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Still Be Me?

Why am I never good enough?
Why don't I do what they do?
Why do I find it impossible?
Why am I so focussed on you?

What I do is never right,
I never get the right reaction.
I can't do anything well,
I can't make the right decision.

They never see it when I try
To do something special
Or change someone's life.
Why are the bad things the most real?

Why can't I make
The right people smile?
Talk normally, not awkwardly,
Every once in a while?

Why is what I do,
Never noticed enough
For me to accept
That what I do is good?

Why can't I accept
That I'm not them,
That I do things different
And that's not bad?

Why can't they see
When I try so hard
To impress them with
What's right from the heart?

Why is what I do,
Always so bad,
Never in a good way,
But never really sad?

It's not good to be sad,
But it's how to reach them.
I want to reach them so badly.
I wish there was a way to help me.

I need to learn that what I am,
Is not what they see as great.
I need to learn that I am different
And that is not a mistake.

Everything happens for a reason.
Why? I can't recall.
But I need to work out where I am
Before I trip and fall.

They don't want to talk to me,
From what I can tell.
Is that the truth?
Or is it just the bell

Of the alarm inside my head,
Telling me no one likes me?
Saying nothing I do is good,
Saying they'll never see.

They'll never see the effort I give
To make them react.
They'll never know how much I try
To be one of the pack.

I don't want to be the same as them
I just want them to know I care.
But care isn't always something
They seem willing to share.

I don't mean they are horrible,
They're just a little closed off.
But sometimes I see them write things
That make me feel cutoff.

Cutoff from their world,
It's different to mine,
Everything they see,
I see in different light.

Why is this not good enough?
Why don't I see what they see?
But would I really want to?
Would that still be me?

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