Thanks jueka1 for already reading. Here, have another...

*insert sly smirk emoji*

(long chapter ahead)

____

Things had been strange between me and Flynn since the creek. He seemed awkward in my presence, fumbling with his words, as if he were scared that any wrong move would break me.

He knew I liked him.

And I knew that expression on his face by the waterfall was disappointment and worry... It was the rejection I knew was coming.

While I was doing my best to accept it, I never expected to see him coming out of Lexi's room a week later. And of all days, on my birthday.

I knew that night he came over to confess who he liked it was to tell me he was falling for my sister. That they probably had a thing going on.

But I just wasn't ready to hear it.

While I interrupted Flynn that night saying I wanted to resume the kiss list, it wasn't until Friday, the last day of term, almost a month later, when he actually set something up for me.

Eyes on the ground as he spoke, he muttered, "I got us invited to a party. Luke will be there... Maybe you can play a game of spin the bottle or seven minutes in heaven... or we can do the dare thing again," he muttered.

I knew he didn't want to be near those three as much as I didn't. But I wasn't quite ready to try Jackson just yet because that would probably be a long game.

And who knows how I would ever get Ray to kiss me...

"Okay, great," I said to him. "I'll tell my parents I'm staying at Sara's. Where does he live?"

"It's not at Luke's. It's at the same place as... the first party."

"The cubby place?" I asked, surprised.

He nodded in response, still looking anywhere but me.

"Feels like we are coming full circle."

Flynn breathed a laugh and agreed.

It's not like I wasn't noticing the bitter edge to his tone. But I was trying to not read into it. The more time we spent together since the creek incident, the more I realised he was distancing himself from me. A couple of times I noticed him and Lexi standing really close, whispering things to each other. But the pangs in my heart forced me to walk away so I didn't have to see my sister stealing the guy I liked.

Lexi was getting the wrath of my pain more than Flynn, that's for sure. I couldn't handle the fact she had encouraged me to confess to Flynn and then she pulled him into her room a week later... And didn't have the decency to tell me.

She knew I saw them exit her room together.

It was written all over her face that she knew that I knew what she had done.

But she never said anything.

Like the vindictive bitch she is.

"Hold still," Sara grumbled as she traced my eye with eyeliner.

"I am holding still," I muttered back, though making a better attempt this time.

It was hard to not narrow my eyes and glare at Lexi in the mirror. I hated that she had not only taken my best friend's attention, but also Flynn. And that she was pretending nothing was wrong.

And while she was making no further move on the kiss list, I was eager to complete it. Because then I had the right to tell her to never talk to me again.

As Sara sweeped the mascara wand over my lashes, the door to her room burst open.

"Are you ready?" Noah asked. He paused in his tracks, eyes slowly trailing over me.

His attention was something that perhaps would have once made me blush or made my heart stammer. But I felt nothing for him anymore.

I felt nothing for anyone.

Because how could I feel anything but the aching, constricting, burning pangs in my chest?

"Just about," I muttered back, turning my face back to Sara so that she could finish up.

"Well hurry up. My shift starts soon and I can't be late. You've got a ride back, right?"

I nodded in response, much to Sara's dismay. "One of Flynn's relatives will bring us back apparently."

But Noah's brows knotted together.

"What?" I asked, unamused.

"Just don't get in a car with anyone who has been drinking."

Eyes closing, I took a deep breath and held back the retorts bubbling in my mouth.

He's only concerned, I tried to reason with myself.

But he also assumes that because Flynn's family is involved, they would be drinking... It's so fucking racist.

Don't react... he's just concerned.

I managed to quell the anger long enough for Sara to finish up. Then I slipped on my prosthetic—I no longer cared that Noah saw my stump—and got to my feet.

Flynn was already there when Noah dropped me off, waiting for me at the front of the house.

His eyes looked me up and down, corners of his lips turning up. Though Flynn's eyes never lit up like they used to. I figured he blamed me for wasting his time he could spend with Lexi.

Nonetheless, we walked into the party together, music already blaring, smell of alcohol all-consuming.

"Do you know if he's here yet?" I asked Flynn.

