tw: mentions of bullying, assault, and SA

It's barely morning when I wake up. There's no windows since the hideouts inside a cliff, but there's a clock on the wall opposite the door. 5:37. A flame hovers in the palm of my hand as I make my way around the room. The envelope that Gethin gave me sits on my desk. Inside are six slips of paper, one for each day of the week that I have to do things.

Monday

9 - 10 |  Skills

11 - 12 | Combat

2 - 3 | Pyrokinesis

3:30 - 4:30 | Strategy

6 - 7 | Basics

Inva and Krystal really weren't joking when they said that the schedules were light. At the thought, I remember that Krystal left last night. She said she'd be back in the morning, but she's not here yet. It's like 5:30, she's probably not even awake. 

I try to assure myself that she's okay. I don't even know why I'm worried. We've known each other for a week. She's nice to me but we're not really friends. Are we? There's just something about her---and Inva---that feels so . . . comfortable. Something that I felt around Stina and Maruca. Something I never had with Sophie.

Looking back at my schedule, I try to plan out what to do. My first class is at 9, so I have to eat and get ready in the next . . . three and a half hours. I groan. Why did I have to wake up so early?

I stumble around the room, lighting it with the flame in my hand. I get ready quickly, determined to have a couple of hours to eat breakfast and explore. No ones in the cafeteria but there is some food. I grab a human thing called a muffin. It tastes pretty good. I eat it slowly, laying my head on the cold metal in an attempt to get rest without actually falling asleep. I don't even realize my muffin has been devoured until I bite my fingers. "Ouch!" 

Sleep deprived is not a good look on me.

I get up since I'm about to fall asleep. As I make my way quietly down the hall, I decide to go outside. The outdoor is large, green, and on the other side of the cliff. Flowers, plants, and animals are everywhere. There's benches here and there, and a small stream runs across the clearing. 

A slight breeze blows by, tickling my skin. My eyes close as I spin in a slow circle, the outdoor air getting rid of my want for sleep. When my eyes open again, I'm facing the cliff, a really tall stone with lots of ledges. My eyes land on someone twenty feet up, standing on one of the ledges. "Krystal?"

She looks at me and, I'm not sure if I'm hallucinating, but I swear that her eyes widen in slight panic. The area behind her darkens suddenly. "Marella! Hey! What are you doing up this early?"

"I don't know. What are you doing up there?" I call back at her. How did she even get up there?

"Just getting some fresh air." Krystal hops off the ledge. I'm about to scream, ready for her to crash to the ground, but she just gently levitates herself down.

"All night?" There's no way she spent the whole night on that tiny platform.

"Not all night. I'm gonna get some breakfast. I'm starving." She changes the subject swiftly, closing the door on any more questions about her whereabouts. She runs off to the cafeteria to eat her breakfast and I go back to our room.

Sitting on my bed, I decide to practice my telekinesis. Telekinesis, levitation, and all those skills aren't really taught back in the Lost Cities, so I'm not practically good at them. But I don't want to embarrass myself at my skills class. Weirdly, I really want to do good, to be . . . accepted. I remember Fintan saying that the Neverseen would value me. I really hope that's true.

The door opens and the pens I'm hovering in the air clatter to the floor. Damn it. I turn to the door and Krystal's walking into the room. She's trying to close the door quietly but the hinges creak as she shuts it. A sheepish smile is on her face as she gives me a slight wave. "Hey."

"Where did you run off to last night?" I ask before I can even think about what I'm saying. It's not my place to ask. She doesn't owe me an explanation.

"Somewhere I could clear my mind." 

That's probably the most I'm going to get from her on that subject. As she's sitting on her own bed, another question that's been bugging me since dinner slips out. "What happened?"

"What?" 

"What happened a few years ago that made you run away last night?" I'm not expecting an answer, so when she's quiet for a minute, I'm not ready for her to answer. 

"When I was 10, a recruit would bully me. Saying some really horrible things. Nothing physical, but the guys---Ruy, Alvar, Gethin---they always told me that they were there for me. They never let anything bad happen. The recruit didn't stop, even after multiple punishments. A few years later---" She swallows hard, blinking as if to stop tears. "I beat him in combat training since I'd finally manifested. He was absolutely furious. He threatened me. Swore that he'd hurt me in more ways than I knew existed. I told the guys and they promised that they wouldn't let anything happen to me." 

Her voice broke, a single tear running down her cheek. Her eyes stare at nothing, as if they can see the memory of what happened. "One night, I was out of my room. I went to the sparring room to train because that's what I did to clear my mind. The guy---Corbin---he found me. 

"He had an evil look on his face, one I'd never seen before even when he was bullying me. He walked toward me. Something about him made me want to run instead of taunt him like usual. So I did. I tried to run but he'd locked to door. He cornered me, pinned me against the wall. I remember him saying his usual insults and worse. I remember the first punch he threw, straight into my gut. I remember the second and third and every single one of them. The kicks, the taunts, the pain. I remember looking at the door, at the cameras, praying that one of the guys would come in and stop him. That one of them would help me."

