De'Mario's POV

Last week, I began to question my love for a very special someone. You know who. This shit has been eating at me like a cancer. I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I slightly loss a lil bit of a lot of a lot of respect for her. Yeah, you read that shit right, B. I don't know who this woman is anymore. Yet I'm a fool over her. That's how crazy I am. Even when I know she fucking other niggas. Even when I lose respect for her. Even when she pushes me away in every way possible, imma still be a fool for my shortie. That's my fucking Queen and I can't let her down, even at the worst times. So, even though I'm highly disappointed in Shawny, I still have faith in us. I got to. For the sake of our sanity and for the sake of our kids. My baby is lost and that's only because she's damaged. It's my job to be there to save her, but right now it's not my time. I gotta be patient and shit like that shit that happened last week is testing just that. Like yo, Am I crazy for loving her like I do? I guess, Hell Yeah is the answer. I'm just a crazy mothafucka. I love hard and I hate easy. I might've made that clear already, though.

December 25th may mean a lot to many people, but it really never has to me. Not until I had kids atleast. My moms used to forget about the holidays and although she was mad religious from time to time, she'd forget that too. So, Christmas was just a holiday that school or the people on TV celebrated, you know? It never felt real, like it meant anything in my heart. Besides, with my moms on drugs and all, To relieve her of addiction would've been the only thing I might ask for. Shit, as a youngin, the only gifts I wanted were things a white Man wouldn't even offer a nigga as a joke... Freedom, if you get what I mean.

Back when Maria was 1 year old, I set up a tree for the first time in my life. I mean, man it was hell. It took me all damn day to find out that the shit was color coded. Shawny put me on with just buying a real tree and decorating it. Even though them bitches be poking the shit outta me, I find it better than putting one together from pieces. My kids are what put meaning in Christmas. I want them to believe in fairytales and be blissful ass kids while they still can. Maria may not have been blissful or believed in fairytales much but she was able to be a child.. at one point. I ruined that for her, but I will fix it. I've been trying for weeks now.

Maria and Youngin been too damn close and I hate that shit. I don't want no other man influencing my daughter. Especially my little princess, the one who will claim the throne when I pass. She will need a king when it's her time, but she don't need a prince. I need to step up before a lil nigga decides to and I lose her like Shawny told me once before. Shawny put me into a lot of shit, man. I don't know why I didn't just do right by her. Now I'm sitting here trying rescue my daughter and shit by myself before it's too late.

But back to Christmas and the doubting of my faith in a fat ass white man jumping down chimneys.. Im asking for Santa to give me that thing I want. Shit, Santa tell a nigga something to help me with my crisis. Show me a sign or something. That'll be the best Christmas gift I've ever gotten. Maybe today could mean a new beginning for me, maybe I'm just not that lucky.

Mama Nic, as usual, has the family over for Christmas tonight. She cooked more for than she did for thanks giving and I think even now we'd clear the table again. Despite the Mia and Maria drama, everyone is here. RJ even went all out like he does every year. After all, it is his birthday. Lucky him, he get a feast and presents just like the kids do every year. Nobody can forget this nigga birthday and he loves that shit.

RJ: "Wassup, fam!" He greeted me as he walked up to me. As I was sharing a drink of Mama Nic's koolaid with myself and was leaning against the living room wall to catch a view of the Christmas tree, he stands right in front of me.

Me: "Wassup, bro." I dapped him up while standing up straight. "Happy Birthday, kid. You getting old son" I chuckled.

RJ: "Says the nigga who was rocking bell bottoms as a youngsta" he joked. We shared a laugh and pounded fists.

Me: "Aight, you got it. You got it." I chuckled. "But all bullshit aside, I'm glad another one of us made it another year. We lost a lot of soldiers in the past 10 years and I lost even more in my entire lifetime. It's good to see another brotha able to change the future and teach the next generation. Ya feel me?"

RJ: "True say, true say." He held up his glass. "To fam?"

Me: "Shit, To fam." I clanked my cup against his glass. He pulled me into a hug before began to walk away.

RJ: "Love you, man." He smiled.

Me: "Love you too." I nodded as here disappeared into the kitchen. Back to watching the tree I go.

Late as always, the woman everyone has been waiting for walks through the door. De'Shawn mothafucking Smith. With her tight ass, short ass black dress on, she know she wrong. She had her titties all perked up with a push-up bra as if she was trying to get somebody's attention. Just when I spoke too soon, Trey, Sandra and the kids walked in. Trey eyes was on Shawny's until she found a seat. Then, his eyes traveled to her chest. I don't know why Sandra can't see it but I know I can. But maybe it's only because I know what's going on. Yeah, that's it.

Shawny: "You gone keep staring or you gone come have a seat with us at the table?" She asked. I snapped back into reality and realized everyone had sat at the table already. Just to piss her off. I nodded and ignored her, taking a sip of my koolaid and staring back into space. Maria turned to look at me and nodded her head towards the table, encouraging me to come sit down.

Me: "Y'all gone head. I'll be there inna min." I said before sitting down on a step that divides the dining room from the living room. With my back against the table, I could hear everyone digging into the food. But I could also hear everyone at the table interacting. Whether it's physically, mentally, or emotionally. I heard Shawny clearing her throat, obviously for someone to hear. She starts to sigh and of course she gets her reaction.

Trey: "Shawny, you okay?" He asks. I'm sure she lied my nodding but even that was enough tension to be suspect.

Sandra: "She's fine, I got her. If she needs anything she knows she can come to me." Sandra said to Trey. I couldn't help but laugh to myself but apparently it was loud enough to make the whole house quiet.

Shawny: "The real question is, Is D okay?" She said in the fakest way possible. Shawny can play a role real good, but she can't lie worth shit.

Me: "Nah, don't go worrying about me and I suggest you leave it alone right now. I ain't got the patience for ya drama at the moment." I replied, setting my cup down on the wooden floor between my legs.

Nicole: "Lord have mercy, would you two stop? What happened this time? One minute y'all getting along and the next y'all acting like petty teenagers. D come sit your ass down at this table and let's all have a nice dinner on Christmas so these kids open their presents." She demanded.

Me: "I'm sorry Mama Nic, but I can't even look at her right now. Y'all go on and eat, I'll make me a plate while the kids open they presents." I replied. I heard a few surprised reactions and even Jr sensed something.

Jr: "Damn, what Shawny do?" He whispered to Ray. All I could do was shake my head and chuckle.

It worked, dinner passed without me. Everyone gathered around in the living and the kids opened up their gifts. Man, you should see the smiles on their face. They're so happy and it's word a million words. I hated the fact that I had to get up and skip away, but this seems like my only chance to take to Shawny. Standing up, I slip into the kitchen and pull Shawny by the arm to the back hallway.

Shawny: "Where are we go-"

Me: "Shut up." I said pushing her into a nearby closet and closing the door behind us.

Shawny: "Well, since we're both here.." she said rubbing on my chest and down to my pants.

Me: "Stop, what the fuck are you doing?" I asked moving her hands.

Shawny: "You brought me in here to show me you're better than him, right?" She asked.

Me: "No, I brought you here to talk." I frowned.

Shawny: "We can talk outside, if you're not gonna fuck me then move." She smacked her lips.

Me: "So, you want me to fuck you?"

Shawny: "Don't you got something to prove?"she laughed.

Me: "Actually, I do. But I can do that without fucking you, honestly." I admitted.

Shawny: "Well, do me a favor." She stepped closer to me.

Me: "What's that?" I asked.

Shawny: "Fuck me. Now. Right here, in this closet." She pulled at my shirt.

Me: "Why do you want me to do that?"

Shawny: "So I can get over you. I want you out of my life and out of my system. So, fuck me because you're going to lose me." She replied.

Me: "That means I'm letting you go by fucking you right now.. But if I don't I still won't have a choice but to let you go?" I analyzed.

Shawny: "Right," she nodded. "So, what's it gonna be, Daddy?"

My choice was made for me the second her dress dropped to the ground and she took that bra off. The taste of her lips were still sweet and the feel of her skin was still soft. I wasted no time with her body but my mind went somewhere else when looked down into her eyes for the last time I might ever will. Anger built up inside of me and then I knew that she'd regret giving me the opportunity to let her know what she was letting go.

I couldn't grip her hair tight enough. I couldn't thrust inside of her deep enough. Even the screams she struggled so hard to keep in wasn't good enough. Not even the tears and sweat that rolled down her face wasn't enough to get my point across or prove my point. I let her thighs shake as I ruined her guts. And the clapping of her ass cheeks was my applause right before I shot my confetti into her inside. Now, she'll never forget who I am. She'll never forget how I felt about her. She'll never forget, just like Im going to struggle to forget her. As I allow her to drop to the floor and hold back her tears while getting dressed, I reach into my pocket and pull out my wallet. Tossing her a hundred dollars bill, I shake my head.

Me: "Keep the change." I said as I exited the closet. I walked out to the balcony and shut the doors behind me. Man, when I tell you a nigga broke down. A nigga broke down. Tears and all. I sat down on the ground and just let the shit out, let all this shit go. I'm just ready to let go and get over the bullshit.

Jr: "Aye, woah bro. You good?" He said walking onto the balcony.

Me: "Nah man, I'm straight. I'm cooling." I shook my head.

Jr:"Yeah, aight." He shook his head. "Well, what the hell happened to my sister?"

Me: "She made her choice." I shrugged and stood up. "Aye look, I'm out for the night. I'll hit you up tomorrow."

Jr: "Man, you sure?" He asked.

Me: "Yeah, man." I walked back to the dining room and headed towards the door. Shawny sat at the dining room table looking lifeless as she stared at that hundred dollar bill. "Maria, Trinity, Shario, get y'all stuff, let's roll." I'm trying my hardest not to think about the situation cause Shawny don't know that shit hurt.

Trinity: "But Daddy-"

Me: "Hurry up and let's go!" I shouted. I startled everyone, even Shawny jumped. Maria's pace quickened and she grabbed their jackets.

Maria: "King Shario and Trinity Elise, here. Put your jackets on and say buy to everyone. Give grandma a kiss goodbye and thank them for the presents." She started. "Dad, I got it. You can go out to the car." He face filled up with worry as she took glances at me then Shawny at the table who still is staring at that 100 dollar bill.

I asked Santa to tell me what to do next. I asked Santa to give me a sign and he told me to move on. I guess that's exactly what I have to do. Even though I know this shit is too hard. The walk to the car, pulling out the driveway and on the way home.. I tried letting go and the only thing that would release is a teardrop. Maria sniffled and I turned to see she was tearing up too.

Me: "What's wrong, princess?" I asked. She shook her head slowly as her lips quivered and more tears fell.

Maria: "She hurt you, didn't she?" She asked with her eyes full of tears. "You don't love each other anymore, I saw it. I saw how you looked at each other." She looked out the window as she wiped her tears. I knew at that moment that my daughter wasn't a kid anymore. She had seen enough to know and understand the difference between love and heartbreak just by a glance.