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The New Directions were already excited over Mr. Shue allowing them to perform one of Marley's original songs after a week of refusal, but the return of Finn Hudson after several weeks of Mr. Shue swearing he would never forgive him had the New Directions living on top of the world.

Keilani, however, had much bigger things on her mind in that moment. As everyone began to walk off the stage after performing Marley's song, Keilani snuck over to her backpack and grabbed a folded piece of paper out of her backpack. She waited until everyone had left the stage to approach Finn, who had been focused on checking a message on his phone that he didn't notice her approaching. "Hey? Are you busy?"

"No, no, I'm not busy at all," He answered, still a little distracted by his phone screen. "Just a message from Rachel. She's got a big callback, but I can talk to her later." Finn shut off his phone and looked back up at her. "What's up?"

With the paper still held behind her back, Keilani took a step closer to Finn and said, "I have something to show you."

Finn still looked confused, even after Keilani gave him the folded up piece of paper. It wasn't until he opened up the paper and read the contents that he looked up at her with a huge beam on his face. "You got in?"

"I got in," Keilani confirmed, even though she was still in complete disbelief. "I haven't told anyone yet, but considering you wrote me one of my letters, I wanted to tell you and thank you. It means the world to me that you wrote that letter."

Finn didn't respond verbally at first. Instead, a proud and ecstatic Finn surged forward and enveloped Keilani in a tight hug. "I'm so excited for you," He gushed.

"I'm excited, too," She said, letting out a small giggle. "Like I said though, I haven't told anyone yet, so you're the first person to know. I'll tell people soon, but is it alright if you don't mention it to anyone yet?"

"Yeah, I can do that, but I don't really understand it. I feel like you should be running around, screaming to the world that you got into a freaking Ivy League. Makes me feel almost a little bad about being stuck at Lima University."

Keilani shook her head. "You're going to college and studying something you're passionate about. That's freaking awesome, no matter what the school is. I'm just as proud of you as you are of me right now."

"It is nice finally studying something and knowing what I want to do," Finn commented with a chuckle before looking back down at Keilani with a huge grin on his face. "We've both got it figured, don't we?"

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No one had quite believed it when they heard the news.

Over the past three weeks, the sadness and heartbreak over their beloved leader's passing hadn't lessened in the slightest. If anything, it had only worsened as the realization and pain set in. No one could really believe that Finn Hudson was gone.

For Keilani, she woke up every day feeling the exact same way she did when Mr. Shue came into the choir room and had to tell the New Directions about Finn's passing. She felt this strange mixture of heartbreak, grief, and numbness over the loss. Even though Finn wasn't her closest friend and they'd had conflicts in the past, he was still so important to her and had been such a great friend in her life. She'd always thought Finn would be around.

Keilani didn't realize that she took with her time with Finn for granted until it was too late.

Mr. Shue had decided to organize a special assignment to pay tribute to Finn a few weeks after the funeral, and nearly everyone in the New Directions was able to make the trip back for the memorial. When he stepped into the choir room, Mr. Shue was struck by the fact that even though the choir room was the most full he had seen it in years, it just felt so empty to him.

After writing 'Finn' across the whiteboard, he turned back to the group and said, "I'm really glad that so many of you can make it back for this."

"We wouldn't miss it for anything, Mr. Shue," Mike responded.

"The funeral was for everyone, but I wanted to do something just for us. To memorialize him the only way we know how: by singing. All week long, anyone who wants to can come up and sing. Maybe a song he sung, maybe something that reminds you of him–"

"Singing isn't going to bring him back," Puck interjected bitterly.

Even though many of the New Directions members disagreed, no one could find the energy to respond and defend Mr. Shue's assignment. While Keilani understood Puck's bitterness and was somewhat feeling the same way, she didn't want to say that out loud. Keilani knew that singing was the way that many people in the group chose to cope with their pain over Finn's passing and how important this week was for them, and she didn't want them to feel bad for doing that.

"No, it's not. Nothing is, not ever. But, for two minutes or so, we can all maybe remember the best parts of him," Mr. Shue eventually responded, and for once, Keilani was in complete agreement with him. "So, think of what you want to sing – if you want to sing – and we'll start tomorrow."

"Oh, I– I can't wait until next week, Mr. Shue," Mercedes interjected, standing up as she did. As she stood, Mercedes looked back at her best friend, seeking comfort in such an emotionally difficult moment. Keilani squeezed Mercedes's hand in an attempt to reassure her, and she sent her a grateful look in return.

