깨진┆broken
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there seemed to always be more paths than clues. without a definite map of which way to go, the pretty brunette always felt lost. one minute he felt like the most important, then suddenly he was simply the background at best. taehyung still wasn't sure which one he preferred.

things would be so much simpler if he only knew what was going on in the others mind, where they stood together ─ or apart, which is how things seemed right now.

if only he didn't do it. if only taehyung kept everything hidden and didn't do what he most desperately desired in that moment. if only he didn't kiss jungkook, then maybe they'd still be sitting on his dining room floor laughing and eating bad pizza. then taehyung wouldn't be alone right now. he wouldn't be questioning everything thats happened recently and wondering if it was all a mistake.

the easy thing to do would be to ask. all it took was a few words and then he could know what was on jungkook's mind, what he felt.

it was never that easy though. there were no clues or hints. not when it came to someone as intimidating and cold as jungkook.

except, he wasn't cold at all. taehyung has seen the way jungkook smiles or laughs at something he likes or finds funny, even if he tries to cover it by hiding his face against his sleeve or brushing his bangs from his face just for them to fall back into place. he's seen jungkook hold his hamster like he was the most delicate thing in the world, like he was the most special thing jungkook had to take care of.

this man was anything but cold.

─ and if he didn't walk out last night, maybe taehyung would really believe this.

the sun was warm on his face that next morning, reminding him he'd been sitting here far too long and the redness of his cheeks later on would remind him too. there were no more petals to tug off the flower he found growing between two cracks of the sidewalk, so taehyung started to pick at a loose thread on his cotton shorts.

"we made sandwiches." it was jimin's voice that interrupted his thoughts, and soon his presence as the blonde sat down beside taehyung. he put the paper plate on the sidewalk beside them, a small sandwich with the crust cut off and a few chips with it.

"im not that hungry yet." taehyung said. he finally ripped off the thread.

jimin looked at his friend, the silence between them had been there all morning, ever since taehyung came home last night with the same blank look. "i'll leave it here. don't let the ants get it." he said.

he knew his best friend. jimin didn't need the clues to know taehyung was upset, not when that boy wore his heart on his sleeve. something was wrong and he'd come to the blonde when he needed him. jimin would just have to wait patiently, making sure to be there when his shoulder was needed.

taehyung started to pick at the chips, alternating between actually eating one and then crushing the flaky bits between his thumb and index finger. the crack of the chips was like the one in his chest, a dumb split thanks to a dumb boy who didn't seem to know what he wanted.

all jungkook had to say was no. all he had to do was not kiss taehyung back and then taehyung wouldn't be sitting here questioning the whole thing.

"i gotta start editing and filming this thing." the obvious lie from jungkook kept running through taehyung's mind.

"do you want another beer?"

"you can stay if you want."

"are you tired? i can take you home."

every sentence kept playing through his mind. every second and moment of watching jungkook scratch the back of his neck and think of anything else to say that wasn't about what just happened between them.

and then it clicked.

every piece seemed to fall into place and taehyung stopped crushing the chips. it was the simplest answer that had flown over the boys head all night and all morning.

their kiss simply meant nothing.

they were drinking and getting too close and it was too late at night. taehyung knew he was drinking, he shouldn't have kissed someone when he wasn't fully aware of what he was doing ─ and jungkook was feeling awkward, since he clearly felt the same thing.

it meant nothing. taehyung smiled as he repeated it to himself. he could fix this, he could fix their friendship and stop this awkward silence between them by just talking to jungkook and letting him know it was nothing and just a dumb kiss.

"enjoy that." taehyung told the ants, leaving the paper plate on the sidewalk and shoving his phone into his pocket. it was a short walk to the ravenette's apartment, with taehyung getting there in under thirty minutes with only a little bit of sweat on his temples from the sun.

the lady at the desk smiled at taehyung. he's been here enough that she recognized him, not questioning him as he pushing open the stairwell door and hopped two steps at a time to get to the right floor.

he could have texted jungkook to let him know he was coming, but jungkook had recently gone live at 5 in the morning, which taehyung got a notification for. he knew the ravenette would still be awake or asleep, but not somewhere other than his apartment.

taehyung only felt a little bad when he knocked. if jungkook had been asleep that meant he only got four hours of sleep at most. that didn't stop the brunette from knocking again, and again, until it swung open to reveal jungkook in basketball shorts and a tanktop. his bed-head was out control, the squint of his eyes not doing the glare he was trying to send justice.

"i was hoping you'd go away after the first knock so i could keep sleeping." jungkook mumbled with a deep voice. he still stepped aside though, a silent invitation for the other male to walk inside.

"sorry." taehyung said, closing the door behind himself.

jungkook shrugged and opened the fridge. he didn't grab a cup or anything for the juice, simply taking off the lid and tilting his head back. "so whats up." jungkook asked, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

whats up. for some reason that one sentence sparked a little flame of annoyance in taehyung's chest. why would jungkook even play dumb. he had to know why taehyung was here and what he was thinking of.

"what do you mean." taehyung said.

jungkook blinked. he was tired still, which is probably why he couldn't comprehend how he already said something wrong within a few seconds. "uh." was all he said.

taehyung sighed. he couldn't figure out what he was feeling, whether it was frustration or embarrassment or a little too much of both. he thought about things too much, he overthought and embarrasses himself all the time and jungkook didn't feel anything because none of this meant anything.

but it didn't mean nothing. that's why taehyung was getting so worked up over this.

"this was stupid forget it." taehyung picked his phone up from the counter and turned back to the door, but jungkook was quicker.

the ravenette already set the juice down and his long strides had him behind the pretty boy in seconds, "wait, tae whats wrong." jungkook tried, holding onto the others wrist to keep him from walking out the door.

taehyung did wait, and he felt the warmth around his wrist where jungkooks fingers held him and the shivers travel up his arm, all the into his chest and wrap around his heart like a hug that suffocated him. he felt like he couldn't breath, not when jungkook looked at him like that.

for a moment it seemed like he was concerned, like he cared ─ but taehyung knew he didn't, he couldn't. this would ruin their friendship and make things weird between them.

"i just," taehyung paused, feeling like he couldn't get the words out. "last night was a mistake."

they seemed to break, like glass orbs the color of the darkest night that sparkled with every star. those stars died and they somehow filled with emptiness. jungkooks eyes were no longer bright, not when the hope in them was gone and the thing he wanted to stay was now telling him everything he enjoyed and hoped for was a mistake.

it was strange how quickly warmth can turn to an icy coldness. it showed in the male's eyes and the way he let go of the boys wrist. jungkook didn't want taehyung to stay any longer, not when his presence would only lead to more mistakes.

"good." jungkook said.

"good?" taehyung repeated him.

jungkook hummed and a muscle jumped in his jaw as he clenched it. "it meant nothing anyways, glad we're on the same page."

the simplest paths with no clues, leading us in directions darker than what could have been fixed with a few honest words. it was anger that had us making decisions, that red emotion playing games to torment us and send us down those roads where an end seemed closer than we would hope.

jungkook didn't want the end to come so soon, not when it barely had started. it wasn't his choice though, not when the other simply made it his own decision. taehyung said the words and now anger got to play with jungkook, whispering to him to leave the pretty one alone at the door.

taehyung wasn't so easy to play with. he couldn't be angry with jungkook, not when he realized he cared about the ravenette after last night. all he could feel was sad, and even more so when he was left to see the handsome one walking away and separating them with a slam of a door.

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