Well, fuck.

Darren broke up with me. I mean, I'm not really that upset about it, because he was a wanker, but still. That means I'm single. Again.

"What's your problem, mate?" Phil asks me, sitting on the swing next to me. I just sigh, a bit embarrassed about my situation.

"Darren broke up with me," I admit reluctantly.

"Good. He was a wanker anyway," Phil says, surprising me a bit. Sure, he was a knobhead, but I wouldn't think that it would be Phil to say something about it. Usually he's really supportive about the blokes I fancy.

"Eh?"

Phil clears his throat. "Well, I mean it's no secret the way he treated you, Chris. He's made it blatantly obvious that he was just using you for attention."

"I know, but I'll be the laughing stock at school now."

He scoffs. "You're more concerned about being laughed at by our classmates than being in a one-sided relationship? We're graduating this year, you know."

I smile a bit at Phil's logic. He caught my bluff, as usual. "Yes, well, I suppose you're right. That's idiotic."

"Very."

Phil, I've noticed, has been on edge ever since I got together with Darren. It seemed to have been a mixture between disappointment, anger, and jealousy, though I can't pinpoint exactly why. After all, Phil is straight. He dated a few blokes in middle school, but he admitted later that it was because he wanted to be like me.

Maybe it is jealousy and I'm just naïve. Of course, I don't know what any bloke would see in me- even Phil.

Suddenly, he sighs, startling me out of my thoughts. "Chris, can I ask you something?" He asks, and immediately, I grow tense. Of course, I don't expect it to be something too personal; after all, it is Phil. I tell everything, so everything personal about me, he already knows. Still, I worry.

"Anything, mate." Well, maybe not anything.

He sighs again, before taking a deep breath. "Would you ever consider going with me?"

Bam.

Like a car halting to a stop, Phil has brought silence to my thoughts. Me? Going with my best mate? Could itbe that he fancies me?

I take a deep breath and ponder my word choice carefully. "I... yes, I would consider it."

"Oh."

An awkward silence falls between us, and I wonder for just how long he's been meaning to ask that question. "Do you... fancy me, Phil?" I ask quietly.

He bites his lip when he's nervous. I first noticed it back in Year 7, when he bit his lips so hard before a cricket match that it started bleeding, and he was taken out of the game. I started watching his lips when we were in tense situations, such as when we had that really bad storm at school back in Year 8. If he wasn't biting his lip, it meant that he knew what he was doing and that there was nothing to fear. Otherwise, I had a reason to worry myself, since Phil has always been the level-headed one of the two of us. When he talked to girls he really liked, he bit his lip. When he was indifferent to them, he was the most charming bloke at school. It gave me a good idea on who he fancied.

It was only now that I realized how often he bit his lip around me. Sometimes, we'd just be having a casual conversation and he'd bite his lip. I didn't understand what it meant until now.

He bites his lip, and it clicks.

"Do you..."

I can't finish the sentence before Phil's lips are on mine. He pulls me close to him, and though I've kissed many blokes before him, his kiss is different. It's not just infatuation or lust driving his desire for me. I can feel the fear in his body posture, the longing in the way he touches me, and true love in the way his lips move against mine.

Phil Harvey is in love with me.

Call it magic

When he pulls away, I immediately yearn for his warmth against my body, for his large hands tracing down my sides, for his skin up against mine.

"Phil?"

Looking ashamed, Phil lifts up his head. I feel my cheeks grow hot and I grab his hand. "Is it wrong to want to be in a relationship with your best mate?"

His eyes widen in surprise at my question. "You mean... you liked it? You want to... have a relationship with me?"

I think about the complications that being in a relationship will bring. Jealousy. Anger. Sadness. Fights. Maybe even a loss of our friendship. However, with that also comes Phil's love and desire for me, something that I'm not used to. I get his attention, his caring heart, a piece of him...

I want to take care of him.

"I mean... is it okay to want to start something serious with you? I know it's kind of wrong to want to date your best mate and all, but I think... I think I can see something with you that I've never seen with anyone else before. It's like an unspoken connection that we have. On the surface, it's friendship. It's... I don't know. Underneath everything, though, it's something more. It's something that I want to exploit and expose. I want to take a risk with you."

