The small tick-tock of the mechanical clock that hung above me was the only sound I heard besides my breathing and shuffling of the blankets as I turned over and over again to find a comfortable position to fall asleep in. No luck at all. Insomnia was beating me tonight.

I pushed my body up from where I laid on my stomach, sitting up on the soft mattress of the bed. I breathed harshly out of my nose in annoyance. Wanting to sleep, even just for a little while. I didn't want to be a burden to anyone tomorrow.

I looked up to the clock, remarking on the time. Three hours had gone by since I had returned to my room at the vacation house. I had a full stomach, an amazingly comfortable mattress accompanied by pillows that felt like they were pulled straight from the sky, clouds stuffed into the pillowcases. Soft blankets that rubbed against my skin so pleasingly- Hemalyn you are getting sidetracked.

Deciding to just get out of bed, as sitting here isn't doing me any good in the conquest of falling asleep- I pushed the covers off of the rest of my body before getting off of the comfortable bed, my bare feet making contact with the cold floor. Mild goosebumps rising upon my skin.

I opened the door, exiting out of the room, and closed the door quietly behind me to not disturb anyone else's sleep.

I made my way down the hallway, the dim lighting still illuminating the vacation house. 'I guess it's not late enough to turn the lights all of the ways off...' I thought to myself, continuing to explore the house.

The living area was the first room I came upon with no doors to enter through, the living space empty, but the feeling of the shifting air to be of good. A place to lay down, be carefree, relax your mind and body from the day's past troubles, and the future ones.

To me, a room like this was mandatory for every home, it was hard to believe in some homes no one even had a room like this. A living room just didn't exist in their life.

Then again, there was also a wide population of people without the luxury of having a home to go back to.

Sighing deeply as I mulled over my thoughts, passing the L-shape couch, leaving my hand to glide across the top of the plush cushioned seats. I should feel more grateful, to be able to be in the life I was. I should have been working harder to make them proud... To ease their worries about what will happen to me when I become a fully realized adult. What will my life turn out to be? I should have figured this out years ago, with it constantly plaguing my mind.

The plan for me, the set in the stone plan of two paths set by Mom and Mother was for me to get ahold of either of their companies. Become the CEO of Mother's makeup industry or the CEO of Mom's furniture and interior design... But neither was for me. I wasn't good at all at finances, talking to people, understanding stocks, and business meetings. My parents hold a lot of networking for me to use whenever I wanted, but... Unable to gather up the courage and means to.

I was just talentless, I have dabbled in practically everything to find out what my purpose in life was, who I was meant to be. None of them panned out, no matter how hard I tried or wanted to desperately for it to be my thing. So what was left for me to do?

Just die... The voice stated the truth in its words sending a ripple of uneasiness through my body. I shook my head as I opened the door, the light cold wind running passed my face as I walked out onto the deck, the weathered wooden boards underneath creaking slightly under my weight.

When I had left for a walk this night, I didn't expect to see a familiar tall stature and blond hair shimmering the night.

I wasn't even good at this. Connection with people, I failed so badly in the past, the failure etched so deeply into my soul I fully believed to when I was old and grey, I would remember vividly what I did. How I denied her, was the cause of her downfall. I broke her heart and stabbed my own in the process.

I had to do something different if I wanted for things to end better for the two of us, the lack of feelings I had when it came to that- Didn't matter if I was going to be neglecting a person their own natural and normal feelings. They deserved better than that. She did, and now... So did he.

Tamaki turned when he had heard me exit the house, worry crossing his features. "H-Hemalyn? You aren't feeling well, you are going to get more sick if you-" 'If I stay outside in the cold air.' I finished for him in my thoughts as I planted myself beside him.

"I'm okay... I-I don't feel warm anymore." Tamaki pouted and raised his hand to my forehead, checking my temperature.

"You are freezing now! Go back inside, Princess." I couldn't help but smile kindly up at him, heart fluttering at the thought of him being able to feel worried about me. It... It felt nice to be cared about. He won't like you for dating a girl in the past. The voice returned, leaving my smile to falter into a frown. I removed my gaze from his eyes, rubbing my cloth-covered arm.

"I will be okay R-René." I stuttered his name, ears burning as I pushed down the lump in my throat.

At the corner of my eye, I saw Tamaki take off his jacket and move behind me, wrapping me up in it. I blushed as I felt his arms wrap around me comfortably, his hold not too tight, giving me wiggle room in case I wanted to leave his embrace. He rested his chin on the top of my head, a heavy sigh escaping his lips.

"Then I will keep you warm, I can't force you to go back inside." He told me with a soft whine, but his words rained truth about his character. Tamaki was never a forceful person, he knew when to back off when someone was uncomfortable from his actions as easy as breathing and walking. I found myself enjoying that part of him.

I let myself enjoy being this close to him, despite the harsh thoughts running through my head, contradicting the pounding of my heart and flushed cheeks and ears.

"René?"

"Hmm? What is it, do you want me to stop holding you?" Tamaki went to release me from his hold, being stopped by my hands shooting up and grabbing his wrists, keeping his arms around me. I shook my head, feeling my body revel in his warmth.

"N-No... I- I was just... Wondering about something..."

"What's the question?"

"Who do you want to be after Ouran? Or um... What are you going to do after school is over?"

"Well... A better person than I am right now. I will be striving towards being someone better than I was in the past. As for what I want to do..." He seemed to trail off, becoming lost in thought. A few moments passed of silence, worrying me if I had crossed a line. Pushing myself to turn around in his arms, mouth opening to ask him if I had asked a question I shouldn't have- He was staring down at me fondly, eyes seeming to twinkle, if that was even humanly possible.

