Damien

"Where are we going?" I asked Nate.

"Patience," he responded.

"Why all this car changes?" I asked.

"Just a precaution to make sure we're not being followed."

"Will you just tell me where we're going?" I asked. Somehow I had a clue though. But I just don't know how possible.

"You wanted answers. Well, you're a few steps away from them," He said as we pulled over to a house.

"Go. She's waiting for you inside," Nate said.

Hallie.

Am I ready for this? I know that I've been wanting answers, but I'm afraid I'm not going to like them.

"I'll wait for you here," he said and nodded towards the house. There was a protective detail roaming outside the house.

"Thanks," I said to Nate before stepping out of the car.

There were two officers posted by the front door who nodded in my direction.

"You can go in, sir," one of them said.

I opened the door and walked in and saw Vin.

I stiffened.

"Damien..." he greeted.

He fucking lied to me so forgive me for not being happy to see him.

"I'm sorry," he said. "Look I know you're angry and you have every right to be, but you have to know that she did what she did to protect you and I lied because it wasn't the right time for you to know the truth," he explained.

I sighed and continued to remain silent.

"She's out in the back waiting for you," he said and left.

I walked over and headed to the back of the house. She was sitting on a swing in front of a fireplace.

I walked through the french door and watched as she turned towards me.

She looked nervous. But still.... beautiful. Still the woman I love.

"Hi," she said.

"Is this where you've been the whole time?" I asked.

She bit her lip and shook her head. "No. We moved here the day before I had to testify," she said.

"Where were you?" I asked then frowned. "Am I allowed to ask you that?" I asked.

"I'll answer any question you have," she replied. "I was in a small town in Idaho. Vin and I were together. My cover name was Hilary Jones and he was my dad who was a retired cop," she shrugged.  The irony isn't lost in me either. "I worked as a librarian," she added. 

I nodded. I don't really know how to do this, I thought to myself.

She continued to look at me. I can feel her eyes on me even if I was looking anywhere but at her.

"Damien...."

"What's going to happen after the trial?" I asked interrupting her. "Are you heading back there?"

She frowned. "Is that what you want?" She asked softly.

That did it! "No. But like you've taught me, we don't always get what we want, do we?" I snapped.

She took a shaky breath and stood up. She walked closer to me. "Damien... I know you're angry..." she started to say, but I didn't let her finish.

"You're damn right, I'm angry!" I grounded out. "Why?" I asked, my voice breaking. "Why, Hallie? How could you do what you did? How could you make me believe you died?" I choked.

Tears rolled down her cheeks as she closed her eyes.

"I wanted to protect you and our kids," she said.

"It was my god damn job to protect you! We had a plan! Why couldn't you have trusted me? Trusted our family that we will protect you and our kids?" I threw at her. "God damn it, Hallie! You betrayed me twice! The first time was when you made a deal with Marcus behind my back and you went with him! You have no idea how fucking terrified I was. Yet, I told myself that you were scared and then this! I find out that you had planned all of this! You went into witness protection and made me believe you died in the explosion!"

"Damien, I couldn't just sit there and put your lives in danger! He wasn't going to stop until he got what he wanted. I made a deal with him to keep our family safe. I would sacrifice my life to make sure that none of you are hurt the way he hurt my mother! I couldn't let that happen again," she explained. I couldn't let him hurt any more innocent people."

"I get that. I do, but I was gonna get you back! We had him! We fucking had him!"

"I know, but I was scared that it might not work. I had to make sure that I had a back up plan in case it didn't. I had to make sure that Ty and Michy would be safe no matter what."

"But it wasn't just a back up plan, Hallie! It was the plan you executed without even giving me a chance to save you," I pointed out.

Guilt filled her expression.

"He was in custody. After that day, he was in jail. You could have come to me! But no, you still didn't trust me!"

She shook her head. "Do you think that would stop him? If he knew I survived, he would have had someone else come after me. I had to make him believe that he won. That he killed me!"

"I fucking lost you! You were right in front of me and I watched you die! Do you know what that did to me? I wanted to die to! You were my life! My everything, and in that moment I lost it all," I choked out.

She shook with tears. "I wanted to see you. I wanted to go to you, but I knew it wasn't safe. I knew I couldn't. If we ever have a chance of getting our lives back, then I had to stay away until it was time. So even if I saw you at the cemetery during my burial, I had to stop myself from going to you, because, everything that I planned have started and I had to stay strong and live with the decision I made or it would have been for nothing," she explained. "But Damien, I always planned to come back to you," she cried.

She saw me? She said she saw me...

"You were there?" He asked. "You were there that day?" I asked. "I thought... I thought it was a dream. But it wasn't, was it?"

She remained frozen.

"You saw us... saw me... and you still went through with it?" I shook with tears and memories flashed in my head.

"Damien..." my mom said as she laid her hand on my back.  Everyone had just left... Except for me and my parents. I even sent my security home. I don't want anyone around me right now. I needed to be alone. I just want to be with Hallie...

I'm laying by her grave, my hand on her name as tears continued to roll down my face.

"Sweetheart," my mom started again.

"Please. I need to stay with her. I want to be alone with her," I croaked out. "I need this..."

"Cara, let's go. He'll be okay," I heard my dad say. 

I felt my mom kneel beside me as she dropped a kiss to my head. "It's going to be okay, sweetheart," she said softly, before they left.

"I miss you so much..." I cried. "How do I go on without you? You're my life. My everything..."

I talked to her then I cried, then I talked to her some more. I didn't move. I couldn't leave her.

I won't.