I surprise myself at my own speech. Phil, too, seems surprised, and he removes his teeth from his bottom lip. "You want to try this?"

I gulp. "If... if that's okay with you."

He seems to think for a minute, before nodding and grinning one of his large, toothy smiles. "It's definitely okay with me," he answers, and he brings his lips to mine for our first kiss as an official couple.

"So... happy one minute anniversary," he says, and I giggle.

"God, you're not one of those people are you?" I ask, laughing.

"I thought you would like it!"

"No! That's just wrong, man!"

We both fall into a fit of giggles, both of us nearly tumbling down the hill we were on. Phil scoots over, offering me a place on the swing, and I accept, our bodies squeezed together on the small piece of plywood. He takes my hand, and something about the whole situation feels so right. His kisses, his hand in mine, our bodies snuggled together... it all feels like it was meant to be.

"I feel like we were meant to be," Phil blurts, probably reading my mind.

"I was just thinking the same thing," I admitted, staring lovingly into his brown eyes.

His pink cheeks grew a fiercer shade of scarlet, and I smiled. Phil had stolen my heart and I had stolen his. I guess that was one way to start off adult life: get into a relationship with your best mate.

When I was eight and our teacher told us to draw what we would look like in five, ten, and fifteen years, I promise that I didn't draw myself with another bloke. I drew myself as a 13 year old boy, with a bit of stubble (which still hasn't come yet), and a buzzcut (which has, unfortunately). I was wearing sunglasses and I looked badass. The drawing of 18 year old me looked just like 13 year old me, except I was leaning against a red car, and I had a girl next to me. The drawing of myself as a 23 year old was the girl and I in our big house in the countryside, and we already had two kids. I think it's funny how I never imagined myself to be gay, even though I very obviously liked blokes better than girls, even back in Year 3.

I wonder what that boy would think of me now, dating his best mate.

"I won't let you down, Chris," Phil whispers to me.

"I won't let you down."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Philip Christopher Hammond Harvey," the principal calls, and Phil stands up a few rows ahead of me, before walking up to receive his diploma, accompanied by a thunder of applause. Phil was one of the most popular people at school, though why, I can't identify. He always hangs out with me, a complete nerd, and I never thought that Phil was any cooler than I am. Maybe it's because he's in psychology. All those kids in psychology seem to have a way with people. That's probably not a coincidence, now that I think about it.

He waves at me before he returns to his seat, and I can only think about Phil as the names of kids in my row are called. "Christopher Anthony John Martin," the principal calls, but I'm too deep in thought to hear him.

I try to look for Phil, and see his smiling face staring back at me. The principal clears his throat, snapping me out of my thoughts. "Christopher Anthony John Martin," he calls again, and I notice everyone looking at me.

Feeling flustered, I stand up and walk up to receive my diploma. Phil shoots me a smile, and my shoulders immediately relax as I proceed back to my seat.

After the ceremony, our school puts on a banquet, that only us graduating students are allowed to attend. Here, every student is supposed to sign the wall, and then give a speech about how great it is to be in high school. It usually only take about 45 minutes, since most of us are completely sick of school and want to leave, including myself, but Phil convinces me to stay with him so that we can sign the wall together.

"Phil, why don't you come up and speak?" A boy suggests, and Phil accepts, but not before dragging me up with him.

"Hey there, chaps!" He begins, and I stand there beside him awkwardly. "My time here with all of you has been the best years of my life. I loved spending time with each and every one of you."

What can I do but just continue to stand here? Is he going to acknowledge me, or do I have to continue being the awkward piece of shit that I am? Should I clear my throat to remind him that I'm here?

"This, as you all know, is Chris. Just this week we decided to become a couple. I wanted to tell you all this because after years of secretly crushing on my best mate, I realized that with graduation comes growing up, and that means that we need to be assertive and try hard for the things that we want most in our lives. I wanted to fight for Chris' love. I was willing to take a risk and fight, because I wanted him, and look where we are now."

I blush at Phil's words, and the rest of the class awes. I expect at least one of them to spit at us and call us faggots, but they all seem to be in too good of a mood to ruin someone else's night. Phil kisses my cheek quickly, before turning back to face the crowd of people.

