Peeta's POV.

I turn off the TV and walk to the small room I've been calling my own for the last week, since I arrived the Capitol for my brother's wedding. It's already late and I've been trying to get some rest for a while now, but I simply can't, not while my brothers' anguished expressions they got when I told them about our mother linger in my mind. I really feel bad for basically ruining Ted's wedding, but he deserved to know. It still doesn't make me feel any better, telling him everything should've been the first thing I did when he appeared at my doorstep a few months back, instead of closing the door in his face and running away from him like I did.

The wedding will be held tomorrow afternoon right here in the hotel, and it feels like everyone is overwhelmed with the preparations for the big day, everyone but me. I've tried to contribute with my help several times but either Ted or Lizzie dismiss it, what makes me feel extremely useless and enfuriated. I keep telling myself that the main reason they don't want me to do anything because they have got everything under controll and don't need help, but it's impossiblenot to womder that they don't want me to do anything because they think I'd mess it up, or because they think I can't handle that type of stress because I'm too fucked up. The second last assumption unsettles me terribly so I try not to give much thought to it, which is hard because the only thing I have to do here is think. Katniss has been keeping me occupied in many ways, either because she wants to get to know the Capitol better or in other more pleasent ways. But she can't be alway with me, and sometimes I find myself alone lost in deep thoughts.

I lay in bed for some time, trying to find sleep, but it never comes, and I end up walking aimlessly throught the hotel's cream white corridor's, occasionally receiving weird looks from people who walk past me in hallway, probably because I'm bare footed and disheveled, wearing my pijama.

After the conversation I had with my brothers I realized one thing: my mother didn't have a funeral. The simple thought of it makes shudder, because of how mad I get with myself for not even thinking about that before. What kind of son was I to not even care enough to make her a funeral. I was the only thing she had. There's still this part of me, the darker part of me, that keeps saying that she didn't have any right above me, that she had lost me a long time ago. And although that is probably true, I can't deny the fact that, even after she lost me, I lost her and there's no replacing. Even if violent and disfunctional, she was still my mother, and no one can ever change that, I will never have her again.

Tears prick my eyes, and I violently wipe rubb my eyes, trying to cast them away, trying to be stronger than this. Is it going to be like that everytime I think of my mother? I feel sick just thinking like that. This is not how things should work. I shouldn't cry or feel sad, or fearfull, everytime I think of her. I should think of the good things. But then again, if therre are any pleasent moments with my mother and myself involved, I was to young to remember them.

I find myself backing against the wall, and sliding down to a sitting position, bringing my legs up to my chest, and resting my chin on my knees, my mind completely empty. I feel hollow for a few moments, not being able to have any thougt or feeling, but soon the sadness reaches up to me, and one by one the tears start streaming down my cheeks. I don't do anything to stop them this time and allow myself to cry and grieve for my mother instead of my own selfish reasons.

After what feels like ages I finally stand up and walk back to the hotel room that I'm sharing with Gale, cursing to myself when I realize that I left the key inside. I knock on the door, feeling slightly bad with myself for having to wake up Gale. I try a few more times but Gale sleeps like a rock, and either isn't disturbed with my banging on the door, or is actually awake and simply doesn't want to open me the door. When it reaches the point I'm actually yelling at Gale, the door that belongs to the next bedroom opens, and a scowling Katniss appears in my view.

"What do you think are you doing" she asks, obviously grumpy that I woke her up in the middle of the night. I find myself studying her mindfully. My eyes follow her legs that seem to have no end with those pijama shorts. Then my eyes travel back to her face, examining every single detail I might have not noticed before. Suddenley I realize that she is waiting for an answer and I'm brougth back to reality.

"I got locked outside. Gale doesn't open the door." I finally answer. Katniss, who looks flustered, obviously because of my intense staring, nods in understandement, then smirks slightly, her cheeks turning into a rosy shaded

"Wanna crash in my room?" she asks somewhat seductively. I feel my own face pinkining, but I still nod eagerly, allowing the corners of my mouth to turn up into a smirk. Katniss turns around and walks back to the room, and it doesn't escape me the way she is bouncing her hips while she walks, obviously trying to lure me. And it's working, since I follow her absently, not managing to take my eyes from her ass.

