Before you read this chapter there's something I want to tell you: You are the main character of your own story. You are the most important person of your world. It starts with you. So for a change, believe it.

Chapter 35 - Hero

I got something from my conversation with Niall and I don’t mean more heartache. I actually learnt something before it was too painful to stand there in front of him, watching him looking at me with sad eyes, still hoping I would change my mind and I went home without Charlie. I learnt that he was right. On my way back home I thought about it and realised he was right. Rhonda controlled me. That makes more sense than her ever wanting me to be happy and one of the family. And she controlled me many other times.

I've let her control me.

I still believe that Niall is a piece of her game and I don’t want to be part of it, but now I know that I’m still a piece of her game. I thought I was out, I told Niall I was out but that isn’t true. I realised that. I’m still letting her control me at some level because I still live with her shadow haunting me. I still do things because she would hate me to do them.

Now that I think about it I realise that many times I did things just because I knew she would hate me for doing them, because that would piss her off; not because I wanted to do them. And I refused to do other things because that would mean to do something she’d like to, not because I really didn’t want them to do.

Being with Niall is that, her choice. And I’m not sure anymore whether I’m really choosing or if I’m letting myself being controlled. It’s likely that if I go back to him and ask him to take me back, I’d be doing that because that’s what Rhonda didn’t want me to do from the beginning, that’s why she manipulated me, as Niall said. And if I choose not being with him, is it because I really don’t want to be with him or because he’s part of Rhonda’s game?

In my mind I see a big board that she controls. The retreat centre was the centre of the board and every guest is a piece she’s ready to use. Every celebrity outside is a plausible piece. Jenny and Kimmy are pieces… and I was a piece. I’m that piece trying to run away, not to be disposed.

I’m having problems figuring out whether I’m still on that board or not.

It was so clear before, I was so sure that I was free and over with her, but Niall made me realise I’m not and that I still have things to sort out. I’m not out of the game because I won, because she’s still playing. I don’t know if I can stop her, but I can take myself and step out of her game. For real, facing her.

That’s why I ask Charlie to take me to the retreat centre the next day. He doesn’t understand what I’m doing, especially why I didn’t go back to Niall if I know that breaking up with him is what Rhonda wanted me to do. He’s as used as I am to do things that Rhonda doesn’t want me to do and this is a big step I’m taking.

I’m still not sure what I’m going to tell her once I get there, I just know I have to face my nightmares. I have to face that monster that I have for a stepmother. This is something I need to do to cut all the threads she has on me. I’m not free, not really free, until I do this. This is the dragon I have to slaughter to be my own prince.

Not Niall, myself. I have to be my own hero.

“Do you want me to go with you?” Charlie asks stopping his truck at the entrance of the complex.

“No,” I say shaking my head and with my hand ready to open the door. “I need to do this alone.”

My best friend nods and gives me a hug before I get out the truck and walk directly to Rhonda’s office. I know some employees are surprised to see me. I’m surprised to be there again.

As I walk towards her office I gather all the courage I need. Hatred is what has moved me all these years but this time is different. I’m not doing this out of hatred, although I feel rage, but that’s not the thing that drives me. I’m doing this because it’s what I have to do, because this is the real battle I had to fight many years ago. This is me fighting the dragon to get the princess and no, I’m not the princess. My freedom is my princess, I’m the knight in the shiny armour. Or that’s what I want to be.

I was seeing the cliché fairy tale from the wrong perspective.

I knock at the door and I hear the soft come in. I walk in slowly, with a grin on my face and I enjoy the surprise in her face when she sees me there. “Arabella!” She exclaims, her eyes wide open before she collects herself. “What are you doing here?”

“I came here to finish a business,” I say as I close the door and walk up to her desk, taking a seat across from her. “I’ve been thinking lately and you know what happened yesterday?” I say with a voice so controlled that I almost sound like her.

“What happened, dear?” She asks and I almost cringe at her words.

