day 28 with jaehyung
09:37

though it's only nine in the morning, it feels like it's already nine in the morning. i felt greedy for wanting to turn the clock backwards, way before it hits nine, not six, nor three, and not even twelve. i just wanted to stop time, and even if i did have such powers to stop time, i shouldn't.

he has to go home.

it was always hard to accept— everything was hard to accept. the fact that he's leaving, and the fact that i don't want him to leave. i didn't want to act this way, and i'm sure to myself that i only feel this way for the reason that i've grown a huge emotional attachment to him.

so it grew, unhealthily and unintentionally, to a point where i was torn inbetween being completely nonchalant about it and being wary of it. the worst thing that happened? jaehyung being caught up with my own mess.

"i wish you stayed longer." with the back of my hand, i caress his soft cheeks as he slept peacefully. last night, we ended up dozing off on the kitchen counter after crying so much. fortunately i woke up thirty minutes after and i carried the both of us to the room.

i sigh, laying next to him as i stare off to his face. it's the last time i'll ever see him, i might as well just take my time.

like always, he's pretty. i don't think i'm ever going to change my mind about it.

"i wish things were different." i mumble, tucking the loose hair on the back of his ears. it probably bothered him, but it bothered me more, and now that it's gone, i get to see his face clearly.

i scoff at myself, not in amusement, but rather in disgust. until the end, i'm still somewhat selfish.

no matter how much i deny it, i want him to stay. even if it's just a normal day, or days where we would make precious memories for each other, anything is fine as long as he just stays.

would it be different? if we never met in such circumstances, how different would our relationship be? would we be friends with the interests we have?

i don't even know what he likes, or what he used to like. but if things were different, i want to be the one who stays by his side at all times, regardless of our interests.

"it would be nice if you stayed." i chuckle bitterly, sighing once more as i let out the painful weight on my chest. i have to accept it, it's for the best after all.

i didn't notice it, but he was already awake. "i think the same." he replies.

like usual, i was caught by surprise as my eyes widens. i wonder, will i ever get to be surprised like this again? it was only him who could catch me like this, and it was definitely one of the things i love.

"but i have to get better, d-don't i?" his eyes droops, and the look on his face was solemn. "will.. will y-you wait for m..me?"

"will you wait for me?" i shot the question back at him, even if i was aware that he won't understand what i meant. i wasn't hoping for an answer either, but rather, it was a question i wanted to blurt out after spending the entire night just thinking about it.

how long would four years be? maybe enough for him to forget me.

however, without hesitation, he nods willingly. "i don't know why i'm waiting, but i will do it if it's you." he doesn't miss to catch a breath, and it left me smiling.

for a person like me, undeserving of hope, he still manages to make me believe in the impossible.

"why would you wait for someone like me?" i couldn't stop myself from asking, and as much as i oppose to my own question, i was — like always — curious to know.

he huffs a short breath, "should.. there be a re–reason?" his stuttering follows back, i guess it came to bite his ass after pulling a sentence without faltering.

"well, if there is a reason.." i trailed off, still waiting for an answer despite being immature for hoping so.

he seemed to ponder, his eyes moving around. is it that hard to give an answer..? i thought, scowling at myself. "you don't have to—"

"because your pancakes are the best."

it was like loud arena bells, with a bunch of boxing gloves repeatedly hitting my head as soon as his voice cuts me off. i couldn't decide whether i feel embarrassed or happy, but his answer was enough to put a smile on my face.

"is that all there is to me?" i say as a laugh builds up in me, as his nonchalant lips turns into a grin.

"i d-don't know a lot... about you." he sighed, his shoulders visibly slumping though he's still laying down. "so, can you.. p-pro.. promise me something?"

"i can't."

"h-huh? why..?"

i ruffle his hair, "i was joking."

his face turns into a pout as he lifted his hood, hiding his face under the fabric as he whined childishly. i couldn't hold my chuckle at the sight, it was incredibly cute.

"alright, i'm sorry." i knock on his head softly, to which he reacted with a whimper.

"if you.. you're sorry, you have to.. p-promise!" he says with his muffled voice.

"okay, what is it?"