"If I don't get this out now, I don't think I'll ever stop crying," She continued. "I remember Finn telling me that he sang this song to his baby's sonogram – well, when he thought it was his baby. He was the first ever cool kid to ever be nice to any of us, and he was our leader in here."

Mercedes looked up at the sky, hoping and praying that Finn was looking down at her and smiling. "We love you, Finn. Thank you for everything."

stand by you | performed by mercedes

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Over the course of the week, Keilani and Mercedes had become an especially important support system to Kurt Hummel. He was not only grieving the loss of his step-brother, but he was also helping support two of the people who were probably the closest to Finn and were some of the most affected – Carole and Rachel. When Kurt had mentioned to Mercedes and Keilani that he was taking on the task of dropping off Finn's things to Goodwill, the two immediately offered to be there with him when he did it. According to Kurt, there was no way Carole could even go to the Goodwill, and Burt had barely left her side those past few weeks.

The car ride over was completely silent, something that was unusual for the normally loud and laughing trio. Kurt parked the car near the front of the store, but he didn't move for over a minute after shutting off the car. Mercedes reached over from the passenger's seat to rest her hand on top of Kurt's. "We don't have to do it if you don't want to. I'm sure Burt and Carole will understand."

"I need to do this. I just..." Kurt sighed and squeezed his eyes shut. "I feel so guilty donating all his stuff. It feels like I should be keeping them with me, waiting for Finn to come back to use them all again."

Neither Keilani and Mercedes could really respond to that because Kurt was completely right in how he was feeling. In fact, both of them were feeling guilty as well for being there to help Kurt donate.

"While we're here, I might as well do this," Kurt mumbled before pulling a bag out of the backseat that Keilani hadn't paid much attention to before. "When we were cleaning stuff out, I found some things that people in the Glee club might want. Old pictures, sentimental items. Finn kept a lot of stuff from over the years. I was originally trying to find stuff for Rachel, but then I just kept finding all these things, and I felt so terrible throwing it away. I feel like maybe people in the Glee club would want some things."

Kurt reached into the bag and handed something over to Mercedes. Despite her tears, Mercedes couldn't help but let out a quiet laugh as she grabbed the chains Finn had worn in the 'Good Vibrations' performance and photograph out of his hands. "He really tried his best," She remarked, looking at the photo of the song her, Finn, and Puck had done in Funk week all the way back in their sophomore year with tears in her brown eyes. "Finn always put himself out there to do pretty much every performance he could and just tried to have a fun time."

"He really did have some weird performances," Kurt said with a weak chuckle. "Remember that time in Duets week where him and Rachel did that crazy offensive performance?"

"I'd prefer to forget about that one, please," Mercedes muttered, her shoulders shaking with laughter as she pinched the bridge of her nose. "I'm going to miss seeing his terrible dancing. Even though it was kind of awful around competition time, it was always hilarious."

"I remember Finn practicing non-stop for that performance with you," Kurt reminisced. "He said it was an honor to be singing in a trio with the almighty Mercedes Jones, so he wanted to make sure it was perfect."

"I remember I was just so shocked that he wanted to sing with me in the first place," Mercedes managed to say through his tears. "Even after that brief stint on the Cheerios, I was still in that mindset that there was no way someone so popular could be so nice to me."

Kurt reached into the bag once more and handed something to Keilani. In Kurt's hands were an all-too familiar pair of bright red drumstick with golden writing on the side that nearly made Keilani burst into tears at the sight of. That Christmas back in 2011 felt like yesterday but also so long ago. She had nearly forgotten about the gift she had given Finn that year, but with Kurt holding them in front of her, all the memories came rushing back.

"Finn never used them," Kurt told her in a quiet voice. "He always kept saying he couldn't find a performance that was special enough to use them for."

Keilani almost began to start crying again. But, she didn't want to cry in front of Kurt and Mercedes and cause the two of them to get even more emotional as well, so she bit her bottom lip and placed them on the seat beside her.

Kurt then reached into the bag and pulled out a plain white envelope. Keilani was confused as to what it was until he said, "We were going through his computer, and while we were going through his files, we found the recommendation letter he wrote for you for Yale. Neither of us read it, but I figured it would be something you'd maybe want to read."

Although she was incredibly grateful that Kurt had printed it out for her, Keilani knew she couldn't read it. Not right then, at least. She wasn't at the right place emotionally to where she could read Finn's words. So, Keilani carefully slipped the envelope into her bag. She knew that once she got home, she would put it in safely in her top drawer, waiting for the day that she would be ready to read it.

Kurt glanced out at the window towards the faded blue 'Goodwill' letters lining the entrance. They keys were still sitting in the ignition of the car, and Keilani saw his hand inching towards it. "Do you guys think I should do this?"

