Trigger warning : Anxiety inducing poetry ahead. Read at your own risk.

Smell of vanilla scent,
The bathtub in hot water,
My skin, drenched deep in pain,
In that water, I lay, half-dead,
Thoughts rushing through my tiny human mind.

Every single person I trusted has shown their colours,
Every single being turned out inhuman -
I outrage, I'm stopped, I'm pushed million feet underneath.
Two words, death, a cup of poisoned wine,
The nightstand is now empty,
The lights in the bathroom flickered
My eyelids blinked, I turned around, negative silhouettes all around me.

I've had it enough, the hatred,
The numbness, the tears, the nerves tearing apart silently.
By the cafe I went to, there was an old shop
The lady there asked me about my health, I lied.
I came back again, shut the door, leaning against it, faking another quiver of "crocodile tears".

I am here now, in this bathtub -
In an old dress, probably momma's favourite,
It's red, now tattered by my scars
Seems like I drove through parking lots of getaway cars,
The cup on the table right next to me, was cold.
The wine was old, but poison floated in it's particles.

I rest against the tub, head at the back,
The curls resting on the table, I'm never one of them -
I thought I'd make it up, I thought I would be a better woman,
But I failed in a dismal failure.
Trust, faith, love and support,
I am paranoid of them all.

So, I heard the bells ring inside of my mind,
"Come back here, my little child," said an angelic voice.
I obeyed.
Sinking into the hot water, it scraping every bruise out of me, inside and out,
Everybody, you'll be remembered.
I sink, I sink, till I'm at the rock bottom.
I am suffocated, no air inside my lungs now-
My pupils dilate, my veins constrict,
Clear water drowning a soul.

I couldn't breathe then, I was all out of oxygen -
I heard one last word,
"You'll get over it, some people will always be mean to you."
I'm sunken, I cannot breathe anymore.
My body's drunken in a fit of temperament.
My mind screamed,
"You cannot lose this battle, you cannot."
But soon the screams stopped.
I was gasping for air now, but I gagged.
I had water all inside of me.
I was choked, maybe it's time to oblige to the angel's words.

The rains came down pouring with all their might,
An ode to a misfit leaving this universe,
Soon enough, I wasn't in senses.
But the angel came to me,
A tall man with a pretty face and a cloak,
"Welcome back home, my dear misfit."
I smiled, he did too.
He picked me up in his big arms,
I stared in amazement,
His eyes were dreamy,
Was this a teenage dream or real life?

"But, life, my child,
You don't breathe oxygen anymore,"
sighed he.
It was all until I heard cries and screams from where I was.
"But you'll have to leave,
I'll miss you." He bid me a goodbye.
I, soon enough, was drawn out of my merry sleep;
Momma in tears, dad shivering in fear,
"Call the ambulance!" was the call.
On the stretcher now, I lay -
"Would I ever...meet?" I mumbled.

"Come back again, dear child,
You'll remain mine." came back the last reply from him.

                            - Anurima Mukherjee

P.S. - This is probably the saddest shit I've ever written. Do give it a read, comment and don't forget to vote. I'm just tryna revive from a WRITER'S BLOCK. So yeah, pardon me. This one's gross.