These are the first few chapters of Clown Prince | T. Drake that I had posted a few years ago but then took it down. I got stuck midway in the story and decided to rewrite it so chances are these excerpts that I have pasted below won't be included in the rewritten version.

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It's all inside your head.

Those five words summed up the conflict he was going through. A sense of uncertainty clouded over his life, echoing loudly and repeating the same words over and over again.

It's all inside your head.

None of this is real.

I am not real.

His head was throbbing from the sentences bouncing back and forth, the voices drowning out his internal screams.

Constantly banging his head on the desk had left a red patch on his forehead, veins pulsating violently from the pressure.

The phone rang, the laptop hummed, the monitor's screen lit up with unread notifications and the alarm clock shrieked, but all he could hear was the terrifyingly mocking voice jeering at him.

Ridiculing him in derision, making fun of his helplessness yet at the same time reminding him that none of it was real.

And all he could see was the face of his non-existent tormentor. Those wide icy blue eyes feigned an almost childlike innocence, the pale features striking fear even though they were curved in an amiable smile and the scariest of it all was when the smile turned into laughter.

Ear-splitting fits of laughter ensued manically from each corner of the room. Echoing loud in his ears and not coming to a halt even when he banged his head repeatedly to drown out the sound.

It went on and on and on until the terrible sentence registered fully in his conscience.

I may not be real but I won't ever let go of you.

***

Tim was headed to the cafeteria when he bumped into someone. Books were scattered on the floor and the person he had bumped into crouched down immediately, picking them up.

"I'm sorry, let me help," Tim felt quite bad for unintentionally causing a fellow student trouble, so he bent down to help him gather the pile.

"It's alright, I wasn't watching where I was going either," light brown hair fell over the boy's eyes and in his haste, Tim hadn't seen who he really was.

He handed him the books though he seemed occupied elsewhere as he made no attempt to pull his hair back, instead he had resorted to counting the books.

Realizing that Tim hadn't left yet, he mumbled, "I'm sorry I... I'm new here and I don't know where the library is. I have to deliver these books over but no one here has been telling me the right location."

Tim nodded, knowing that it was quite common for the school kids to pick on new students by not giving them the right directions, running off with their lunch or bags and basically annoying them in every possible way. He had been a victim of all such things when he had newly joined as well.

"If you're new here then why are you tasked to deliver the books?" Tim had turned to walk towards the library and the boy followed, still fully focused on checking whether any book was missing from the pile or not.

"I wasn't tasked, I was forced," he replied, "some senior student wasn't in the mood to take these herself."

"It's all part of their new kid ragging schemes," Tim replied, "I went through it all last year too."

"Ah, so that's why you agreed to help me out," a smile flickered on his face, "thank you."

They had reached the library so Tim stopped at the entrance, "I expect you'll find the librarian without my help?"

"Of course, thanks once again," he finally placed the books at the table nearest to the door then turned around to face him, brushing his hair back with one hand.

Tim took a step back at seeing him. His eyes were almost transparent, a very icy blue and a small smile danced on his face. The features reminded him strongly of someone he had always tried hard to forget.

The face in front of him was so familiar that it shocked him a great deal. Earlier he had only seen him when he was alone but he hadn't expected to come face-to-face with him at that moment.

"Jasper Michaelis," the boy held his hand out for him to shake.

Tim gulped, nodding a little at him but made no attempt to reach out for the offered hand, "Tim Drake."

A conflict had broken forth in his head as he couldn't decide whether he was hallucinating again or the person in front of him was actually real.

But it could not be a hallucination. He was at school, not alone. He wasn't even sleep-deprived. And it seemed as if other people could see him too unlike the hallucinations that only pestered Tim.

Jasper's smile widened, "so you're going to the cafeteria, aren't you? If it's not much of a bother, can I come along as well?"

He took a few steps back, "no, I... I'm not going to the cafeteria. I... I have a class."

Confusion flickered on his face as he glanced at his watch which was indicating the lunch hour; no classes could be held at that time. "Oh, sure. It was a pleasure meeting you."

Tim hastily walked as far away from the library as he could. He had no idea where he was going but he was definitely not headed to the cafeteria.

All he knew was that he had to get away from him as quickly as possible. He just couldn't get that face out of his mind and he simply couldn't mistake him to be someone else.

The same icy blue irises, the pale features, that messy light brown hair and most of all that childishly innocent smile, which could easily turn menacing when the smile broke into laughter. 

But the latter fact was what only he knew. Only Tim had seen him at his worst, only Tim had seen what he was like when he lost control. No one else but Tim Drake knew because it had all been in his head.

But now the hallucination had somehow materialized into an actual human being and he didn't know how could that possibly happen.

Jasper Michaelis.

The name resonated in his head. Before that day, there had been no name to the person that he kept seeing even though he knew he wasn't real.

But now that he had seen him in real life, he couldn't fathom whether his brain was playing tricks on him again or if Jasper Michaelis really existed.