Tears are streaming down her face. Her body shaking as she recalls the events. Her fingers fidget with each other, her leg bouncing up and down. Her voice is quiet and raspy when she speaks again. "No one came for me." The words come out shaky. "He stopped beating me. I thought he was finished. I thought I was finally safe. I tried to crawl toward the door but he grabbed my leg and yanked me back. He pulled my hair when I tried to get away. He---" 

She inhales a shaky breath, closing her eyes as she tries to force the words out of her mouth. "He pulled down my shorts and pinned me down and covered my screams as he raped me. He left me there, crying, curled in a ball, half-naked." Krystal blinks and her eyes seem to focus again. She looks at me, her eyes filled with the pain of remembering. "I stayed there for a long time until Inva found me. She got me dressed and she took me back to my room. I didn't want to tell her what happened but she got it out of me. I spent the next week crying next to her." 

She takes another breath. And another. And another. She keeps taking deep breaths until her body stops shaking as badly and the tears in her eyes dry. Her gaze is filled with betrayal and sadness and pain when she talks again. "I remember everything about that night. Every single insult, every single hit. I remember my throat going dry as I tried to scream, I remember where every single bruise and cut was, I remember the feel of the tears streaming down my face." She pauses as she braces herself for her next words. "I remember every single place his hands touched me like a fire burning my skin. But what I remember most of all is how the three people who promised to protect me---three of the people I trusted most---didn't protect me. They weren't there for me." She scoffs, a small laugh escaping her. "Turns out, they left the hideout that night. And when they came back, they didn't even give me a reason."

I struggle to find my voice, but it manages to come out. "Do they know what happened?"

She shakes her head. "They know that he tried to make good on his threat. They all think that he got only a few punches in. By the time they'd come back a couple weeks later, I'd become skilled at covering the leftover bruises and I was very good at breathing through my broken ribs. They don't know about how brutally he beat me up or that he r---did what he did. And I don't plan on ever telling them."

I don't say anything, just walk over and give her a hug. Krystal has said that she's not a hug type of person, but she doesn't resist. She dissolves into sobs again, crying into my shoulder. "You're okay," I tell her, stroking her hair. "You're okay now."

She nods numbly against my shoulder. Pulling away, she wipes her tears away and laughs. "I thought I was over this, I thought I'd forgiven them for it. After all, there's no way they could've known he'd choose that night to do what he did. But yesterday . . ." She laughs again, a sharp bark of laughter that borders on crazy. "They can't seriously be so hypocritical."

Before I can say anything else, she says, "Promise you won't tell anyone."

"What? They need to know what happened. They don't understand why you're so upset because they don't know what you went through."

"Please, Marella. If they find out, it will just make them feel horrible and I can't do that to them. I can't let that guilt shatter their minds. I need them more than I need them to know the truth." 

"Okay," I tell her. "I won't tell them."

"Thank you." Krystal's face visibly relaxes, a sigh of relief escaping her. She claps her hands together. "Now, you have your first class today, right?" I nod. "Let me see your schedule." Reluctantly, I hand it over. She shouldn't be avoiding this topic, but I shouldn't push her. "I have skills with you! We should head over, we don't wanna be late."

She drags me out of the room and outside where the class is supposed to take place. I glance up at the ledge I found her earlier this morning and am reminded of the sudden darkness that had appeared yesterday. There's no way that was natural. 

Krystal is talking with Inva. There's something about the way the shadows around her, like they're attracted to her the way that fire is attracted to me. She's a Shade, I realize as a shadow near her changes shape. I can't tell if she knows what she's doing or if it's just something she does subconsciously. 

If she's a Shade, that means she probably the shadows next to her this morning to hide something. But what was she hiding?

I'm pulled out of my thoughts by Alvar calling the class together. At the sight of Alvar I remember what Krystal told me earlier. When he starts talking, I push all thoughts of Krystal to the back of my head and try to pay attention. 

He tells us to partner up and practice our levitation. He lets me form a trio with Krystal and Inva. As we practice, we laugh at each other and talk and joke around. Krystal and Inva, who are much better with their skills that me, knock each other out of the air with their telekinesis. I'm having more fun than I thought I'd have. I've forgotten completely about Krystal's story when she levitates over to the cliffside to stand on a ledge.

What happened to the guy? Corbin, I recall her saying. There's no way he's still in the Neverseen. Ruy and the guys seem to care too much about Krystal and Inva to let someone hit them. Did they wipe his memory? Beat him up? I wonder what would have happened to him if knew the truth. I know for a fact that none of them have a problem killing someone. What do they consider a fitting reason for murder?

That question brings on a question that I've been suppressing since Fintan gave me the box. 

Am I willing to kill someone?

I try to levitate in a circle around the group. I stay up for the most part, only coming really close to falling on someone once when my concentration is broken by another question. I glance back at Inva and Krystal, cheering me on as I go higher into the air. They're smiling and joking around, acting like normal teenagers. Like normal friends who grew up together. Like two people who've spent their whole lives in side by side in this place that is definitely not normal but is their normal.

Would they be willing to kill someone?

~~

word count: 2254

this chapter is probably like the longest chapter i have ever written. 

i was not planning for the thing that happened to krystal to be this . . . intense. ngl i didn't even know what it was going to be. this chapter was going to just be a filler chapter but it took a turn. 

ik i've been spending a lot of time talking about krystal and inva and stuff in these past few chapters but i promise i'll spend more time focusing on marella herself. i just really want to show the lifestyle that is the neverseen.

also, my heart goes out to anyone who is a victim of sa. it is a horrible thing for anyone to experience and it is absolutely disgusting that there are r*pists walking free. if they hadn't removed private messaging on this app, i'd say you could talk to me. i'm here for you guys.

hope you enjoyed the chapter! bye loves!