Shout out to my usual trio for their engagement in the comments last chapter. You're all amazing: jueka1 , amiva0402 , and brightyeolie ! Would love to see more names that I can add here ;D C'mon passive readers.

Also... after the last few chapters, I'm tempted to ask:

So are we all Team Flynn Forever now or are some of us still open to Noah?

Also... how many of you are Team KillFraser?

Anyway... I'd say enjoy the chapter but...

_____

Step. Breath.

Step. Breath.

Step. Breath.

Last night's nightmare was playing on repeat as I jogged down the street in the early hours of the morning. My wireless headphones were attached to my ears, blaring music—another attempt to drown out the thought spiral.

***

"I can't believe you spoke to Noah for nearly the whole lunch break," I gushed as we walked home.

"Shut up," Callie mumbled, though no one and nothing could wipe the smile from her face.

"Callie and Noah sitting in a tree," I started to sing. "K-I-S-S-I-N-G"

"Shut uuuuup!" Callie said again, still smirking though her eyebrows did knot together in a flash of annoyance.

"Make me," I challenged.

"Careful what you wish for," she said, eyes narrowing.

And so I blew kissy faces at my sister as I crossed over the train track. "Oooh, Noah! Mwah!" I teased.

"That's it!" she screeched, and she began running for me.

But her sudden movements saw the final knot holding her shoelace together come undone. String untangling, she stepped on it as she crossed the tracks, tripping over in the process and collapsing on the ground.

"Ouch," she hissed as she moved, looking at the graze on her knee.

Eyes wide, I exclaimed, "Are you okay, Callie?"

***

Step. Breath.

Step. Breath.

Step. Breath.

The sun was just peeking over the rooftops, casting a glow in the sky.

The birds were in full swing, starting to call to the new day.

But I just focussed on my breaths, trying to shake the memory from my head before it got to that point again.

***

Ever so slowly, I walked over to her to help her up. But the moment I got close, she lunged for me.

As her hand collided with my arm, I started running, tugging out of her grip as I headed down the wrong side of the fence by the train track. "Can't catch me!" I called out after her.

"Come back here, Lexi!" she shouted, pants echoing from a few steps away.

Jumping across the tracks, I started running back up towards the crossing section, Callie a couple steps behind as she turned around.

She never was a fast runner.

But as I turned to run away from her, back towards the crossing, her footsteps on the gravel were no longer sounding behind me.

***

Step. Breath.

Step. Breath.

Step. Breath.

I rounded the bend, jogging up along one of the main streets in the suburb.

Most houses still had cars in the driveway. 

Most people in those houses were probably still asleep. It was six in the morning. 

And despite how early in the day it was, the humidity had already began to creep in as the remnants of summer still made its mark. 

Running through the thick air was triggering copious amounts of sweat to trickle down my face and back.

But I didn't care.

I had to run it out.

I had to run from it.

It was one of the only ways I had figured out how to cope when the trauma came rushing back.

***

Coming to a stop, I turned around to look for her.

Back on the train track that I had previously jumped over, Callie was tugging on her shoelace.

I immediately fled back to her side.

"What's going on?" I asked, some humour still in my tone.

"It's stuck," Callie huffed, not concerned yet.

"You should have tied it back up, you dingus," I said.

Frowning up at me, she replied, "I was too busy trying to whack you in the head." Then she sighed. "Do you think mum would kill me if I cut the lace?"

"Probably," I mumbled.

Blowing at the lock of hair that had fallen into her eyes, Callie's brows furrowed as she continued to concentrate on trying to yank her shoelace from one of the spikes that secure the rail to the sleeper.

"How did you even—" I started, but I never finished my sentence.

DING. Ding. DING. Ding. DING. Ding.

The boomgates coming down sounded behind me.

***

Step. Breath.

Step. Breath.

Step. Breath.

My stomach flickered with nausea as I ran over the train track, coming to a stop at the lights as I waited for the red man on the other side to flicker green.

Don't look back, Lexi, I told myself.

Don't turn your head.

It will make it harder to run it out.

