day 23 with jaehyung
17:06

jaehyung has been really vocal lately. his random noises that were mostly singing songs, then him realizing it's part of his memories, so he comes to me just so he could go on and on about it.

and this has been going since i woke up.

i wouldn't say the day is going rough, but it's not like i don't feel annoyed either. it would be nice if he left me alone so i could pack some weed in peace.

not being able to track count of how many times he entered the room, the door creaks open, before he peeks in. "i just remembered something, again." he says casually, his lips forming a nonchalant smile.

"what did you remember?" i asked, but i wasn't really interested. since all he remembers are the things he used to do on the daily, such as taking showers or his hobbies in general.

but he didn't speak, he was silent for a while and instead, "i'm.. i'm hungry. i'll look f-for something to eat." he says as he leaves me confused when he walks out the door.

i couldn't decipher what just happened, and continued on with packing the weed i harvested this morning.

which sends me into a dilemma, i haven't put some thought into what i actually should and want to do, until jaehyung came. i was comfortable, too comfortable with the state of my living.

should i really be doing this? is it worth it in the end? and what do i even gain from selling drugs? without a doubt, a great sum of money that i send to my mother who thinks i work at a proper job.

at the same time, my mother seems to be contented enough that she doesn't bother me. as long as she doesn't question it, i'll be fine.

despite that, i don't know if i actually want to live like this. i never really knew what i wanted in my life in the first place, or even thought of what i wanted.

it just so happened that some guy – from my school – asked me a favor to sell his drugs, then gave me connections when he realized how capable i was. damn, it's all his fault. if only i turned left on the traffic light that day.

it's my own problem now, and i should probably re-evaluate my life choices.

getting done with the last pack, i set them aside before standing up to check up on jaehyung. he seemed to be distressed with himself, and how he just walked out of the room earlier made me more concerned. ever since he became vocal, he started to become a little pesky and clingy that it was almost unbearable, but i'm pulling through somehow.

i spot him sitting on the chair by the kitchen counter, probably eating cereal as the box is seated on the counter, along with peculiar sounds coming from the dummy phone i gave him. it sounds like he's playing a game.

walking over to see what he's doing, his screen appears to be a youtube video of someone playing with their... cat.

fortunately, it wasn't the other cat, but a literal cat. he's watching cat videos.

"jeez, and i thought you were sulking." i chuckle at him, and usually, he'd startle by the sudden presence, but it seems that he got used to it.

but, he still shuts the phone as quick as he could. "a-ah, sulking?" he pouted, "i'm not.. not at all." jaehyung lays his head low, fidgeting with the sleeves of his sweater.

i take the seat beside him and he lifts his head up, "are you sure? you were pretty hyper earlier." i said, and he seemed hesitant.

"i'm fine.." but that was all he sighed out, before he laid his head on the counter, facing the other way. did his energy die out or something?

i couldn't help but be concerned, "whatever it is, i'm here, you know." i pat his back, trying my best to get him out of his not-so-tough shell.

just as i thought, he quickly shifts his head back to face me. "i-it.. it's just.." he stammers, his eyes dreading to meet mine and fell down on my chest. "i haven't... gotten your name."

oh shit. it just hit me that i have never told him my name, nor was it mentioned yesterday around jaehyung when the three came over. "o-oh, was that all?" i asked, feeling myself shrink as i scratch the back of my neck.

although he seems to have a lot to be hyped about, he also has some things he's troubled with. "no, i feel.. feel like i was pestering you." he sighed, burying his face into his forearms that rested on the counter. "you probably didn't want to hear what i had to say."

his voice was muffled but i could piece some words together, and the outcome is obviously not so good. i figured he was hesitant earlier, which is probably why he left the room without a word.

the air falls silent, i couldn't think of a response that would make him feel better. my mind went completely blank, except it's just blaming me for being passive earlier.

"i.. it's not like that," i sigh, pausing as i ran a hand through my face. "i was listening, but i was getting done with my work so i just put all my thought into the last minute." i tried my best to explain. if i were talking to the normal jaehyung, he would probably straight up roundhouse kick me on the spot.

except, the jaehyung in front of me is the one that got traumatized enough to forget his own morals. "it's fine.." he said as he lifts his head up from the counter. "i thought it was st–stupid anyways."

thankfully, i regained my senses. "no, hey," i grab a hold of his hand before he could stand up from his seat. "it's progress, whatever you remember is something you remember, and that's enough." i softly smile, and his sullen look softens.

