If whatever his pinky finger touched turned out not to be syrup, he was going to burn his entire arm off. The group left quite a mess. Disgusting. Perfect. If he wanted to pretend he belonged in the hotel it was better to make it seem like he'd joined breakfast with his family late and they'd just returned to the room without him. People didn't sit at dirty tables of people they didn't know if clean ones were open. He kept his eye on the front desk and pretended to watch the tv. News of some kind. Once he'd hovered around any public space to get a glimpse of the news. He needed to know even if he was terrified someone else watching would notice him. Terrified of what- who he would see on the news.

It had been months since he'd seen anything of importance. It was at once tremendously depressing and a relief not to need to keep up with that anymore. He finished the plateful of reconstituted eggs and toast and returned for thirds. The eggs weren't good, even with ketchup or hot sauce, but they were warm and other than when he went to see Gabrielle he barely ate anything hot. Or even warm. It was so cold outside now that he feared he might chip a tooth on the candy bars in his bag if he didn't put them in his pockets first.

When he returned to his seat he noticed whoever was at the front desk glancing over at him. Oh good. A busybody. Most of the time hotel staff didn't care enough to bother him even if they were suspicious that he wasn't staying there. Once even at a larger hotel that was hosting a basketball tournament he'd even managed to sneak into a room when a family checked out and take a real shower. It had been a major risk but around the same time he'd also been seriously considering laying down on a blind curve, so he hadn't cared much about getting caught.

How he wished for a real shower again. When was the last time he had one? A truck stop, probably. He'd never known they had showers in those places. He probably never would have before. Before he would have never needed to deal with front desk workers a little too into their roles. The front desk man was approaching.

He wiped his mouth on a napkin and stood up before he could reach the table and 'accidently' let the card key he'd yanked from the return box fall to the ground. It probably didn't open anything anymore but as long as it had the right hotel name, it would work. As predicted the self-important strut stalled. He picked it up and returned it to his pocket, and looked up as though to have just noticed the man. Before the worker could get his bearings he closed in.

"Excuse me- do you work here?" The man wore a uniform. And a name tag.

"Yes- I do. What can I help you with?"

"My mom needs toothpaste. Mom said all hotels are supposed to have it. She said the maid didn't give her any. Why didn't she give her any toothpaste?"

"Well its not standard on the carts. Which roo-"

"You don't have any?"

"I do bu-"

"Oh you don't have any or you just don't want to give it to a kid? So now I have to go get my mom for stupid toothpaste?" Do you really want to meet the woman who spawned someone so obnoxious? The man's face tightened. Didn't think so.

"We usually have some basics stocked back here, no worries. Lots of people forgot essentials occasionally." He followed the man to the counter, waited for him to go towards the back and once he was out of sight, promptly left out the automatic doors.

Boots crunching on the frosted sidewalks, the boy kept a brisk pace back to his current hiding spot, an abandoned store front with the 'for lease' sign faded from the sunlight. There was no water or power but the upstairs had apartments over it and some of the other units in the block were occupied giving it more heat than a free standing place. The caveat was that it was easier to be noticed. He couldn't go inside right now, but he liked to swing past it after leaving just to make sure the door he'd wedged closed remained so. It was a gamble he'd never have taken months ago but he learned pretty quickly no one was really going to arrest him. If someone noticed, they might not bother to do anything. If they did bother to do something, it would be to call the cops who were more likely to toss his stuff into the snow than try and handcuff him. Or offer to help him get to a shelter. Still, he kept as much on him as possible. Loosing his sleeping bag would suck but it was better than waking up in a covered slide and realizing his bag was covered snow.

The door was closed when he slowed a half step, checking the door, the window, and continued walking without breaking stride again. He was heading up the hill today to check out one of the places Gabrielle called. Apparently quite a few of the numbers had been wrong or so the people claimed. That would have been suspicious enough even if he hadn't opened a phone book to find out that addresses did correlate to the phone numbers left. He wasn't sure what he was going to do when he got there. He'd played scenarios out in his head of what kinds of questions he could ask to try and get the books back- or even see if they had them. None of them ended well in the trial runs through his brain. In all likelihood he could do nothing. In fact, he probably should do nothing. In fact, you could be walking into a trap, idiot. He probably was. He may have already fallen in. Last night reminded him of that.