Just keep your eyes forward.

Stay focussed.

Remember your breaths.

The crosswalk sounded off, signalling I was good to go, and I began running over the highway towards the shops.

***

Slowly moving to an upright position, I turned my head to confirm my fears. The red lights flickered as the gate wobbled closed across the road.

"Shit, Callie," I muttered, turning back to my sister, hands whipping out in her way as I began to help her tug at the shoelace. "It's not coming out!"

"I know that!" Callie snapped back, though fear marred her tone.

We both looked up, eyes frantically meeting each other's.

"Scissors," Callie said firmly.

Shimmying away from the tracks, I yanked my bag off my back and jammed the zip open. Hurriedly digging through my bag, I found my pencil case at the bottom and began unzipping it.

Meanwhile, Callie had gotten to her feet and was trying to tug her shoelace out now as she ran towards me, away from the track. And when that failed, she fell to the ground, trying to pry the shoe from her foot. 

But it was too tight.

Her efforts before to tug the it off had tightened the laces beyond what her shaking fingers could pry loose again.

"Where are my damn scissors!" I cried as I emptied the contents of my pencil case to the ground, sifting through them.

But they were nowhere in sight.

In the distance, the train let out a honk, announcing its approach.

And Callie stopped tugging, eyes meeting mine, her foot still looped over the track.

***

Step. Breath.

Step. Breath.

Step. Breath.

Only the servo was open this early in the day. So as I finally reached the green and white petrol station, I slowed my steps and walked through the automatic doors, panting and dripping, heading straight for the cold beverages.

Eyes scanning the fridges that lined the wall, I immediately zeroed in on the various sports drinks, pulling out a blue Powerade and heading to the counter.

But while I waited for my heart to slow as I placed the drink on the counter and opened my card on my phone, a voice from behind the barrier startled me.

"Lexi?" he asked.

Looking up, my eyes looked straight into his dark depths. A smile crept onto his face as his gaze took me in. 

"Noah, hey," I breathed, glancing around as I pulled out my headphones. "You work here?"

He nodded and then also looked around at the empty store. "Did you run here?"

"Yeah," I said, with a hint of obviously tainting my tone. I mean, why else would I be covered in sweat?

"Where's my sister and Callie?" he asked.

"Still dead asleep."

"Oh... Are you an early riser then?"

Is he ever going to scan my drink? I wondered. "Not normally."

His lips pressed together and eyebrows furrowed while his eyes studied my face.

I awkwardly shuffled from foot to foot, hating that looking at him brought the memories back once more, crashing like waves in a stormy ocean as the loop of events cycled onto repeat.

***

"Oi, loser," Noah said as he approached our table, plopping his phone face down as he eyed off Sara.

I was previously engrossed in playing Dumb Ways to Die on my phone—a blast from the past—but knowing I'd be missing out on Callie turning into a tomato in his presence, I quickly put my phone down, eager to watch my sister stupidly swoon.

"Loser?" Sara scoffed. "I'm going to tell mum you're talking to yourself again, Noah."

"Pfft. Whatever," he said, the worst comeback honestly.

I didn't get what it was about him that Callie was falling for—was it just because he was older? Cleaner than the other usually gross, dirty boys in our grade? Because it couldn't have been his lines—they were as smooth as sandpaper.

Nevertheless, they went on.

"What do you want?" Sara demanded, evidently wanting to go back to her conversation with my now silent sister, whose face was melting as she stared at Noah like she was a gift from the Gods—I mean... seriously, Callie?

"You forgot your lunch money this morning, again" he said, passing her the five dollar note.

But rather than taking it, Sara nodded her head to my sister. "Give it to Callie. She loaned me money when I realised I didn't have any."

And so Noah then turned to my sister, a small smile sreading across his cheeks as his eyes studied her face.

***

"Lexi?" Noah called, head tilting as he leaned over the counter, hand waving in my face.

"Sorry, what?" I asked, blinking, coming back to reality.

"I said the eftpos is ready when you are."

I mulled his words over in my head before I finally processed what he said. Belated, I waved my phone over the receiver, paying for my drink.