But Flynn shrugged in return. "I unfollowed them all on Instagram, so it's not like I've seen an update. Just have a look around. I'll be on the couch if you need me." And with that, he beelined for the one spot left on the sofa, leaving me standing alone.

When we went to parties to target Ashton, Flynn was much more active in helping me chase him down and spark conversation. I knew I was losing him as a friend. I knew that he probably was only nice to me these days because he wanted to be in my sister's good books. Though why Lexi wanted me to like her after everything she had done to me... I'd never understand.

But I searched through the house for him.

When he was nowhere in sight, I begrudgingly took a step outside.

A few people lingered around on the patio, but Luke was nowhere to be seen.

Weaving through the crowd, I glanced out at the back yard, my eyes immediately finding the cubby, just as it was half a year ago.

Last time, Flynn and I were cooped up in the small wooden structure.

This time, it seemed to be someone else.

Stumbling closer, I peered in to see if whomever it was would be someone I noticed.

And, to my dismay, it was.

Luke McCarthy was inside with the very girl Zac had told me he likes.

Heart breaking for Zac and mouth frothing with anger that I wouldn't be able to cross Luke off tonight after all this effort, I walked towards the house and back inside.

Eyes searching for Flynn, eager to get out—because no way was Jackson or Ray here—I found Flynn right where I left him.

Sitting on a couch, an Indigenous girl sat by him, leaning extra close. Flynn sported his familiar grin once again.

So was my sister a fling? I wondered as I watched his soft eyes take in the girl.

Turning on my heel, unable to handle knowing he'd rather anyone but me, I headed straight for the kitchen.

My eyes darted around at the array of drinks splayed out for people to take.

Not knowing what I was doing, I grabbed a free cup, sloshed in some Vodka, topped it with some Coke, and then downed the drink in one go.

The liquid, bitter and malty, burned my throat on its way down, making my eyes water. As I emptied the cup and pulled it away from my mouth, gasping for air, I began to cough in response to the sharp sensation left in my throat thanks to the alcohol.

But it didn't take long for a fuzzy effect to cloud my eyes.

Enjoying the relief overwhelming my body, the sense of ease spreading through me, the pain disappearing into the dark crevices of my body to be dealt with once I was sober, I immediately filled my drink again and downed another.

Walking became a little difficult. Nonetheless, after finishing the second drink, I stumbled my way back towards Flynn, eager to sit and determined to finally go off at him for making out with my sister and jumping ship so quickly. As much as I hated Lexi, I expected better from Flynn in the commitment department. 

But as I wobbled my way through the crowd, Flynn's eyes lifted from the girl, widening as he caught sight of me.

Immediately jumping to his feet, he reached for me just in time before I would have toppled to the ground.

"Are you drunk?" he demanded.

Glaring up at his beautiful face that looked almost mad at me, I said, "Don't you dare judge me, Flynn, you big, mean, jerk."

"Big mean jerk?"

Before I could try to find words for a retort, my stomach bubbled in protest, an acidic taste returned to my mouth. "I don't feel good," I mumbled.

"You weren't even gone long," he said, tone a little softer, hands still firm on my arms as he held me steady.

"Flynn," the girl behind him said. "Leave her to go party and come back and talk to me."

Anger seething from my eyes, I leaned past Flynn and snapped at her, "Piss off. He's my friend first."

When I looked back at Flynn, wondering if he'd hate me for ruining his chances with this girl, he was just grinning at me, astonishment clouding his gaze.

"Excuse me?" she spat, now getting to her feet.

But Flynn said, "You heard her. Piss off."

I snickered alongside Flynn as her head whipped between us in disbelief. Then eventually she got the message and stormed away.

The amount of energy it took to walk over to Flynn and shout at that girl was taking its toll on me though.

I felt my body beginning to slouch over as I fell into Flynn. "I'm tired," I sighed into him as his arms wrapped around me, keeping me up.

"How much did you drink?" he whispered into my ear as though we weren't surrounding by others, hand gently stroking my back.

"Um... two cups."

"Cups? With what in it?"

"Vod-ka," I stumbled over the two syllables.

"And... how much did you put in the cups?"

"Half-half?"

"Half?" he exclaimed, pulling me back to look at me. "Oh my Callie... no wonder you're pissed."