"y-you have to see me when i.. when i get better..! i don't care if.. if i can't see you."

though it was one-sided, and favored on my side, jaehyung seems adamant with his words. i wonder, was he always this selfless? i'm sure he knew that he had other promises he could make, yet he chose something that won't even reward him.

but, it was still a promise he wants me to make. "okay, i promise."

–

16:42

we haven't done much, even though we were already out for three hours. it was just a bunch of strolling around and looking at things we can't ever afford in our entire lives.

during our stroll, i received a message from kevin. they've arrived, but they wanted to meet in a little later.

having no idea how much time i have left with the latter, i chose to not think too much about other things and spend all my focus on him. i want to make it worthwhile for the both of us.

right now, we're walking to somewhere, but i have to admit.. "i have no idea where we're going." i blurted my thoughts out.

"huh?" he stops walking, his head turning to face me with a confused look.

"i have no idea where we're going." i repeated, my eyes boring into the street lights as i continued to walk. he follows behind but doesn't say a word either.

when i think about it, i literally have no idea about anything right now; i have no idea where we should go, i have no idea how much time left i have with jaehyung, and more importantly, i have no idea what would happen next. even if i try, my brain won't cooperate and goes blank.

i would take him to a restaurant, but that's all we ever do, eat. i wanted to do something other than eating, since it felt like i was just eating away my problems.

but shit, i just can't think of anything. is it because i refuse to believe he's leaving?

i don't want to think that way.

the walk is silent, but fast. it hasn't been five minutes, but we're already way ahead from where i last spoke. still, he's trailing behind so silently, and i'm sure he's feeling bored as well.

i felt a bump on my leg, i look down to see a little girl below. it took me a few seconds to realize what i've done, and i quickly kneeled over. "are you alright? i'm sorry i didn't see you." i try to look for any wounds on the kid, but there seemed to be none.

"a-are you okay?" jaehyung kneels as well, his hand guiding her as she stood up.

the little girl doesn't seem so fazed by what happened, rather, "ah, it's you, mister." she says, looking at me.

something hit me, she seemed familiar, but i can't remember where i've seen her. i just know that i did see her.

"i..?" i trail off awkwardly, trying to remember where i've seen her.

"you. mister weed man." she pointed at me. "you still smell like weed."

then, it clicked. "ah! the little girl from the elevator!" i beam. it was a vivid memory, but i can remember how confused i was when she mentioned weed, or something like that. i was definitely high that time.

she smiles, "yes, but i do have a name."

"huh? who's weed?" jaehyung, as usual, being confused. he doesn't even know what he's talking about.

cute.

"seriously? you don't know what a weed is?" she turns to jaehyung, and he shakes his head. "weird, 'cause you smell like one, too."

i laugh awkwardly, "alright, he doesn't have to know what it is." i say and she raises a confused brow. "the thing is, why do you know what it smells like?"

"because big sis smokes it all the time."

i gulped, it's not sooyoung's sister, is it?

"oh, my name is kim yerim, i feel like i should tell you." she bows, which causes me to bow as well. from the corner of my eye, jaehyung does the same hesitantly.

fuck, he's so cute. i grit my teeth to stop myself from fanboying over him.

"yeah, i'm kang younghyun, and this is jaehyung." i say.

jaehyung lifts his hand to give her a little wave, "hi." he smiles sheepishly.

"hi." she waves back, "oh, where are you guys heading?"

i have no idea.

"do you know where to go?" he asks, even if it was a stupid question. but, yerim doesn't seem confused by it, and instead, she goes along with it.

"ah, i'm with my big sis, we were shopping but she went to get a drink." she explains, and jaehyung nods. "are you guys going somewhere?"

"actually.. we don't know where to go." i felt embarrassed to say. god, even a kid is making me feel so uptight.

her expression turns into an unamused one, "are you an idiot? why are you going out then?" her words burned through my ego, and i just took it because it was true. "you're just wasting your time, like big sis would say."