All he knew was that the person he had just met wasn't a hallucination. He was as real as he was himself. And that fact haunted him even worse than the hallucinations had ever done so before. 

The person he had kept seeing for years, haunting his dreams and getting rid of his peace was just as much real as he could possibly be.

Even though for years the hallucination had kept insisting that it was all in his head, there was Jasper Michaelis right in front of him and nothing about him hinted that he was a trickery of Tim's own mind.

He was real.

He was no longer just a figment of his imagination.

Jasper Michaelis was just as real as any other human being on earth.

***

Cold gusts of air struck his face like a whip as he sat in silence on the rooftop. And though he was silent apparently, his mind was a hurricane of noise. All he wished at that moment was for his brain to somehow go numb just like his body had been from the cold.

His life had been far from normal even earlier but now that one of his most horrible nightmares had materialized in front of him, he ached for the days when he could easily comfort himself by saying that none of it was real.

The only and yet major difference now was that he had found out that it was all real and never inside his head, or so he thought.

And that difference seemed to gnaw at him from the inside.

"Tim!"

A hand grabbed his shoulder and he almost stumbled off his perch. Exasperated, he turned around to see Stephanie.

"What the hell are you doing here? I have been looking for you for eternity! And you didn't even turn up for lunch let alone save a table for us."

He was simply staring at her with a blank look on his face, trying to register the words that she had spoken in such a rush.

"Hey are you even listening?" her eyes softened as she resumed in a milder tone, "what happened?"

"Nothing," he replied vaguely, "apart from the fact that I was about to die a few seconds earlier."

A small frown spread on her features, "yeah right. I hadn't known you'd be so deep in thought to not acknowledge that I had called you thrice before shaking you out of your reverie."

"My apologies."

"So what conspiracy theory is it this time?"

"Excuse me?"

"I mean what were you thinking?
It seemed as if you had finally figured out the date of human extinction."

"I have figured out that sometimes nightmares can become real too."

"I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. All I know is that it isn't something to keep mulling on for hours."

His eyes flashed in annoyance but he did his best to ignore her remark, "Steph, what time is it?"

"Classes finished half an hour ago."

"What? Then why are you here?"

"I couldn't leave you hanging alone at school. Hey, don't look at me as if I told you something unbelievable, okay? I might give you the impression that I don't care but you're my friend so of course, I do."

"Ah I'm so glad to hear that," he replied how he knew he would usually answer her. But she must have noticed the lack of his teasing smile and the presence of frown lines on his forehead which indicated that he was intentionally trying to act as if he was fine but in reality, he wasn't.

She held out her hand to him, "come now, let's go home."

Tim gave no response, eyes aimlessly focused on the vast empty sky. Rather resigned, Steph sat down beside him, following his gaze.

A while passed in silence until Tim spoke up, "don't wait for me, I'll be back shortly."

"I'm not going anywhere without you."

"Stephanie please," he mumbled, "try to understand."

"And what if they lock the gates? Our school isn't open after study hours, y'know. How will you get out then?"

"I'll slide off the roof. Simple."

She gave him a look that clearly meant she was questioning his sanity, "normal people don't slide off seventy-foot buildings."

"I know," he whispered softly, "but I'll manage."

"And give yourself away in the process," she replied, "tell you what, I've had enough. You're coming home whether you like it or not."

He didn't answer but she grabbed his hand in hers and pulled him to his feet, dragging him off the railings. Tim's hands were colder than ice but it didn't make her slacken her grip.

His features were set in a hard emotionless stare yet his head was bursting with the clamor inside.

Stephanie also knew that there was something dreadfully wrong with him. Even though he was a usually silent person, with her he had never been as distant as he was behaving then.

But she couldn't fathom the reason behind that. And it bothered her because he had been fine in the morning yet now he was the complete opposite.

They boarded the bus and throughout their trip to Wayne manor, none spoke a word. An uncomfortable silence prevailed between them.

Tim was still thinking about Jasper. He knew there was a great possibility that there was no connection between the boy he had met at school and the hallucination that violated his mental peace. But there was a nagging feeling still lingering in his heart that if there was no connection then why did the two look like mirror images of one another?

Their trip ended however there seemed no end to Tim's wild train of thoughts. He was switching between the two possibilities in his head.

The first possibility was that there was probably no link between the boy he had met and the boy he had known and it had merely been a coincidence. However, unfortunately for Tim, he was too logical to believe in coincidental happenings.

And on the other case, if Jasper Michaelis was a hallucination then he had felt so real that it frightened Tim to a great extent as he feared he could no longer differentiate between reality and imagination.

For him, a thin line differentiated between reality and hallucinatory experiences. But that day it felt as if that line had thinned so much that it was barely visible.

And that knowledge was what terrified him most. He feared that if the line vanished, he wouldn't be able to keep himself sane anymore.

If that line disappeared, there would be no end to the maniacal laughter that eroded his peace every now and then.

***

I think I will not be including these chapters in the story that's why I posted them here. What do you guys think about this version?

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