I made some lame excuse to Alex about having to use the restroom and skirted away before he had a chance to notice that something was wrong. On my way to the doors, I passed Selena and Daren, and the look on Selena's face was almost as sad as the hurt in Jesse's eyes. She was the only person in the entire room who understood what had just happened, and I knew she was about to follow me out into the hall to give me that shoulder I was about to need to cry on. As much as part of me wanted to just break down and cry to my best friend about my fuck up, I pushed that idea aside and waved her off, determined to go handle the situation one-on-one with Jesse.

I exited the ballroom and looked up and down the corridor and out into the lobby. There was no sign of him. A bellhop was leaning against a luggage cart, scrolling through his phone. I hurried over to him to ask if he'd seen a man matching Jesse's description. Without taking his eyes off of his screen, he pointed to the hotel entrance.

I scurried through the revolving doors and there he was. Jesse stood on the sidewalk, his sport coat slung over his forearm while he chugged down a beer. His back was to me, but he knew I was there.

"What?" he snapped angrily, staring a burning hole through the building across the street.

Cautiously, I stepped closer, expecting him to spin around and light into me, but he didn't.

Even in the darkness, I could make out the stiffness of his muscles under his white shirt. His back was rigid. He was as tense as a panther about to pounce on its prey.

"Jesse..." I started to speak, but was quickly cut off.

"How long?" he asked, finally turning to face me. "How long have you been with that guy? How long have you been lying to me?"

"Jesse, you don't understand-"

"I understand just fine!" he bellowed and passersby stopped to watch our spat. "He's your boyfriend, isn't he? You've been cheating on him with me, right?"

Oh, boy, this was not going the way I'd expected it to.

"No. No. No. That's not it at all!" I shook my head, tears brimming in my eyes. "Jesse, you and I were never official. Just like Alex and I were never official. I've been dating around, seeing both of you for a while, exploring my options! That's all! I'm not anyone's girlfriend! I haven't been cheating on anybody!"

Jesse was silent for several agonizing seconds, glaring into my eyes with a fiery disdain, and I hated myself for not having the common sense to realize that the big event he'd talked about catering on Wednesday was the New York Times dinner. I should've figured that one out. Hell, I should've asked! I should've never been P.D.A.-ing up the place before I broke the news to both of them.

I should've known this would blow up in my face at some point. I just hadn't expected it to be so soon, or like this.

"Alex, huh?" Jesse breathed words of fury. "That wouldn't happen to be the same Alex who called that night you and I were out, would it? If I recall correctly, he was 'just a coworker,' right?"

I felt like a scared animal being backed into a corner with his verbal jabs. He had every right to be angry, but I wished he would just stop long enough for me to calmly explain myself to him.

"Yes," I admitted sheepishly. "That was him. But I think you can understand why I didn't say anything to you at the time, Jesse. I had just started getting to know Alex, and-"

"And you'd just started getting to know me!" he shouted and the crowd of observers started to grow. "Kate, I would've understood if you'd just told me that you didn't want to make anything exclusive yet – that you wanted to see other men and explore your fucking options, as you say. You could've just had that conversation with me! You didn't have to go sneaking around behind my back with some other guy!"

He was completely right. I should've talked to both of them about each other from the very beginning. If everyone had known beforehand, it might've saved us all a lot of heartache.

"You're right." I hung my head in shame, staring down at my feet, unable to face the blaze in his eyes anymore. "I should've told you. And I'm sorry I didn't. I really am. Jesse, I've never done this before. I didn't know how to go about it. Selena told me it was fine as long as no one made anything official, and I thought she knew what she was talking about, so I just followed that advice. I've realized the hard way that what works for her obviously doesn't work for me, and I'm really, truly sorry, Jesse. I am."

I finally dared to meet his gaze again and was surprised to see his expression had softened. Was it possible that he actually understood where I was coming from? I'd expected another raging comeback.

