*Soleil*
The next couple of days are even worse getting through. Opening up to nature takes so much energy and most days I am asleep,before my head hits the pillow and I have no energy to Think of anything but training. It takes me forever to answer Davina's messages. I simply don't have much time alone. I only have time to answer when I am in the bathroom or on my way to bed. And the answers I get worries me. Davina's messages are different, so elated and almost sanguine. After asking several times she Finally admitted to having met a guy. I am truly happy for me, she deserves to be happy. But she won't tell me anything about him or who he is. It makes me sad because we have never had secrets for each other. From now it Will all be different. I have to lie about all of this and if she can't tell me about her life either, I feel it will tear us apart.

While getting ready to go to bed I read the latest message from Davina. 'I have promised not to tell anyone yet sweetie. He is just so fucking amazing and I am scared to lose him. Please stop asking okay ? Miss you a lot, can't wait for you to get home. Davina'.

'I am so happy for you sweetie. Looking forward to coming home now. Way to hot down here. Okay I'll stop asking, BUT you are telling me EVERYTHING about Mr mystery guy when I get home, even if I can't know his name. Well need to get to bed, another hard day tomorrow. Hugs'.

With a sigh I send the text and scroll to the next unread. It is from Zac. Every single time I check my phone I have one or more messages from him and they always makes me smile. It has become increasingly impossible to keep him of my mind and I have started to wonder if there is a way to make it work, a way to be with him. As I am about to write him a new message tick in. 'Another day is coming to an end, and you are closer to getting home. Just wanted to say goodnight and tell you that I miss you'.

Butterflies immediately run amok in my stomach and I know I am smiling like an idiot, seeing his warm hazel eyes on the screen.

'I look forward to coming home. I am sorry I don't answer very fast, but I am so busy with finishing up everything, I am literally working my ass off'. I write back.

I put my phone on the nightstand and pulls the blanket over myself. Just as I turn of the light a new message lights up the room and I grab it to read. 'Your ass off ? Didn't know you knew such fancy language.. he he. It's totally ok that it takes time to answer. You can make it up to me when you get home ;-)'

'I Can believe that.. Night Zac'. I giggle.

I lay back down, staring at the ceiling. How will it be to see him again ? Will he still like me at all, now when I use fancy words, as he had called it ? I am no longer the shy and insecure girl who had cried her eyes out over him when he left her standing on the church path. And what about Davina ? Will she like the new me ? I don't think I could handle it if they both turns their back on me. Not even if one of them do.

Even if my body is totally beat I give up on sleeping. I get up and sneak down to the lake. "Tjalfe !" I call and sit down on the shore. "Tjalfe are you here ?"

"Sure my friend. Right here". Tjalfe sits down next to me. "I Can see this is not about work".

"Don't you dare tell me it isn't allowed okay ? I need a friend right now". I look at him.

"Well my job includes keeping you mentally stable. This has to fit with that". He grins. "But it is all Your choice kin, you are not forced to stay or accept Your calling you know ? You can say no, have a normal life if you want".

"But that is it.. I really can't. I Got the calling because I am needed, I can't just ignore it. I have a responsibility". I say.

"Someone else can take over. You are not the only one". He muse.

"Maybe not, but the board of directors chose me for a reason".

"Board of directors ?" He chuckles.

  I nod. "I have given up on figuring all that god stuff out. So I just imagine that they all sit at a round table somewhere, the gods that is".

"Very new age". Tjalfe chuckles.

"Very funny, can we please stay on subject ?" I pout.

"But it fucking is the subject. You spend more energy on pleasing others, than you do on even considering Your own needs. What do you want ?" He asks.

I press my lips together, looking over the water, as I try swallowing the lump growing in my throat. "Isn't it enough to want to save innocent people ? The young man Marta and Gudrun killed, he had a life too, he didn't ask for this. Was he given a choice at all ?"

"I guess it is an okay reason, but only if you believe it, like deep down and is ready to fight for it". He cocks his head. "But that is not the reason we are having this chat, is it now ?"

"Why do you ask when you already know the answer ?"

He sigh. "I only know the question, you meat suits tend to make up a solution as you go along".

"But is it possible ? I am going home in a couple of days, how will that work ? I can't just go back to my old life and keep lying to my family and friends". I mumble.

"And him". Tjalfe worries his brow.

"And him". I sigh. He looks into the distance, hesitating. And I bite my lip. "I know, you can't tell me shit".

"Nope. Free will and all that ass". He growls, but shakes his head and turns his attention back to me. "But listen. You are not alone with the bill on that point pipsqueak. The other vǫlur has a private life too. They might have at least a single advice about making things work".

"They might, but there isn't really time for talking stuff like that. I am working twentyfourseven here". I sigh.

Something bumps against the bridge making a small sound. I turn towards the sound with a small gasp.

"Oh that sound means that you are ready". Tjalfe is laughing happily, pulling me towards the bridge.