"r-really? i th.. think we're ha–having fun anyways." jaehyung responded, and he just made me feel a little less worried about everything.

her voice fell, she seem stunned. "having fun..? just walking to nowhere?"

he smiles brightly, "y-yes.. just walking is– it's enough because younghyun is with me." he said.

my heart skips a beat, it's my first, and definitely my last time hearing my name come out of his lips. it was perfect, it sounded so fluent— it sounded like he would say it all the time like an old friend.

yerim's hum brings me back from bliss to reality, "well, if that's your thing, you should go to the beach." she says.

ah. "thanks! we really had no idea where to go." i gave her a small pat on her head as i smiled.

"you adults are boring." she spit.

my eye twitches, "you're on the verge of pissing me off." i say through my grin.

"yerim! where are you?" we hear a voice call.

the little girl backs away, "i have to go, big sis is gonna get mad if she sees me." she says.

"alright, we'll get going as well. don't talk to strangers, okay?" i pulled onto jaehyung's arm as i tried to quickly get away. i didn't want whoever the big sis is to get the wrong idea and make us seem like pedophiles or something.

"i was just talking to the both of you, though." she deadpans.

"a-ah! yerim.. uhm, let's g–go to the beach to..together, someday." jaehyung managed to say, and i hollered at what he just said. it was like watching him walk straight into the thing i wanted to avoid the most in this situation.

"bro, don't say that to a kid!"

"okay, i'll wait for that day." yerim says with a grin, before she runs off.

i notice how jaehyung made a contented smile, and i don't know if it was cute or creepy, but i'm sure he just thought he made a friend. witnessing it was the sweetest two seconds of my life.

–

17:20

it only took a few, or maybe thirty minutes for us to reach of the shore of the sea. thankfully, the beach wasn't too far from the city, i don't have a vehicle nor do i have enough to spend for a cab.

the most i'm thankful for: jaehyung having enough stamina to walk.

though, i'd imagine he would run along the shores. instead, he walks silently as the wind softly blows against our skin. the scent of the sea overwhelming the air around us, as we continue walking sentimentally.

i have nothing on my mind, just the moment that right now is enough for me.

"do you feel cold?" i asked. though the wind isn't very cold, it's gotten harsh since we're right next to the sea.

looking at him, he doesn't seem cold either. he lets the wind breeze through his soft locks, and through his windowed eyes, his lashes flutter. "it's not that cold." he responded.

i stop my tracks as soon as an impulsive feeling itches to leave my skin. i try to surpress it, but what bad is it gonna cause? it's our last day together, and regardless, i should know my morals, but i want to be selfish and just do it.

i want to hold his hand.

but, before i could, his head swiftly turns to me. "w-what about you? are you cold?" his question quickly fades my urges away. i shake my head and pulled my jacket tighter.

ah, i almost gave into myself, shit. i sigh inwardly. i wonder what had gotten into me in that short moment, i was so close to doing something i'd definitely regret.

i notice the water has started to rise, reaching our shoes with every wave it pushes to the shore. "ah, it's w..wet." he mumbles as he moves away from the water, but the wave continues to flow and a little more harsher than before. "it's fast..!"

i tried to hold my laugh, before pulling him away from the shore. i motion him to sit, and he does it almost immediately. "you know, when people walk around here," i kneeled, untying the lace on his shoes. "they take their shoes off." pulling both his footwear off, he seems startled as i let out a soft chuckle.

"wh– why didn't we.. do that earlier?" he pouted as i took my own shoes off, "our s-shoes wouldn't be wet if we did it."

"i didn't really expect the tides to rise." i grunt as i stood, putting our shoes aside as i held his wrist. "alright, let's go, don't worry about the shoes." i say in a quick manner, and before he could react, my hands grips his hand tighter as we start running towards the sea.

it was too late for me to regret not pulling our pants up, despite so, jaehyung's smile were reaching up to his ears. "it's really cold!" he exclaimed as he shifted through the water away from me.

"this is also the part where i would splash water at you, but i'm lazy." i say. it's true, i don't really want to be bothered bending down to reach the water, it's too much work.

"a-ah, like the one in the television?" although i'm not sure, his hand seems to be itching to splash the water right at me. i could be wrong, but whatever it is, i'm ready to ditch him right here and then.

only if i could, i already care so much about him that i can't think the way i used to before.

to answer his question, i nod. "yeah, how'd you know?"

