day 26 with jaehyung
18:10

my eyebrows quickly furrowed as i pulled away. i felt blood rushing up to my head, and my forearms instinctively covered my mouth. everything happened so fast, like the pace of my heartbeat. he seems to be shocked with his hands on his own lips as well.

trying to take in what just happened, it only caused my cheeks to heat up even more. "s–sorry, i didn't mean to do that." i hastily spoke, swallowing the lump in my throat.

the air was too tight for the both of us to breathe. i moved away and got off the bed, bolted out of the room and right into the bathroom. shutting the door behind me, my hands were quivering as i locked the knob. as soon as it locks, i turn my back to rest on the door to catch my breath.

i still couldn't grasp what just happened. thankfully, my body was quick to react, so quick that my heart isn't beating fast because i ran to the bathroom, but..

i don't even want to recall it, i feel like i'm going to explode.

reaching for the sink, i splashed my face and neck with cold water to cool off. the kiss set off a fire in my body that i didn't know about. this feeling isn't familiar with me, although i've kissed a select few back then.

with jaehyung, it was electrifying.

the water is running, so were my thoughts, but i can't help it when the feeling had lingered on mine. my breath hitches at the very thought of it, and it's probably gonna take me a few minutes before i realize the gravity of how fucked up it was, but right now, i just can't stop thinking about it.

though i tried not to admit, his face of confusion right after the kiss was cute as well.

does he know that we just..

there's no way he doesn't.

i mean, he most likely does not.

but he told me he watches dramas, so, he would definitely know!

wait, why does it matter if he knows or not?!

i wanted to smash my head against the wall until i either turn into a pulp, or the wall breaks. this is so fucked up, i'm so fucked up for thinking something like that.

once again, i splashed water all over my head while slapping my cheeks in the process. "get a hold of yourself!" i wanted to scream at myself, but a harsh whisper could only come out of my throat.

i shut the water off, staring at my flushed, wet face on the mirror. "it's just an accident, yeah, it's just—"

my heart jumps as soon as i heard a knock on the door. all of my thoughts were thrown out of the window, even the fact that i knew i locked the door, that was thrown out as well.

"wait, don't come in!" i yelped, taking a few steps back and stopped when my legs hit the bathtub, almost stumbling as i did.

shit, i gotta calm down. i can't face jaehyung yet, i look like a fucking tomato.

"i.. i'm sorry, i didn't...!" his voice was loud, as if he knew i was away from the door. "i don't know what we just.. did, but, uhm, but..."

"but what?" i ask. i was surprised i was able to speak, since my heart is already in my throat that it feels like hell to merely breathe.

"but i.."

"you..?"

"i... i didn't hate i—"

no, don't say it!

i quickly grab the knob, unlocking it and pulled the door open. the air rushes in and i see him with a concerned look on his face.

please don't say it, i might go crazy.

"let's get something to eat." i blurted out before my own tongue could do something i would regret for the rest of my life.

he was catching his breath before he calmed down, and after a few seconds, he nods slowly.

—

day 27 with jaehyung
08:21

surprisingly, i woke up earlier than i expected. it might just be that i had a lot of thoughts since last night, but despite the situation, i was able to get some sleep. it was hard, though. the first few minutes of falling asleep was filled with jaehyung.

my attempts of clearing my head by eating something didn't really work out, but it did for the latter, it made the air feel less awkward and that was enough for me. it still replays in my head as if it just happened.

the more i think about it, the more i feel my shoulders weighed. i don't want jaehyung to feel the guilt i'm feeling right now, and i've sorted it out yesterday, but i already failed just two minutes after.

just as i predicted, i realized how fucked up it actually was. it should have never happened in the first place. he shouldn't have been in my room, freezing in the cold as i watched him in awe. that shit shouldn't have happened.

the situation isn't gonna get better either, since time is running like a bitch. i only have two days to redeem myself but anyone would agree that it's not enough.

and anyone would also agree that pancakes are definitely not going to help.

yet, i still whisked the flour away with the milk, trying to drown the dry stuff as if it was my own self. i hated everything that happened, every time i was reminded of yesterday, i felt like breaking everything on sight.

if i hadn't lift my head that time, everything would be fine.

if i had just told him the truth.

"are you making pancakes?" i was too deep into my thoughts that i didn't notice jaehyung was already beside me, glancing at the mess that i was also unconscious about.

"how long have you been standing there?" i ask.

he pondered, "like, five minutes. i dunno." he says as i choke on my spit silently, he was definitely watching me mash all those ingredients together. "are those pancakes?" he asks again.

i shift my gaze back to the bowl of whatever, and to the whisk messing up the counter with the pancake mix all over it. as the buzzing silence fills my ears, something pops in my head. "hey.. do you wanna try cooking pancakes?" i ask, still staring at the bowl.

"huh?"

i lift my head to face him, "do you wanna cook it yourself?" i ask again.

he seemed confused and hesitant, but he nodded anyways. i take his arm and guided him gently from behind as i hand him the whisk. "you know how this thing works, try whisking it." i lift his other hand to support the bowl.

"i'll try.." he mumbles, and his hands starts to move. it was slow at first, but as the ingredients came together, his hands were moving swiftly. almost as if he knew.

of course he knows.

"am i doing it right?" his hands stop, the batter already looking thick enough to use for pancakes.

i nod my head, "yeah, and now you have to cook them."

"okay, i'll do my best." he pumps his face with a bright, determined smile. i could almost see sparkles around him.

"you might burn the house, so let me help you out.."

—

08:47

just as i thought, he was able to cook the pancakes, and perfectly at that. all of them were golden brown and in perfect shapes.

he seems to be oblivious about it, since he's shoving pieces of pancakes in his mouth like there's no tomorrow, but such little things like these are definitely essential for him to start remembering things without my help.

of course, it's a natural thing for someone with amnesia; they slowly start remembering by instincts. i've only tested the waters, and it was enough for me to feel assured that he'll be fine when he goes back.

"do you remember anything from your past?" still, i probed with a question just to reassure myself one more time.

however, the question made jaehyung halt from eating. he didn't look confused nor surprised by the question, but rather, he seemed prepared. "i.. i think the pancakes." he spoke in a soft voice.

"i remembered something while we were making them." he adds on, causing my eyes to widen as i was intrigued.

"what did you remember?" i ask, feeling impatient while i fidget with the fork in my hand.

i could see his face turn red, "a..ah, it's nothing." he grimaces.

"oh.. okay then."

—

didn't know how to end the chapter so there's that

i'm sorry, lately the updates are coming slow. it's hard to look for motivation but seeing how much you guys are enjoying this fanfic makes me happy. thank you for reading ♡ i'll do my best from now on ^^