The librarian assistant was too dismissive of all this strangeness, too friendly, too pushy. She wanted to know his 'secret' but still was willing to help? Gabrielle could be in on it after all. Even with the painful anxiety squeezing him at all times, that was a sharply painful thought. No, not her. If she was after him as well, she would have acted already, right? The very fact you immediately want to defend her proves how good she is at her role- He pressed a finger against both temples, feeling the heat radiating and his heart pounding out a rapid rhythm. A passing car's tire squealed, so loud his ears might as well have been pressed to the road. It hurt. You're really going to be in trouble if you don't. Stop. Thinking.

His body felt heavy as he leaned against a wooden fence and focused on the pile of leaves in a stranger's yard. He ran a finger over his palm, examining the new pattern of callus and considering how many blisters he normally would have by now. He touched the pendant around his neck. All the leaves always fell off in the span of three days at his grandmother's place. At least he'd never need to rake leaves again if they killed him at the address he'd written down.

Whatever he expected it wasn't nothing. He narrowed his eyes at the piece of paper, wondering if he wrote down the address incorrectly but, no. He didn't write things down wrong and certainly not important things like this. Its what was in the phone book, too. Was it an old version? He hadn't thought to check the date, assuming it was the most recent one. In retrospect given the state of the library that was a dumb assumption. The boy approached the vacant lot. The edges were neatly defined between two normal brick homes with neat little yards. No chain fence. The only marker was the weeds expanding up through the rotting leaf piles. No for sale sign. He kicked a foot into the leaves, poking around to see if there was something recently demolished or signs up burned wood to explain how there was nothing comfortably sitting on a plot of land near a park, a middle school and on a well paved road.

The hair on the back of his next went up, the sensation of someone standing right behind him and he jerked around. There was no one there. He rubbed his arms. He was being watched but from where, he didn't know. Stupid. Stupid. He'd been too obvious in his haste. He wanted to run. He kicked the leaves again. Mushrooms. He gathered a handful, kicked another pile of leaves and then continued down the street. Would whoever was staring at him think it was normal behavior for a teenage boy? He waited until he was at the end of the street and then bolted up the block.

He almost decided not to go to the next location however after half an hour of checking over his shoulder it seemed like he'd been overreacting. After all, he hadn't seen anyone on the street or cameras. The sun was beginning to lower when he reached the place Gabrielle mentioned that sounded like it had church music playing in the background of her call. It was not a church but it made sense she heard the music she had. The narrow wooden house had a nativity scene out front, a giant cross on the front door he doubted was a seasonal thing and one of those boxes that held flyers for open houses, but this one was full of pamphlets. He pretended to admire the Christmas decorations. They supposedly held 5 of the 10 books he needed but they'd told Gabrielle they had nothing. One vacant lot that someone had left a message for a grandson. One religious home who denied knowing what they were talking about. He'd thought seeing the places might give him more pieces for putting the puzzle together. It was more like being handed pieces from a completely different one. It was getting dark and he'd promised Gabrielle to help her with the 'H' section. The boy snagged a pamphlet and turned to go back down the hill.

******

Cigarettes. He pinched his nose closed walking towards his usual table. As if he needed anything else to stress him out the smell made him feel like gagging. Gabrielle glanced up at him with tired eyes. She tried to smile.

"You can blame the dollar store cowboy."

"I... don't know what that means."

Gabrielle was holding a can of spray over a chair. "The dollar store cowboy is the only one who comes by consistently. I mean other than you. He talks like a cartoon character and smokes a pack of cigs before coming inside, I think."

"Why's he a cowboy?"

"He wears cowboy boots and a cowboy hat here. Even when it snows. And likes to call me 'little lady'." Her face contorted and then she grinned. He studied her expression. Her makeup was always smeared but this didn't like a style choice and there was a ring of pink around her eyes.

He cleared his throat. "He wears a hat inside? He sounds awful."

She looked up at the ceiling and turned her head but he still saw her sleeve go over her nose. "You are. SO. Weird. That's what bothers you? A hat?"