I don't how long have passed till blackness surrounded me. But I woke up to a hand caressing my head.

But I tried to open my eyes, but sleep consumed me.

I saw a glimpse. Just a glimpse of her.

My Hallie.

But when I woke up she was gone.

It was just a dream.

"God, i thought I dreamt of you, but it wasn't a dream. You were there. You were apologizing. You caressed my head, my cheek. You kissed me before you left."

"I had to leave. I had to leave to keep you safe."

"But you didn't keep me safe. You killed me! You killed a part of me and if it weren't for Ty and Michy, I would have followed you to death!"

"No!" She gasped. "Damien..."

"Yes!" I countered. "I grieved you," I friend "I grieved you everyday for six months. I had a hole in my heart that hurt so much that some days, I didn't know how I was going to go on living. I hurt, every second of everyday and you could have done something to ease that pain, but you chose to let me live in it for six months," I continued. "You could have called me or wrote me a letter to let me know that you were alive, but no. It was easier for you to let me continue believing you had died so you wouldn't have to face the guilt of what you had done," I said. Because that's what it was. That's what I saw on her face when I realized she was alive. Guilt. "I understand that you were scared and you wanted to keep us safe, but what you continue to fail to understand is that you were not alone in this fight. It was our fight. You had me. I would have gone with you. But you left me. You left me weak and broken."

"I couldn't be selfish... I couldn't take you away from your friends and family..."

"But you were selfish," I argued. "You took away my choice. You lied to me."

"I'm sorry..." She choked. "Please try to understand, Damien..."

"I do, Hallie. I do understand. And I'm sorry that I feel this way, but I do," I explained. "I am so happy to know that you're alive, but with that happiness comes a whole other pain that I can't explain," I grounded out. "I want to hold you, but I can't..." I cried. "I just can't. And I'm so angry at myself for feeling this way because I wished for you to be alive everyday. That's all I ever wanted and now you are and you're here and yet something's stopping me and I'm sorry. But I can't."

"What can I do?" She asked softly.

"I don't know" I said softly.

"I'm sorry that I hurt you. I'm sorry for everything, but Damien, I love you. I do. Everything I did is because I love you. I felt stuck. I was terrified. I was imagining all sorts of things and I acted out of fear, so I guess you were right. I am selfish. I'm guilty of that," she admitted. "I couldn't watch it happen again. I couldn't let anything happen to you because it would kill me. So I made a sacrifice so that I wouldn't have to deal with the pain of possibly losing you or our kids. I just couldn't let him kill one more person that I love."

I closed my eyes.

"Please, Damien... it killed me to make that decision, but I don't regret it because it kept you and our kids safe."

I simply looked at her.

God, I love her. So much. But fuck... I hurt.

We were both silent. She was looking at me. Waiting.

Just pull her close. Just hold her, I told myself. But I couldn't.

Instead, "I need some time, Hallie," I said.

Pain filled her eyes.

She closed her eyes as she nodded.

"I love you," I said. "You have to know that."

She nodded. "I know. I love you too."

"I just need some time to deal with how I feel. To deal with this pain that I feel inside."

"I understand," she said.

I nodded.

"I'll be waiting for you," she said. "No matter how long it takes. I'll wait for you."

And with that, I forced myself to turn around and leave.

My heart broke with every step I took and right before I reached the front door, I heard Hallie let out a cry and I stopped in my tracks.

Her sobs like a stab to the heart. And I nearly lost it, but I knew I needed time. Time to make sense of things and to stop feeling resentment towards her. Because that's what I feel. I resent her for the choices she made and fuck if I don't feel awful for feeling that way. I don't want to feel that way when it comes to Hallie. She deserves my love and nothing else. So even if it killed me, I closed my eyes and walked out the door.

Hallie

I fell on my knees and let out a cry the moment he left.

I knew that I hurt him. But to hear and to see the pain that I caused is nothing compared
to simply knowing.

He's angry and he has every right to be.

Just then Vin walked over to me and pulled me into his arms.

"It's okay, kiddo. It's gonna be okay," he said.

"I hurt him... I did that to him..." I choked out.

"You did what you thought was right. He knows that. He just needs some time."

"I know... and I'm going to give that to him."

"This will all be over soon," he promised.

Yes. It will be. Soon, Marcus will rot in jail.

"I promise you, he won't be able to hurt you or anyone ever again."

I nodded.

Damien

I quickly got in the car and asked Nate to go.

"What happened?" he asked.

"Let's just go," I said again.

He nodded and pulled away from the house.

I watched in side mirror till the house disappeared from view.

I kept fighting back the tears that threatened to explode.

"Wait. Stop the car," I said.

He quickly pulled over to the side.

"Damien..." he started to say, but I stepped out of the car before he could finish.

I slammed my door. Hard.

I leaned against it and slammed my heads over it. Pain cursed through my arm, but that was nothing compared to the pain I was feeling inside.

I slammed the car with my bare hands once again. Then it was as if the well opened and all my emotions came pouring out.

I kicked the tire over and over again, until I couldn't and collapsed on the ground.

And shook with tears.

Then I felt a hand on my shoulder, squeezing.

"Just let it all out, Damien. It's okay," he said.

"It fucking hurts. So much," I burst out.

"I know," was all he said.

"What do I do?" I asked.

"Give yourself time. You'll figure it out. Don't be hard on yourself, Damien. You have the right to be angry and feel hurt," he said. "It's gonna be okay."

I rub my hand over my face.

Time. That's all I need.

This trial need to be over so that Hallie and I can face our future and leave all of this behind us.