"is it really enough..?" and the umpteenth time, he sighs. "the.. the way i can't remember anything frustrates me, i.. i don't even know if i knew y-your name." he pursed his lips in frustration.

"of course you don't, i never told you my name." i tell him. it wasn't worth lying about, anyway. "it's younghyun."

his expression finally lightens up, "ah.. is it?" he tried to hide his contented smile, but i could see it as he turns away. "it.. it sounds like you." he said, before letting out a quiet giggle.

"huh? how does it sound like me?" the air suddenly felt light, was that all that he really wanted? but, as long as he isn't feeling troubled, i guess this could do.

his head fixates on mine, and he wasn't shy to hide his bright smile. "aha, uhm, i guess.. it just.. suits you?"

i ruffle his hair, causing him to flutter his eyes shut. "you got it. you're forming sentences properly, good job." i complimented, and he seems to be delighted as his smile grows bigger.

he lifts my hand away, "you're ruining it.. my hair." he grumbled.

i raise a brow, "oh? you've got some sass in you, i see." i smirk, he's starting to get confident and i like it, rather than the timid jaehyung before.

"no i don't.." he looks away, trying to hide his sheepish smile once again.

leaning over to tease him, "are you sure?" i smile triumphly as soon as his cheeks got red.

he quickly hid himself into his sweater paws, turning away from me. "a-ahem! pizza sounds go..good to eat."

oh, i should probably take him there. i stood up, "get ready then, let's grab something to eat." i said, before turning away to grab my coat.

i could hear him hastily getting up from his seat, "wa-wait for me!" he calls, grabbing a hold of my shirt and i turn to see the excited look on his face.

why is he so cute?

–

17:37

we didn't go to a pizza restaurant, just as i planned. for once, i wanted him to eat in the place that i really liked, the one that i would never turn down because it's just so good.

we arrived not too long ago, and the restaurant isn't bustling but it has a few customers that the staff had to attain to before us. "i hope you like fried chicken, this place has the best ones." i informed, and he perks up.

"ah, fried chicken?" he seems to have a delighted look, which makes me feel at ease.

"yes, fried chicken. i figured you don't like burgers so i brought you here instead."

he nods, "ah, fried chicken. it.. always appears in my dreams."

i chuckled, everything that jaehyung does makes me wonder what kind of person he was back then. i can only make assumptions, but i'm guessing he was endearing.

i feel irritated; the way he's so cute is unbearable that i'm just resisting the urge to flick his forehead. "it appears in your dreams? like, how?" i ask, my smile itching to grow bigger as i anticipated for his response.

again, with the humming, he shuts his eyes. "uhm.. like, i was eating it." then, his lips forms a grin.

i muffle a laugh, i couldn't believe it. he's so cute that i want to listen to him ramble on and on about himself until the sun sets, everything about him is amusing me and he seems to enjoy doing his telltales.

i have no idea why i feel like this, he's just being normal for once yet i'm so pleased at the sight.

"ah, jeez, you're impossible." i sighed with a light chuckle following afterwards, until my eyes fell as soon as i noticed the confused look on his face.

"why am i impossible..?"

"you're making it harder to bring you back home." i mumbled quietly.

before the latter could say anything, the waiter comes by. "two buckets of chicken and five bowls of rice, as you ordered." he sets the food on the table. "enjoy."

jaehyung's confused look turned into an awestrucked one after his eyes glosses over the meal set in front of him. i ordered a bunch, since i realized that this would definitely be his last time eating here, and he should probably enjoy it while it lasts.

though, he seemed hesitant. he doesn't lift a finger to his food, rather, his eyes were begging for my approval. "jeez, you can eat it. i didn't bring you here for nothing." i say, pushing the dishes towards his side of the table.

"okay.." he finally got his hands on the chicken, but before he took a bite, "are you not going to eat?"

"of course i am, i'm sure you can't finish this alone." i grabbed a piece from the bucket, and he gave me a smile.

as soon as he took a bite, he hums in delight. "mm..! i like this, it's.. it's good." he says inbetween his bites, and i chuckle.

"hey, take it slow, the food isn't going anywhere."

"you said that before."

"i know."

—

yaaaaaayyyyyyyy (: long chapter for the hunnies 🗣🗣 i did this while struggling to fix my earphones GRRRR

side note: i made a fuccin mistake at chapter 35 so update is really early since i wanna FIX IT ASAP AGAGAGAGAG