I didnt see the shadow for a week, I was starting to think he didnt exist. Just a figment of my imagination. I stopped having anxiety attacks when he left, im not sure why. I realized that night he was protecting me, I still don't know from who. I do know that I've been feeling better recently, and im going to therapy tomorrow. Maddy hasn't stressed about me, Drake can go to work without getting a call, and Dad still isnt home. I'm well aware by now that my life has gotten better since the shadow left, but that still doesn't make me feel like it's right. Maybe I just got so used to everything and I feel the need for the shadow here. I know kids are talking about me though, I feel the stares and I hear the whispers, but I honestly just feel peace.

Sometimes ill hope to see him in my dreams, so I can know if he's protecting me or not. What's more important than that is knowing why I saw him and why he left. What happens if he comes back? Will my life go back to shit? Will my life get better? Is it even a he? He relates to being, a thing that can breathe, it's a pronoun. It is just a shadow, but I feel like it's a he; I feel like it's a human. It felt like a human, it felt like a shield too. It felt safe.

-

"Dad sent some money in the mail to help, Drake can handle most things but not these bills. Normally, dad would be home to pay for the bills, but I guess something happened at work. So drake and I are going to the landlord today to give him the money. He's friends with dad, so he's letting us off easy for paying late."

"Do you ever get upset that your dad has to travel for work?"

"I wouldn't say I get upset, I kinda just get worried. He's always on the road, and sometimes ill watch the weather where he's traveling to make sure he's okay, and im always kinda checking for car accidents and stuff, making sure it's not him. Im just worried he's gonna get hurt. What if he goes too long without sleep and crashes? He drives alone, so it's not like he can take turns with someone to sleep with. Sometimes hell call me from his truck, and im always wondering "Is this it, is this the call?". I guess that's childish though."

"No, it's not childish. Your concerns are very valid. You worry about your father because you love him and want him safe. I wouldn't call that childish, id call it considerate."

"What's childish is spending hours a day checking on him."

"You have an anxiety disorder, it's okay to be anxious and worry. Here you don't have to worry, just let out everything you need to. Try to be reconstructive with your thoughts, instead of saying "Childish" call it "caring". Im hearing a lot of you putting yourself down. Do you do that often?"

"Sometimes, I guess. It's not like I hate myself, I just think im stupid sometimes."

"Do you think others think the same?"

"I know they do. All the kids at school think im weird. They think I fake my anxiety for attention. They whisper and talk bad about me, the kids at school hate me."

"I don't think they hate you, they just don't understand you. They don't know you. That doesn't mean they hate you."

"I guess you're right."

--

I close the door to the car and sigh, relaxing into the seat.

"You okay little bro?"

"Yeah, tired. That ate up my energy."

"Still feel like going to school?"

I look out the window, "Yeah, im falling behind again."

"Your grades are fine, im worried about you, not school. If you want to go then okay, but if you need to rest at home I get it."

"No, I'll go, I want to see Maddy."

"Okay, we'll take you to school then," He puts the car in drive and we start rolling. "Do you think this will help you?"

"Maybe. I like her, she keeps putting my mind in new perspectives."

"That's good," My brother reaches over and put his hand in my hair, shaking my hair around. "You'll get through this. We will get through this, together."

I smile and take his hand from my hair.

I watch the trees and the grass. I watch the flowers and the cars. I watch the world pass by until eventually, I'm at school. School flew by. Time flew by. I hung out with Maddy, I did school work, I managed to focus, and I did well.  I went home with Maddy, Had dinner with me, and got dropped off at home by them. I do my nightly routine and lay down to finally sleep. Except I can't sleep, I just stare at the ceiling, waiting.

"Damien," I hear my name called, and I shoot up in bed. I see the shadow standing there.

"Shadow..." I mumble.

"Damien," It moves towards me. "I've been watching you, you've been very good recently, im proud of you."

"Who are you really?"

"I can't answer that Damien, but you know me. You know who I am."

"I don't," I shift, and im on my knees. "I want to know who you are, the real you. You're not just my imagination, I can touch you, I can feel you. You aren't a fucking ghost. Just tell me who you are."

He sits on my bed beside me.

"I can see your body, your clothes, your hair, your facial features, but I can't see your face. Why?"

He leans towards me, lightly grabbing my face.

"I'm glad you're doing better."

"Answer my questions!"

"I can't. I'll only show up when you need me to. If you don't need me, I don't come. You don't need me right now, but I wanted to see you. I wanted to say how good you've been doing. You're on the right track."

"How long have you been watching me? How long will you be watching me."

"That depends on you. I've been watching you since the day I saw you have an attack. I chose to guard you. I chose to protect you. Don't ever fall into your demon's trap. Don't believe a word they say. When you start to, that's when I show."

"You saw me have an attack? Are you real? Do I actually know you?"

He pauses, then pulls me into his hold. It's warm.

"I can't tell you that. What I can tell you is that I am real, and I see you, I know who you are, you just don't know me."

"What do you mean by that? You know me, how? How old are you? What's your name? How do I find you?"

"Damien," he whispers. "I wish I could tell you, but I just can't. If you find me, then you find me. If you don't, I'll still always be here when you need me."

"Just... tell me why I can't see your face?"

"You remember my body, and my figure, but not my face. The moment you do, that will be the moment you recognize me, you'll have found me."

"What do I call you?"

"Shadow, keep calling me shadow, I like it."

His hand brushes against my cheek.

"It's time for you to go back to sleep. When you find me in person, remember to call me Shadow. Okay?" He pushed on my chest, pushing me into the pillows behind me. He grabs my legs and pulls them out straight. He pulls the blanket up to my chest. "I'll be here when you need me next. Just go to sleep."

He takes a few steps back, and in one second he's gone. My mind is too tired, my body feels hot, and my eyes feel sore. I fall asleep, thinking about how badly i want to see Shadow again.

-