"i remember because.. i-it was two guys..." the last sentence was almost unintelligible since the waves were getting loud.

"what!? i couldn't hear you." i said as i raise my voice, trying to get closer to him as my legs pushed through the water. "oh fuck, i feel like my legs are gonna give up."

i lift my head up to see jaehyung's flushed face, and i shoot him a quizzed look which made him startle. "huh?"

"it.. it's nothing!" the way he hurriedly turned his back away from me caused the water to splash right into my eyes, and as i wipe the water away, he was already meters away from me.

"wait, i didn't even hear what you said!" without realizing, my hands were lifting my jacket like a person would when they're running with a dress on, except i'm in the water and it's really hard to run.

it looks easy for jaehyung, he has long legs and, well, he's literally speedwalking in water at this point that trying to catch up is like running for five minutes. my breath was already heavy and the fatigue just hit.

"jaehyung, come back, you fucking.. tall ass motherfu—" the rock on the ground didn't allow me to finish what i had to say, instead, i tripped over and ended up getting completely soaked.

i could see the boy surpressing his laughter as he quickly moves away, "i'm s–sorry..!" he shouts with a short giggle.

he's just a few inches taller than me, why is this happening to me?! i groaned, completely giving up as i decide to make my way back to the shore, so i can just run and chase jaehyung in the water when the distance is leveled enough.

except.. he just went deeper into the water.

"jaehyung no! you're gonna get wet!" i yell, but it was futile.

damn, the beach was a bad idea. i thought to myself, before running straight back into the sea to chase after jaehyung who has his torso soaked already.

when i finally reached him, he was just standing still with a sad face. "i'm sorry.. it's my fault we're both wet." he says with a low voice.

"of course it is, you idiot. you shouldn't have went deeper." i retorted with an exasperated sigh, "whatever, at least you don't feel bad about getting the shoes wet anymore."

"i still f-feel bad about it."

"alright, stop crying over trivial things." the urge to bump a fist up his head is so strong, but i stopped myself from doing so since the waves were shaking us violently, that a little bump would tumble him down. "i don't even know why you ran away from me."

"b-because.." he shuts his eyes tightly, and i could see his fists balling up in the water. "the two guys.. in the drama.. they were..."

"they were what?" i have no idea why he's so flustered about it, it's just two guys.

but, he seems embarrassed to finish himself. i just groaned for the umpteenth time today and pull on his arm to drag him out of the sea. "it's too cold, let's get outta here." i said.

as we were about to reach the dry ground, he spoke, "they were.. kissing in the beach."

i spit out completely nothing from my mouth, but only because he took me by surprise. i should've paid more attention to the things he watched, i'm sure there's not a single kid his age who would know those things.

then it hit me, he's literally older than i am.

completely feeling discomposed, i let out a long sigh and faced him, who has his head down but his ears were visibly red. "listen, not everyone does that, okay?" i said in a rush manner.

"but– but we did it.. before."

"god damn it, jae."

–

20:45

after the awkward stuff that happened in the beach, we just ended up drying ourselves off until we seem appropriate enough to walk through the city. we were a little soaked, had some eyes on us, but it didn't matter. there was nothing more embarrassing than remembering the accidental kiss we had.

it was an accident, for sure. we both clarified it earlier, and i was half upset and happy that he brought it up or else there wouldn't be any closure about it.

after we were done from being at the beach, we decided to eat, of course. what is a hang out with jaehyung if it doesn't end with eating? but, instead of having the usual, we went for something fancy; lobsters.

even on the last day, i managed to find out another thing about him, he really likes lobsters. though it hurt, the money was well spent seeing that he really enjoyed it.

and while we were strolling down the city, the long awaited message from kevin came. now, we're patiently waiting at the bus station.

though we're already fifteen minutes into waiting, i still haven't told the latter why we're here. i should definitely tell him, but i don't know how to do it in a way where he wouldn't be sad about it.

it took me a little while, but i spoke softly, "hey, jaehyung, what would you do if i were gone?" i ask.

he didn't ponder like he would, "i'll try to.. r-remember everything ab..about you and.. write it down." he replied, as if he had it planned for days. ah, well, it's definitely something he'd do. "why did you ask?"