"We can't decide that for you," Keilani told him. "But we support whatever decision you make."

After taking a deep breath, Kurt finally took the keys out of the ignition and placed them in his pocket. "I think I'm ready," He said quietly, even though there was a hint of guilt in his eyes as he eyed the storefront.

Keilani squeezed Kurt's shoulder as Mercedes pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. "We'll help you through this, alright?" Mercedes reassured. "We'll be there for you through everything, Kurt. No matter what happens."

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About midway through the week, Keilani asked the sophomores in the New Directions to meet her in the choir room during lunch The five sophomores and Keilani sat in a small circle around the center of the choir room. "What's going on?" Ryder questioned. "Why'd you ask us in here?"

"This week has been really focused on the alumni. And while it is true they knew him for a lot longer, Finn was also your teacher. I wanted to give you guys the space to talk about how you're feeling and maybe share some of your favorite memories of Finn. If you want to, at least. I want you guys to be able to talk about what's going on with you right now, but I don't want to force you to share. It's just...I wanted to give you guys the space to do either."

Marley was the first one to say anything, as if she had wanting the opportunity to talk about it at all week but had no idea how to do it. "He never blamed Sectionals on me. Finn was always so kind and understanding, and he always supported us – whether we were in a competition or not. He fought for us."

"Even though I didn't end up playing her in the end, Finn cast me as Rizzo," Unique spoke up,, taking a deep breath as she did. "He was the one who fought for me and believed in me, and I'll never forget that. Finn was one of the first people who didn't really treat me as some sort of 'gimmick'. He would sometimes be really stupid, but I'll always love Finn."

"I've always been a major bitch," Kitty mumbled. "Everyone here knows that. But...Finn didn't turn his back on me. Not even when I was at my worst."

Marley reached over to squeeze Kitty's hand. Normally, Kitty might've smacked her hand away or even flinched. But that day, Kitty was incredibly appreciative towards the gesture, and even rested her head on Keilani's shoulder.

"I wouldn't be in this club in the first place if it weren't for him," Ryder spoke up. "He saw something in me, and being in the New Directions has completely changed my life. Not only did I find something that I'm actually good at, Finn helped me get the testing to realize I was dyslexic. Genuinely, I have no idea where I'd be without Finn."

Everyone slowly turned to look at Jake, who hadn't said a word since entering the choir room. For a moment, he stared hard at the ground, refusing to look anyone in the eye. Jake suddenly stood up and kicked a nearby music stand, causing it to fly backwards and crashing an empty area near the piano. Keilani flinched slightly but Jake remained frozen in place, staring at the now knocked over music stand with wide eyes.

"I'm sorry," He apologized in an uncharacteristically quiet voice. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

"It's alright," Keilani tried to reassure. "I'm not a grief counselor or anything like that, but I think a lot of people experience anger. As long you're not lashing out on other people, I think kicking a music stand or two is alright."

Jake's guilty expression remained, so Keilani – in an attempt to make him feel better – added, "Also, I think kicking that music stand was probably, strangely enough, one of the the most fitting tributes you could've done for Finn. If you want, you can kick your chair as well." She looked around at the group and offered, "You guys can kick a chair if you want, too."

The four other teenagers shook their heads, although Ryder looked a little tempted.

"I just hate feeling like this. I hate the fact that Finn's gone," Jake eventually admitted with a hard look on his face. "Finn was kind of an idiot sometimes, but he was the best kind of idiot. He cared a lot, and there's not many people out there like him. I miss him a lot."

"We all miss him a lot, too. You're not alone in that feeling," Keilani agreed as Marley reached over to grab Jake's hand. "So if you want to lean on us, you can."

Jake nodded and sent Keilani a grateful look. He didn't say another word, but there was no need to for him.

"Sometimes, I feel like because he was our teacher, he felt a lot older," Marley said in a shaky voice, looking down at the ground as she tried to fight back tears. "I keep forgetting that he was only nineteen. Finn was only a couple of years older than all of us. And every time I remember that and how he still had so much left of his life...it hurts so much more every single time."

"I think about that a lot, too," Keilani admitted quietly, feeling tears prick in the corner of her eyes. She then blinked them away, not wanting to break down into tears in front of the group of sophomores she was trying so desperately to support. "Do any of you need anything from me? Like anything at all? You can always come up to me if you figure out something later, too."

"I kind of want a hug," Unique whispered.

"Me too," Ryder agreed in a quiet voice.

More than willing to oblige, Keilani held out her arms, open wide as she said, "C'mon, you guys. Group hug."

All five of the teenagers practically collapsed into her arms as they wrapped their arms around each other, holding onto each other tight and feeling a small amount of comfort in the fact that they were experiencing this grief and could help each other through it.

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Soon after Keilani had talked to the sophomores, Sam and Artie gave an emotional performance to 'Fire and Rain' to the New Directions on the stage. Santana had exited quickly after the number, but all the New Directions eventually left as well, giving each other hugs as they walked off the stage. However, Sam and Keilani remained onstage, with Keilani's head resting on Sam's shoulder and his head resting on top of hers. "How are you feeling?" She asked quietly.

"I'm still not sure...but it felt a little better being able to get out my emotions like that," Sam confessed, looking sadly down at the ground. "Finn was like this older brother figure who brought me under his wing. Sure, we fought sometimes, especially when that whole Quinn situation happened, but he almost always had my back and I had his. I'd probably be still stuck in Kentucky if it weren't for him. Hell, I probably wouldn't have evened joined the New Directions if it weren't for him. Finn kinda changed my whole life, and I don't even know how I can pay tribute to someone like that."

"I think he changed all of our lives...even if he didn't really realize it. Yours and Artie's performance was really great way to remember him."

Sam nodded, breathing a small sigh of relief that maybe his performance was good enough to pay tribute to someone who had played such a major role in his high school-life. He then looked down at his girlfriend and asked, "How are you feeling? You've barely talked about this past week."

"How can I feel right now?" She asked quietly. "It's really hard to find any sort of joy in anything these past few weeks because every time I feel like I'm maybe about to smile about something, I just remember that Finn is gone, and I feel so guilty that I'm even smiling about something. But I don't want to cry anymore because everyone else is so affected too, and I feel like someone needs to be there to support everyone."

"Lani, sometimes I feel like you spend so much time caring for others, that you completely forget about yourself." Sam reached over to rest his hand on top of Keilani's clasped, shaking hands in her lap. "You're allowed to grieve too, you know that right?"

"I wasn't as close to him as some of the others in the club–"

"Yeah, but he was still important to you. We both know that," He pointed out. "You two got a lot closer this year, especially when Mr. Shue was gone."

"I don't think I can sing a song, though. I'm not even sure if I can put into words how I'm feeling right now."

"You know that's okay, right? You don't need to sing. But you have to acknowledge how you're feeling."

Keilani didn't even know how she was feeling. Two weeks before, it had felt like the rug had been pulled out from underneath her, and she hadn't been able to find her footing ever since. She had struggled finding the words or even thoughts to understand how she felt over losing Finn.

"I can't get over the fact that he had just figured out what he wanted with his life," She responded in a quiet voice. "Finn had struggled for so long, and right as he finally found something that truly made him happy, he's suddenly gone? How's that fair?"

Keilani took a deep, shaky breath, and somehow, she was finally able to find a way to express how she was feeling. "Everyone's been talking for weeks about how special Finn was. We've always kind of known that, but I don't think any of us could figure out 'why'. Finn just was. I think I finally figured out why, though. I think what made Finn so special was that he made so many mistakes, but he never hid from them. Yeah, sometimes the way he tried to make up for those mistakes wasnt the best idea. but Finn always tried so hard to make things right. There's so many people out there who never like to admit they did something wrong, me included. but Finn was never afraid to say that he screwed up. I miss him so badly it's hurts to even talk about."

"I hate the fact we won't get to see what Finn would've become because we all know he would've ended up an incredible teacher. Hell, he was doing great this year when he was a 19-year-old kid who had never been in a proper teaching position like the one Mr. Shue gave him. Finn had so much life ahead of him, and I'm so angry that all of it was cut short like this."

Keilani didn't even realize that the tears were beginning build up in her eyes until she broke down in sobs. Sam wrapped his arms around her shaking figure as she sobbed into his chest, desperately trying to fight back tears of his own. She wanted to say more about how much Finn had meant to her, maybe share her favorite memories with him. But as much as she tried, the grief and pain overtook her and Keilani could barely find herself able to say another word.

She knew she would need to get up eventually. Keilani would have to wipe her tears and return to the choir room where so many people were experiencing so many similar emotions to her, and she would be there to be the support system they needed. If anything, it had became Keilani's way of coping. If she could be there for everyone else and make them feel more supported, then Keilani felt a little less hollow on the inside.

But, for a few more moments, Keilani allowed herself to truly feel the sheer grief she was experiencing. "It's not fair," She managed to say. "It's not fair."

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cory monteith (1982 - 2013) ♡

"i don't have to hide or be somebody i'm not. i don't have to compromise. i can just be myself."