De'Marios POV:

Tap, tap, tap! My pen goes as the end hits the blank pages of my notebook. I've been in deep thought for the last few days since the therapy session. My thoughts are racing and my mind is craving for an answer of what to do next. If only Shawny was here, I would have an answer by now. How ironic? I need her for something that's about her not being here. I have a feeling in my gut that's telling me to be smart and think about this some more but after wasting three years of my life "Thinking" you would think that the logical answer would be right there.

As the bottle of meds sits on my coffee table in front of me, I debate whether or not I should give into what Doc says. My couch cushion has became dented due to the long period of me sitting in the same spot contemplating. My coffee that was once hot is now Luke warm and the whipped cream has melted and dissolved somewhat into the coffee causing it to look like creamer. My phone is on silent and has been for the last... seven hours. I forgot to cook, Maria did it. I forgot to eat, Maria made me a plate. I forgot to put the kids to sleep...

Maria: "Hey, Daddy," She softly as she next to me on the couch. "I put the twins to sleep for you, I know you probably forgot because you were so busy today." I guess she did that too. I wasn't busy. I haven't been doing shit but sitting here all damn day staring at blank notebook paper and procrastinating. I turned my head to look up at her and almost jumped out of my skin.

Shawny: "What's wrong, Daddy?" Shawny asked in concern. Yes, Shawny.

Yo. If this is my mind playing tricks on me because I can't make it up, it needs to stop because this shit ain't funny. I blink three times and the third time I kept my eyes closed for about three or more seconds before opening them again. It's Maria. What the fuck is going on? I reached for the pills on the table and they aren't there.

Shawny: "Looking for these?" I turned to see Shawny holding up the bottle of pills in her hand and a smirk on her face.

Me: "Shawny, what the fuck!!??" I smacked her in rage. Everything I had in me was in that hit. Why the fuck would you play me like that? Had me thinking she was dead all this time and now... that's not Shawny. It's Maria, of fuck that's Maria. I just hit my daughter. She grabbed the side of her cheek as tears rolled down the side of her face.

Maria: "Daddy, it's me." She said with a quivering lip as she held back her tears.

Me: "Fuck!" I shouted and slammed my fist against the wooden coffee table. "I'm sorry baby," I pulled her into a hug. "I'm so fucking sorry baby, I didn't mean to." I squeezed her as she cried in my arms. I rubbed her back and rocked her until the point that she fell asleep. I'm fucking up and after five years, this shit is getting worst. I'm going insane.

I picked Maria up and carried her to her room, laying her down in her bed. Kissing her forehead and whispering I'm sorry, I walk out of her room. This is getting out of hand and I'm losing control. I walked back downstairs and sit in that same spot on the couch, where I've been wasting my time. The incident replays in my head as I stare at the pill bottle that sits in that same spot, indicating that it never moved in the first place. I shook my head before reaching for the bottle with a sigh. Grasping it in my hands and rolling it between my fingers I began to debate.

Dr.Kareem: "You need to let it go."

I scoffed and shook my head again at the pills. I opened the bottle and peeked inside at the full container. I was on my way to pop one into my mouth until I felt a presence behind me. I turned around quickly to see no one. I put the lid back on the pills and scoffed before throwing it on the table.

Me: "Let it go," I smirked. "Yeah, right." I sighed and stood up engaging in a stretch. This going to be a room rough night. I climb upstairs to drag myself into my room that hasn't changed. Bed in the same spot, Shawny stuff exactly where she left it, All expect some of her clothes and shoes, I gave some to Maria.

As I lay in bed after stripping into my red basketball shorts, I feel the reality of my loneliness as I do every night I go to sleep, and every morning I wake up. Just can't get over the fact that she's gone and it still doesn't feel like it. I can feel laying right next to me and she's not even there. Her smile would have lightened this whole room but she's just simply not here. I don't want to accept the fact that she's dead because she wasn't ready to go, it wasn't her time. I tried to come up with every alternative as to what probably happened or couldn't have and it still couldn't change reality.

I close my eyes as I drift away to sleep but soon heard the floor creak. My eyes shot open instantly and I slowly but surely slipped my shotgun from under my bed and pointed at my bedroom door. I heard the floor creak again and I climb out of bed to proceed to the door point my fully loaded shotgun. I slowly too the safety off and was ready to shoot. I know these ain't my kids cause you gotta be big for my floor to creek, I know that much and whoever this mutha fucka is, finna get they shit peeled off.

I had a feeling someone was in my house all damn day and they thought they were slick to actually come to my shit. I heard the door creak open and I reflexively shot higher than Maria's height just in case it was her creeping. After I shot, It was quiet for about 30 seconds before I heard movement. I pushed the door open with the head of my gun and continued to point as I walked out slowly checking my surroundings. I then heard that creaking sound and realized it was my front door. The bitch was damn near wide open. I wanna know what the fuck is going on, cause I'm not crazy. I know it was just someone in my house.

I went downstairs with the gun still in my hand pointed, checking my surroundings and cutting on all my lights just so I can see they ass creeping. I made my way to the front door and Shut then locked the double lock. This is supposed to be a fucking gated community. I'm fucking that guard up who ain't doing his job. I walked back upstairs, putting the safety back on my gun, and checking the kid's room.

As I walked down the hall to Shario's room, I checked the window at the end of the hall that led to the roof. I made sure that bitch was locked and decided to quickly check the bathroom first, the closet, and the shower. Nothing. Good. I walked out and proceeded with my search and walked into Shario's room. He wasn't in there, he's gone.

