proverbs 14:30; "a heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones."

she wished she could be sarah as well. or something like that. sarah was perfect in every other way.

VALENTINA LIU HATED the smell of marijuana.

Smoking weed had to go against the Bible or- or something. She'd ask her pastor this Sunday, maybe. But either way, the smell was nauseating. Made her feel uneasy in a way she couldn't describe. Made fuzzy memories she didn't even understand come back.

Sucks that the girls locker room always smelled like it.

Tonight was opening night, first game of the season. Valentina had been ready for this since the year started. She'd had a guaranteed spot on the team, anyways.

"V, oh my God," The voice of Sarah Loving interrupted Valentina's thoughts, and she looked up at the girl who was walking over to her, blunt in hand. "V, the freshman girls, Jesus, they're so bad."

"I think you forget that you were a freshman once, Sarah." Valentina said, straightening her skirt out and looking up at Sarah with a raised eyebrow.

"I try to forget that time period. It was very dark." Sarah said with an overdramatic shudder. "Anyways, are you ready for the game or what? I've been waiting for this for years."

Sarah Loving was another girl every highschooler wanted to be or wanted to fuck. Stereotypical as it is, it's true.  Sarah was a senior, and popular, pretty, and blonde. One of the most gorgeous girls on the cheer squad. A druggie, sure, but gorgeous nonetheless. But everyone knew that. Valentina had eyes. She wished she could be Sarah as well. Or something like that. Sarah was perfect in every other way. Valentina loved being able to call her a best friend.

"Last first game of the season." Valentina said, "Do you have any lip gloss?"

"I know. I'll miss you so much when I'm gone, ugh, it'll be so sad." Sarah said, ignoring V's question, her voice a whine. God, she was so high.

"Lip gloss, Sarah." Valentina said, blinking quickly. Sarah rolled her eyes and pulled her shirt back, reaching into her bra and pulling out a tube of gloss. Valentina took it and rubbed it against her skirt without second thought, before applying it to her lips and sliding it back over to Sarah. "Put that out, game starts soon and we need to get on the field." She said, gesturing at the joint still in Sarah's hand.

"Hey, did you hear Bradley's got a girlfriend?" Sarah said, completely ignoring Valentina's words and taking another hit.

"Sh- Crap, really?" Valentina said, eyes wide. "Any tell her she's gonna get played yet?"

Sarah threw her head back and laughed. "Dina. You know her?" She asked. V shook her head. Sarah paused for a long minute. "Hey, would you fuck Brad? Be honest. I won't tell Ricky."

The question made Valentina feel sick to her stomach and she didn't know why, but she forced out a laugh instead.

"Not until marriage, Sarah. Come on, we've got a game to win." She said, watching as Sarah- finally- put out the joint.

"To lose, you mean."

•••

They did lose. Terribly so. But their team was shitty, so it didn't surprise anyone. The football team still whined about it.

Valentina was riding home with Sarah- who's high had long since warn off- the way she'd been riding home with Sarah for two years.

Or, kinda. They were riding to another cheerleaders house, a freshman who was trying to get cool points, probably. Nonetheless, her parents weren't home and she had promised booze.

"You're not gonna drink, right?" Sarah asked. Valentina rolled her eyes and propped her feet up on the dashboard.

"Ephesians 5:18: 'Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit.'" V said, glancing over at Sarah with a cocked eyebrow.

"Oh my God, do you just have that committed to memory? You just quote it whenever I bring up drinking?" Sarah asked.

"'Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain; for the Lord will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.'" Valentina quoted, and Sarah reached over and punched her in the shoulder.

"Shut up, I hate you." Sarah said, but she grinned widely.

"You love me. No, I won't be drinking. I'm only going so I can drive you home." Valentina shrugged.

"Liar." Sarah accused, "You wanna see Rickyyy." She said, purposely dragging out the 'Y'.

That made Valentina feel sick to her stomach as well. She loved- she loved Ricky, but... No, she did, she loved Ricky, she shouldn't feel sick whenever someone brings up his name. So instead she laughed, managed to make it sound real hopefully.

"Shut up. I'm gonna have to drive his ass home as well." She said with an eyeroll, changing the subject. "Brad's new girl gonna be there?"

