A Brief Contemplation:

{Warning: pedantic journal containing philosophical and slightly existential thoughts}

Reading all these other people's stories about coming-of-age kind of made me reflect back on certain things I thought I had long forgotten about.

I don't know what it is about reading a book while drinking something warm, 

but I always find it really relaxing to do at the end of a stressful day (especially when there's an upcoming exam or project).

When I was really young, my secret dream for the future was to open a small book cafe in the middle of a nice, quiet street (maybe commission a few paintings here and there as a side job)...

...and just let the days peacefully pass by.

I used to tell myself that I wouldn't be like other children who studied certain subjects just to please certain people; instead, I would follow my own dreams no matter how idealistic or unattainable they were.

However, nowadays...

I find myself wishing more and more that I could have been like those other children.

Instead of continuing with drawing and painting like I initially wanted,

I stopped taking art lessons and decided to go to cram school for maths and social sciences, since that seemed like the sensible choice.

Maybe it's because I couldn't really excel at art...or any other subject... (kind of like a jack of all trades, master of none), but at first, I felt terrible for quitting so easily. All of my friends used to tell me that I had a gift for drawing, and I used to believe in them. Somewhere along the way, I realized that I couldn't be as passionate as other people were about art. I couldn't confidently admit that "art is everything," because other things were important to me too. And to be honest, maths is actually not so bad now that I've started to take an interest in it. After all, it was what I wanted, and I had to take responsibility for it.

Despite things turning out okay, sometimes, I would still envy people who didn't have the burden of this thing called 'decision.' I would say things like "Wouldn't it be nice to have a path set in front of you already?" or "I wish someone would tell me the right thing to do..."

But after hearing from people who have the opposite problem, I suppose the grass is always greener on the other side...

                                                         ....isn't it?  (｡•́‿•̀｡) 

I hope those who read this don't misunderstand--by no means do I regret or renounce any of my choices.

In fact, if fate allowed me another chance, I'd probably end up choosing the same things anyways. (⌒_⌒;) Ahaha, so perhaps this rant was pretty pointless after all?

Still, every now and then,

I can't help but wonder what it would have been like if I had taken a different turn.

I imagine I would be spending more time painting in the park rather than reading math texts...

or something like that?