Sam

Ty stared at me through the phone and I wished I was there with him. He needed to hear me say this in person, not through a phone screen. I've always struggled with my words and how I felt deep inside.

I'm still so confused but this past week I realized one thing and that's Ty is someone I needed in my life, in one way or another. That was, if he even wanted me? I don't fucking know. I ruined the moment and anything that could have happened between us.

Did I want something to happen between us?

"So you don't regret sleeping with me?" Ty said the words slowly and I realized in that moment that's probably been on his mind all week.

"Fuck no, Ty, please don't think that. I wouldn't sleep with just anyone. I mean, what we did was rushed and I don't know what you think about it. But regret? No, just... Why me? That's what I don't get. You could have said no."

"I should have said no."

"Oh." There was no denying the fact that I was hurt by that. So, did he regret it? Is that why he cried out? "Oh, okay, I'll just go then? I'm sorry, Ty."

"Stop, Sam. That's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean because that's a fucked up thing to say."

"Ha, you have no room to talk, Sam, you just ignored me for a week."

"Because I felt fucking guilty! What more do you want me to say to you, Ty? I just poured my heart out to you and then you go and say 'I should have said no' like that wouldn't be a stab in my back."

"Ya know what, maybe this just isn't a good idea."

"Guess not..." I wiped away the tears that fell from my face and swallowed hard. Ty sighed and cursed.

"I'm sorry, Sam, you know how defensive I get at times. I didn't mean it like you took it."

"Then how am I supposed to take it?" I watched Ty take a deep breath and groaned.

"Why do I always fuck up?"

Ty fell back against his pillows and pulled his blanket over his head for a moment.

"Sam," he said, pulling the blanket down, "I should have said no and asked you if you wanted to come back to my place. That's what I meant. I don't regret anything with you Sam. If anything, I want more."

I copied Ty's movement, laying back down in bed and pulling my blanket up to my chin. Hearing those words somehow calmed me down. I think I needed to hear that.

"I wish I was there with you." The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. Ty sighed and he looked so sad.

"I wish you were, too."

"What does this mean for us?" I asked.

"I don't know."

"Either do I." I chewed on my bottom lip not sure what to say next.

"What would you do if you were here?" Ty whispered and I felt a rush of heat through me.

"I'd hold you tightly against me as we fell asleep. Would that be okay?"

"It would be perfect." Ty smiled shyly and I felt myself smiling too.

"Stay on the phone with me until we fall asleep?"

"I'd love that."

Ty propped his phone up on a pillow next to him and moved even closer to the screen so it was like we were both lying next to each other.

"Sweet dreams, pretty boy. Can't wait to see you in my dreams."

"Goodnight, Samuel, I can't wait until you can hold me in your arms."

I saw Ty close his eyes and soon enough his breathing evened out. I watched him sleep for a moment before closing my eyes as well. Wishing more than anything I was right there with him.