"Where did it come from ?" I look along the edge, but I couldn't see anything in the dark water. But then my eyes fall on a branch being caught under the bridge. I lean over the edge put my arms are too short and when I stretch I slip and Fall head first into the cold water. With a choked up scream I surface, cursing badly.

"It wasn't me, I swear". Tjalfe say, laughing his head off.

"Sure !" I sner, pulling the branch with me ashore. "Look at me, I look like a drowned kitten".

"Yeah, but look what you found". He is smiling.

I pick up the branch, weighing it in my hand. It feels good in my hand. I try twirling it, smiling excited at Tjalfe. "This is it, isn't it ? My staff". I throw myself around his neck and he returns the hug with a huge grin.

"You might want to put on a pot of coffee. There is sandpaper in the shed". He smiles knowingly. "I gotta go pipsqueak".

"I greet you kin". I whisper. When he is gone I grab my staff and almost run to the shed.

It takes me most of the night to peel of the bark and polishing it. I have no,Real idea what I am doing, but it is like my hands know it and I am to swallowed up be my work to care.

When the staff is done, I try twirling it. I am happy with my result and go start training the combos I have tried and tried.

Early in the morning when Gudrun steps out to get water from the pump, the first thing she sees is me, training. "Look, perfectly balanced". I yell. Throwing it from one hand to another.

"Wow. Have you been out here all night ? You have definitely gotten a hang of the technique". She say happily.

Marta shows up in the door when she hear us talking. "Oh you found your staff". She nods approvingly. "So have you gotten those combos under control ?"

I shrug, but I am pretty sure my smile gives me away.

"Great, show us". Marta crosses her arms and nod towards Gudrun, who grabs her staff from behind the door and joins me. She stretches and swings her staff a couple of times as I follow her every move.

As soon as she signals that she is ready I attack. I twirl the staff around my body, then slams it into the ground, using it as leverage to kick for Gudruns head.

She pulls up her staff just in the last second, and I kick that instead. Then she counter attack, but I roll back and out of her way.

As soon as I get on my feet, she attacks again, but this time a parry. Her last hit, sends me to my knees and she swings for my back. I swing my staf over my back, taking most of the impact. Then I push her staff away and roll away sideways. Making her open up and I drive my staff into her diaphragm, sending her on her ass.

"That must be revenge for all those times I hit Your guts". She laughs when she has gotten her breath back. "Give me a hand". She hold out her hand and I go over to her to help her.

At the last moment I hear the swipe and jump before Gudrun's staff knocks the legs from beneath me. My jump is just as High as the others and that takes Gudrun by surprise. She just sit there, staring at me. I land in front of her and set in the finishing hit. But stop just in time, just tapping her forehead lightly with my staff. The fight is over and I won.

As soon as Gudrun has sworn, that she really did loose, I pull her up and she cheers. "Did you see Marta, she jumped".

"And won". Marta nods appreciatively.

"I think it is time for breakfast". Siri chuckles, she had come out and seen most of the fight. "You are ready to go home now". She smiles proudly at me for a moment, before walking back inside.

"So.. now when we are about to go home and all that.. what will happen then ?" I ask, looking nervously at the others atwe sit around the table.

"Well I am flying back to Norway to see my parents. It has been quite I while since I saw them last". Marta say.

"But what are you telling them ? How do you live Your normal life when you have a whole other life here ?" I hope they can make me feel more hopeful.

"It wasn't easy at first. In vinter I work as a ski instructor and in the summer I give guided tours of the mountains, both here and back in Norway. So I those when I want to work". Marta tells. "My parents stay out of my life now. But back when I was young I told them I needed to get away after a bad break up. They stopped asking".

"It is no secret that it can get lonely being a vǫlva. We only have each other to confide in and it is rare to have serious romantic relationships for long. The secrets tend to break things apart". Siri say looking at her plate.

They all get that hint in their eyes that I have seen before. "I have my own little boutique with herbs and a bit of fortune telling". Siri tells. "It pays my bills and I have an sweet older lady to run it when I am away. It's in London, so I will be close to you my dear".

"Unfortunately I got a bit longer when I am home on the faroe islands". Gudrun say with a grin. "But my job as a freelance journalist makes it possible for me to work wherever I want as long as I have an internet connection. There is always something to write about. I also have a small apartment in London. My friends are used to me coming and going. They just think I am of on a job".

"But isn't it hard, all the lies I mean ?" I just can't imagine my mother and Davina or Zac either will accept me just brushing them off.

"You will find a cover story with time. For now you are in School and you need to finish that. We will make sure you are only called to join when you can fit it in. It is important that you get an education. Unfortunately it pays nothing being a vǫlva". Siri winks at me.

"Okay; it would be a lot easier if I actually knew what I wanted to do when I grow up". I mumble a bit sarcastic, but I keep hearing Siri's word in my head. The secrets tend to break things apart.