I stared so hard for so long, not blinking until my eyes burned, waiting and hoping that Alex's name would appear on my phone screen. It never did. I waited and waited, not finally falling asleep until nearly five o'clock in the morning, only to be woken up by a call at seven-thirty from Lindsey. She was reminding me that she'd be over soon to take pictures of my house for the listing.

My eyes stung from the lack of sleep and I contemplated taking a sick day to sleep off my misery, but I decided against that idea when Ruby jumped down from the bed and started barking at me to get up and feed her.

With an over-exaggerated groan, I rolled out of bed to accommodate my feisty pup, and make the full twelve-cup pot of coffee that I normally didn't fill passed five.

I fed Ruby and made a half-assed croissant for myself, still stewing in my emotions from the night before.

Around eight, Selena called to ask if I was going to come into work. I told her I'd figure that out after Lindsey left. I needed more time to myself to breathe and determine what to do next.

When Lindsey arrived an hour later, she greeted me with a sisterly hug and I knew that she'd heard about last night's fiasco.

"Who told you?" I asked knowingly when we pulled apart.

She looked at me sympathetically and bent down to pet Ruby, who had been hopping around at her feet for attention. I predicted right then that Ruby would probably never make a great guard dog, seeing as she befriended every person who walked through my front door. She'd even gone nuts over Daren.

"Selena talked to Kacey and Kacey told me," Lindsey said, rubbing Ruby's ears. "Kate, I know it's hard. I've been in the same position before. But you can't let not knowing how he'll react ruin everything for you."

I flashed her a frown, having never heard about this before. "You've been in the same position?"

She nodded and rose back up to eye level with me, to Ruby's dismay. "Yeah. When I was in college, I dated two guys. Mitch and Shawn. They were both amazing. I was doing the same as you, just seeing what was out there, seeing what my options were. Didn't think they'd think anything of it, really. Big mistake on my part."

She followed me into the kitchen and I poured a cup of coffee for her as she continued the story.

"I was out to dinner one night with Mitch and we were having a great time, sitting on the same side of the booth. He had his arm around me and we were talking," she told me, pausing to take a sip of her coffee. "When our waiter came to take our order, it was Shawn. He called me out right there, in front of everyone. Then Mitch got pissed and they ended up taking it outside. It was a big, dramatic explosion in my face, basically. The cops had to break it up."

I could already guess how the story ended, seeing as I'd never met a Mitch or Shawn before, and I'd known Lindsey for a few years.

"So what happened?" I asked anyway.

Lindsey shrugged. "I was so embarrassed and humiliated, I ended up hiding in my dorm for a week, and by the time I'd gathered up the courage to talk to them, they'd both moved on. I still, to this day, regret not talking to either of them right after it happened. I know you worked things out with Jesse, and that's great, Kate, but if you really think Alex is the one, you need to swallow your embarrassment and go fix things with him. Don't drag it out like I did, because you might lose him permanently."

She was right. I knew that. But knowing how her experience had ended only made my anxiety worse. What if I did talk to Alex and it still turned out badly? Was I supposed to think, 'oh well. At least I tried?' No. That wasn't good enough. I had to fix this. I had to! There just was no other alternative. I didn't just want Alex in my life. I needed him, and I honestly couldn't imagine not having him in my life, now that I'd become so attached to him and so used to him being there. I wasn't sure I could handle the thought of losing him permanently. Actually, I refused to.

Lindsey and I continued to talk about other things like the move and selling my house while she took photographs. Ruby followed us from room to room with her tennis ball in her mouth. Nothing else was said about Jesse or Alex, though they were practically all I could think about.

Jesse texted me around eleven, telling me he hoped I was feeling better and offering to treat me to coffee as friends sometime in the coming days. The message warmed my heart and brought a brief smile to my face, but I knew the cold, tight feeling in my chest wouldn't subside until I worked things out with Alex. No amount of sweet texts from Jesse could boost my mood enough to actually make me feel better.

Lindsey took Ruby with her again when she left, playing babysitter while I went to work. She told me all her coworkers at the real estate office had fallen in love with Ruby.

I didn't finally make it to the office until after noon. As I expected, I was greeted with a stern glare from Mandy. She was still fuming over my disappearing act at the dinner.

"Crawford!" she shouted down to me from her spot on the balcony. "My office! Now!"

I felt like I was taking the walk of shame as I made my way to the elevator and up to her office. Once inside, she told me to shut the door and have a seat. I knew I was about to get the third degree.

"What kind of stunt was that that you pulled last night?" She looked at me like a furious mother scolding her child. "Do you have any idea how bad that made Satisfaction look in front of so many of our peers? Two members of our board of directors personally told me they thought it was very unprofessional of you to show up and then leave before the most important part of the night. And you want so badly to be a bigshot news reporter for a huge paper like the Times, yet you blew off the editor-in-chief when he was calling your name six times for an award. Six times, Kate. How do you think that made you look to the New York Times? Hmm?"