"I want to..." His skin heated up, flushing on the scales of vibrant reds. "I want to marry someone I hold dear to my heart after Ouran. T-This someone I have learned to care about in such a short amount of time, I don't even k-know how it happened." My heart stopped, feeling his arms tighten around me as he leaned down, resting his forehead against my shoulder, masking his blush.

"...I have no idea how to say this p-properly without scaring you. But, um ah crap, I lost what I was going to say next." He nervously laughed, shoulders shaking. He clutched at the fabric of my clothes, grounding himself. The feeling returned to me, the stunning realization of what was happening. Oh, no... Not again, please not again. I don't think I am ready.

I could feel my heart begin to pound faster, small shallow breaths leaving me as Tamaki did his best to continue.

"I care a lot about you, Hemalyn. I don't ever want to see you hurt, or feeling sad or unwell- And I certainly don't want to be the one that causes any of those things. I just... I just want to make you happy, make you feel safe and comfortable. It's selfish of me for feeling this way, but I can't stop the feeling I have right now. Have had for a while, and will continue to have." Hemalyn stop... What were you just thinking minutes ago? Reflecting on? Your past mistakes. If you agree to whatever he is proposing. The mere word 'proposal' had me blushing harder. 'I can't hurt him, I am not ready... But, when will I ever be ready?' I thought to myself, chewing on my bottom lip, clutching onto anything I could, which happened to me the man himself who was making me feel this way. 'What did Mr. Croft say once before...? To push yourself out of your comfort zone, to be the one who helps yourself. If I want to be better, become better, I was the only one who could give myself that push, the confirmation. I am the one in control. If I were to turn René downright... I would be hurting him, just like I did to her.' Worry crept up the back of my neck, feeling my legs begin to shake.

"I understand if you can't give me an answer right now, I won't force you to say anything. But- You deserve to know how I feel about you, Hemalyn Alderain." I deserve to know...? I am deserving of this? He did...

'Would me hurting him be that bad? For my own sake of not having the courage to push forward and- create something with him?' He shifted me in his arms, pulling his head away from leaning on my shoulder to look down at me. One of his hands leaving the embrace to push my bangs out my eyes, letting his fingers linger, the back of them acting as if he was once again checking for my temperature. His eyes showed the emotions he was feeling to me right out in the open, holding no barriers up as I have done. Worry, sadness, fear, enamored... Enamor? That emotion was-...

The voice in my head has since grown quiet, leaving me to focus on what I wanted. "He will still like you no matter what." Vani's voice echoes in my head, reminding me of the conversation we had before we went on this trip, stepped foot in this house... And now, I couldn't help but trust her words. Tamaki was part of a Host Club, catering to both males and females and everyone in-between or out of the definition of anything when it came to sex and gender. He really wouldn't care. He... He likes me for me.

His royal purple eyes widened when I pressed forward, on the tips of my toes, holding myself up by his shoulders as my legs continued to shake. My cold lips pressed to his warm ones. 'I can do it, I won't fail again.' I thought, letting my eyes fall close as I felt him pull me more into his body, keeping me upright in his arms.

It was sweet, no feverish kisses to follow, my heart would never have been able to handle something like that. And after I pulled away the first time, he chased me to plant a peck before pecking different areas of my face, both of my cheeks, the tip of my nose, and the bridge of it, moving up the spot between my eyebrows and to the middle of my forehead, pushed back my bangs to kiss both temples before back down to my lips for a final peck, leaving to burying his face in my hair, his hot breath fanning the left side of my neck.

I tried to get words to come out of my mouth, processing what I just did- I was the one who, who did it first. Tamaki may have been the one who confessed first, but I was the one who initiated the first kiss. Holy shit.

A strong gust of wind brought me out of my frenzied thoughts, the body no longer cold with the heater hugging me as tight as he could without inflicting any pain on me. I shivered at the feeling, my shivering seeming to be what pulled Tamaki out of the moment.

"Let's get inside before it gets colder, love." The skipping beat of my heart left my legs to feel like jelly, the nickname, the loving nickname. He was going to kill me. Why did I have to fall for someone who radiated romantic gestures?

Tamaki- Having noticed the weak state of my legs, instead picked me up, having me wrap my legs around his waist. His arm under my butt, keeping his hand clenched to be respectful. I didn't plan on being fondled right now.

He walked back inside, the door closing behind him, and flicked the lock-up to secure the door.

"R-René?" I whispered, knowing he heard as I had practically spoken right next to his ear. I felt him move, walking down the hallway. The lights were now fully out, letting us know that even the staff was asleep.

"Yes? Am I making you feel uncomfortable?" He asked me, glancing at my face to gauge my reaction. I shook my head, feeling awkward about this whole thing.

"No... I'm- I'm just worried."

"About what, love?"

"What if I fail again...?" Tamaki didn't reply right away, a frown setting upon his face as he continued to walk, rubbing his thumb on my arm as he carried me close to his front.

He didn't reply to me until we were back in my room, closing the door softly with his back, moving us both over to the bed, laying me down, and then moving the blankets over my body up to my shoulders, tucking me in.

Tamaki sat down on the bed, grabbing ahold of right hand with both of his. I stared at him, wondering what he wanted to say. The lump returned, and my heart escalated in beats as he continued to be silent.

To Be continued