He shrugged in response. "Gentleman aren't supposed to wear hats indoors."

"...Connor what about me calling him 'dollar store cowboy' makes you think he's a gentleman?"

"Uh, I'm pretty sure I just said I didn't think he was a gentleman." He relaxed when her lower lip stilled and she rolled her eyes. She brought down the spray can over the blue chair in a sign of the cross.

"Where have you been?"

"What?" He sat up straight again. "Who says I've been somewhere?" So she did know that he went to the vacant lot- or the weird church house. Was that why she used the air freshener in that way just now? Was she supposed to keep him away from there? Was that why she was upset? It was a trick then? She had done her best to make it seem like-

Gabrielle held up both hands. "Chill out, I just meant you are later than usual. Are you ok, Connor?"

He bristled. "I'm fine. It looks like you're not though. Guilty about something maybe?" His eyes darted to the door and back to her, gauging her response.

Gabrielle stared at him eyes wide and bright. She wiped her face into an unconvincing scowl. "H-Has anyone ever mentioned you're an absolute dick before? What's your problem I just asked you a normal question."

He continued to glare at her.

"Whatever I'm not in the mood for your-" she waved her hand "weird paranoid crap. I was trying to be nice. I'm allowed to have a bad day." She wiped her eyes aggressively again as though refusing to allow the tears to escape.

She's not tricking you. She doesn't know.

"You aren't pretending." he mumbled more to himself.

"Pretending to what?"

"Pretending to... help... me."

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Her hands came down in a slap on the outside of her legs.

"I- you don- I...." He held his own hands down in surrender when she stepped away from him. "Please, can you just tell me if you were pretending to help because someone told you to? Or are you just... helping me."

"It's just me." For some reason her face went very pink. "I know I should have told some adults you need help and my friends told me the same, ok? I know I can't really do anything about your... home."

"My home?" That's what she thought he was worried about?

"You don't have one, right?" She wasn't looking at him.

"No. I don't. Thank you for not telling anyone about me. But I am curious, what did you think you could do about it alone?" It was hard not to laugh. She looked so embarrassed about this thing that barely mattered now.

"What? Maybe... I thought you seemed sad. So, you know. I didn't want you to be."

He swallowed hard, really studying her now. She might have been older but her naivete made it seem otherwise. A girl wearing black and purple stripes, skulls and eyeliner, little dagger earrings and a second pair of studs. Her nose ring was missing today. He'd never dared to approach a girl like this before, always assuming them to be rude or aloof or the scary kind of weird. And yet she was telling him all of this bringing him snacks and sitting with him and trying to help him find these books was because she wanted to make him feel better? A stranger that walked in looking miserable and acting disrespectful. Her table was a mess of librarian books, school notes, drawings of monsters and daisies. Her green mechanical pencil was on the floor by her chair, cracked open. Inspired chaos. She was either the best actress in the world or just sweet and oblivious. It was kind of adorable. And you just bullied her about something she knows nothing about. She's right. You're awful

"I'm sorry I was rude." He moved to pick up his bag, the tension of the day fading to exhaustion. "I can go."

"You don't have to." Gabrielle gave him a nervous look now that he was moving towards the door. "Its so cold out and-"

Warmth spread in his chest at the comment. He wanted to shake her. Instead he cautiously put his things down at a table away from her own. "You really have no self-preservation instincts, do you Gabby?"

"Huh?"

******

He was ready to leave. He wasn't getting those books anytime soon and he'd already been in this city over a month. Much, much longer than he knew to be safe. His bags were all packed up with re-stocked food. He had a ticket from the bus depot for the following morning, south into Oregon and hopefully California. Away from the cold and danger, no matter how briefly. And when the danger followed then at least it would be away from Gabrielle. She deserved at least that much from him. And it wasn't all a wash. He knew the author's pen names now. He had written down the code from the first book, he knew there was likely to be another one in Oregon. Maybe he only needed one more to start getting answers. Overall, things were looking up. Even with the first major snow on the ground, he was in good spirits as he walked to his final bitter sweet evening here. It took longer to get back from the art supply shop than he expected. He'd hoped to have everything prepared before she showed up.

When he walked in the door he was greeted by a yell and then when he turned to acknowledge the voice something was thrown over his head. Panicked he tossed it away, eyes wide.