I blinked at him through the fog that now clouded my eyes, that same acidic taste still lingering in the back of my mouth. "Why are there two of you?" I asked him as I struggled to focus on his eyes.

Flynn shook his head at me. "I need to get you out of here... Get some food and water in you. Did you tick Luke off at least?"

I shook my head. "He was making out with someone in our cubby."

Flynn didn't respond straight away. But the smile dropped from his face, a familiar sadness clouding his gaze.

"What?" I blubbered. "You look unhappy."

Flynn shrugged, forcing that familiar grin back onto his face. "I'm fine, Callie. Let's get you home."

But I shook my head. "I can't go back to Sara's drunk. Her parents would be furious."

Flynn sighed. "Okay... But we have to get you out of here. How about... you come back to mine, we sober you up, and then I'll bring you to Sara's?"

"I can't walk that far," I mumbled, feeling my legs starting to buckle as the tiredness really came down in full force.

"I'll carry you, Callie. You're only tiny." With those words, he already began guiding me out of the house.

On the street, he stopped in front of me, turning so his back was facing me as he lowered his body.

"What are you doing?" I slurred.

"Get on my back," he replied.

"You're going to give me a piggyback ride?" I asked in disbelief, questioning just how much this alcohol was impairing my judgement. I didn't want to be that drunk girl who assumed that's what he was offering because I was so plastered.

But then he said, "Yes, I am."

Heaving a sigh, I knelt down to my prosthetic and began to roll my leg off. "Let me take this thing off then because it will cut my circ... circu... circulmalation too much."

Balancing on one leg and a prosthetic was hard when intoxicated. But balancing on one and nothing else was even harder.

As I tried to grip onto Flynn for dear life, my false leg made a clatter as it hit the ground. I tried to bend down to pick it up, but felt myself wobble even more.

Flynn's hands shot behind himself as he gripped onto me. "Just get on my back and I'll pick it up, Callie. Don't worry."

Not liking the angry tone to his voice, I reluctantly climbed onto him. It took a bit of shuffling, but eventually he found a way to hold onto me securely as he bent down to pick up my prosthetic, handing it to my hands that tightly wrapped around his neck, before getting back to his feet. He reshuffled me once more and then began walking.

"Why are you always so angry with me these days?" I grumbled as the silence ticked on as we walked in the night, unable to withstand the lack of sound between us.

"Because you keep doing things to make me angry," he muttered back.

"I'm so sorry I'm so insufferable. It must suck having me stick around when you just want to make out with other girls," I snapped back, resting my head on his shoulder as I looked at the passing houses.

Flynn stopped for a moment, adjusting his grip before he continued walking and said, "I haven't made out with any girls since you, Callie."

"Liar," I spat.

"Liar?" he asked back in disbelief. "Who on earth do you think I made out with?"

"Um, probably that girl back in there?"

"Well... yeah, but not since I met you."

My heart winced at the acknowledgement, but as the other message in his words started to sink in, it warmed slightly. Though then another thought popped to my mind. "What about Lexi?"

"Lexi?" he gasped, coming to a stop now as he tried to turn his head to look at me. "When on earth do you think I kissed... And why?"

"Don't even play dumb, Flynn. It's fine. I get it. She's so pretty and cool."

But Flynn wasn't having it.

Dropping his hold on me, he lowered me to the ground, keeping his grip on me as he turned around to face me. "When and why do you think I kissed your sister?"

His gaze was earnestly staring into my face, full of anger. So I turned my head, looking anywhere but him. "I saw you two exit her room on my birthday," I admitted.

"On your..." He trailed off and shook his head. "That's not what you saw, Callie. I have not and never will like your sister, okay? Never kissed her. Have not kissed anyone since you either. Not that you care, but that's just the truth. So don't start thinking you can paint me out to be—"

"You never kissed anyone since?" I asked, cutting him off as my eyes began to water.

He shook his head. "You were... the last. In the cubby." His eyes were searching my face as I looked to the ground. 

"So... You never confessed to her then?" I whispered into the night.

"To the girl I like?" he asked. I knew he was still looking at me. But I couldn't meet his gaze.