"I guess I don't have room to talk," he said in a lower tone, stepping closer to invade my personal space. "When I was younger, I dated around all the time. Granted, I didn't stick with the same person for more than a week, so this is a bit different, but still. I do understand now. It just infuriated me when I saw you two kissing. I felt so betrayed."

I nodded, reaching out to brush a wrinkle out of his collar. I didn't know what else to say. I'd apologized numerous times. I'd explained my reasoning. What else was there to say to him besides breaking the news of my choice? I wasn't sure I could even do that at this point. He'd just seen me kissing another man and it had hurt him so much. How could I possibly be so cold as to stand there and break his heart even further, telling him that I hadn't chosen him? I couldn't do that to him.

"So what happens now?" I asked hesitantly, feeling a tear glide down my cheek as I looked up at him.

Jesse blinked away a few tears of his own and wiped the one from my cheek. He managed a small smile, trying to pretend he wasn't as hurt as I knew he was.

Somewhere in the thick of things, Jesse had become more attached than I'd ever expected. Having told me that he wasn't sure what he wanted, I didn't think he'd care to jump into anything serious any time soon. He'd surprised me. He'd probably surprised himself, too. But feelings are tricky like that. They can change in an instant. I should've been more cognizant of that.

"Now..." He pursed his lips together and the stormy look in his eyes told me he was contemplating what to say. "I think you owe Alex an explanation before you tell him he's the one."

I look up at him quizzically. I hadn't been that obvious, had I?

"How did you-"

"The way you two were dancing together – how happy he made you, how perfect you two looked for each other... It was obvious. I can't give you what he can, Kate," Jesse said sincerely, and I could tell it pained him to say so. "And I know that. And I can accept that. You and I had an amazing time together, and I hope we'll continue to have great times together in the future... as friends. Cause I know I still want you in my life, but I want you to be with the right man who treats you how you deserve and makes you happiest. I know that man isn't me."

"I'm so sorry, Jesse," I muttered and the tears began to flow uncontrollably.

Jesse pulled me into his arms and I laid my head on his chest, bawling into his shirt while he rubbed a comforting hand up and down my back. He kissed my forehead and waited patiently until my sobbing died down to a dull whimper.

Once they realized the fight was over, much of the crowd that had been eyeing us had dissipated. Only a few people still stood there, watching us like they were watching a projection of While You Were Sleeping.

"I'm sorry, too," Jesse whispered into my hair. "I never should've jumped to conclusions like that. It was just hard to see that."

I pulled back to meet his stare, feeling my bottom lip still quivering a bit. A part of me hated that he wasn't the man my heart had chosen. He would make some very lucky woman very happy someday. He had no idea how special he was.

"Are we... alright?" I finally mustered up the courage to ask as I wiped away tears with the back of my hand.

He nodded, a small smile on his lips. "Yeah... Yeah, Kate. We're alright."

There was nothing left to be said now. I had to go freshen up and hope my eyes weren't as red and puffy as I assumed they were. I had to go back to the event and act like nothing was the matter while I mentally planned out how on earth I was going to have the talk with Alex.

"I've got to get back to my job," Jesse sighed regretfully. "Are you going to be alright?"

Was I? Hell if I knew. But I knew Jesse still had work to do, and I wasn't about to be selfish and keep delaying him so I could keep crying on his chest. I just needed to put on a brave face and pretend I was perfectly fine, the same way I'd pretended for weeks after Eric and I had broken up.

I sucked in a breath and managed a halfhearted smile. "Yeah. I'll be okay. Thank you for... you know."

He gave a knowing nod and pecked my cheek one last time before heading back inside.

I watched his retreating frame through the glass doors until he disappeared around the corner from the lobby, and I wondered if the pain in my chest would ever subside.

I gave myself a silent pep talk and smoothed out my dress before deciding I was ready to go back in. But before I could make it halfway through the lobby, Selena came skating around the corner from the ballroom and skidded to a halt right in front of me, nearly knocking me down when she grabbed my arms to break her own fall.