I didn't know what to say. I was surprised she didn't roll up one of the magazines on her desk and start beating me over the head with it.

"Don't bother telling me the story about your love triangle," Mandy continued, her tone softening just a hair. "I've already heard everything from Selena when she pledged her support and sympathy for you and begged me not to fire you. I understand that you were upset, and that it was a delicate situation for you, emotionally; but there is a time and a place to deal with your private romantic life, and that was neither the time nor the place. Do you have any idea how many people witnessed you kissing your coworker and then, not ten minutes later, also witnessed you in the midst of a lovers' quarrel with the event caterer? Kate, if you're going to make it in this industry, you've got to be very careful who you reveal your personal life to. Your reputation is everything, and there's always someone out there waiting to tear it apart."

We sat in silence for the next minute or two, Mandy staring at me, waiting for a response, and me staring at the wall, trying to come up with one.

"Kate, I'm going to recommend you take some time off," she said after a long pause. "I want you to settle this mess with Alex, and then I want you back to work with a clear conscience and a level head on your shoulders. You can't do a good job here if your mind is elsewhere."

I forced myself to nod and I thought over what she'd said. I hadn't seen Alex in his cubicle. Had she told him to take time off, too?

"Is Alex-"

"He didn't come in today," she said. "I haven't spoken with him yet."

I nodded again, and when Mandy didn't say anything else, I apologized for the previous night's spectacle and got up to leave.

"Kate," she spoke when I reached the door. "Don't take anything I said the wrong way. I'm on your side. You're one of my best employees and I want to see you succeed. That's why I told the board of directors and the Times that you'd had an unexpected emergency arise, and that I'd failed to inform your submission partner of your leaving before he took the stage."

I looked at her, surprised. "You did? Mandy, you didn't have to-"

"I know," she nodded and clasped her hands together on her desk. "I also didn't have to recommend you for employment at the Times, but since I'm promoting Joseph to the Featured Story position, and I know how much you wanted that job, I figured it's the least I could do."

My jaw dropped. Literally. I didn't know whether to bolt across the room and hug her to death or cry.

Mandy had recommended me to the Times? Holy fucking shit!

Mandy Cartwright carried a lot of power in our industry, and I knew any suggestion made by her was a suggestion taken very seriously. I'd never be able to thank her enough if the Times extended me an offer.

"Oh my god, Mandy..." was all I could think to say at the moment.

"Get out of here, Crawford," she said in a harsh tone, but I could see a smile tug at the corners of her mouth.

I did as told and headed to my office. I called the editor to double check that they'd included the information about Pet Protectors' adoption day in my article, which would be posted online tomorrow. I'd have to add another paragraph or two regarding the adoptions for the print version, since January's issue of Satisfaction wouldn't go out before the adoption day.

I took care of a few more work chores and then went in search of Selena. On the way, I ran into Joseph and congratulated him on his win and promotion. It turned out he'd written a piece on LGBTQ+ rights for the contest prior to the article he'd written for Satisfaction, and he hadn't told anyone because he wasn't sure how people would react. Satisfaction was a very inclusive family, though, and everyone had congratulated him with open arms. I was proud of him, and glad that he now felt comfortable with the world knowing about his sexuality. It also tugged at my heartstrings that his writing had helped educate the public and raise awareness.

I couldn't believe I'd been so selfish to think I deserved that promotion. Joseph deserved it more than anyone else at Satisfaction.

When I finally found Selena, she was chatting with Andrea in the lobby. Andrea flashed me a sympathetic look and I knew she'd heard about last night, too.

"Hey," Selena smiled and pulled me into a hug. "How're you feeling? Have you talked to Alex yet?"

"No," I sighed. "Mandy suggested I take a few days off, so that's what I'm going to do. I've got all my work done for the next several days, so I'm going to head home and finish packing."

"Are you going to be alright?" Andrea asked with concerned eyes.

"Yeah. I'll be fine," I said and headed out to the parking garage.

I flopped down behind the wheel with a huff and stared blankly out the windshield for a few minutes. I wondered if Alex was avoiding me on purpose.

I took a deep breath and womaned up, dialing his number. I wasn't quite sure what I'd say to him if he answered, but it was worth trying to get ahold of him.

One ring. Two rings. Four rings.

"You've reached Alex Stephens. I can't come to the phone right now. Please leave a brief message and I'll get back to you."

I hung up before the beep. There were a million things I wanted to tell him, but I didn't want to say them in a voicemail. He deserved more than a message. I had to fix this face-to-face.