*Soleil*
I walk directly to the sink with the fish, trying to find a way to start this conversation, a way to save myself for a serious telling of. Siri is sitting alone at the table, plucking dry flowers of their stems.

"I caught some fish for dinner". I try and look at Siri. "Well kind of".

Siri doesn't answer or look up from her work. And for every second I feel worse and worse about what I did.

"Grab some rubber gloves and come over here, I could use a hand with this". She finally say.

I breathe a sigh of relief and quickly open a cabinet pulling out some rubber gloves. Then I go to sit down, pulling them on.

"Watch out you don't breathe in to much of the flowers; they are quite poisonous". Siri picks up one of the plants, showing me how to pull of the dry purple flowers and put them in a bowl.

"What are you using this for ?" I try to start a conversation. Maybe things will get better if we talk about the herbs.

"The plant is called nordic aconite. It is very poisonous and will cause instant death if you eat it. It has been used both as poison for arrows and to poison food and beverages through time". She answers.

"What are we doing with it, if it is that poisonous ?" I ask.

"We are making a very potent mixture of the flowers, that we put in glass ampoules. If you hit right, the poison can stop a hamram. It won't kill it, but it will slow it down and confuse it enough for us to put it down". Siri is pointing at a small pile of wrinkled stuff. "The root there I use for my arthritis pains. It is also very poisonous, but in small amounts it is a potent pain reliever".

"Siri I am sorry that I cursed at you and.. Well for what I did". I finally manage to get out.

"I know my dear". She continues to pluck the flowers. From her silence I know I have to do better.

"Tjalfe has already handed me an earful. I don't know what happened. I Got that hard hit in my stomach and I.. Well I kind of lost it". I feel the tears pressing behind my eyes and I gasp slightly not to cry.

"Would you feel better if I yell at you ? Tell you how wrong that was and that you have to be more careful ?" Siri stops her work and look at me.

"Yeah". I say, looking down.

"But I have already told you that the wind is directly linked to Your temper and that you have to learn to control it. That really didn't help. Did it ?" I shake my head, can't she just yell so we can move on ? "Sol, this isn't a summer camp. If you can't or won't do what is needed you are free to go home. If you can't follow my directions I have no use for you anyway. All of our lives depend on you doing what you are told". Siri's voice is cold, not angry or blaming.

The words tear at my heart and I have tears in my eyes when I look up. "I truly wish I had never done that. All those dead animals and the trees". I whisper. "I get it if you want me to leave".

"It isn't a question about what we want. We have to be able to trust that you are were we tell you to be and do what we tell you to do". Siri's worried eyes makes me swallow. I have been so egotistical. Will I ever be able to do things right ? Her voice turns soft. "When that is said, you are under a lot of pressure my dear. You have just discovered a whole World others are spared to ever know about".

"I feel like all I do I whining and crying". I sniffle. "And feel sorry for myself".

"You are exhausted my dear. It is totally comprehensible that you are sensitive. The rest of us wasn't much better when we received the calling. I had extensive training and was slowly guided to be ready for my first sitting out and I got just at scared as you when I Saw my first hamram. I was close to giving up my calling". Siri admits. "Everything has been different with you. Because of the dark one we had to speed up Your training. And we don't have the powers you do, so we have to find out how to deal with a Jötnar. This is why we agreed to give you some extra space, but I Think we can agree that it has been used now right ?"

"Definitely agree". I nod feeling relieved.

"Actually I totally get you being frustrated over the staff, not to talk about the jumping". She say with a soft smile.

"I just can't get of the ground like they do. I mean it looks like they are jumping on trampolines". I rest my elbows on the table and resignedly places my face in my hands.

"Oh I had trouble getting my ass with me in the beginning too". Siri giggles. "Luckily my calling was with the dísir and they gave me the gift to protect my sisters with my galdr, so I didn't need as much physical training".

"So when I have Tjalfe .." . I start hopefully, lighting up, but is stopped by Siri's arches eyebrows. "I mean because my kin is a Jötnar and my skills are galdr to, then I don't need to train so much either".

"I am afraid that you don't get out of the training. Your live can depend on it if you can't call Your kin one day. It also teaches you to work with Your sisters". She say.

"I just can't understand how they can jump that high". I sigh, shaking my head tiredly.  Marta and Gudrun are literally Breaking the laws of nature when they jump around and twist in the air. I have tried doing as they say, but I still can't jump any higher than I always could.

"That is why you can't do it. You are still bound by what Your brain tells you are physical possible". Siri says.

"What do you mean ?"

"Your brain, Your reason knows how high a normal human being can jump. You have seen and tried that all Your life". She studies me for a moment. "Tell me has anything been normal since you arrived here ?"

"Nope and not physically possible either". I mumble thoughtfully.

"See that is where you are wrong my dear. If it wasn't physically possible, Well then we couldn't do it my dear". Siri winks at me. "After all we are only humans".

"Does that mean that anyone can turn into half a wolf and talk to trolls ? That is just not natural". I shake my head.

"Out of everything you have learned, what is the essentielle ?" Siri asks.

"That it is supernatural". I mumble, making Siri laugh.

"The fish you caught for dinner". She nods towards the sink. "How did you catch them ?"

"It was an accident". I am once again reminded of the horrible mess I have made.

"Was it an accident to catch fish ? How do you do that ?" She asks curiously.

I sigh. "It was the wind I created that drowned the fish".

"And why did you bring the fish back with you ?" She ask.

"Tjal.. my kin told me I could make up a bit for all the shit I have done if I find a staff amongst the trees I have knocked over, makes a set of runes and make dinner from the dead fish". I answer, making a face. "Sorry his words, not mine".

"Oh yeah the shit. Well I prefer calling it the balance". Siri chuckles. "You have pushed nature out of it's balance and you should do what you can to reestablish it. Just like our fight against the hamram is to bring the balance back".

"So jumping is about balance ?"

"Everything is about the balance. What do you think would happen if everyone could turn into a wolf or an elephant ? Or was able to manipulate themself into a bank vault ? Do you think there would be balance in this World then ?" Marta asked, her and Gudrun had just walked in.

"Is there were-elephants too ?" I ask my eyes huge at the prospect.

"Hypothetically". Marta sits down at the table. "It would end in ragnarok if everyone was allowed access to their true potential".

Marta's gaze makes me look down, my cheeks burning with embarrassment. Of course I had totally ruined the little bit of good will I had build with her.

It is Your own damn fault Soleil !

"And now you are wondering who is deciding that there need to be a balance right ?" Gudrun chips in from the sink.

"I have seriously started doubting that anyone is in charge here". I say. "Is there ?" At least she isn't as angry with me like Marta.

"There has to be, but it doesn't seem to matter if you believe in one God or another. Vi have both taoist, muslim and voodoo practising sisters". Gudrun answers ass she flea the fish with skilled hands. "You would think I was a step ahead by believing in the old norse gods. I mean it is the faith that Tordis had, but no".

"I have given up on finding heads and tails in this". I sigh.

"Right now you mostly needs to learn how to trust yourself my dear". Siri chuckles and get up to get a jar of dried aconite. "Maybe you should go for a walk, see if you can find your own staff as Your kin asked you too. Maybe that can help you get some air under that derriere".

"So we are okay ?" I ask.

"Yes we are my friend. I am quite sure you have learned Your lesson now". Siri nods and disappear into the pantry.

"I have, I promise". I call after her, smiling softly. I am not sure how finding a staff will help me jump any higher, but if just Siri isn't angry with me any longer I am sure things will be okay. No matter what I have to go to the lake and to what I promised Tjalfe.