"Jesus, Sel, what's the matter?" I looked at her like she had three heads.

She stood there, heaving and fanning her face to catch her breath.

"Alex. He... went to... find you..." she said between pants. "He was coming... to tell you... that you and he won... second place. He accepted the award for both of you."

The contest was the least of my concerns. My heart sank to my stomach at the mention of Alex looking for me.

"When did he come looking for me?" My words ran together and I accidentally bit my tongue in the process. "When, Selena?"

Now it was her turn to look at me crazy. "Like ten, maybe fifteen minutes ago, I guess. Why? What's wrong, Kate?"

"Oh my god." I slapped a hand over my face in realization. "He probably saw me and Jesse hugging outside."

"What? Kate, what the hell is going on?" Selena asked, trying to keep up with me in her stilettos as I ran back to the ballroom.

"Where is he?" I asked when we reentered the ballroom and I didn't see Alex at our table or anywhere else.

"I told you. He left. He came back to the table and told Mandy to hang on to the award plaque for when you came back," she explained. "He said he didn't feel good and he was going home."

Just then, Mandy marched up to me and demanded an explanation for my absence during the awards ceremony, and Daren came over to ask if everything was alright. A few yards away, I could hear someone congratulate Joseph for winning first place. I'd never even known he'd entered the contest...

Everyone was trying to talk to me all at once and it was too much. I locked eyes with Jesse across the room for just a second while he was talking to the host, likely discussing his catering job. If I knew Jesse, he was probably taking the opportunity to network like crazy for the restaurant. He smiled and gave me a wave.

Unable to calm my nerves enough to handle all the questions from everyone, I blew them off and made a beeline for the table to retrieve my clutch. Then I was out the door before anyone could catch up to me.

Once outside, I flagged down the valet at a separate entrance and quizzed him about if Alex's truck was still there. As I suspected, he said he'd left about ten minutes prior.

Great. Now I had no ride home on top of all the other mess.

The valet started to ask me if something was wrong when Selena burst through the doors and jogged over to me.

"Kate, you're not going to find him tonight," she said softly. "Why don't you let Daren drive you home? We're about to head out anyway. You can come with us."

I shook my head, trying to push passed her. "I'm not going to ruin your night, too, Sel. Go enjoy your time with him. I'll just catch a cab or something."

"That's going to be a really costly taxi," she noted, grabbing my arm to pull me back.

I groaned. "Thanks. I feel so much better."

"That's not what I meant. Look, I get that you want to find Alex and make things right, but you've had more than enough emotional war with Jesse tonight." Selena talked to me like a big sister. "Even if you did find Alex tonight, he's probably going to be too mad to reason with. Give him the night to blow off some steam and then see if he'll talk to you at work tomorrow. You both need a breather. So just come home with me and Daren. He already offered anyway."

I pondered the offer for a moment and, realizing it would cost me a whole hell of a lot to take a cab from Manhattan to Phillipsburg, I caved and let her lead me back to where Daren was waiting on another valet to pull up his car.

On the drive home, I sat in the backseat and stayed quiet for most of the ride, occasionally muttering a response to something Selena said. I stared out the window, watching the trees and snowbanks roll by, and constantly checked my phone for any messages from Alex. None ever came.

By the time Daren dropped me off at my house, I'd overthought the situation enough to come to the assumption that Alex was completely done with me. There was no going back from this. Alex wouldn't take it the way Jesse had. He would take it so much more personal, so much more to heart. He wouldn't forgive as easily as Jesse had. He might not forgive at all. And that killed me.

I was sure deep in my heart that Alex was the man for me, and it would hurt worse than any other loss I'd ever suffered if I lost him. But somewhere in the back of my mind I wondered if I was the woman for him. Frankly, I was afraid to find out the answer.