 Just a coat.

Gabrielle was laughing, pointing at him. She bent in half. "I said catch! I can't breathe you look ridiculous!"

He stood up straight again, lowering his raised fist against the attack. "Why would you do that?"

"It snowed and we had an old one that I don't use. So I thought you might."

"Might what?"

"Use the coat?" Gabrielle sighed and picked up the dark blue jacket, double layered with a zipped in fleece. "You're wearing a rain jacket. Merry Christmas!" She dropped it over his shoulders.

He pulled it off and looked down at the coat. It was old with frayed cuffs but over all in good shape. He lifted it.

"Are you smelling my gift?"

"I'm sensitive to smells."

"Does it pass?"

"Its fine. I mean... thank you."

"No problem! I have a new purple one so I'm glad this one is going to a good owner. I'll show you tomorrow." He smiled at her. She tilted her head back. "What's wrong? Why are you making that face?"

"Smiling?"

"I have a surprise for you." She made for the front desk.

Another one? "I... I have something for you as well."

Gabrielle slid to a halt, head cocked. Her blue eyes were wide. "Something for me? What? Can I have it now? It's a surprise? What is it?" She closed the gap between them.

"Don't get too excited. Its not a big deal." He put his bag on the table and pulled out the little paper bag. She snatched it with a grin. "I love presents."

"I'd never have guessed." He watched her hopefully.

"What is it what is it what is-" she stopped when the green pencil fell out into her hand. To his alarm her eyes started to blink rapidly, glossing over.

"I saw it broke the other day and I know you love to draw so I just thought-"

"No. I love it. I had the worst day yesterday my mom and I got into a fight and then Dan rescheduled yet again and when my pencil broke..." she laughed. "Have you ever had your pocket catch on a door handle when your in a bad mood."

"Yes." He wrinkled his nose. "It's unpleasant."

"Sure, Connor. Sure. Unpleasant doesn't seem strong enough a word but anyway- I stepped on my darn pencil and when it broke I... kinda... did too." She was still smiling.

"I... am very sorry all of that happened. You could never deserve to have a bad day."

Gabrielle's eyebrows shot up. She seemed on the verge of speaking but for the first time since he met her nothing came out.

"What's wro-"

He froze when she jumped forward and threw her arms around him. His own arms were just hanging in the air, unsure what he should do. The feeling was so foreign he wanted to run. When was the last time he'd been hugged? Her hair tickled his cheek. She was so warm. He cautiously lowered one hand to touch her back. The material on her sweater was soft. He shut his eyes, surprised and grateful that she wasn't immediately letting go.

When she pulled away she was laughing self-consciously. "That- was too much huh? I'm a hugger and I needed one. But based on your expression I guess you aren't. I appreciate your gift. Was that weird?"

It was nice. Please do it again. "It's fine. I'm glad you like it."

"Anyway, maybe this will make up for yesterday. Come look."

One of his arms was still slightly lifted at an awkward angle. He lowered it and followed after her. Even though he wouldn't see her again, he felt a weight lifted. Her hugging him was just more proof he was doing the right thing by leaving. It would hurt, especially for some reason after having her hug him. It was a normal thing people did all the time for people they just barely cared about. He'd seen his mom who hated touch hug co-workers who came over for dinner. That's why it meant so much. A normal, unimportant thing he hadn't been able to do for months. He'd be sure to lock this single strand of affection he'd received away in his mind. For Gabby it was nothing. He doubted it would make much difference to her life at all when he left anyway. She only had this next week in the library. She could probably forget him by the new year. He was doing the right thing. He took a deep breath trying to remember what time his bus left.

"Guess who showed up this morning with this?" Gabrielle handed him a pair of books, an excited grin on her pretty face. "I know its just a start but I was beginning to think we wouldn't get any of them. I called the poor old lady like, a bajillion times and I think I annoyed her son into bringing them by."

She handed him one of the missing books.

"Surprise!"

*****

I wonder what people's thoughts are on the characters. Are the right ones annoying? Are they too stereotypical? I've spoken to them too many times and know too many secrets about them to be objective.

Thanks for reading!

-Andi