Ty

It's been a week since my heart was ripped out of my chest. Whenever I closed my eyes I could see the look Sam gave me after we fucked. It was clear as day that he regretted it, that he regretted it... regretted me.

Sam didn't care about me. Who am I to him besides some rival who wants him? I'm nothing.

Hot tears spilled down my face for the fucking millionth time. I've been crying nonstop for days now because of how broken Sam left me.

If he didn't want to fuck me then why did he? Was it just lust? It had to be. He just wanted to get fucked and didn't care who his victim was.

I fisted my hands into tight balls, my fingernails digging into my palms. I didn't care if I made myself bleed because that's all he did to me, Ripped my heart out and left me for dead. I was nothing but meat to him, another conqueror.

Just a notch in his bedpost.

I really hated myself for allowing this. Why did I even kiss him in the first place? I should have just let him apologize, said thanks and walked away, but nope! I had to act on my selfish desires and then he had to run after me.

Why? That's what I don't get. He showed up here, completely shocking me. He didn't seem cocky or anything like that. If I'm being real with myself, he was a little bit timid until we both couldn't stop kissing each other.

Sam even asked me if I wanted this, over and over and each time I said yes. Was this a game and he's just playing me? Or was this real on his end, too?

Fuck this. Honestly. He hasn't even bothered to reach out since he left and I know damn well he heard me screaming as he walked away.

Well, you haven't reached out, either. It takes two to tango.

I rolled my eyes at my inner thought, pissed off at how right it was.

"Ya know what, fuck you and fuck Sam." I sighed, rolling over in bed when my phone lit up the darkness of my room. I grabbed it, looking for any type of distraction but my heart dropped when I saw who was snapping me at this time of night.

It was Sam.

I sat up in bed, my heart racing as my hands got sweaty. I kept my screen lit, staring at his name.

Why was he messaging me all of a sudden? Why Snapchat and not through a text? He has my number, or maybe he deleted it?

My phone vibrated in my hand again and when I looked down I realized he sent me another snap.

Should I even open it? The moment I do he knows I'm up and on my phone. I swiped away the notifications and talked myself out of it. Why even bother? He hasn't even reached out. It's clear he's been avoiding me.

My phone vibrated again and now I was getting angry. Weren't you just complaining that he never reaches out and now he is? I rolled my eyes at myself and unlocked my phone.

I sat up in bed, unsure of what I was going to do or even react to what I'm about to see but I pressed that little yellow icon, went to my messages and clicked on Sam's name before I talked myself out of it.

I hated how I smiled instantly when I saw his face. He wasn't even doing anything in it besides looking away with a somber look. Guess who's an ass? His caption read. I quickly went to another one and laughed. It was Sam with a stupid snapchat filter of him as a donkey. I'm the ass.

While I looked at these, Sam sent me another photo. The moment it popped up onto the screen, my heart sank. Sam looked miserable, almost like he was crying as he chewed on his bottom lip.

I fucked up, Ty. I shouldn't have walked away and I'm sorry. I was scared...

The timing ran out of the photo and a black screen popped up.

I didn't know what to say or do, Ty. It's been eating me alive with how I just walked away. I'm so fucking sorry. I can't even tell how you how fucked up i've been. I've wanted to reach out but i knew you didn't want to hear from me. Ty... I don't regret anything... I just regret taking something so special from you that should have been saved for someone else.

I'm so sorry

I don't deserve your forgiveness... but...

Nothing. There was no snap after the last and I had to gasp for air not realizing I wasn't breathing.

I waited and waited, tears filling my eyes as nothing popped up on my screen. Just when I was about to give up Sam's face popped up. He was Facetiming me.

What was I supposed to say? My mind was completely empty besides the fact that I missed him, so fucking much.

I swiped the screen to take his call, my heart in my throat not even sure what to say.

"Ty? I'm surprised you even answered."

"I almost didn't..." I trailed off, not able to look at him. I turned on a light by my bed so he could see me better even though I could barely glance at my phone.

"I don't blame you. If I were you, I wouldn't want to answer, either." Sam blew out a breath and ran his hand through his messy hair. It looks like he's been doing that all night. It also looks like he hasn't slept for a week.

"You look like shit." That made him laugh and instantly I could see the tension in his shoulders disappear.

"I feel like shit. I haven't been able to sleep since I left Daytona." He looked right at the camera and my heart skipped a beat. It was almost like he was looking right into my eyes.

"I haven't been able to, either."

"Yeah... I've been trying to call you, Ty, believe me. I've picked up my phone a million times to call, to text, to snap, to Facetime. Every time I did, I seized up not knowing what to say. Then I realized you wouldn't even want to talk to me after I just walked away. It's been eating me alive since that day, Ty, I shouldn't have done that. I took the one thing from you that I shouldn't have taken and I regret that. Your first time should have been with someone you love... not me and I'm sorry, so fucking sorry." Sam was crying by the time he was done talking and it broke my heart even more.

"Sam..." 

"No, don't say anything, Ty and don't tell me you forgive me. What I did is unforgivable. I took something from you."

"Sam..."

"That you should have saved for someone else and..."

"Sam!" I finally got him to stop talking and he looked at me. "Take a breath." I waited for him to do so and let out slowly. "I want to ask you something and please answer it truthfully."

"Of course, I owe you nothing but that, well, I owe you so much more."

"Do you regret taking my virginity? Or do you regret sleeping with me?

"Your virginity, Ty, that shouldn't have been me and I regret that. I don't regret sleeping with you, not one bit. It's all I can think about, Ty, you're all I can think about. Believe me when I say this, Gibbs, I don't regret you one bit. The only regret I have is not running back when I heard your cry."