“I realised you are a bitch. I mean, I knew it before, but I just realised what a massive bitch you are. You have controlled me all these years and I didn’t even notice. But I guess I have to give you some credit or something, I mean, you’re a clever bitch.”

“I won’t allow you to speak to me like that!” She exclaims and I raise my hand.

“You’re not my boss anymore,” I remind her and I see her clenching her fists. She knows that. “And I’m just saying the truth. You manipulated me so I would break up with Niall. You used my hatred for you to make me stay, didn’t you? You knew I wanted to win, I wanted to defeat you.”

Rhonda doesn’t say anything and for a moment I think she’ll play dumb, but then she grins.

“It took you a while, dear Arabella. Since your father died you only fought me, so I had to use that in my favour. It’s the only way to succeed in this life. You were very cooperative, dear,” she confesses and it makes my blood boil that I've let her use me that way.

I never acknowledged how cunning she is.

“I always thought I was my own owner, that I made my decisions but it wasn’t like that, was it? You were always controlling me somehow,” I defy and she doesn’t even bother to fake ignorance. She just waves dismissively. “You were aware of everything.”

“That’s your fault, dear. You are too naïve for your own good. I was making you stronger,” she says but I can hear her sarcasm. She’s not hiding it this time.

“Bullshit. Let’s stop with this game, shall we?” I say and she looks at me with curiosity in her eyes. “I’m out.”

“You walked out of this centre long ago. You said it, Arabella, I’m not your boss anymore.”

“But you’re still my nightmares,” I confess because it’s true.

Sometimes I still dream she’s around, that I’ll wake up and I’ll still be trapped in this place, under her control. Even at some subconscious level she still controls me, but I’m done with her.

“Why isn’t that hurtful? Ella, you shouldn’t be that harsh with your stepmother, after all I just want your wellbeing.”

I know she is not trying to make me believe that like she did once. I see the mock in her eyes and I hear it in her voice. She’s is mocking me, just that. She’s laughing at me because once she played that card and I bought it.

I was so naïve.

“I’m out, Rhonda. For real this time. You won’t control me anymore because I’ll do what I want. I won’t mind if you approve of it or not. I’ll be with whomever I want and you won’t have a say in the matter. I won’t think of you when I make a decision. I won’t have you in the back of my mind anymore. I’m cutting the threads.”

“So what are you going to do now? Go back to that boy, that famous boy that will remind you of me all the time?” She defies me and I know he will, he will always remind me of Rhonda and her game.

“I may,” I answer, shrugging. “That’s my business only. I do what I want.”

I know she’s angry and this time I don’t allow myself to get satisfaction from that. I’m not going to fall in her game anymore. If I’m cutting the threads then I better stop this sick game now. It’s time to grow up and set free. For real.

“You are just my stepmother, a woman I don’t like. But you won’t have more power over me, Rhonda. It’s over,” I say with a proud smile because I should’ve done this long ago. Maybe the day I noticed how she was making me her slave.

“Do what you want, you’re not my responsibility anymore. You’re an adult now, so be one,” she says and for a moment I almost get angry at her because I know what she’s doing. She’s trying to play with my mind one more time, making me believe that she doesn’t care about what I do when she still wants to control me.

“I’ll do, thank you,” I answer, not getting mad or happy because this time I’m doing what I want. Whether it makes her happy or angry, I don’t care anymore.

I’m setting myself free here.

“Go back to that boy even though you don’t deserve him,” she defies one more time and I see a crack in her façade, I see rage in her eyes.

“You’re right, I don’t deserve him because I was stupid for letting you control me for so many years. But I may still go to him if I want to. Whether I do or not, it’s my business only. You’ll find out in the magazines… maybe.”

I stand up still looking at her, telling her that it’s over. I’m walking out of her game but I’m taking my piece with me. I’m my own piece in my own game. This is my life and only mine.

“I still have this place to myself,” she says and I know she does because she wants to have the last word.