"Thanks," I muttered as I reached for my item.

"Hey... I finish in like ten minutes. If you're happy to wait, I can give you a lift back," he then said, eyes swirling with concern.

"I'm fine," I mumbled, turning away.

"It's just," he then said, catching my attention, "... you don't look fine."

My heart pounded in loud thuds in as we stared at each other for a few beats. 

It was enough time for his brows to pull together, a crease worrying between them. 

Enough time for the door behind me to whoosh open, the next customer of the early morning stumbling in, looking for a hot beverage before he paid for his fuel. 

And enough time for his obsidian eyes to trigger another wave of memories.

***

Eyes wide and alarmed, Callie slowly reached out, pulling the purple five dollar note from his grip.

"Th-thank you," Callie stuttered. And I already knew—as her cheeks turned an even darker shade of pink while Noah's smile got wider and friendlier—that she was thinking about that list still stuffed at the bottom of the drawer, underneath all of our arts and craft supplies. As I watched her eyes dip down to his mouth, it further confirmed that her heart was beating for the idea of his name, crossed out at the bottom of the list.

"So Callie... why do you hang out with my dork of a sister?" he mused, leaning over our lunch table as his eyes still searched her face.

Did he know what effect he was having on her?

Was he enjoying this?

Rumour had it that the new girlfriend had broken up with him...

Was he interested in my sister now?

Or was he just messing with her?

But I held my tongue and let it unfold, while Sara seemed completely disinterested, too busy watching some YouTube video on her phone.

"Because I like her. Sara's really friendly and funny and nice," Callie managed to get out, mouth still slightly agape once she had finished speaking, unable to take her eyes off him.

"That's a first," he mused, smile slipping into a one-sided smirk, his own eyes dancing over her face again. "You should come to our place some time. We could all watch a movie together."

Callie's brows flew up as she squeaked, "Yeah, sure. That would be great. Can Lex come too?"

Noah flickered his gaze my way ever so briefly, giving me a slight smile before turning back to my sister.

***

"Wow, Noah," I said, forcing a grin onto my face. "You really know how to make a lady feel good about herself. I was running. Of course I look dishevelled." I shook my head and turned around.

"Well—" he said again, trying to stop me from leaving. "If you ever need to talk..."

Glancing over my shoulder at the boy, I said, "I'm sure there's more above you on my list of people to talk to, mate. But thanks."

"I'll see you at my place then... I guess."

Shrugging, I popped my headphones back in my ears and turned away, stopping any further things he could say as I walked out of the servo.

In the end, I did wait ten minutes, but not for him.

I walked to the nearby park, taking a seat on the bench as I downed my drink and stared at the scenery.

Taking steady breaths, I tried to list the things around me to distract the thoughts—tree, bench, skate ramp... But there weren't many objects nearby.

Which was why, the next wave of memories washed in again.

***

Hand coming for his phone to pick it up, he started, "Anyway, I should g—"

But before he could, Callie asked, "Is that a Death Note phone case?"

Noah paused, gaze shooting down to the one in his hand that my sister was staring at.

Grin forming on his face as he looked back up at her, he nodded. "Have you seen it?"

She nodded vigorously. "One of my favourites."

"Really?" And just like that, he suddenly took up a seat next to her. "You watch anime?"

"Duh."

"How about music? What's your favourite band?"

Her brows furrowed before she said, "I don't have a favourite band, but my favourite artist at the moment is Holly Humberstone."

***

Switching the song over to something heavier, I got to my feet and threw my empty bottle in the bin. 

Stretching out my legs as I watched Noah's car drive past, his worried gaze meeting mine, I threw him a wave to calm him down. 

Then started to jog again.

Step. Breath.

Step. Breath.

Step. Breath.

***

The train zoomed passed.

I couldn't hear a crunch.

Callie didn't even cry out in pain.

***

Step. Breath.

Step. Breath.

Step. Breath.

I came to a stop at the lights, waiting for the crosswalk to turn green. 

All the while, my eyes focussed on it across the road. 

