*July 21st*

Why are you the new member?

They were fine the way they were.

You don't deserve to be with them.

You have no talent.

You're ugly.

You are only bringing Bts down.

The comments kept rolling in, even though it was an entire week since it was posted, Mr. Manager had taken a photo of me with all of Bts, but in the photo, I could see just how fake every smile was except mine, I guess I was the only one who was truly happy in the moment..

We had a new Music Video planned to debut me, but it keeps getting delayed because fans would somehow find out where we are filming, and they would show up, throwing stones at me and screaming hateful words.
And I'm almost 100% sure the person who keeps leaking our location is one of the members, but I don't know for sure who, or which one, if not more than one of them.

My throat clogged, tears threatened to spill down my cheeks, and my eyes stung. I was in my room, looking at instagram, and I couldn't take it.
Quickly, I log out, grab my towel, razor and a change of clothes to fake going to shower for the third time in the past day so I could cut, and I run to the washroom, streaking past Jin, who looks at me like he just stepped on a bug.
Sobbing, I slam the door shut, locking it and fumbling with shaky hands for my razor, but its difficult to pick it up because my hands are tremoring violently.

A knock on the door makes me jump, and I hear Jimin.
"Can you hurry the hell up? I need to shower." He spits,
"O-Okay." I say back, loud enough for him to hear my voice but not my tone.
I roll up my sleeves, tears streaming down my cheeks, my heart feeling as if someone is sewing a seam into it with a razor sharp needle.

I slice my wrist, from the middle of my palm to my elbow, and I do the same on the other side, tears dripping onto the cuts, stinging them even worse than it already stung, and my blood mixed with my tears.
Leaning my arms over the bathtub, I let them bleed out, adding a few more cuts across my wrist horizontally, to be sure.
I am going to die today.
And my pain will finally go away.

Relief fills me as my head pounds, I want the pain to end, if this is the only way to do it, so be it.
My arms now look like I had dipped them into crimson paint, and I felt lightheaded, and dizzy. Black spots grew in my vision, the pain was unbearable, but somehow enjoyable.
I could almost feel my life leak away with my blood, dripping down the drain, and it only now occured to me that I was still sobbing.

I'm sorry Jin, Jimin, Hoseok, Taehyung, Yoongi, Namjoon, Jungkook. I'm sorry I wasn't good enough to be accepted. I'm sorry I was such an inconvenience to you all..

My ears felt full of cotton, and they were ringing, I vaguely heard a knock on the door echo through my head, and everything fades to black, the pain fading with it.