"I think so." Sarah responded, "Did you see her at the game?" 

"Nah, wasn't paying attention to the crowd." She was paying attention to her team. Not in a weird way, obviously. She just...just needed to pay attention to them for the sake of doing it right.

"She was wearing Brad's jacket. Can you believe- oh my God, Callie, get out of the fucking road!"

Sarah slammed on her brakes and honked her horn. Valentina laughed, loudly, and Sarah gave her the bird as she pulled up into the driveway where this shit was being hosted. And it's not like it was a party, it was just a get together of the cheer squad and team. Not even everyone had showed.

"God, I hate her ass." Sarah said as she parked and unbuckled her seatbelt, scowl on her face.

"Who? Callie?" Valentina said, unbuckling her own seatbelt and opening up the car door as she raised her eyebrow. "She's not that bad."

"I would've ran her over if you weren't in the car." Sarah deadpanned. Valentina laughed again. "Okay, listen, you go find Ricky. I, for one, am gonna get ass drunk and probably hook up with one of the boys."

V forced another laugh, but Sarah bought it. "Okay. Use protection, babe." Valentina said with a wink, and Sarah grinned.

They parted ways quickly. Valentina found Ricky easily, in the backyard of the house of a girl's name she didn't know, with Brad and a few other boys, couple cheerleaders, sat around what was probably meant to be a fire but was just a pit with a spark.

"Hey, Babe." Valentina greeted, sitting next to Ricky. The petname left a taste of bile in her mouth.

"V! You made it." Ricky grinned and pressed a kiss to her cheek, and Valentina heard a couple of the boys make "woo" noises, and she forced a laugh, pushed Ricky away and pretended it was playful.

"'Course I did." She said with a smile in Ricky's direction. "What's going on?"

You know what's unfair? Ricky loved Valentina. He'd said it so many times. But everytime Valentina said it back, she didn't feel like it was true. It felt gross and made her feel weird and she didn't know why and she hated that the most, because Ricky- he wasn't a bad person

"Talking about how your boyfriend totally blew it at the game tonight." Bradley spoke, and Valentina looked over at Brad and- and noticed a girl, curled up next to him with a letterman jacket over her shoulders. Valentina almost choked.

"He did great, Brad, shush." Valentina defended Ricky, but it was distractedly, her eyes on the girl- Dina, it must be. Brad and Ricky were bickering in the background, but it was fuzzy as Valentina pretty much admired Dina.

Dina had curls that were so gorgeous and Valentina wanted to run her hands through them. She had eyes that were stunning and skin that glowed and-

And Valentina was jealous, that's it. She was envious of Dina because Dina was pretty and Valentina wanted to look like her. She would confess that to her priest on Sunday, and everything will be forgiven.

"—V, babe, are you listening to me?"

Valentina looked over at Ricky and blinked a few times, before laughing, forced as ever. "Sorry, I must've spaced. What were you saying?"

This all went on for the next few hours, and Valentina stuck by Ricky almost the entire time. He was piss drunk by 1, and Valentina was dragging his stumbling ass to Sarah's car.

"Ricky, can you just sit here for a minute while I go find Sarah? I'll be right back, I promise."

Ricky had whined about it, but all Valentina had to do was lock the door. He was 17, not 11, he wouldn't die while V went and found Sarah.

Finding Sarah was a lot harder than Valentina had planned for it to be. She walked around the unfamiliar house for ages, looking for Sarah. And in her haze to find Sarah and drive her and Ricky home (she'd probably just let Ricky crash at hers, her parents trusted her now), she ran into Dina.

She ran into Dina, and almost was sent into cardiac arrest.

"Sorry, sorry." Valentina rushed out, rubbing at her eyes momentarily, "I'm sorry, have you seen Sarah? Sarah Loving?" She asked, desperate at this point to find the other girl.

"Who?" Dina asked, a look of confusion tracing of her, and oh God-

"No one, sorry, I need to go-" Valentina said, murmuring under her breath at this point.

She was never gonna show her face af school ever again, never gonna show up to cheer practice or any of the games, Jesus.

She rushed past Dina, cursing herself and the fact that her skin was hot.