On the train tracks. 

On the spot.

***

As the train whooshed past, my sister fell to the grass, body going limp.

Then, finally, as the last carriage disappeared, I shakily got to my legs, eyes going over the tracks.

***

The red man finally flickered green and I began running again, telling myself to keep my head down, to not look, to not think.

Step. Breath.

Step. Breath.

Step. Breath.

Yet keeping my head down meant looking at my feet.

At my shoelaces.

As they bounced up and down with each fall of my foot on the floor.

***

At first, there was only a tiny bit of blood, as Callie's mangled ankle lay draped over the metal tracks.

Gaze drifting to Callie's face, I saw her eyes closed, face rapidly going white.

***

I finally crossed over the train tracks, the wave of nausea all-consuming, my knees trembling, my head going faint.

Come on, Lexi.

Push on.

Just breathe...

You can do this.

Don't think about it.

But my pep talk was useless.

Step. Breath.

Step. Breath.

Step. Breath.

***

The train that had gone past had come to a stop. 

The desperate driver was now running our way, shouting something I couldn't make out.

Noise had turned to a muffle around me as I shifted my gaze back to her leg. 

Bone shards protruded from her skin.

Blood started to pool.

***

Step. Breath.

Step. Breath.

Step. Breath.

What I couldn't understand though—as I finally put the train tracks behind me, running back to Sara's house, feeling my heart pounding way faster than it should—was why now.

The memories of the incident hadn't even crossed my mind in a year now, as I became too consumed in my relationship and breakup with Mia and Jess's chemo and eventual death.

Evidently being back was bound to resurface some things... but three weeks in?

Why did the nightmare happen last night?

Was it the kiss list?

Was it seeing Callie trying to be happy, kissing Flynn?

Step. Breath.

Step. Breath.

Step. Breath.

***

The conductor had reached us, ripping off his belt as he fastened it around my sister's leg, beneath the knee.

One of the other crew members panted as he caught up, whipping his phone out.

And then everything went black as I fell to the ground in shock.

***

Step. Breath.

Step. Breath.

Step. Breath.

Yet as white spots began to pool in my vision, Sara's house still a few minutes away, I began to realise exactly what triggered it.

Last night we had curled up in Sara's room after the party.

We grilled Callie endlessly about what her kiss with Flynn was like, how it compared to Fraser, how it even came about.

And just like the day Noah came to ask her about her favourite band, she had that familiar gleam of joy in her eye.

What type of sister was I that seeing my twin happy made me fall apart?

Step.

Breath.

But that question brought on a surge more of useless 'what-if' thoughts.

What if Sara never forgot her lunch money? Would none of it had happened?

But I shook it. Because that was putting blame on Sara.

Step. 

Breath.

What if Noah had just walked away instead of talking to Callie?

But I shook it, because Callie had a right to be happy, to be giddy, about the boy she likes noticing her.

Step.

Breath.

What if I just hadn't teased her about the interaction? She would have never chased me in the first place.

But I shook it, because my therapist said I can't put the blame on myself, especially when Callie doesn't remember it. Especially when I'm the only one who lives with it.

Step.

Breath.

What if the crossing lady hadn't paid so much attention ot the boys trying to run off with her stop sign that she actually kept an eye out for us crossing the tracks?

But I shook it, because she couldn't have known.

Step.

Breath.

And finally... what if Callie just had tied her damn shoelace properly?

But I shook that. 

Step.

Because of all people who could be to blame, it wasn't Callie. 

Step.

When you go through something like that, you can never blame the person who lost the most.

Step.

With no focus left for my thoughts, with the what-ifs and memories cycling on repeat, with more stars filling my vision as I tried to keep running, eventually my knees gave out and I fell to the road.

The last thing I heard before I blacked out were the screech of tyres on the asphalt behind me.

This cliffhanger-y enough? No one is hanging from a cliff but...

Anyhoo, hope it was good. Evidently formatted a little differently than usual but wanted to try something creative for this chapter.

Hope you're all well!

Question for today to you guys: What is your favourite TV show?

Meme: