De'Shawn's POV

Words can't describe the pain I've been feeling in every way possible. The meds won't wash it away, and my thoughts won't allow me to forget. For the last two weeks, I've managed to remain silent. I've been gathering my thoughts and attempting to work on my breathing. My Anxiety is above the breakdown limit and I'm trying to save the rest of the sanity I do have left.

Dad: "Don't forget to call me if you need anything. I mean, ANYTHING." He said. "Do you understand?"

Me: "Yes," I nodded. "Thank you for everything you've done already. I really appreciate it."

Dad: "Anything for my baby girl." He smiled. He leaned in and kissed me on the forehead before unlocking the doors. I hopped out the truck and caught the keys to the minivan my mom tossed at me.

Mom: "You gone in and get you some rest, mamas." She said. She pulled me into a hug and rubbed my back. "I love you, sweetheart."

Me: "I love you too, Ma." I smiled slightly as she pulled away. She climbed in the passenger seat of the truck and I watched her and my dad pull out the driveway.

Walking into the house, I'm met with the feeling of emptiness. The temperature in the house is damn near lower than it has ever been. The kitchen is spotless. The living room.. spotless. The dining room.. spotless. The bedroom.. is missing more than what it should.

I rush to the closet to see if I'm just tripping, but that was no help. I checked the dressers just in case and was disappointed once again. Everything that has belonged to Dre in this house is gone. No clothes, no shoes, not even a bottle of Old Spice body wash. He has cleared out his existence and disappeared just as fast.

For hours I sat on the couch with my thighs pressed up against my chest. The coffee I drink only makes my nerves worse, causing me to rock back and forth. I attempt to think about anything other than the tremors I feel coming on. I'm on the brink of rising out of my body and searching for something to rid me of the stress, of the worrying, of the pain.

Just when I felt my soul detaching from my body, I hear a car pull into my driveway. The headlights blared through my window as footsteps were carried to my front door. Soon, keys jangled that were followed by an opened door that allowed footsteps into my home. My soul felt the presence of something far more painful than the hurt I was already feeling. It was a feeling I've felt before. And, as I turned my body to face my defeat, I was met with that familiar gaze of oblivion. He doesn't even know. So, as I let the last tear I was saving for my child's funeral fall for this man, I smile. This smile was the smile of emptiness and the ending of sorrow. Staring at Andre only took one second for him to reach to blame and violence rather than questioning the reason I'm no longer bearing a child as I was the night I left.

Andre: "I see you decided to return." He glared at me. Completely ignoring the obvious.

Me: "You say that like you were actually concerned I was gone." I replied.

Andre: "You were gone for three damn weeks doing God knows what with my van!" He started. "What the fuck did you think would happen when you got back?"

Me: "Well, for one I would expect MY man to be home right where I left him." I cried.

Andre: "Right, while you out playing house with this nigga?" He argued. "You sleeping over this nigga house. Taking care of this mothafucka. Telling this nigga everything he wanna hear. Then you turn around and you pull a stunt like this? Are you fucking serious?!"

Me: "I didn't know it bothered that much because I assumed you trust me." I responded.

Andre: "Its not about me trusting you. It's about having respect for your own relationship. If you were with him you know damn well you wouldn't be at my crib taking care of and spending the night and shit. Now would you?" He explained.

Me: "No, but-"

Andre: "No fucking buts! I'm tired of going through this shit with you. I give up. For good this time. He can have you."

Me: "Why didn't you call?" I asked.

Andre: "Huh?" He replied.

Me: "WHY. DIDNT. YOU. CALL?!" I shouted. "While I was sitting in the hospital fighting a battle that I lost miserably, not once did I get a call from you. Why is that?"

Andre: "Wooow, hospital? Realllyy?" He chuckled. I stood up and walked around the couch to show him the proof that he couldn't see from the couch.

Me: "You know what, you should just go." I said as I pointed at the door.

Andre: "Woah, what happened to the b-"

Me: "Go!" I pushed him out the door. "I NEVER wanna fucking see you again. And, tell that bitch SHE can have YOU."

In the midst of me throwing his keys at his face and snatching my keys from him, I caught a glance of his ex wife and kids staring at us from the car window. All I could do was shake my head and smirk.

Andre: "I was gonna tell you.." he caught my glance.

Me: "Don't.." I stopped him. "It just hurts because I thought were better than that. I mean, come on now. You staged a whole argument and had me feeling like I was in the wrong when you really don't care, you just wanted to get it done and over with. If you wanted to leave me for her, you could've just been honest about it. Instead you took the pussy route and threw the blame on me and hid your intentions. I hope you weren't trying to spare my feelings because they were hurt before you got home. Listen. Go home with ya jawn and play house. You got ya van back so there's no reason for you to come back. Have a nice life. Please get off my porch."

Slamming the door in his face was like finishing a new song I've been writing. Or reading a new chapter after finishing the boring one that you took 2 weeks to read out of procrastination. The grass is definitely greener on the other side. It just depends on what direction you're going.

As both vehicles left the premises, I was confused to hear another pull up. This wasn't no ordinary pull up either, someone swerved their way into my driveway and parked right where Andre was. I was tempted to check out the window to see who could possibly be here at midnight to bother me when I don't even have friends. Well, I don't have any friends who'd be available at this time. People got kids and careers. That means they're either sleep, working, or tending to their kids right. Most people my age are married anyway and in what marriage, do you think, will let their spouse be out and about at midnight? Nobody. Exactly. Well, at least not black people. It wasn't long before I heard a knock on my door and I hesitated to open it.

Me: "Who is it?" I asked. Leaning my forehead against the wood of the door, I could feel this energy that was unexplainable.

Him: "It's me." He started. "I-I just came to check up on you. I wanted to see if you're-"

Me: "I'm fine, thank you for your concern. But, I still don't know who 'Me' is." I interrupted.

Him: "Wow, Shawny. I've known you for how long and you still can't recognize my voice?" He chuckled and I instantly knew who he was. How could I forget what my bestfriend's voice sounds like? How couldn't I remember him at all?

Me: "Trey?" I asked.

Trey: "That's the name." He replied. I opened the door and there he was. Sweaty and obviously exhausted, but his teeth never failed show themselves.

Me: "W-wha- umm What are you doing here?" I asked.

Trey: "I told you, I came to-"

Me: "Yeah, yeah. I heard you but I wanna know why you decided to come at this time of night? I'm sure Sandra is expecting you and Terrence-"

Trey: "Shawny, Shawny, Shawny," he stopped me. "I was at the gym and decided to come check up on an old friend. Since when is that a crime?" Old friend, huh? I guess we weren't that close then.

Me: "Well, I'm fine." I said crossing my arms.

Trey: "Then can I come and talk you about how fine you are?" He asked. He then sighed closed his eyes as he let out a little laughter of embarrassment. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like- I mean you are fine but you know I just- Not saying that I care if you're fine or not-"

Me: "It's okay," I laughed. "Come on in." I stepped aside for him to walk in, locking the door behind him.

Trey and I conversed for hours while we sat on the couch. No TV, no music, just us and some hot cocoa opposed to my coffee earlier. It is now 3am and now we're both in deep water because Sandra will be flipping out about this shit. I'm surprised his phone haven't went off yet. Matter of fact, it hasn't went off at all.

Trey: "I feel like we've been talking for a very long time, what time is it?" He asked. I searched for my phone in the cushions of the couch, even though I've been checking my microwave from a glance. Just like I expected, it's 3:13 am. I showed him my phone and he didn't react in the way I'd expect him to. "Wow, we really have been talking for a while. I'm surprised you haven't kicked me out yet."

Me: "I won't ever kick you out. You're welcome to come whenever you want and stay as long as you want. I don't mind, love." I smiled. He smiled back while catching my eyes with his and locked me in. I couldn't look away yet the feeling of his gaze was overwhelming.

Trey: "H-how're you feeling?" He asked.

Me: "Um, um, I'm fine." I said as I fell out of his trance.

Trey: "I mean like the stitches and all" He pushed.

Me: "Oh, Ohh." I looked down at my stomach. "I mean, the stitches still hurt but that's about it."

Trey: "Can I see?" He asked. I nodded while lifting my shirt up and pulling down the front of my shorts. He rested his hand on the bandage as he's he kissed my cheek. "I'm so sorry this happened to you. I know how important having children is to you. I wish I could change things for the better."

Me: "No, it's okay. Everything happens for a reason. Maybe I wasn't meant to have children nor be happy." I shrugged. "I'm used to all of this, I've been at my lowest once before. This ain't nothing but what rock bottom feels like."

Trey: "What if I could show you what being high feels like? I want to show you the clouds." He gazed into my eyes.

Me: "Sure, I trust you." I nodded. Trey crashed his lips against mine as he lifted me up and and carried me to the bedroom. I think you know what happened next.

De'Mario's POV

She loves me. She loves me not. She hates me. But, she's all I've got.

See, Shawny, she's my everything. I can't keep her off my mind it's toxic. Many tell me to move on but that's exactly what my heart is refusing to do. But do I blame it? All the pain and anguish I put my Queen through, don't I deserve to suffer. Don't my heart deserve to burn in the pits of loneliness because it decided to listen to lust one too many times? Or maybe because it allowed my reflexes to destroy her physically, mentally, and emotionally? Do I deserve those things we call a last chance? Because those things have done nothing but left me here hopelessly wishing and dreaming for it. "Those things" have become the greatest things I have ever wanted in life and it seems like it's the one that isn't in reach of me.

It's 4 in the morning, but I can't sleep. That's nothing new but a nigga is really tripping. I need to see the love of my life right now. I need to hear her voice. Even if it's for her to cuss me out. I just need it right now. I need to know how she's doing and I damn sure need to make sure she's still alive. Knowing Shawny, she never seizes to amaze you. I really meant that in the worse way possible.

Just like I knew I would, I did it. A nigga done drove over to Shawny house not even caring if her nigga is home. But, with just my type of luck, he's not. But, someone else is. Before I decided to get back in my car and drive away, I rushed to the front door and knocked quickly. It took like 5 sets of me beating on the door for it to swing open.

Trey: "Wassup Man?" He reached out his hand and dapped me.

Me: "Yo, waddup?" I replied. This can't be real, I gotta be dreaming.

Shawny: "Hey De'Mario, come in." She greeted me. I walked in without taking my eyes of her and all I could do was try to keep my hands to myself. She sweating bullets, and out of breath. Someone give me the strength.

Me: "I was coming to talk to you about the kids but-"

Shawny: "At four in the morning?" She laughed a little.

Me: "Yeah, at four in the morning. I couldn't sleep so I decided to kill two birds with one stone. What's your excuse?" I asked. She looked away and sucked her teeth. "Don't even try it, you're already a terrible liar. What is wrong with you?"

Shawny: "What do you m-"

Me: "You must really think I'm fucking stupid.." I chuckled and shook my head. "I smelled you all over him. You answer the door with ya nipples all hard, sweat rolling down ya neck, yo as could barely breathe and even forgot to fix your hair."

Shawny: "It wasn't supposed to-"

Me: "Shut the fuck up!" I shouted. "I don't wanna hear nothing you have to say to be honest witchu. That is your friends man. Does that even mean anything to you? He left your house at four in the morning while you nigga not here and his woman at home waiting for him to get home."

Shawny: "I ain't got a nigga-"

Me: "I don't see how that will make a difference in this case. It don't make the situation any better. It don't make what you doing any less wrong." I replied.

Shawny: "Why do you have such a problem with me? You act like you've never cheated on me before." She said.

Me: "So, you're okay with being a side bitch?" I frowned.

Shawny: "Im not a side bitch." She teared up and looked down at her hands.

Me: "Then tell me this sugarcoated name you made for yourself cause that's exactly what you're settling for. Not only do you look fucking stupid, but you also just ruined your fucking life. Cause once this shit get out and Sandra finds out, that's your reputation out the window and you just lost a friend. Good for you." I gave her a round of applause.

Shawny: "What's the difference between a side bitch and a main bitch? Because Trey seems to do a better job with me than you did." She claimed.

Me: "Well good for you, you've found your happiness. I guess you actually didn't deserve to be the queen. You'd rather be the mistress.. right." I nodded, causing her to go speechless.

Shawny: "Stay out of my life." She replied.

Me: "You can be a hoe all you want, I don't give a fuck." I shrugged as I walked to the front door. "Just keep that shit away from Maria and make sure those kids see their mother more or I'll make sure they don't ever see her again." With that being said, I stormed out of the house.

Some things are best to be left the way they are. Babygirl looking for love in the wrong place. And, even though I'm ready to give it to her, she's not accepting it from me anymore. It is what it is, I guess.