*Zac*
I can no longer ignore the hard and cold surface beneath me, making impossible to fall into a deeper sleep. Reluctantly I let go of the dream and open my eyes.

Great ! Now I am laying her on a slab of rock in my fucking birthday suit. With a sight I turn to orientate myself and fly backwards when I realise that I am laying on a ledge. Carefully I lean forward, staring down into the abyss, there is at least 15 meter down. I try to remember how I ended up here, but I can hardly remember my own name right now. My tongue is stuck to the roof of my mouth and I look around for somewhere to find water. There is a grotto behind me, and to the right is an animal path, that disappear between some bushes.

I gik up, praying that there isn't a campground filled with girl scouts behind the bushes. My new enhanced hearing, which I truly love right now, tells me there is no humans nearby, so I slowly walk through the scrub.

Behind the bushes is a path that leads down the mountain and at the bottom is a slow river. When I have made my way down I kneel down to taste the water.

It's clean fresh water, thanks god !

As I bend down to take another handful of water, I notice some red drops falling from my jaw. I start wondering and examine my face. Desperately I dry the water away and stare at my hands, now covered in sticky red water. Suddenly I notice that the sweet, metallic smell in the air comes from me and I hurriedly find a spot where the water stand almost still.

I almost scream out loud when I see my reflection in the surface. On my chin and cheeks are dried in red and black plumages. My hair is cakes together with blood several places and stands right up. I throw myself into the water and start scrubbing on my face, hair and chest to get the blood and the horrible smell of my body. When I am clean I check my face and upper body, but there is no bruises that could have given all that blood. With a heavy splash I sit down in the low water, pulling my legs up as I try to get this dreadful feeling to disappear. What had happened ? I have realised that running away did not help. I still changed and I will again tonight.

Three nights of full moon.

Where the hell am I ? Have I ran further north or back towards England ? It has to be possible to find some clothes somewhere and maybe ask for directions. I get up and look up at the sky. If I follow the sun I have to get to some kind of town at some point. And from there I should be able to find my way home. But before I can go south towards the sun, I need to go east to find somewhere I can cross the river. About twenty meters down the river bank my nose catch a well known scent.

"Nah, not going to happen kid". A voice sound behind me.

I spin around with a gasp. "How did you find me ?"

Martin sigh. "Stop being such a pussy. You have made more than enough trouble as it is. Come, we are going back to the cabin right now". The big man makes a motion with his arm. "It's not safe out here".

"I'll be alright"

"Oh sure ? Well you are not the one I am worried about, it's everybody else. Can't you remember yesterday at all ?" He asks.

I stare at Martin. "I don't remember anything". I answer uncertain. "Were you here last night ? Did we hunt again ? Why are you here alone ?"

"Because my brother is back in the cabin with a bullet in his shoulder. And yes we found you last night, but no 'we' didn't hunt". He say shaking his head.

"What happened ?" I ask even though I am scared to hear the answer. Scared that it is about the dream. Because that would mean that it wasn't a dream.

"You ran of. That's what happened. Despite us warning you and promising to take care of you, you fucking ran. The whole reason we went up here was so it wouldn't go wrong". He say.

"So I wouldn't hurt anyone". I slump down on the brink.

"Yeah, but that is too late now". Martina say with a shrug. "Now we just need the last night over with and then we need to get our asses out of here".

"But what about the police ? What about the other people in that camp ? I have to turn myself in". I ascertain.

"And say what ? 'Sorry about that, wasn't really myself last night and well.. I slipped up' ? Oh that would be a super fun night. You and a prison filled with an all you Can eat bad guy buffet". He lets out an ironic laugh. "I don't think they appreciate that kind of community service".

"I can't just walk away like nothing happened. I killed someone for fucks sake". I almost yell.

Martin shakes his head. "It's sad and unfortunate. Let's talk it all through over a cup of earl grey back in the cabin. Hey I can braid your hair to if you like. Listen you were not yourself. The wolf still had to much control and you went on animal instincts. Right now we need to get out of here and tomorrow it is over for this time".

"Don't you fucking care ?" I look at Martin with disgust. "It's a number to cynical don't you think ? Even for you".

Martin snaps his jaw together, ignoring my last comment. "The car is one km up that way. Get those stilettos moving princess". He turns and walk away.

Reluctantly I get up and follow Martin. When we reach the car Martin throws me a shirt. I winter with pain as I pull it over my head. My muscles are beyond sore from all the running yesterday and God knows what else I had been doing during the night.

"Luckily you have no sense of direction, you are only 20 km from the cabin". Martin laughs, as we start the drive back. "Come on kid, it is going to be okay, I promise". The stupid grin disappear and for once he actually sound sympatic.

It is just too little and too late, and I don't answer, I can't make myself talk to him right now. The thoughts are whirling in my head. It is the guilt that plagues me the most. I killed a man, I ate some of him for fuck's sake. And now I am sitting here in the car, forced to care more about saving my own ass that facing the consequences. My lips starts to quiver, when I realise how deeply I resent myself and what I have become. But even more I hate the others for not preparing me better for this.

"What about the rest of... him ?" I manage to ask.

"It was buried further into the forest. With a bit of luck it is never found and if it is we just have to hope it no longer has Your drool all over it". Martin answers, keeping his eyes on the road.

It ?

It wasn't an it ! It was a human being, a man. And some part of that man is in my stomach now. The metallic taste instantly return. Oh God. "Stop the car, now !"