Me: "Shario!" I yelled. I heard nothing and I got no response. "Shario, you better answer me, boy. " I demanded. I didn't get a response and I was finna panic until I heard movement under the bed. I walked over to the bed and kneeled down pulling the sheet up and noticed that he was balled up under the bed scared. I put the gun down, sighed of relief, and pulled him from under the bed, "Come on, Lil man." I pulled him into a hug and kissed his forehead. He scared the shit out of me. "Next time, answer me when I call you. You hear me?"

Shario: "Yes sir," He nodded and hugged me back.

Me: "Good, now lay back down and go to sleep." I demanded.

Shario: "Daddy, I'm scared." He shook his head and wouldn't let me go. I sighed picked him up, holding him on my side. We entered Trinity's room and she wasn't in bed either. I set him down and looked under the bed to see that she wasn't there either.

Me: "Shario, where's your sister? " I asked.

Shario: "I don't know," He shrugged. Of course, he doesn't know.

Me: "Help me find her," I demanded and went back to Shario's room to grab my shotgun again. When I walked back into the room with it, Shario was frightened and stood frozen. "Stop being scared, you a boy. Boys don't get scared, you hear me?"

Shario: "Yessir," He nodded and stood by my side. I heard some shuffling in the closet and opened it.

There Trinity was, sitting fetal position holding a Teddy bear and a stuffed animal bunny. I sighed in relief once again and set the gun against the wall. She was so scared that she had tears in her eyes and she was shaking. I wiped her tears and kissed her forehead before I embraced her in a hug. When I pulled them away, I kneeled down and looked at them both.

Me: "Look at me," I lifted their chins. "Daddy didn't mean to scare yah. I thought something was wrong so I reacted. You two have nothing to be scared of. I will protect you. You did a good job, daddy's proud of you. Next time, bring the phones I gave with you just in case, alright? " they nodded. "Okay, now you two can come sleep in my bed tonight." They smiled and nodded.

Trinity: "Can I take Elise with me?" She asked.

Me: "Of course, you can." I smiled and grabbed them both by the hands. We walked down the hall and headed to my room. On the way there, I heard noises coming from Maria's room and a guys voice was whispering. I know I ain't hearing shit, I knew I wasn't crazy. "Yah go in the room, I'll be there in a minute," I whispered in their ears.

They did as they were told and I didn't even care about that gun anymore, whoever thought they were slick enough to go to my oldest daughter room, they should know that she's a killer and ain't afraid to use that pistol, shotgun, knife, or fists on that ass. Fuck mace. We don't play around here. I turned the knob and pushed the door open to see Maria jump in her bed and act like she was sleep.

Me: "You wanna try that again?" I furrowed my eyebrows. "You think I'm stupid? Who was in here?"

Maria: "No one, Dad." She said with a fake sleepy tone.

Me: "You got ten seconds-" Then that's when a noise came the closet. I rushed to the closet and Maria jumped out of bed and try to pull me back. "Get the fuck back!" I demanded. She's obviously hiding something now, and I thought she was in trouble. I opened the closet and Sandra's son Terrence was standing, not that much shorter than me and definitely scared. I'm finna break his ass.

Maria: "Daddy, I can- "

Me: "Shut the fuck up! go to sleep. I'll deal with you in the morning." I demanded and she laid down as I asked. "You, come with me." I clenched my jaw and he followed me out. I knew I heard someone in my house, I just was on a different level. I walked downstairs and sat in my chair in the living room. "Have a seat," I pointed at the couch. "What in your right mind, told you to try to sneak in my house, go into my daughter's room, and hide in her closet when I come in? That don't seem a little suspicious to you?" I narrowed my eyes.

Terrence: "Yes sir," he said humbly and looked down.

Me: "Do you know who I am?" I asked with a smirk.

Terrence: "Yes sir," He nodded shyly.

Me: "Then why were you creeping? That gun would have blown your damn brains out and I had a feeling it was a nigga in my house, I just didn't know who." I shook my head. "Now, you Listen to me. And you listen real carefully because I don't repeat myself. If I ever catch you in my house again, and I didn't let you in or invite you, imma put two bullets in yo ass. You got that boy?" I scolded with daggering eyes.

Terrence: "Y-y-yes sir," He nodded repetitively.

Me: "Good, now get the fuck out of my house." I dismissed him.

Terrence: "Yes sir," he rushed out the door and Shut it behind him.

Maria got life fucked up, don't you ever think you can go around my rules in my house. I'm not gone call his momma cause she will tear his ass up If she knew he was sneaking out of her house. Him being 16 is a time where he thinks he grown and his grown ass won't be corrupting my daughter and talking in her ear. He got me fucked up. Maria isn't even allowed to have a boyfriend until she's 18. That's three years from now, she'll be 15 in September of this year. If I find out she'll doing anything extra, a nigga is getting killed and she'll regret having me as a father because her ass will be embarrassed in front of everybody. I'll have her grandma beat her ass though, I'll be too upset to do it myself.

I sighed before getting up and locking the door, turning off the lights, and then going upstairs to my room. I look at the big ass hole in my bedroom door and shake my head. That nigga almost died tonight and didn't even know it. I walked into my room to see the twins knocked out in bed. I kissed them both on the forehead and laid next to them. It wasn't long after my paranoid thoughts drifted away and I fell into a deep sleep.

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