"Yeah," I breathed.

"No, I never did."

"Oh... Why not?"

Flynn sighed. "Because she likes someone else."

"I'm sorry, Flynn." I finally looked back up at him, hating that whomever she was, she was still causing his heart to break. As much as I wished it was me he liked, I still wanted him to be happy.

"It is what it is..." He wasn't looking at me anymore though. In fact, he seemed to be avoiding me. Next I knew, he turned around once more and lowered his back.

Climbing back onto his back, he steadied his grip on me and we were moving again.

Endless silence past between us again. But this time, my heart felt a little lighter, a little less angry at him. A little guilty now about Lexi.

But why hadn't Lexi explained what they had talked about?

Why had she pulled the guy I like into her bedroom of all places?

"Flynn?" I whispered into his ear.

"Mmm?" he responded.

"Would you hate me if I said I feel honoured I'm the last person you kissed?"

He sighed, and said, "No, Callie. I wouldn't hate you for that."

But there was something unsaid in his tone.

Yet I was too drunk to know how to pry it out of him in the right way.

"Callie?" he then said, after more silence had passed between us.

"Mmm?" I responded this time.

"Why did you drink tonight? You never do."

A felt a little ashamed at his question, knowing he could probably smell the alcohol on my breath.

Did I remind him of his mum right now?

Was I behaving like the very people he despised?

Are moves like this why he'd never like me?

With the alcohol having burned away my filter to keep in important information, I confessed, "Because I don't know how to be sober around you and pretend I'm okay with you liking someone else."

He paused in step once more.

My heart thudded slightly in my chest, but the dizzy feeling in my head and nausea bubbling up immediately made all awkwardness disappear. "I think I'm going to throw up," I mumbled as the taste of vomit began to build in my throat.

Flynn lowered me to the ground.

And the moment my foot touched the asphalt, I turned to the side and blew chunks everywhere.

All the while, Flynn gripped onto me, holding me upright to make sure I didn't fall. His free hand brushing my hair out of my face.

"It's no wonder you don't like me. I'm so embarrassing," I croaked through my tight, sore throat.

And then out came the tears.

Flynn didn't say anything as he helped me clean up my face a little and guided me onto his back again. But he did walk a little more quickly back to his house.

Even though I was drunk, I knew that in the morning the mortification would catch up with me.

Especially when Flynn announced that my clothes were covered in vomit and a shower might do me good. 

I then confessed I can't shower without aids—which his bathroom didn't have—and felt guilty about sitting in my vomit-covered clothes in his room.

In the end, with the alcohol forcing me to make stupid decisions without thinking about the consequences, I convinced him to come into the bathroom with me.

Stripping out of his shirt, socks, and shorts—leaving him only in his boxers—he closed his eyes as his hands gripped my waist while I took off my clothes.

I didn't get fully undressed.

Sure, I would have wet underwear after this, but no way was I drunk enough to be naked in front of him even if he had his eyes closed.

Eyes still shut, he walked me into the shower, holding me steady, while I turned the water on.

But relying on someone with closed eyes to keep you upright, all the while you wash yourself when standing on one leg, was bound to never work.

One wrong move, and my balance gave out.

Foot slipping and cuasing my body to sway backwards, Flynn's eyes flew open to catch me before my head collided with the ground.

As he helped me up, his eyes were locked on my forehead as the same embarrassment evidently washed over him to know he had seen me in my underwear.

Quickly, he then turned his head, holding onto me.

Knowing it was too late to keep any shred of pride, I heaved a sigh and said, "Can you just help me and we never speak of this again?"

Slowly, Flynn turned his head back, eyes meeting mine. "Sure," he said, voice a little high.

So this time, I rested my hands on his shoulders, while Flynn freed his grip from my waist. Taking the soap, he began to rub it over my body—avoiding going too close to intimate areas. And then he also washed my hair for me.

All the while, I stared at the flecks of mould growing in his shower. At the yellow scum building up where the shower wall meets the floor. At the empty hygiene products yet to be discarded... at anywhere but him.

Eventually the shower turned off and Flynn helped me out onto the tiled floor.

