day 11 with jaehyung
13:17

jaehyung has recovered notably, his state seems healthier from a few hours ago, but he still staggers around. right now, he's seated on a bar stool while he patiently waits for his breakfast – which is normally late since i can't get myself to wake up early.

serving a heap of pancakes topped with maple syrup and butter, the boy gazes at it curiously. "eat up," i said, and he averts his eyes towards me. "it tastes good 'cause i cooked it."

today, i decided to be extra cautious with what i have to feed him. seeing the past few days, i had zero responsibility with jaehyung and gave him whatever was on the menu without considering his allergies, even when i had a list of it. so, yeah, i went through the list again.

it's unfortunate he's allergic to every fruit except apples, and the bananas i bought earlier is going to be left to rot because i don't eat bananas either. the bananas were supposed to go with the pancakes, but thankfully, i took the time to read the list before adding it in.

jaehyung starts by cutting a small piece piece by the corner, taking a small bite. "do you like it?" he nods.

i lean on the counter, and he continues eating, but he kept doing the same thing with every pancake; grabbing one and cutting its sides, then setting the center part on the counter and repeat.

this only caused me to furrow my brows. "what are you doing? you're supposed to eat this." i say and pointed at the pancakes that were placed on counter.

he pauses, "..no."

"yes..? eat the center, jae."

he hesitates, "okay." he stuffs his mouth with the pancake, his pouty lips shifting into a small smile.

i let out a breath of relief, i didn't want to argue with him since we're both too drained out for that, and i only want him to be full. "that wasn't so hard, wasn't it?" i scoff at him.

he blinks a few times when i grab a piece he cut off to eat it. for starters, the taste isn't so bad. i hope jaehyung isn't much of a critic. he didn't say anything about it, but quietly took little bites.

there's a feeling of anchors pulling down on my shoulders while i watch the boy, whether he doesn't speak or not, the sense of guilt i had yesterday is still here.

if i didn't choose to leave the room, what would've happened to him? no, it shouldn't even be a question, he would've collapsed and it would all be my fault.

he shouldn't be here, he doesn't have to put up with my incompetence.

but damn.. he would end up somewhere worse, wouldn't he?

"uhm.." jaehyung's constant patting on my hand broke the tracks of my train of thoughts, his eyes were looking at me as he stopped chewing. "are you... hungry?" he asks.

i shake my head, "no, it's all yours."

he pauses for a few seconds before grabbing my hand and placing a pancake on it. "e-eat, it's.. good." he gave a faint smile before continuing to eat.

but i could only freeze, my eyes weren't moving from the pancake as its buttery stickiness feel seeps through my hand.

everything about this is terrible. the way he's comfortable with talking to me, the way he's constantly able to poke the soft spot in my heart, it's frustrating.

that just made me wonder, what kind of person is he? he could've been way different from who he is now, like a huge asshole or something who'd hate looking at my state of living.

yeah, he'd definitely skin me alive if he was.

"please eat it."

jaehyung's voice pulls me back again, but this time, his eyes stared at mine with a worried look. it took me a while to realize that this dwelling of mine won't do us any better.

there's no point in bitching over it.

our time together isn't long, i'll just have to make the most out of it.

"get ready, we're going out." i place the pancake in his gaped mouth and walked away.