the burden on my chest would lessen. I just had to give it time.

People slowly began to leave the party as the hours ticked on into the night, but I stayed behind.

Lex and Sara had left ages ago to head back to Sara's... we all knew why. They had a lot of making up to do...

But as Luke grabbed his jacket and keys, finally making his exit, I realised it was just me and Ashton remaining.

"Want me to drive you home, Cal?" he asked, seeming to notice as well that it was just us.

Furrowing my brows, I said back, "Is it okay if I still stay a while? I'll most likely stay at Sara's but... I really don't want to walk in on them getting hot and heated again."

Ashton let out a chuckle and then got up from the couch. "Of course." But there was something off to his tone and movements as he began to clean up the place. And he was seemingly avoiding looking me in the eyes.

I didn't question it though at first as I got to my own feet, helping him take everything out to the bin and right his living room. But once everything was in order, we both stood there, awkwardly.

"Want to... watch a movie?" he asked, already reaching for the remote as he sat back on the couch.

Joining him, I quickly moved my hand out, clasping his arm before he could turn the TV on.

He cocked a confused eyebrow at me.

"I was hoping we could talk."

His hand slowly released the remote as his eyes mulled with morose again. "Talk about what, Callie?"

Empathetic pain echoed through me to see that something was bothering him. Wanting to make it go away, I shimmied closer to him on the couch, hoping my proximity could distract him. "I don't know. Anything?"

But he shuffled back from me. "Um... How'd you go in the maths exam?"

Groaning, I fell back into the couch, staring at the white ceiling. "Anything but school."

That roused a chuckle out of him, but he seemed to not have any topic to follow.

As the silence began to grow louder, I couldn't stand the unsaid anymore. So I finally asked, "When... um... are we doing this date?"

Ashton sighed and relaxed into the couch, as though the very topic he was trying to avoid was finally out there and he could just unleash. "It's fine, Callie."

"What? No. I prom—"

"You're not obligated."

"But I was getting excited to go."

"You don't have to lie—"

"Do you not... do you not like me anymore?" I mumbled less confidently.

"Of course I like you, Callie."

"Then why don't you want to—"

"Because we're better as friends."

Slowly nodding, for some reason a sting began to grow in my eyes, followed quickly by a sharp pain in my chest. I immediately turned my head away from him, focussing my attention on his old-school CD collection, hoping it would take away the well of tears building up within me.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I mumbled, but my cracking tone gave it all away.

"Callie," he said softly, arm gently resting around my shoulder in a friendly, comforting manner.

"Why does everyone always give up on me?" I whispered, wincing as the words I had hoped to keep in ended up coming out.

"I'm not..." He shook his head, pausing in speech for a moment.

Then, next I knew, his free hand came around, gently cupping my cheek as he turned me to face him.

Hand still gentle against my skin, his green eyes pierced mine as he softly said, "I'm too scared you're going to break me, Callie... so I'm distancing myself before that happens."

"But I thought you wanted to—"

"I want you. But... I saw you how you were when Flynn came for his exams."

My heart fluttered at his name. And judging by the dejected expression on Ashton's face, he knew exactly how my body had reacted to Flynn. "I'm sorry," I breathed. "It will go away eventually... school will finish and I'll forget him and—"

"You don't need to justify your feelings, Cal. I know he meant a lot to you. And maybe one day I'll have a chance with you in the distant distant future if I still like you and one day you like me—"

"It's not that I don't like you," I quickly interrupted him. Because this Ash, the one who was trying to better himself, was more than admirable. The fact that he was actively changing the parts of him he didn't like made me want to do the same.

"But you don't like me the most. And I need to be the most."

Pressing my lips together, I gave him a slight nod before turning my gaze downwards.

"Hey," he said softly, shaking my shoulders, causing me to glance back up at him.

"What?" I asked.

"You're not allowed to be the sad one."

"How can I not be when I'm hurting you?"

He shrugged in response. "You're not responsible for my feelings, Cal." With that though, he removed his hand from my face, and, ever so slowly, his other arm retreated from around me.

Another round of silence echoed between us as we retreated to our respective spots on the couch, looking anywhere and everywhere but each other.

"In some ways," I finally said, unable to withstand the quietness of the house anymore, "I really hate that the kiss list is over."

"Why?" he pressed.

"Making out with people is a good distraction."

Ash barked a laugh in response. "Then you should have pulled someone aside tonight and made out with them."

"I was hoping that's where you and I would lead tonight," I confessed, feeling my cheeks immediately flush crimson, quickly followed by a bout of guilt. "Sorry," I then whispered. "I shouldn't say stuff like that."

I tried to not look at him for a while, but his silence began to eat at me.

Unable to take anymore, I finally allowed my eyes to flicker up at him. And Ash was staring at me with an intense hunger burning in his gaze.

"What are you—" I began to ask.

But then he growled, "Maybe I can get over you tomorrow." Next I knew, his hand hooked around my head as he pulled my lips to his.

I was quick to kiss him back, parting my lips so that our tongues could dance over each other's.

And it didn't take long until I was climbing on top of his lap and our hands began to roam under the shirts.

For the most part, I felt present with Ashton.

But every now and then as his lips trailed down my neck and I found myself getting lost in the heat and energy of the moment, he'd pull back to look at me and my heart would pang to see his green eyes still... and not the brown ones.

Soon it will pass.

Soon... I will forget him.