"No ! You are not throwing up in my car. You'll fucking swallow it if it comes up. I can't stop here. You can't leave any evidence for fucks sake". Martin halfway yell, pushing the car to go faster. "You'll have to wait and throw up when we get back. I just cleaned this car. Think of something else".

In a desperate attempt not to throw up I try and follow Martins advise. My mind find a picture of her. Her shy smile, the feeling of her hair running through my fingers, her beautiful eyes that had looked at me in that very special way. Oh what I would give to be with her right now. I place my hand on the cool window, right where her face should be. It helps thinking about her and I let out a sigh of relief when the nausea dies down just enough for me not to throw up.

Martin hardly have time to stop the car before I throw open the door and sprint into the cabin. I throw myself over the toilet, finally able to empty my stomach, closing my eyes, not wanting to see what comes up. The horrid smell and the half digested meat makes me throw up again and again. When there is no more to throw up I slide down on the floor and stay there.

I have had enough; I don't want to do this any longer. If I can't turn myself into the police, it is better if I am just no longer here at all. Why would I go on ? I Can never return to my old life. I can never return to her. Not now, not like this. Why not just give up and end this wolf shit ?

"Hey kid". There is a loud knocking on the door. "Are you still alive in there ?"

"Go away and find my a gun so I can shoot myself". I mumble, feeling totally lost.

"Okay princess, I'll go make you that club of tea now. Are you coming willingly or do I need to come back here and drag Your ass to the kitchen?"

I don't answer.

"Fine, but don't say I didn't warn you". I hear Martin stomp back to the other end of the cabin.

Slowly I pull myself up. Carefully not to look in the mirror I clean my face and brush my teeth, before I go to dress. There is a brand new set of jogging clothes on the bed, and I pull it on before making my way to the kitchen.

He actually made tea ! I slump down at the table, and stare at Martin and the cup he puts in front of me.

"Here you go princess, it ought to settle your stomach after a meal of liquid scotsman". Martin say, making an overly compassionate face. "I am Sorry but I can't find the brush, so we'll have to braid Your hair some other time okay ?"

"Okay cut the sarcasm for once, could you ? I get it, you think I'm a total wuss and a cry baby.i honestly couldn't care less, so say what you want, and leave me be". I don't look up. I feel like I am stuck in chest deep mud of despair and I don't even wish for anyone to pull me up. Right now I just want to let it drown me. A fitting punishment for murder.

"I am just trying to lift the spirits a bit. Damn were you always this much of a downer ?" Martin sits down across from me. "Well melancholy is quite normal among wolves".

"Oh wow, such big words, and from you nonetheless".

"I thought we were dropping the sarcasm ?" Martin rumbles, popping open a beer. "I am just trying to say that I know what you are going through. If it is any consolation you are not really depressed, it's just Your brain that is not able to follow the rest. You have turned on some buttons in the head that it wasn't build to use. On top of that you have gotten a massive overdose on every neurotransmitters in there. So you brain is a bit in need of a load up".

"Neurotransmitters ? Where did you pick up such a fancy word ?"

"Well I need something to do with my time, I mean I can't be banging hot women twentyfourseven right ?" He sends me a cheeky grin. "Don't worry, we heal up pretty fast, you brain will catch up and learn how to update after the party. You old man had to take some medicine at some point. Took a while for him to be back to normal".

"Good to know. Don't you forget one small thing ? I just killed a man.. maybe that is why I feel a bit down ?" I growl at him.

"You are still not the only one".

"Did you ever kill anyone ?"

"Nope, not me, but others have. Listen, I get it, you feel pretty bad about what happened. I am just telling you that it feels even worse with everything already happening in Your head. And for the last time kid, you were not you ? I mean you hardly even remember right ?" He say.

"No only bits and pieces, but it is no excuse". I whisper out in front of me.

"Okay listen here princess. Let's say Your turn yourself in like the day after tomorrow when the full moon is over. You get you sentence, yada yada yada. What about next full moon when you turn the entire fucking prison into shish kebab ?" Martin asks.

"I can stop it.. in some way". I swallow.

"So you are going to make up for it by killing yourself ? Damn that is poetic". Martin roll his eyes and sigh. "Forget it, okay ? Think about it". Every trace of humor and sarcasm is gone from his voice, actually it is friendly and sincere. "Do you Think this is a dream for the rest of us ? I actually thought about ending it myself for a while. This is the fucking reason I have no woman and no kids. I am not like Jonas and Your father; I don't want to put more of us into this World". He looks at the table, fumbling with his beer.

This is a side of Martin I have never seen before. I have always seen him as a happy go lucky bachelor with to many hormones to stick with one woman. I start to realise that everything I thought I knew about my uncle might not be true. For the first time I might actually get him.

"Anyway, I am sure you will feel better after a nap. The melancholy gets worse when you are tired. I'll wake you when it's time". He say, still looking at his beer.

"I don't want to eat anything living this time. Please can you make sure I don't eat anything ?" I look pleadingly at Martin.

"If you had stayed here yesterday you would have found out that is what the shack out back is for. You are going nowhere. You get to spend the night in the steel box and you are staying in there until you are yourself again". He say.

"Thank you". The relief spreads through me and I quickly dry a tear away.

"Hey, we are here for you kid okay ?". Martin puts his hand on my shoulder, squeezing it a bit. "Go take a nap now. I promise you will feel better".

I nod gratefully and slump down to my room, were I throw myself on the bed, burrowing my face in the pillow. I cry like I haven't done in years. The tears are numbing and for a short time they wash away the images of the poor man I had torn to pieces. Slowly the crying stops and I slip into deep sleep.