“Oh, about that,” I say looking at her over my shoulder, not even fully turning around. “You better take care of this place, Rhonda. I won’t fight for it because celebrities need it, you know? But if I don’t like what you’re doing I’ll fight for it and I’ll make sure you lose the case. After all you said it, I’m part of this family. I’m the only rightful Drennan here so be careful, Rhonda. Forty per cent of this place is mine, after all.” I grin when I see the rage taking over her expression before she controls it. “We’re family and I control my life now, every aspect of it. I have power, too.”

And with that I leave her office, feeling powerful, feeling in control. Very different from how I felt when I left the first time. Now I’m sure I have everything sorted out, now I really feel free because I left her ghost in her office with her. She’s my stepmother but I’m my own owner. Whether she likes what I do or not is irrelevant, I’ll do what I want.

And I could totally go to Niall right now, knock at his door —even if I don’t know where he lives— and smile at him, telling him things are all right and we can be together. But you know what? I won't do that. Not because it’s cliché or anything.

You see how Cinderella escapes her stepmother just to become a princess? When is she just Cinderella? When does she have time to be herself, to find herself? She was a prisoner for so many years just to become the prince’s girl. Cinderella didn’t get time to be herself, to discover the world on her own, to enjoy her freedom. Somehow she was always someone else’s property of some sort. But I don’t want that.

I’ve dreamt of my freedom for so many years. I’ve waited for this for so long and I want to be just me. I don’t want to be Ella, that girl manipulated by Rhonda. I don’t just want to become Niall Horan’s girlfriend. I want to be on my own, I want to be with myself. This is my time, this is my chance. I want to enjoy this and find myself.

I’m my own hero and I want to enjoy the freedom I earned and I don’t need to be with somebody to do that. I have a whole life ahead and maybe I’ll find another amazing guy like Niall, or maybe we will meet again in the future and it will be our time. I don’t know and isn’t that exciting? Not knowing what the future holds for you. Life is an adventure and I want to live it as I discover myself. I’m not Cinderella, I’m not a lady in distress and my fight is over. I slaughtered the dragon. Now I only have my life and my decisions ahead.

I can’t wait.

When I get to where Charlie is waiting for me, I’m smiling happily. Happiest than I’ve ever been and he notices. “I assume it went well,” he ventures and I smile as I hug him.

“It went how it was supposed to go. I’m free,” I say and he smiles, happy for me as well.

“So, where now?” He asks with his hand on the key of the ignition, still smiling at me. I guess he expects me to tell him to take me to Niall. That’s what any other girl would do, right? But I’m not your normal girl after all.

“Let’s just live, Charlie. Let’s keep living our dream. Fighting every day to get what we want,” I tell him with a big smile and hope and excitement bubbling inside of me. This is the beginning of my life, of my dream and I can’t wait to live it. “Let’s go home.”

Charlie chuckles as he says, “Ready then?”

“More than ready. Ready to live my new adventure,” I reply happily.

He starts the ignition and with it the radio that is just playing Hero by Jessie J. “Oh, you want me to change it?” Charlie asks, ready to change the station. “I know your story with Jessie J,” he adds and I chuckle as I stop him, remembering that time she caught me singing as I was cleaning the toilet of her  room.

The chorus hits in that moment and I start to smile very differently.

I don’t need no hero
I can save myself no hero
Anything is possible, feeling indestructible
I don’t need no hero
I don’t need no hero

 I laugh and I see Charlie watching me with curiosity in his eyes.

“It’s okay,” I tell him. “I like this song,” I add and he laughs because I feel the power of it and I feel it speaking to me. After what Rhonda did I’m saving myself, I’m being my own hero.

Charlie laughs as well and we start moving as the song keeps playing while I look out of the window with Jessie J still saying that I don’t need a hero.

Some clichés are good.

-:-:-:-

All I wanted to teach you with this story is that you are the most important person in your world. You are the main character. Start believing it. You are not the princess, you are the knight in shiny armour. I believe in you... even if you don't see that yet.

Dedication to @That_Crazy_Kid for being happy for Ella.

Bel, xx