"I leave you today by encouraging all of you to do something that you were too afraid to do in your time with us. Tell a girl or bloke that you love them. Snog someone. Start a band. It doesn't matter! Just go out there, be assertive, and get out of your comfort zone!"

Everyone cheers and Phil turns to the wall to sign it. He hands me a pen and we sign it together, our signatures tied together by a heart drawn by Phil. I think it's cheesy, but Phil convinces me that it's supposed to represent our long-lasting friendship and hopefully, relationship. "You're so corny," I giggle.

"Eh, it's what I do best, you know?"

"Believe me, I know," I tease.

We walk out of the school, and Phil pulls me aside. "Chris, what I said back there... I meant it."

I look at him curiously. "You mean about having a crush on me for years?"

He smiles slightly and nods. "I don't know why I didn't tell you before. It seems so obvious now that this was meant to be. Maybe it was the stress of school, or my emotions finally unable to take being trapped in my heart. Either way, it's out now and I..." he shakes his head. "Nevermind."

"What were you about to say?"

He shakes his head. "Don't worry about it. I don't want to scare you away," he says with a chuckle.

"Phil, you couldn't scare me away," I encourage him, taking his hands in mine.

He sighs. "Chris I... somewhere between Year 10, when I first developed a crush on you, and now, I fell in love with you. Real, undeniable, unforgettable love. I love you, Chris."

So, it was him to say it first.

Do I love Phil? Of course, as a friend, I do. I love him like I would love any of my friends. Still, I did like him enough to agree to be in a romantic relationship with him. Does that translate to love? I don't know. I've never been in love with someone before.

"I want to love you, too, Phil. I hope that someday I can get to that point with you, to when we're both happy together and in love with each other."

He smiles dejectedly in response, and I immediately feel bad. Maybe I should have said it back, just so he wouldn't be mad at me.

"I'm sorry, Phil, I've just-"

"No, it's alright. I understand." He pulls me in for a kiss on his soft lips, and I can't resist his gentle touch on my sensitive skin.

Things go from gentle to steamy very quickly. His arms snake around my waist, encompassing my arse, and his touch grows more fierce. We kiss each other as if we were melting, and I know exactly what's going to happen.

"Phil," I whisper, and he nods. We sprint over to his car, and he pulls the blinds over the windows. "Why do you have blinds in your car?" I ask.

"I always come prepared for moments like this," he says with a chuckle, before turning back to me, fire in his eyes.

"Are you sure you're ready?" Phil asks gently, not wanting to scare me away.

I smile, and nod, going to unbutton my cardigan. He helps me with my trousers, and though my hands are shaking, I help him with his as well.

He stares at my bare chest, waiting for his moment to strike, before leaning over and grabbing me hard in between my legs. I wimper, and he quickly pauses. "Did I hurt you? Do you want me to stop?"

I shook my head, my breathing pace increasing with each second that passes.

He smiles, before picking off where he left off, by grabbing my balls and squeezing hard. He uses this grip to swing himself over top of me, before plunging his mouth onto my growing member. I grab his slick hair, trying to keep my shouts low as he swallows me.

He licks me, taking his tongue up and down my shaft, before flipping me over. "Do you want me to do this, Chris?" He asks, and sweating, I nod. "Okay, I'll start with just one finger. Let me know if it hurts."

I nod again, and he takes one finger and inserts it deep into my ass. I suck in air through my teeth, and he pauses. "Do you want me to keep going?" He asks, and again, I nod.

He then takes his longest, most slender finger and joins it with his index finger, before doing the same with his ring finger. I grimace, but I let him do so, trying to keep my ass loose so as to not make the pain worse.

When he pulls out, I sigh in relief. "Maybe we shouldn't do this here," Phil says, clearly disappointed by my weak reaction.

Though I want it, I take a deep breath and nod. "Promise me that we'll get to before we go to Uni, though. Please, Phil," I beg.

My boyfriend smiles and strokes my curly hair, which is wet from sweat. "Of course, baby," he promises.

I sigh and put my head in his chest. "Okay," I whisper.

"Okay."

~Author's Note~
ThaisPujolOrtiz HERE IT IS ARE YOU PROUD OF ME?