She turns around and orders me to close the door, that I forgot to close since all my attetion was trained into some less innocent thoughts. I find myself blushing realizing how deep in haze I was. I close the door and walk towards Katniss who has already made herself comfortable on the bed. She pats the spot beside her and I gladly walk up to her, sitting in the bed.

"Why were you outside at this hour?" Katniss asks me with the usual serious face she puts on when she is worried.

"Couldn't sleep." I simply answer.

"Perhaps I can help with that." Katniss smirks, connecting her lips with my own in a quick kiss. I smile before bringing my lips to her again, this time more passionly. My hand instinctively moves to the small of her back, while I can feel Katniss tugging at my hair. I feel her part her lips slightly, and I do the same. I always get nervous when Katniss and I kiss, it's something irractional actually, eventhough I've kissed Katniss so many times before, it always feels like my first. My hand nervously slipps under Katniss' shirt, and I can feel her stiffle a giggle at my unsecurity.

After a while she pulls away. "Okay, that's enough for tonight." she states smiling. I groan in response, making her laugh lightly. "Seriousky Peeta, you're starting to get too horny." she laughs.

"I don't see why you'd complain." I grumble. Katniss shakes her head in amusement, and I take the opportunity to contact my lips with the crook of her neck. I plant a trail of feather like kisses up her neck, until I finally reach her lips again. They taste sweet, like always, a mix of strawberrys and something else I can only describe as Katniss. The kiss deepens, and my hand is already reaching for a less appropriate place when Katniss pulls away again.

"I'm serious, Peeta. Tomorrow is a big day and this is not the time to fool around." Katniss states, eventhough she's not being very convincing.

"But we never get to fool around!" I complain. Katniss reaches up to my face, and brushes a few strands of hair that got in my eyes, bringing her face incredibly close to my own.

"I know. But you also know how I feel about all this. This is not the moment, specially when I promised my mom we wouldn't do anything too dirty." Katniss says, rolling her eyes at the mention of her mother, her cheeks flushing.

"She already gave you the talk?" I ask her, trying my best to not laugh.

She nods, and I swear I can smell her embaressment from where I'm standing. "The sex talk? Believe me, she did."

I laugh "Haymitch gave me the sex talk to the other day too." I state, remembering when I got back home from school on a wednesday and Haymitch comanded me to sit in the couch of the living room while he talked about, well, things I already knew. Although the conversation was awkward, boarding hilarious I should add, I didn't want to burst Haymitch's parental bubble, since I believe it made him feel in someway better about our relationship. And the truth is, beside what I had already heard from the classes in school and Ted's sex talk (yup, he also gave me the sex talk, the only problem is that the only thing he said was 'It's amazing!'). "I don't want to go back to that day again, specially when he was demonstrating the act with his fingers." I add. "Unless your mother is a nurse, I'm sure she could give much more usefull information than Haymitch."

"Yes, because nothing is better than having your own mother explain the act of self-pleasure from the medical point of view." Katniss says sarcastically, making me laugh.

"Nothing better than teenage years." I joke while Katniss lays back in the bed, pulling me with her. Immediatly my arms go around her waist, while she cuddles closer to me. After a few moments of silence Katniss speaks up again "Is everything okay?" she asks.

I scold myself for believing that Katniss wouldn't notice my red rimmed eyes, that obviously show I've been crying. I sight. I really don't want to worry Katniss or talk about my problems, but Katniss must be sick and tired of hearing me say 'I don't want to talk about it', and I really don't want to upset her like I did the other day when we arrived the Capitol. "Actually, not really. I just realized my mother never had a funeral." I confess "I can't believe I didn't think about it before. I feel awfull. I don't think that I had assumed the fact that I lost her until now."

Katniss strokes my hair before answering "I'm sorry to hear that." she states. She stops, probably thinking of the right thing to say. "Maybe we can still give her a funeral, after the wedding. I'd help you." I smile at her idea.

"Thank you." I whisper to her. She smiles and kisses me. "I don't know where I'd be without you." I add quietly.

"Probably still locked up outside, yelling at Gale to wake up and let you in." Katniss jokes. I chuckle.

"I love you." I state. Katniss gets closer to me, nuzzling her head in my pijama shirt.

"I love you too."