"i don't know, i was just curious." i shut my eyes and leaned back, letting all the weight off my chest as i breathe. it's silent again, and i'll definitely miss this feeling, the feeling of the empty air leaving us comfortably collected.

i'm definitely gonna miss it.

"you.. you don't have to tell me why we're here." and like always, he breaks the silence with words that leaves me speechless, but i'm already used to his antiques.

i wanted to say it, "i'm gonna miss you."

my words caused him to stammer, "a-ah! uhm, me too." he replies, before falling back into his seat from jolting upward. "i'll miss you.. lots." his enthusiastic voice fell calm as he relaxed back down.

"you have to get better and do what you loved to do." i tell him, "i won't let it get ripped away from you again."

"i.. i don't know what it is, b-but i'll try my best." he said.

i pat his head, and we fell silent again. it's probably the last, since i hear footsteps coming close to us.

it's them.

i didn't want it to be over, i wanted to stop time already, but i know i don't have the power to do it, i only have the power to stop myself from tearing up. this was the one thing i prepared myself for, yet, i'm still failing at it.

it's time to say goodbye.

"jae.. is that you?" i look up, and there they were, a man and a woman, both with dark hair having their face shifting from anxious to relieved.

jaehyung, who was completely calm, now has his eyes widening from surprise. something tells me that he could recognize them by instinct, and i'm glad it's turned out like so. it would be troublesome if it didn't.

in the short silence, the woman – who i assume jamie is – pulls the boy beside me into a tight hug, bursting into tears as she did so. jaehyung couldn't react, i could tell he's feeling shocked but he lifted his arms up to embrace her back. "it's you.. it's really you!" jamie cries.

kevin ended up joining in as well, and i felt completely like dust, but i could care less. jaehyung's eyes were welling up by now, and i only watched in awe and satisfaction.

this is it, jaehyung is finally home. there's nothing left to worry about anymore.

before i knew it, kevin is already on his knees below me. "thank you so much for bringing him back to us."

"h-huh? no, it was something i had to do. no need to thank me." i panicked, i wasn't used to this and i definitely don't want him kneeling, but he won't get up from the ground so i ended up kneeling down as well.

"we have so much to thank you for." jamie followed suit, kneeling down and at this point, i'm flustered and i have no idea what to do and how to get them to lift their heads up. "thank you so much."

without a choice, i bowed down. "no, please, i should thank you for allowing me to help." i say.

i don't know what to do, i was definitely not prepared for this moment. however, i only know one thing, and that is jaehyung is going home and everything will be fine.

no, it's not, you're about to cry. right, i couldn't lie to myself. the lump in my throat is growing bigger as realization has started to hit me. i knew that my tears were begging to come out, and i'm trying, with every muscle, to stop them from doing so.

quickly, i stood up, "ah, uhm. i've gotta get going, you know, errands." making a stupid excuse, i hope it was good enough for them to believe.

the both of them stood up as well, "o-oh, well, again, thank you." kevin says before they bowed again, and i bow back.

"can i.. can i say goodbye?" i ask.

the two gave a look, then they nod at me.

thank you. i would say, but i went for jaehyung first and pulled him into a tight hug. i'm gonna miss him, i didn't want to admit it, even though i've told him directly that i would. but at this point, i couldn't care about my pride, i'm definitely gonna miss him.

"be a good boy, okay?" i say, with a shaky voice as i pat his head for the last time.

he wipes his tears away, sniffing as he does. "okay, i will."

—

HOLYYYYYY FUUUUCKKK

ITS DONE

IT IS DONE

dw this isnt the final chapter BUT JAEHYUNG IS FINALLY HOME WOOOOOOOOOO YAAAAAYYYYYY THANK YPU FOR 3.4K EYES I LOVE YOU ALL

this is the longest chapter bye it hasn't been proofread but i hope you liked it WHEEHHEISSHSKSJ ANYWAYS SHEEEEESH 🥶 LETS GOOOOo