I realised as I stood there, still holding onto Flynn as he dried me with a towel, that he was right. Showers are a really sobering experience. Especially when they guy you like sees you almost naked...

After wrapping me in a towel and sneaking me into his room—where his aunt, Hunter, or Charlie couldn't see (his mum still wasn't home)—Flynn returned to the bathroom to have a quick shower himself and clean up the mess.

Alone in his room, I stripped out of my underwear, slipped on the boxers and shirt he had loaned me, all the while feeling my heart hammering in my chest knowing that I was wearing the very clothes he had worn once before—though they were clean, of course.

Glancing around the room, I took in its neat state, but felt a little upset that there were so many cracks in his roof that the landlord should have fixed up.

Knowing the stories, Flynn's aunt could only afford government-subsidised housing. And those places were rarely kept in great condition, so I knew this was what he had to live with.

I was already under his covers, blanket draped over me and knees tucked to my chest when he returned.

"You will... have to wait until your clothes dry to properly go back to Sara's so that you don't get caught... which might not be until the morning," he said, not looking at me.

I've disappointed him, I realised. He doesn't want me here... seeing where he lives. 

He doesn't like that he had to help me shower. 

And he must hate me for drinking.

Flynn crossed the room and climbed in under the sheets next to me.

There was no way I could be more embarrassed at this point. So instead of keeping my head turned down, I unashamedly studied him. Taking in the way his wet curls were clumping together. The way his dark skin looked a little flushed in this dim light, most likely from the hot water of his shower. And the way he was not even acknowledging me beside him.

"I'm sorry," I whispered eventually, finally dropping my gaze to my lap.

I knew he didn't look at me when he spoke next as no movement caught my attention in the corner of my eye. But eventually he said, "There's nothing for you to be sorry for."

"I know you must hate looking after me."

"Hate... isn't the word I'd go for here."

My heart somehow shattered impossibly further in my chest.

"I just..." he started, but then stopped.

"What?" I asked, glancing his way again.

But still, his head was downturned. "I just... never thought you'd be in my house. Let alone in my bed... or in my shower." He cleared his throat and then turned his head to the door, like he couldn't even deal with seeing me in his peripherals.

"I'm sorry," I whispered again, gaze falling down.

His head whipped around, eyes now burning into me.

Yet now it was my turn to not be able to look at him.

"There's nothing to be sorry for," he whispered again. "I don't mind having you here, Callie. I just... It's not as nice as your place. And my mum might come home and... She's a lot."

I nodded, biting on my lip and wishing those clothes would dry faster so that he could be rid of me.

"You should try getting some sleep. It will help you burn off the alcohol faster," he then said when he realised I wasn't going to say anything back to him.

I apologised once more as I lowered myself down into his sheets.

Flynn leaned over and flicked off his light, before rolling onto his side, staring at me.

I laid on my back, looking up at the ceiling for a while, feeling my heart hammering in my chest knowing he was right there. That we were sharing a bed.

But also hating knowing I was the only one getting excited over it.

"Flynn?" I then asked, as a worry popped into my mind.

"Yes?"

"Am I a terrible kisser?" I asked him, finally turning to look at him in the comfort of darkness.

Because what was it about me that made him not like me? 

We spent so much time together. 

He liked me as a friend. 

He said I was loveable. 

But why couldn't I be the one he liked?

"Definitely not," he whispered.

"Are you sure?"

He nodded... or, I assumed he did based on the rustling noise against his pillow. "Why do you ask?"

I shrugged. "Just wondering what it is about me that you don't..." But I trailed off, knowing I wasn't ready to hear his rejection again. "Never mind."

Next I knew though, his fingers gently brushed my cheek, tucking a lock of my hair behind my ear. "Stop worrying and rest now, Callie. We will talk properly about everything in the morning once you're sober."

"Okay," I whispered. But as I fluttered my eyes closed, prepared to fall asleep in this awkward space of our breaths being so close, facing each other, his arms then wrapped around me, pulling me against his chest.

My heart throbbed in pain at the fact he was holding me.

While I knew he was just comforting me as a friend... I wished it could be more. Though I knew it never would be.

Flynn is being awfully affectionate suddenly *insert sly smirk emoji*

Meeeeeeeme